Greeting each other (split topic)

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Yes, in Hawaii it is very traditional for us to greet each other with a hug and usually a kiss on the cheek. This is referred to as the Aloha spirit and is very customary here. It took a while for my Filipina wife to become accustomed to this but she is getting more comfortable with it as time goes on. Of course if some creep approaches you and you don't feel like giving a hug just push him away. You are not required to hug anyone you don't want to.

Aloha!

The thing is that I always have thought kissing and hugging only for girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, family and relatives. I am not sure yet whether I will get used to it or not. But I am glad your wife adjusted into it very well, .

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I'm cracking up just reading this thread i'm from the philippines, and from my experience growing up there it's also not that normal for strangers who just met to hug each other. If it's family reunion and relatives meet for the first time then yeah, maybe a hug is normal but if someone introduces you to a friend it's usually just a handshake (or even none at all, i usually just wave my hand a little and say hi ) so when i got here, and got introduced to my husbands male friends, it was a little awkward to give them a hug...usually they expect it when we're about to leave the gathering. i usually just end up giving a half-hug, where i put one of my arms around them but not facing each other...i just find it so weird to touch bodies with them haha! I like my personal space, thanks very much. And even the girls, when they hug my husband, i get this little urge to pull him away because it's just so unnatural for me to see that. What's funny is they're from the philippines too so i'm like hey! That is not ok! XD but I just say that in my head haha. This hugging people for no important reason has got to stop, okay? I will hug you, but it will be very awkward and may cause me to avoid you for the rest of the evening ) and gurrrl if you hug my husband, i'm keepin' my eye on you

. I always dragged my husband whenever we went to different places. After the incident - I gave her very shock expression on my face- I make sure my husband always in my side whenever someone came and greet us. That's very interesting you were saying about the girls because the woman that hug my husband is actually from the Philippines as well. Maybe after lived many years in the US, the girls including the woman that my husband and I encountered to have starting get used to what people are doing here.

I'm from New England. We are not known as being touchy-feely people, and I will recoil if someone stands to close to me in a queue. I am VERY conscious of personal space and if I do not know you, or met you at least a few times and had a really wonderful experience during those meetings (i.e., meeting friends of friends, who go on to become your friends), I do not want you to touch me. Or breathe near me. There, that is your space, this is my space. Respect them!

However, if you are my family or a good friend, I am a hugmonster and I will embrace you with wild abandon, if you let me.

Agreed. I always have thought most Americans are more pay attention for being respectful to each other.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Awww, I feel like giving you a hug just to make you feel better.

Reminds me of a funny story, I used to work at a small company where most of the staff was female and over time we became very very good friends. We always used to hang out at a place by the Long Island Sound.

After I left and a few years later I went to work for a start up and I took the guys down to this hang out by the Sound. Imagine my suprise when I ran into 8/10 of these girls down there. They all took turns hugging me and kissing me multile times (right in front of their husbands) as we had not seen each other for years and lost touch.

Imagine what it did to my reputation at the new work place.

. I hope they don't think you are some type of Don Juan or Casanova whoever don't know you yet in person.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Some people love to force things on us. The drinking thing. I don't know if people feel better if you do the bad habits with them or what but I get the same thing. Sometimes I want to be like, "NO, I DON'T WANT A DRINK NOW SHUT UP!!!!" and then calmly say, thank you Some groups of friends and families do like to hug I have noticed. It took me some time to get used to because I had a group that liked to do that but eventually I just said, ok, screw it. hugggggggssssssssss LOL

Yes, I do remember, the wife of my husband's co-worker said something about that. We sit on the same table in the party and the organizer served different kind of drinks from red wine, white wine, champagne, and others. She always kept teasing me because I ate meal in a small portion but I had huge favors for cakes. When my husband and I told her that we don't drink alcohol then she was laughing and told my husband like this," it is nice to try how to feel being hungover, sometimes". .

[Girl from Celebes 588]

A man, or stranger should not hug another man's wife, unless the man is related to your husband, and their rules that govern that exchange. I do hug one of my closes friend's wife, but I also call her "Sister" and she calls me "brother", I have known her for 5 years. I am very conscious of not hugging another's man's wife regardless of how long I've known them. The one friend's wife that I do hug I do consider her my sister from another mother, but I also consider her husband my brother from another mother.

Most of my friends wives I do a fist bump greeting and goodbye, because it's just not proper to hug another man's wife unless their is great and deep respect between you and her husband. I do not hug women unless their is deep knowledge, respect and ample water under the bridge, also their has to be approval from my wife.

I am a man (in case you didn't know) and I just don't trust other men hugging my wife unless they have demonstrated to me that I can trust them, so far that list is exceptionally short regardless of my relationship with that man.

It is acceptable for a man to shake your hand, anything else is a personal choice by that person for I do not believe that hugging is a part of the American cultural fabric. Each circumstance is unique, so you might want to say, "wow, that's really cool however, in my culture....and allow your husband to finish." just my opinion, now I'm going to go hug my wife, (fist bump)

I completely agreed with your post! My husband doesn't go around hugging someone else's wife. He is a type of shy, calm and an introvert person. When he met someone, usually that person greet him first. It does not mean he is an arrogant man. He just does not want he mistakenly recognized someone that actually is wrong person. I am glad that you are one of many men who respect other men ( and wives).

[Novembro 1,763]

Just for the record- those of you who don't drink can give me all your drinks. I'll take care of that social anxiety for you.

[Darnell 8,478]

Yes, I agreed. I am working on that with my husband how to deal such things without make any of people are being feel offended.

I say carry a water pistol and shoot the miscreants each and every time.

Once they dry off - tell them you're not a hugger for the males.

Sometimes - overzealous males need a visceral warning - water pistols are great for that and no one gets arrested.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I say carry a water pistol and shoot the miscreants each and every time.

Once they dry off - tell them you're not a hugger for the males.

Sometimes - overzealous males need a visceral warning - water pistols are great for that and no one gets arrested.

Ha ha ha . I have three of squirt guns for my cats. I guess those are would be helpful for me then.

[Darnell 8,478]

cats / men / toddlers / tis all the same and has the same effect

[mitchanme 18]

Hmm, I've been hit by the awkward hug here in the US as well, but only by women who are anxious to make me feel welcome. I stick my hand out right away when meeting men, and often I think I take a step backwards, almost like the first half of a curtsey.

I met a wonderful French couple in Portugal once, we spent a day together- when it was time to part they took turns grabbing my head and soundly kissing both cheeks, was quite startling at the time.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Just for the record- those of you who don't drink can give me all your drinks. I'll take care of that social anxiety for you.

I will fight you for those drinks, child.

[kehills 217]

Agreed. I always have thought most Americans are more pay attention for being respectful to each other.

Just be careful with the assumptions. You're seeing "respectful" as something different than other people do - that doesn't mean someone like my husband and I, or other people who are cheerful huggers, are disrespectful. It just means that we come from (three) different cultures. Someone who doesn't listen when you establish your comfort levels and boundaries is being disrespectful, but not before that. (Before that, they're actually being polite - they're trying to integrate you into the environment by not treating you differently!)

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I will fight you for those drinks, child.

I hear Thursday night is ladies' night. Meet you all there?

Edited June 4, 2014 by Harpa Timsah

[khwaidee1 196]

I like everything here except...I have to hugs males. In my country, friends with opposite sex just shaking hands without touching bodies. Women are hugging and kiss on cheeks. But not for men. One time, I went to military party and one of my husband's friends came to us.

As usual, I gave my hands and suddenly he said, " hey, it is not how people are greeting each other here". He then hugged me and I was astonished and freeze. I don't hug strangers especially if they are males. That's all my complain and my husband understood my unpleasant feeling.

That is so funny. Same in my wife's country. Every once and awhile one of my neighbors will try and give my wife a hug when we're at a bar-b-que or party. She kind of leans back and turns her head as if she's in pain, definitely uncomfortable! My wife has 4 sisters and I've learned that a polite wai is all that's needed.

[Enigma23 68]

So, everyone, what is the best way to avoid this person? My gut action would be just to say "I don't want to be hugged, thank you." But, I think there has got to be a more subtle and elegant solution where the person doesn't even realize they have been rebuffed (and better than feigning a cold, though that would work one time). I feel like southern people would be good at this, the old "bless your heart" routine. Any tips?

People talk to you in Mass? How are you just warrants a "fine, thanks" or "fine" *smile* (that'll shut them up ) I was in Texas last year for the first time and the counter girl said something very funny to me, something like "How are you feeling about your day today, it is everything you hoped for?" I was like... #######?

"Southerner" here.... engaged to a Dominican male but raised around the hispanic/latin culture from around 14 years old.

So from both sides.. It can be 50/50 but it's always your choice.. I hug close friends, family and/or people I care for. Some people get a hug and cheek kiss.. some get just cheek kiss.. some get a handshake or a polite nod and a sincere "How do you do?"

Even then though generally people don't hug/cheek kiss really close unless they are good/close-friends or family)

For avoidance tactics while saving face for the rest of them...

One-Shoulder Hug

You allow them to hug but lean down and over a bit (Protecting your breasts from being pressed against their chest..) and then turn your chin in and down while dropping your shoulder into the direct middle of their chest... This takes away any option to look for or try to peck your cheek or feel your shape against him. (YES THAT IS What that guy was doing.. Sorry but most likely true)

The BodyGuard - learned this from a Tunisian man - Actually my preferred method of avoidance...

When in public until you feel comfy or on an as needed basis (Say like when you see HuggerMan headed your way...) Practice standing slightly behind (3-6 inches) your husband with half of your body covered by your husbands body... When strangers approach I smile politely but stay put!! I do not overly engage them with my eyes or smile and I wait... usually looking around the room so as to not appear bored.. lol

The agreement is that IF this man or person is someone he respects and my man wants me to meet that person... he will after an appropriate time that subliminally suggests that you are prized and/or protected move ever so slightly to the side and say this is My Wife________ a quick "How do you do?" with either a nod or quick handshake will usually be enough.

After that it's my choice... I can step out slightly and he will move over and I will engage in conversation... If I do not feel like going further I just stay in place and smile nicely while they talk.... and wait. Usually they will go away after a few minutes.... Or you can excuse yourself and go tot he ladies room, etc. Or magically see a lady friend you "haven't seen in "Ages" who is WAAAAYYYYY Across the room!!

There are many more but right now I'm tired... been a long week preparing for my next visit...