Star Rant, The Empire Strikes Wack

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Uggghhh had to stay with little one at art camp today and the entire time I'm gone, my husband wraps one piece of furniture.

[Darnell 8,478]

did you teach him how to use the wrapping gear? If not, all this is yer fault.

[Caryh 5,206]

Uggghhh had to stay with little one at art camp today and the entire time I'm gone, my husband wraps one piece of furniture.

His way of telling you that you have too much furniture?

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

did you teach him how to use the wrapping gear? If not, all this is yer fault.

No, he taught me! He's just someone that needs a fire under his ###. I thought the movers coming tomorrow morning would be it, but apparently not.

[Darnell 8,478]

so keep the young one at the daycare, for an unscheduled drop-off

get home, get naked, and see if his wrapping speed increases.

Report Back, when able.

Edited June 25, 2014 by Darnell

[Caryh 5,206]

No, he taught me! He's just someone that needs a fire under his ###. I thought the movers coming tomorrow morning would be it, but apparently not.

Well he does have all night Was he playing WoW with J's hubs?

[JTB11 1,079]

double post grrrr

Edited June 25, 2014 by JTB11

[JTB11 1,079]

Well he does have all night Was he playing WoW with J's hubs?

speaking of which....hubs only now realized stuff is serious so......yesterday I tried talking to him about his little 4th of july party over chat as usual and he came to the room to discuss it...IMAGINE THAT ! And this morning he actually came here to say bye to me and talk to me.....

of course my conclusion is....he does not need to learn how to act like a normal human being...he knows how but takes me for granted and figured anything went as long as I cooked for him and cleaned and made sure he feels loved and never thought I would ever stop doing that especially since we were married and as he says "we are married you belong to me and that is that" so of course there was no pressure for him.....I can be going insane but as far as he is concerned I have no other option but to take it.

and btw he can communicate with me 24/7 from now on. Too late.

[Ontarkie 14,226]

Jada he finally figured out you had enough so he's trying to get you to think he changed. Hes trying to sucker you back in, too bad for him.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

and btw he can communicate with me 24/7 from now on. Too late.

Seriously, what is your long-term plan?

If it is to late to save (if there is anything to save in the first place) from the relationship, then what next?

No point for him to move in with your in your new apartment, right?

It will be even harder to kick him out once he moves across the state.

Evolve to a humanitarian crisis where you will be totally blamed for everything.

[oohpartiv 484]

This is a bad habit to get into. Many cultures, my wife's included, the children feel a need to send money home once they succeed. When they come to a place like America, there can be this hit the lottery feeling back home and with the immigrant. They'll feel guilty they have so much, and the family has less, even when the family is doing fine. Do not get into the habit of sending money, just to send money. And yeah, I certainly know the feeling that you are number 2 behind family, but don't let yourself go thinking that way, that is not really how it is, but it really feels that way to Americans. Hold your ground on this. Let him know in an emergency you're willing to help, but there will be no tithing to the great Momma back home. We send money back monthly, part to support a no retired mother, she's 66. And part to send her adopted twin siblings to school, which she was paying before she came here. But I'd never send this money if there was not a specific need for it. One day when her mother retires, you may need to pitch in to help support her, but don't start creating an over inflated standard of life now or you'll regret it forever. If you create a situation where they need not work, what will happen to them if something happens and you cannot send? I'd suggest a compromise with your husband, set aside so much money per month in a separate account. This will be used for emergencies only, but not to raise their standard of living. When it comes time that Momma retires, then you can start drawing from that to assist in her support.

Nah she wants to get citizenship first, so she needs to keep me around for another year yet.

See, my take on it is that she should have the brains to save money for herself. All her kids are 18+ by now, and should all have their own jobs if not their own places to stay. As I've said before, if it were really something vital like food, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but now they're saying that they need help with the down payment for a car so that the youngest brother can use it as a taxi. Apparently he's now going to school during the day and can't keep his old job, and this would be his source of income.

But, really, what would they do if I weren't in the picture? I really do like my in-laws (most of the time), but if BIL can't afford a down payment for a car then he frankly shouldn't be looking into it. Hubs has said that he will get a job and give them money for it out of his paycheck (because to his credit he is a very hard worker and has actively paid for many bills and whatnot on the monthly up until losing his job last week) - but I have a problem with this, too. Shouldn't he want to put that money towards a future for the two of us? I just feel like I'm being disregarded here, and if I don't want to cooperate I'm being a controlling witch. I just honestly don't think it's asking too much for BIL to work towards getting the damn car himself, and for hubby to let his family fend for themselves. They're all adults, and we are certainly no millionaires to be throwing money away. I just... sigh.

It's hard to know where the line is drawn between him being selfish and me not being considerate of his culture, and it's frankly giving me a headache.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

See, my take on it is that she should have the brains to save money for herself. All her kids are 18+ by now, and should all have their own jobs if not their own places to stay. As I've said before, if it were really something vital like food, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but now they're saying that they need help with the down payment for a car so that the youngest brother can use it as a taxi. Apparently he's now going to school during the day and can't keep his old job, and this would be his source of income.

But, really, what would they do if I weren't in the picture? I really do like my in-laws (most of the time), but if BIL can't afford a down payment for a car then he frankly shouldn't be looking into it. Hubs has said that he will get a job and give them money for it out of his paycheck (because to his credit he is a very hard worker and has actively paid for many bills and whatnot on the monthly up until losing his job last week) - but I have a problem with this, too. Shouldn't he want to put that money towards a future for the two of us? I just feel like I'm being disregarded here, and if I don't want to cooperate I'm being a controlling witch. I just honestly don't think it's asking too much for BIL to work towards getting the damn car himself, and for hubby to let his family fend for themselves. They're all adults, and we are certainly no millionaires to be throwing money away. I just... sigh.

It's hard to know where the line is drawn between him being selfish and me not being considerate of his culture, and it's frankly giving me a headache.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think a lot of South Americans are too, but to me a man's salary is the household's income. A woman's wealth is hers and hers alone, except in the case of where it is needed to help meet the household gaps.

If he were working, what would be left over after all the bills were paid each month? Would you normally, inheritance non-withstanding, put that into savings or retirement funds?

[JTB11 1,079]

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think a lot of South Americans are too, but to me a man's salary is the household's income. A woman's wealth is hers and hers alone, except in the case of where it is needed to help meet the household gaps.

If he were working, what would be left over after all the bills were paid each month? Would you normally, inheritance non-withstanding, put that into savings or retirement funds?

It reminds me a little of how my family is or the culture in my country overall...especially in the rural areas. My parents live n 5 bedroom villa they cannot afford any longer and while it would be easier for them to move into a smaller place they refuse to do so because they are used to their standard of living and feel that they raised me for a given number of years and as such I owe them for that and should now provide them with whatever they want to keep their living standards as high as they are used to. Even when I was moving the first thing I was asked is whether I can send my father hunting things worth a lot of money without any regard for my situation...it is just how they see things should be. Almost as if they were my children now since I was theirs. *shrugs*

Not saying it is right just wondering whether this is somehow similar.

[Darnell 8,478]

you should sweet-talk yer sis into booking rooms in that villa for 300 EU per week. per room.

Then yer parents act as the cooking team at 20 EU per meal. [extra charge]

I could show you how to do it if your sis is really interested.

[oohpartiv 484]

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think a lot of South Americans are too, but to me a man's salary is the household's income. A woman's wealth is hers and hers alone, except in the case of where it is needed to help meet the household gaps.

If he were working, what would be left over after all the bills were paid each month? Would you normally, inheritance non-withstanding, put that into savings or retirement funds?

It would definitely go into savings. We try to put at the very least 50$ a week into the savings account, and we both actively put into it from our own paychecks. I really try to stress that it is OUR money, but now I'm thinking i might have to bite the bullet because of it. The whole point of marriage to me is being a team and working together, but I did NOT marry his family and don't feel obligated to help them with this. Am I in the wrong here? I understand that it would be to help BIL have an income but why does it have to be us who does it? aurndjsofjf.