Greeting each other (split topic)

[David & Diana R 1,005]

cats / men / toddlers / tis all the same and has the same effect

Sounds like a pending VAWA case to me....hahahahaha

[David & Diana R 1,005]

What has the world come to? We are so afraid of hugs? No wonder the world is falling apart, or as they say, going to hell in a hand basket. First they took prayer out of school, next is hugs out of public. What next???? But on broadcast TV they can say the F work, the A word and all kinds of stuff. There is nudity and if you are African American you can use the N word all day long and it is apparently okay. And rap music degrading to females using horrible language and objectifying women as skanks, whores, sluts and it goes on and on. I can't take the hugs conversation any more. I think there are much more serious things we need to deal with as a society so I am out. Let's all pray for our country, our world.

[khwaidee1 196]

What has the world come to? We are so afraid of hugs? No wonder the world is falling apart, or as they say, going to hell in a hand basket. First they took prayer out of school, next is hugs out of public. What next???? But on broadcast TV they can say the F work, the A word and all kinds of stuff. There is nudity and if you are African American you can use the N word all day long and it is apparently okay. And rap music degrading to females using horrible language and objectifying women as skanks, whores, sluts and it goes on and on. I can't take the hugs conversation any more. I think there are much more serious things we need to deal with as a society so I am out. Let's all pray for our country, our world.

In some places it's a cultural thing. In Thailand one does not touch the opposite sex in public. Holding hands is ok but kissing is a no no. Even at our wedding celebration we were very restrained and held hands as we greeted our guests even while the band played khan huu and the girls in the band danced their part, quite a contradiction. Everywhere is different, is no good to touch one's head or touch somebody with your feet in Thailand. I also believe in Hawaii is no good to touch another's head. I know that is true in Fiji.

Edited June 4, 2014 by khwaidee1

[David & Diana R 1,005]

With all due respect: Dorothy, "We are not in Thailand any more." "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." etc, etc, etc,

I adjust to the cultural norms when I visit other countries. If it is rude for me to hug someone I do not. If it it rude for me to spit in the street I do not.

However in some places, take Hawaii for example, it can be considered rude to NOT greet someone with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I'm just saying...I think we all need to learn the cultures of our new homeland or the places that we visit and try to adjust as much as possible, within reason of course.

[kelly11anne 6]

How interesting. This is exactly the kind of thing that I try to explain to my husband who is from a very "warm" country. All he did from the time he got here was complain about how cold Americans are since over there you do a little hug and kiss on the cheek with everyone you meet, every time you see them. I got used to doing that while I lived there and then it became such a habit that I almost kissed my friend's dad on the cheek who I had only met like twice! I caught myself, but could have been awkward like you said. I am actually surprised that so many people are calling this guy a perv. I doubt he meant to make you uncomfortable. He was probably thinking the opposite and thought it would make you feel more welcome. Unfortunately he is ignorant to your culture and I think that if it were explained to him, he would probably feel really bad about making you feel that way. I had a similar cultural difference happen between my sister and my husband and now I have a major problem on my hands. I think that if people just explain things and talk about it, the situation can be solved.

[khwaidee1 196]

With all due respect: Dorothy, "We are not in Thailand any more." "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." etc, etc, etc, Worked out well for the Romans.

I adjust to the cultural norms when I visit other countries. If it is rude for me to hug someone I do not. If it it rude for me to spit in the street I do not. Agreed.

However in some places, take Hawaii for example, it can be considered rude to NOT greet someone with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Even a total stranger?

I'm just saying...I think we all need to learn the cultures of our new homeland or the places that we visit and try to adjust as much as possible, within reason of course. Agreed.

The name is not Dorothy. My wife's cultural norms are as a result of her upbringing. Does she allow the hug?, yes but begrudgingly. I'm sure there are places where there are cultural norms that you would not do, I know it's hard to accept but, everybody gets to be different. My wife has learned but, it still makes her uncomfortable, I never said she was telling people not to do it. I was just pointing out her upbringing and how it influences her in her new country. I mean sheesh if you're not comfortable with a stranger grabbing you, I would say don't do it but I leave it to her.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

The name is not Dorothy. My wife's cultural norms are as a result of her upbringing. Does she allow the hug?, yes but begrudgingly. I'm sure there are places where there are cultural norms that you would not do, I know it's hard to accept but, everybody gets to be different. My wife has learned but, it still makes her uncomfortable, I never said she was telling people not to do it. I was just pointing out her upbringing and how it influences her in her new country. I mean sheesh if you're not comfortable with a stranger grabbing you, I would say don't do it but I leave it to her.

My post was not directed specifically at you or your wife. It was meant to be taken as tongue-in-cheek. Humourous, you know kind of funny? Dorothy refers to the Wizard of Oz but I think you knew that.... Life is too short. Let's have a little sense of humor. Let's lighten up a little bit shall we? I never said your wife should allow total strangers to approach her and give her big hugs and big wet kisses, did I? In fact as you point out yourself I did not use your name or your wifes name. That's becasue the message was not directed at either of you directly. So have a great day. Smile and the world will smile with you.

[khwaidee1 196]

My post was not directed specifically at you or your wife. It was meant to be taken as tongue-in-cheek. Humourous, you know kind of funny? Dorothy refers to the Wizard of Oz but I think you knew that.... Life is too short. Let's have a little sense of humor. Let's lighten up a little bit shall we? I never said your wife should allow total strangers to approach her and give her big hugs and big wet kisses, did I? In fact as you point out yourself I did not use your name or your wifes name. That's becasue the message was not directed at either of you directly. So have a great day. Smile and the world will smile with you.

I was joking back, didn't work. I remember Dorothy. I was just offering perspective on hard it can be to adjust to things that are so different and so foreign. I once tried to hug my sister in law and she pulled back like I had the plague, they just don't do that there. That being said, the wife is trying to adjust but it really is funny when some of my friend's try and give her a hug, kind of like touching a sea anemone!

Edited June 4, 2014 by khwaidee1

[Girl from Celebes 588]

What has the world come to? We are so afraid of hugs? No wonder the world is falling apart, or as they say, going to hell in a hand basket. First they took prayer out of school, next is hugs out of public. What next???? But on broadcast TV they can say the F work, the A word and all kinds of stuff. There is nudity and if you are African American you can use the N word all day long and it is apparently okay. And rap music degrading to females using horrible language and objectifying women as skanks, whores, sluts and it goes on and on. I can't take the hugs conversation any more. I think there are much more serious things we need to deal with as a society so I am out. Let's all pray for our country, our world.

I am not afraid of hugging people. I hugs women. I hugs pets. I hugs my family and best friends. I hugs my husband on public in the US. There is nowhere my statements saying I am afraid of hugging people. I said don't like hugs male (s) and strangers. I don't find either statements from other posters here saying they afraid of hugs.

Hugs wrong person can lead misunderstanding from both parties. And probably - according to this book "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Jr. Harley- could cause an affair because of this. I might be thinking too far. But I always have plan far ahead to save and protected my marriage because for my husband and I, married only for one time and forever. We both have never been married before, we have seen divorce rates especially in the US keep increasing each year, and we wanted to make sure will not make on the list of divorced people in this country.

I was joking back, didn't work. I remember Dorothy. I was just offering perspective on hard it can be to adjust to things that are so different and so foreign. I once tried to hug my sister in law and she pulled back like I had the plague, they just don't do that there. That being said, the wife is trying to adjust but it really is funny when some of my friend's try and give her a hug, kind of like touching a sea anemone!

Lol, that's funny. I probably should do that too. Thank you for the tips!

[Girl from Celebes 588]

How interesting. This is exactly the kind of thing that I try to explain to my husband who is from a very "warm" country. All he did from the time he got here was complain about how cold Americans are since over there you do a little hug and kiss on the cheek with everyone you meet, every time you see them. I got used to doing that while I lived there and then it became such a habit that I almost kissed my friend's dad on the cheek who I had only met like twice! I caught myself, but could have been awkward like you said. I am actually surprised that so many people are calling this guy a perv. I doubt he meant to make you uncomfortable. He was probably thinking the opposite and thought it would make you feel more welcome. Unfortunately he is ignorant to your culture and I think that if it were explained to him, he would probably feel really bad about making you feel that way. I had a similar cultural difference happen between my sister and my husband and now I have a major problem on my hands. I think that if people just explain things and talk about it, the situation can be solved.

I agreed with you. My husband already explained to him that I am just here and hugging is not common in my country. But I got your point, thank you for the suggestion.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Just be careful with the assumptions. You're seeing "respectful" as something different than other people do - that doesn't mean someone like my husband and I, or other people who are cheerful huggers, are disrespectful. It just means that we come from (three) different cultures. Someone who doesn't listen when you establish your comfort levels and boundaries is being disrespectful, but not before that. (Before that, they're actually being polite - they're trying to integrate you into the environment by not treating you differently!)

Agreed. My husband already told him that I am not used to hugs men who are not related to me.

"Southerner" here.... engaged to a Dominican male but raised around the hispanic/latin culture from around 14 years old.

So from both sides.. It can be 50/50 but it's always your choice.. I hug close friends, family and/or people I care for. Some people get a hug and cheek kiss.. some get just cheek kiss.. some get a handshake or a polite nod and a sincere "How do you do?"

Even then though generally people don't hug/cheek kiss really close unless they are good/close-friends or family)

For avoidance tactics while saving face for the rest of them...

One-Shoulder Hug

You allow them to hug but lean down and over a bit (Protecting your breasts from being pressed against their chest..) and then turn your chin in and down while dropping your shoulder into the direct middle of their chest... This takes away any option to look for or try to peck your cheek or feel your shape against him. (YES THAT IS What that guy was doing.. Sorry but most likely true)

The BodyGuard - learned this from a Tunisian man - Actually my preferred method of avoidance...

When in public until you feel comfy or on an as needed basis (Say like when you see HuggerMan headed your way...) Practice standing slightly behind (3-6 inches) your husband with half of your body covered by your husbands body... When strangers approach I smile politely but stay put!! I do not overly engage them with my eyes or smile and I wait... usually looking around the room so as to not appear bored.. lol

The agreement is that IF this man or person is someone he respects and my man wants me to meet that person... he will after an appropriate time that subliminally suggests that you are prized and/or protected move ever so slightly to the side and say this is My Wife________ a quick "How do you do?" with either a nod or quick handshake will usually be enough.

After that it's my choice... I can step out slightly and he will move over and I will engage in conversation... If I do not feel like going further I just stay in place and smile nicely while they talk.... and wait. Usually they will go away after a few minutes.... Or you can excuse yourself and go tot he ladies room, etc. Or magically see a lady friend you "haven't seen in "Ages" who is WAAAAYYYYY Across the room!!

There are many more but right now I'm tired... been a long week preparing for my next visit...

Wow, brilliant. Thank you!

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Hmm, I've been hit by the awkward hug here in the US as well, but only by women who are anxious to make me feel welcome. I stick my hand out right away when meeting men, and often I think I take a step backwards, almost like the first half of a curtsey.

I met a wonderful French couple in Portugal once, we spent a day together- when it was time to part they took turns grabbing my head and soundly kissing both cheeks, was quite startling at the time.

Thank you for sharing the story. That's plus one thumb post from me!

I don't mind to hugs women - I am a woman-. I love of feeling being hugs. I remember warm hugs from my parents when I was a little girl. I hugs children, women, family, close female friends. I don't hugs my male co-workers and we had just say," hello, hi, good morning, etc". Hugs can be very comforting if it does by the right person and can be awkward if does happen for those who are not used being hugs from strangers.

This post was supposed to be as response to the thread " My Wife Hates Everything Here". But the Mod separated it and made my own thread. I just wanted to say that I love everything here in the US, as addressed to the original poster, except hugs male(s) and strangers. That's my whole point and somehow it turned into that perception that I am that kind " hugger hater" like the other poster mentioned on this thread.

Edited June 5, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[Girl from Celebes 588]

cats / men / toddlers / tis all the same and has the same effect

Hah! After a few shots, squirt guns are not worked for my cats anymore. I reads somewhere lemon can be an arch enemy for cats. I wonder if it does good to scary eager hugger as well, lol. - probably squirt the juice right through their eyes?-

[kehills 217]

With all due respect: Dorothy, "We are not in Thailand any more." "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." etc, etc, etc,

I'm just saying...I think we all need to learn the cultures of our new homeland or the places that we visit and try to adjust as much as possible, within reason of course.

I eagerly await learning what the single culture that unites all of America is, so that it can be shared with those of us who've moved between coasts and from North to South (or vice versa). I can't decide if this unifying descriptor will be easier or harder than deciding what the singular definition of BBQ is, though,...

Hugs wrong person can lead misunderstanding from both parties. And probably - according to this book "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Jr. Harley- could cause an affair because of this. I might be thinking too far.

You're thinking too far. A hug isn't going to cause an affair, and if you're afraid that a hug is going to cause an affair, that's showing you there are cracks in your marriage already. That particular book is written by an ultra-conservative Christian author, which fine, if that's your thing, but that particular worldview of men and women is not the standard or the norm (at least in America).

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

First they took prayer out of school,

Actually, it was my understanding that the Catholics in New York were the driving force behind getting prayer out of public schools. Religious freedom and all that.

Just like everything else in America, we have to respect the beliefs and feelings of others, especially when you are touching them.