Greeting each other (split topic)

[chiggins82 88]

Yes, my husband told him that I don't hugs people in my country. I remember he said," hey, you are here now!".

Honestly, that guy just sounds like a bit inconsiderate... And no matter where you are, you will encounter pushy people that think their way is "the way".

I hope that this will be the exception for you. But in the end you should only do what you are comfortable with anyways. Regardless of whether it is a cultural norm in America. he should be respectful of that... and while maybe he will not, most people will.

I am glad your husband stood up for you. Maybe try something like "not comfortable with hugs" so that you are not blaming your country, so that they don't fall to that response.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

It's kind of a rite of passage at university in the UK, the vast majority of people I know are like me and can't even consider the thought of drinking that much once you reach your late 20's and settle down. But still, a few drinks and I'll lose a lot of my British reserve and possibly hug people. Not strangers though!

And they were even got crazy when their favorite soccer teams lost. . Indonesians always follow Premiere League and other European soccer competitions and I am huge fan of Liverpool F.C. But I would not gone mad when they lost to other soccer teams. .

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Honestly, that guy just sounds like a bit inconsiderate... And no matter where you are, you will encounter pushy people that think their way is "the way".

I hope that this will be the exception for you. But in the end you should only do what you are comfortable with anyways. Regardless of whether it is a cultural norm in America. he should be respectful of that... and while maybe he will not, most people will.

I am glad your husband stood up for you. Maybe try something like "not comfortable with hugs" so that you are not blaming your country, so that they don't fall to that response.

Yes, I always find very interesting that Americans are not what I have seen on TV or movies. I am glad can see from all responses here.

[Snag 57]

I actually think this will be a wonderful way to weed the guy out a bit - to see if he's a genuine dude who has just no conscious awareness of personal space, or if he's a genuine perv who just likes to snuggle women without the tag line of "pervert." (despite having a wife). Say no, and smile. If he is highly offended and never talks to you again, great - you've just proved the latter. No loss. If he looks confused but accepts and apologises, he's probably the former, and you can perhaps mention it's simply cultural.

[ricnally 258]

Stand far enough away that they feel awkward coming at you?

This works for me in many situations.

[drenie_elyonie 12]

I'm cracking up just reading this thread i'm from the philippines, and from my experience growing up there it's also not that normal for strangers who just met to hug each other. If it's family reunion and relatives meet for the first time then yeah, maybe a hug is normal but if someone introduces you to a friend it's usually just a handshake (or even none at all, i usually just wave my hand a little and say hi ) so when i got here, and got introduced to my husbands male friends, it was a little awkward to give them a hug...usually they expect it when we're about to leave the gathering. i usually just end up giving a half-hug, where i put one of my arms around them but not facing each other...i just find it so weird to touch bodies with them haha! I like my personal space, thanks very much. And even the girls, when they hug my husband, i get this little urge to pull him away because it's just so unnatural for me to see that. What's funny is they're from the philippines too so i'm like hey! That is not ok! XD but I just say that in my head haha. This hugging people for no important reason has got to stop, okay? I will hug you, but it will be very awkward and may cause me to avoid you for the rest of the evening ) and gurrrl if you hug my husband, i'm keepin' my eye on you

[destiny64 222]

My husband is from Morocco, I had to get used to women pulling me to them and kissing the sides of my face. I found it a bit awkward but wasn't about to refuse it. On the other hand , it took my husband a long time to arrive in the states because of his living in a high fraud country. When I introduced him to my boss, she came right up to him and hugged him to say welcome!! After he was like , why did she hug me? I told him she was just happy for us and it was her way of showing it. In Morocco , women don't go around hugging strangers so it was weird to him as well.

My boss is a very huggy person and didn't mean anything wrong by it. Being hugged by a woman vs a man can make all the difference though can't it??? LOL Every situation can be different.

Being forced to hug after offering your hand is obnoxious though.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I'm from New England. We are not known as being touchy-feely people, and I will recoil if someone stands to close to me in a queue. I am VERY conscious of personal space and if I do not know you, or met you at least a few times and had a really wonderful experience during those meetings (i.e., meeting friends of friends, who go on to become your friends), I do not want you to touch me. Or breathe near me. There, that is your space, this is my space. Respect them!

However, if you are my family or a good friend, I am a hugmonster and I will embrace you with wild abandon, if you let me.

[sweetgal8 4]

Next time, bring a cub with you. He is just trying to get fresh with you, nothing to do with culture BS.

I never feel the need to hug anyone here in US, except for my MIL and close family/friends.

hahha I fell off my chair when I saw this comment lol.

I don't think it's an 'American thing' for people to hug. It kind of sounds ridiculous. Even if you met the person a couple of times, you're not 'close' enough to be hugging. I would find that kind of awkward.

I think hugging family members or close friends that you've known for years would be much more acceptable.

I would refuse to hug a person I do not know or hardly know. Don't be shy, be straightforward with people.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I like everything here except...I have to hugs males. In my country, friends with opposite sex just shaking hands without touching bodies. Women are hugging and kiss on cheeks. But not for men. One time, I went to military party and one of my husband's friends came to us.

As usual, I gave my hands and suddenly he said, " hey, it is not how people are greeting each other here". He then hugged me and I was astonished and freeze. I don't hug strangers especially if they are males. That's all my complain and my husband understood my unpleasant feeling.

Yes, in Hawaii it is very traditional for us to greet each other with a hug and usually a kiss on the cheek. This is referred to as the Aloha spirit and is very customary here. It took a while for my Filipina wife to become accustomed to this but she is getting more comfortable with it as time goes on. Of course if some creep approaches you and you don't feel like giving a hug just push him away. You are not required to hug anyone you don't want to.

Aloha!

[Sam and Fen 41]

Awww, I feel like giving you a hug just to make you feel better.

Reminds me of a funny story, I used to work at a small company where most of the staff was female and over time we became very very good friends. We always used to hang out at a place by the Long Island Sound.

After I left and a few years later I went to work for a start up and I took the guys down to this hang out by the Sound. Imagine my suprise when I ran into 8/10 of these girls down there. They all took turns hugging me and kissing me multile times (right in front of their husbands) as we had not seen each other for years and lost touch.

Imagine what it did to my reputation at the new work place.

Edited June 4, 2014 by Sam and Fen

[Karam and Jamie 44]

. I am not really sure, though. Everyone seems hugging each other in the party. I had tried my best to get close to my husband. The guy who hugged me in the party had his wife there and she hugged another people as well. And the other things, my husband and I don't drink alcohol and whenever we went to parties, people would looked at us and said," hah, you guys don't drink?"

My other concern too that people seems smoking everywhere outside. I can't stand smell of cigarette. Don't get me wrong, I love everything in the US but those things make me feel alienated. My husband doesn't hug people unless they are his family. And he never embrace with an open arms whenever we met someone. I guess the reason why he doesn't hugs because he is more introvert, calm, and shy.

You guys are funny!

Some people love to force things on us. The drinking thing. I don't know if people feel better if you do the bad habits with them or what but I get the same thing. Sometimes I want to be like, "NO, I DON'T WANT A DRINK NOW SHUT UP!!!!" and then calmly say, thank you Some groups of friends and families do like to hug I have noticed. It took me some time to get used to because I had a group that liked to do that but eventually I just said, ok, screw it. hugggggggssssssssss LOL

[yraheem 9]

A man, or stranger should not hug another man's wife, unless the man is related to your husband, and their rules that govern that exchange. I do hug one of my closes friend's wife, but I also call her "Sister" and she calls me "brother", I have known her for 5 years. I am very conscious of not hugging another's man's wife regardless of how long I've known them. The one friend's wife that I do hug I do consider her my sister from another mother, but I also consider her husband my brother from another mother.
Most of my friends wives I do a fist bump greeting and goodbye, because it's just not proper to hug another man's wife unless their is great and deep respect between you and her husband. I do not hug women unless their is deep knowledge, respect and ample water under the bridge, also their has to be approval from my wife.
I am a man (in case you didn't know) and I just don't trust other men hugging my wife unless they have demonstrated to me that I can trust them, so far that list is exceptionally short regardless of my relationship with that man.

It is acceptable for a man to shake your hand, anything else is a personal choice by that person for I do not believe that hugging is a part of the American cultural fabric. Each circumstance is unique, so you might want to say, "wow, that's really cool however, in my culture....and allow your husband to finish." just my opinion, now I'm going to go hug my wife, (fist bump)

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I actually think this will be a wonderful way to weed the guy out a bit - to see if he's a genuine dude who has just no conscious awareness of personal space, or if he's a genuine perv who just likes to snuggle women without the tag line of "pervert." (despite having a wife). Say no, and smile. If he is highly offended and never talks to you again, great - you've just proved the latter. No loss. If he looks confused but accepts and apologises, he's probably the former, and you can perhaps mention it's simply cultural.

LOL. Guess, we will see after see him again next time.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

My husband is from Morocco, I had to get used to women pulling me to them and kissing the sides of my face. I found it a bit awkward but wasn't about to refuse it. On the other hand , it took my husband a long time to arrive in the states because of his living in a high fraud country. When I introduced him to my boss, she came right up to him and hugged him to say welcome!! After he was like , why did she hug me? I told him she was just happy for us and it was her way of showing it. In Morocco , women don't go around hugging strangers so it was weird to him as well.

My boss is a very huggy person and didn't mean anything wrong by it. Being hugged by a woman vs a man can make all the difference though can't it??? LOL Every situation can be different.

Being forced to hug after offering your hand is obnoxious though.

Yes, in Indonesia man and women don't go around and just hugging people that they have just met or not close to - I did not hug my male co-workers though we have been worked together over years-. I am sure there is explanation about what he did to me. I was not in the mood at that time to have chit chat with him after encounter such an awkward situation. I was like a little girl being pulled, my both arms stayed still at my side while he hugged me.