Visiting is bittersweet

[shippingforecast 126]

Really? How interesting. When I went back to Australia for three weeks in December (home country) I was stunned as to how impersonal and cold everyone was, particularly in customer service. Even my husband remarked and asked why people don't smile over there. I was used to the friendly Americans who always smiled and asked how we're doin'. We just moved to Texas four months ago, and it's relatively the same.

Granted, I think it does depend where you shop. We went into an unmentionable technology shop yesterday that rhymes with Test Tie and were greeted with cluelessness and indifference. Trader Joe's, we've never had a problem. Same thing at Target.

I'm sorry, I probably didn't explain myself very well - I meant it's horrible back here in my home country. I'm the beneficiary in the UK. The service in Texas is wonderful but OH MY GOD am I with you on Test Tie. We had to buy a television from there and I was standing around for maybe 15 minutes before I could even see someone to approach for help. Walmart was probably the worst. I got told I wasn't allowed to buy cigarettes with my British driving license because the employee was too dumb to realise the date format was different... How someone can be born in the 16th month of the year is beyond me.

[chiggins82 88]

My Fiance left yesterday from a 4 day visit. I know exactly what people are talking about on the bittersweet part! Time went by so quickly and when he left, kind of felt like my world crumbled. Feels like we break up over and over and over.... except we don't. It is so tough not having real contact. Face time is great, but it just isn't enough.

I am really looking forward to a time where I do not cry in the airport. Seriously. :S

[Snag 57]

I'm sorry, I probably didn't explain myself very well - I meant it's horrible back here in my home country. I'm the beneficiary in the UK. The service in Texas is wonderful but OH MY GOD am I with you on Test Tie. We had to buy a television from there and I was standing around for maybe 15 minutes before I could even see someone to approach for help. Walmart was probably the worst. I got told I wasn't allowed to buy cigarettes with my British driving license because the employee was too dumb to realise the date format was different... How someone can be born in the 16th month of the year is beyond me.

Oh, no I probably didn't read properly (no caffeine!). I agree. Walmart is definitely a breed of its own. I had something similar with my driver's license and alcohol. They did work it out after a careful few seconds, but it was neuroscience and the brain cogs were definitely turning... (27th month! )

[S-C 21]

While I found England to be absolutely beautiful I would have to agree on the customer service/ general demeanor of the population to be entirely different to home here in the US. I didn't realize how accustomed I am to someone holding a door open until I was there and nearly got smacked in the face with them. People will walk right into you on the sidewalk and they don't seem to find my yes ma'am/sir southern habits to be charming at all. HA. I do like to visit though, but I'm glad that he is coming to live here rather than vice versa.

When he left from his visit last week I stood there crying my eyes out as he went through security and a very sweet woman asked when I would see him again and it broke my heart to say I don't know, because everything is tentative when you're waiting for the visa to process. People ask when our wedding date is and I constantly feel like I'm not taken seriously because I have to say I don't know, hopefully sometime around *insert optimistic date here*. It's rough but it will be worth it in the long run. And I try to focus on the positives and just think I'm seeing new places going to visit him that I probably would not have seen otherwise at this point in my life! And plus, what's the alternative? Give up and let him go. Not a chance!

-C

[chiggins82 88]

I can't even go into the airport anymore. Last time I did, there was full on emotional breakdown at the airport. I now do most of my crying in the privacy of my car while airport employees watch while having a smoke break... I am hoping this is a normal site for them!

I find it so tough never being able to answer questions about this process. People are constantly asking me when we are getting married and details about where it will be, or when I am moving or how long until I get approved. I haven't even bothered telling my work, because until I can answer those questions, I don't want the constant reminder.

When people ask me, I have been saying likely a year and I won't know anything more than that probably for 6 months.

From there I get most people saying, they don't know how we do it or that they could never handle that... I am grateful at least I can come on to a message board like this and know we are not alone.

I keep wondering how it will be moving to the United States. I am in Canada and on the surface we are very similar countries, but the more I visit the US, the more I notice we are not the same in the details. They are much better at customer service than we are (in Alberta at least). It is kind of nice.

[Abby&Mario 100]

My husband and I did long distance for a year and seven months after having already spent a year and a half living in the same city, spending most nights together. It's a different kind of crappy when you don't start out long distance. We personally didn't feel like our relationship grew stronger during that time, but afterwards, once we were back in the same place and had recovered (took a while), we felt solid as a rock as a couple in a way that maybe we wouldn't have if we hadn't survived that awful time. It was very difficult, and at one point due to financial/logistical reasons, eight months passed between visits. I'll never forget it, we met at the Miami airport after eight months and hugging him was the strangest feeling in the world, a sensation of half total familiarity and comfort but also half like hugging a stranger. We also grew to despise Skype, Whatsapp and Gchat, because substitutions were never enough. I used to stay connected to these things all the time, and now, almost a year after moving to be together again, then getting engaged and getting married, I still don't like to look at them if I can avoid it.

I have tears in my eyes and feel anxious just writing this, remembering how terrible it was. My biggest fear when it comes to this process? That something will happen that will force us into long distance again. We've done enough crying in airports for several lifetimes. My heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with long distance hell right now.

[lou-nic 36]

I know exactly what you mean. I have not seen my husband since march of last year. its so expensive me to go over there. if I had the money I would be there every 6 months. we are in the NVC so hopefully we will get our interview soon and he will come home. keep praying they will be home soon.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

This was one of the main reasons besides wanting to save the cash that I didn't want to visit during the process. Having to leave afterwards feels akin to ripping my heart out of my chest. I want to wait it out, then fly there and never look back.

[chiggins82 88]

I have not yet had to wait that long between visits. Joining VJ gave me a lesson (again) in perspective. Two months is normal for me, extremely long for to my friends and family, but super short to many people on here.

I find even after a few weeks apart, when I see my Fiance in the airport again it is a very weird feeling. I always tell him it is like a first date every time we visit for at least 24 hours. We always get back to our normal fast, but our visits are rarely longer than a weekend so we can't let things just be natural. I always stress out because if I am grouchy or don't want to do anything that weekend, I think 'I could be months before I have another chance' puts a lot of pressure on us.

One thing I am certain of is that our long distance relationship has made us stronger as a couple, more trusting and better at communicating. As hard as it is, I am actually grateful we had distance... I just wish I could choose when it ends!

[shippingforecast 126]

This was one of the main reasons besides wanting to save the cash that I didn't want to visit during the process. Having to leave afterwards feels akin to ripping my heart out of my chest. I want to wait it out, then fly there and never look back.

Right with you on that one. The difficulty is not knowing exactly when you'll get to be there again. At least before I had a date in mind that I could work towards and be excited about. But I guess starting a new life over there is more than worth waiting an indefinite period of time. I'm lucky in the fact she has a very flexible job and supportive parents. I think the longest we've had to go is three months. And the more I read on here the more I realise that's nothing but a heartbeat. Still, having what I call a "pocket wife" is difficult; I work long hours and so we mainly talk by text.

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. You're a constant source of encouragement, positivity and focus. When things get tough, there's always one of you around to give me the kick I need to stay cool. I'm so grateful to be part of such a wonderful community of people. My hat is off to you all.

[chiggins82 88]

This was one of the main reasons besides wanting to save the cash that I didn't want to visit during the process. Having to leave afterwards feels akin to ripping my heart out of my chest. I want to wait it out, then fly there and never look back.

I completely understand not wanting to visit. I am also finding that all the visiting we do is eating into vacation time... which means when I get there, he will likely have no time off for wedding or helping me settle in. We keep saying we don't need to visit and would be OK if we couldn't, but once you start it is hard not to when the opportunity arises!

It does help to know that we are not a long in this waiting game. It sucks, but it will be worth it. That I am sure of

[Julie+Matt 84]

I won't see Matt again until he's here is the US. and with Texas, who knows if it'll still be 2014 when I see him again. I hate the distance that separates us, but I never would have met him otherwise. Honestly, if he were here, even in my hometown I wouldn't have looked twice at him (he's short & I've never had interest in short men lol) but after getting to know him as a person, none of that mattered. I fell in love with him quickly after a few long conversations & never in a million years did I think I'd be doing this. I wouldn't date someone who lived an hour away because the distance was too much, & somehow I'm willing to be engaged to a wonderful man in another country (who I met through my ex boyfriend of all people-needless to say he was pissed when he found out this was happening)

Oddly enough, the first time I met him was only awkward for ten minutes (& that's because I had driven there & my nerves were shot-I never thought driving on the wrong side of the road would be so terrifying) as soon as I calmed down & got an energy drink, we were comfortable & chatting like it was normal. The last time was only slightly awkward because my luggage kept wanting to topple over into him & I was cold while we waited for the cab to pick us up. Being with him had felt...natural. I've never felt so connected to someone, even at this distance. It all hurts, but I know in the end it'll be worth it. I just feel like it'll never happen. I hope to god he gets his visa by December.

[shippingforecast 126]

I won't see Matt again until he's here is the US. and with Texas, who knows if it'll still be 2014 when I see him again. I hate the distance that separates us, but I never would have met him otherwise. Honestly, if he were here, even in my hometown I wouldn't have looked twice at him (he's short & I've never had interest in short men lol) but after getting to know him as a person, none of that mattered. I fell in love with him quickly after a few long conversations & never in a million years did I think I'd be doing this. I wouldn't date someone who lived an hour away because the distance was too much, & somehow I'm willing to be engaged to a wonderful man in another country (who I met through my ex boyfriend of all people-needless to say he was pissed when he found out this was happening)

Oddly enough, the first time I met him was only awkward for ten minutes (& that's because I had driven there & my nerves were shot-I never thought driving on the wrong side of the road would be so terrifying) as soon as I calmed down & got an energy drink, we were comfortable & chatting like it was normal. The last time was only slightly awkward because my luggage kept wanting to topple over into him & I was cold while we waited for the cab to pick us up. Being with him had felt...natural. I've never felt so connected to someone, even at this distance. It all hurts, but I know in the end it'll be worth it. I just feel like it'll never happen. I hope to god he gets his visa by December.

We all have our fingers crossed for a speedy reunion for the two of you. And it WILL happen! The time will fly by and before you know it, there'll be a fresh batch of applicants probably having the same conversation we're all having on here whilst we advise what it's like to have gone through the process. Stay positive!

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I read all of your posts and can completely relate. Visiting is very bittersweet, while I would not by pass the opportunity to spend time together, leaving is heartbreaking. There are alot of negative attitudes and stereotyping that people not in this process have. So I have chosen, while going through the distance, wait, stress, and frustration, not to tell my friends or family until visa is in hand. That way I can just focus on the positive, uplifting, happy relationship I have without all the nay sayers. Meanwhile we have each other and VJ to support our journey!

[jsumner86 403]

There are alot of negative attitudes and stereotyping that people not in this process have. So I have chosen, while going through the distance, wait, stress, and frustration, not to tell my friends or family until visa is in hand. That way I can just focus on the positive, uplifting, happy relationship I have without all the nay sayers. Meanwhile we have each other and VJ to support our journey!

Agree completely. My wife and I have done both long distance for several years while dating and engaged, and living outside the US together while waiting for my visa after marriage. During both long periods of time, we've had unwanted comments and opinions given to us by family members and friends on both sides. If we could do the whole thing again, I'd probably use your methodology of simply not telling anyone.

Edited May 27, 2014 by jsumner86