family understanding

[MHandMB 0]

When I first met Amed, I had a similar reaction from my immediate family. They were worried that his religious and cultural differences were too much and that I was destined for heartbreak. However, once my mom met him, it all changed. She loved him! He showed her just how wonderful he is.

My dad was a bit more open minded, but still a bit hesitant. Now that Amed is here, he's like the son he never had. He is ALWAYS doing things with him. My co-workers expressed some skepticism, but at the company Christmas party this year, my boss told me just how fantastic she thinks Amed is. Everyone who meets him loves him, and they see the same things in him that I see. Your parents are probably skeptical because they've never met him, and they're going on stereotypes and prejudices rather than seeing him as real person.

Would any of your family members be up for a trip to Morocco? Maybe they could see for themselves how great your fiance is, and it would be easier for them to support you throughout the visa process. If this isn't a possibility, I would recommend just keep talking about him, sharing stories, etc. If your fiance speaks English, maybe get him to call or send letters to your family every now and then. Once he finally gets to the US and your family sees how great he is and how much heloves you, they should hopefully start seeing him in a new light. Good luck!

[peezey 0]

Jen, is there any way you can plan a trip to take your parents to Morocco to meet him & his family? I just think kpeople have a much harder time making judgements once they've met the real people they are making judgements about.

Edited January 14, 2007 by peezey

[Private 1]

My parents where excited as I do not know what, and they are not muslim. They think I am crazy too and they know that I do not care much about what the think in this respect. However, when I told my mother and she say the engagement party photos she was so excited. She had question after question, she showed all of her firends. She told the whole family, she showed the photos she wants me to make he a photo album. He called her and they are like best friends. He got her an open ticket and she was so exicted and she wanted to come but could not beucasae we got engaged at the last minute. When I called my mother and told her that Immgration thought that where were not real, she was angry and carrying on. I can not believe them, blah, blah. She faxed morocco and the congressman and she went to their office to ask them for help for me. She went on about how I serve the country and the war and how I went to combat how dare they. She told my fiance to do certain things for eveidnce, she went to look help for a lawyer. She before the denial wanted to plan a wedding and want me to get married in Houston. She was more curious than excited and when I was there she called me and we talked and she was happy she felt like I was safe. He asked a lot about them before I left for Morocco and I just told him to call her. So he did. Her favorite thing is when they talk and they communicate in English and French, she loves the french but he is so excited that she understands him in english. It is funny and cute. Just a side story, my mother never had her birthday offically recorded. The day that was document my grandmother claims is incorrect. So my mother when it benefits her celebrates her birthday on both days. I was so surprised when Yassine called me and told me why did I never tell him the two birthday day story. I was dying laughing, I could not believe that he understood her to get that much information. Funny.

My mother and father are not together and my father and I do not talk much, however, we had a reuntied converstation about two months ago for about 3 hours and I told him about Yassine and the interview and things like that. I also asked him he thought that I should quit and he said that if the government does not want you and him to be together then it is probably worth it to fight. He was excited and he is not fully aware of my conversion so he also found out that I did not become muslim to be with him that I was muslim 4 years before and he was excited about that. He was happy to see that my fiance was not influening me in this manner. He was excited and he demanded photos and now the other side of my family knows. I spoke to my fathers sister and she was like so where is he and I said Morocco and she asked why and I told he lives there and then she was like ok, well I will not ask anymore Questions. I was like no ask whatever you want I do not care. Do you really want to know, and I explained everythign to her and about us meeting and me flying there etc. I am not embrassed the last thing I do is care about what they think. I am an adult, but I must say it is nice to have there support.

I am a little curious did you address these issues in your orginally petition and are you preparing for the interveiw because one thing I will say is if you see this issue, immgration will ask him and see it too.

[sereia 0]

Jen, is there any way you can plan a trip to take your parents to Morocco to meet him & his family? I just think kpeople have a much harder time making judgements once they've met the real people they are making judgements about.

I am trying to convince my mom to come to Morocco this June for my fiance's sisters' wedding. His family begged me to invite all of my family to come but I know it won't be possible. My mom..........I can try to work on her. She has been to Morocco before and loved it. She is also fascinated by the culture, loves the food, etc. I guess she just never expected to have a Moroccan son-in-law. I'll give it another try.

Edited January 14, 2007 by abdounjen

[Henia 11]

I tried to do a search but nothing related came up with my findings...if there are related posts please someone point me in that direction.

My family does NOT agree with my choice of a fiance. In fact, I haven't even told them that we are engaged. They still think we are dating and already have given me much grief over this.

I won't go into too much personal detail of myself but they basically think I am crazy to import a husband from another country. They think I'm crazy to import a husband from such a different culture, religion, and economical class. They don't understand why I'm making a decision to make my life possibly more difficult. The heartbreak of so much time apart, the visa process, helping him adjust to American life once he arrives, differences in beliefs and culture, him finding a job, how we will raise our children, etc. They also don't believe that a Muslim man from Morocco could actually love me and not be using me for a green card. They can't believe that his family could actually accept me even though I am American, Jewish, and Danish. I don't know how to get my point across that not all Muslims hate America, Danes, and Jews. That his family actually loves me. That he loves me. I know that once he arrives and gets settled in the US my family will embrace him. He is a loving and enchanting person. But how can I convince them of this? I don't want to lie to them but if I were to tell them I am engaged and am helping him come to the US through the K-1 visa they will think I am a desperate idiot. (more than they already do)

Have any of you gone through this lack of support from your family and friends? How did you react? This process is already so difficult being so far away from my love. .... I can't imagine not having the support of my family.

Hello and Esalaam

Well think I am in the same boat as you. My family totally disagree on my choice of husband. I rarely have a conversation with them that does include they judging me and even more so my husband. Funny, they have not even met him. We invited my family to our wedding, in fact my husband called them personally inviting them and even offering to pay their way... but of course no one came. After I came back from Algerie, they started to talk to me more... thinking I would break down and tell him how much of mistake I made. Sure, there were several tough patches we went throu in our courtship and marriage... but we are still strong.

All I can tell you... ease into the "talk" with them about him. Maybe you should even wait until after you get the visa (since the visa wait is terrible enough... you donnot need anyone making it more stressful)... I am pretty sure they will be civil around him, when he arrives and probably if they live close will come to the wedding out of curiousity. But I think in the end, your husband showing your family a good example of what a North African person and/or Muslim (I assume he is as most MENA are)... Even doing as you stated in your post, about inviting your mum to Maroc... to see how it is, how he is and how his family/culture is.... Example and time is best remededy... I myself, am counting on that for my situation. My husband and I in fact have a plan to visit my family in the summer ... so they can see him on their truf... and my husband has invitied my mum to visit him in DZ in a few months. She almost said 'yes' but after talking about it with her friends she got abit scared. She was confusing Algerie with Tunis (as Tunis is more of a touristy place and she knows people there, she felt safer to visit there)

[jordanianprincess 0]

There is only one question running through my mind. This question may not apply to everyone who has had issues with their family accepting your decision to get married to a foreign man, surely there are some families that just won't accept it. However have you ever wondered, if the guy was in American and an American and you had agreed to get married over the net, would your family still have a problem accepting it?

I think some of the families problems may not only be with the fact that he is arabic and of another religion, but also because its an internet relationship which many have seem to have jumped into quite fast. I am not judging anyone regarding how long your courtship was before you married, you know whats best for you for sure but I experianced similiar problems with my family in the beginning and we are of the same religion and background. My family was uneasy about the fact that we met online and how could it be possible to have a relationship that way. They got over it really quick, but I just think there are other contributing reasons to why the families feel that way.

[sereia 0]

if i met and got engaged with an american i met on the internet quickly my parents would not be happy.....but not in the same way they are unhappy now for sure!

i didn't meet my SO through the internet. they don't even know we are engaged. they don't like the idea of him strictly based on he is a foreigner, he is muslim, and he isn't stable financially yet.

[jordanianprincess 0]

if i met and got engaged with an american i met on the internet quickly my parents would not be happy.....but not in the same way they are unhappy now for sure!

i didn't meet my SO through the internet. they don't even know we are engaged. they don't like the idea of him strictly based on he is a foreigner, he is muslim, and he isn't stable financially yet.

It's not unusual for parents to want the best for their daughter. Unfortunatly its going to take more work on your behalf and his. In most cases parents will usually come around but it will take time, its totally new to them. I can't say that I wouldnt have the same feelings if my daughter came home and told me the same thing. Put yourself in their position and you may have an easier time dealing with it.

[Marry American 0]

I tried to do a search but nothing related came up with my findings...if there are related posts please someone point me in that direction.

My family does NOT agree with my choice of a fiance. In fact, I haven't even told them that we are engaged. They still think we are dating and already have given me much grief over this.

I won't go into too much personal detail of myself but they basically think I am crazy to import a husband from another country. They think I'm crazy to import a husband from such a different culture, religion, and economical class. They don't understand why I'm making a decision to make my life possibly more difficult. The heartbreak of so much time apart, the visa process, helping him adjust to American life once he arrives, differences in beliefs and culture, him finding a job, how we will raise our children, etc. They also don't believe that a Muslim man from Morocco could actually love me and not be using me for a green card. They can't believe that his family could actually accept me even though I am American, Jewish, and Danish. I don't know how to get my point across that not all Muslims hate America, Danes, and Jews. That his family actually loves me. That he loves me. I know that once he arrives and gets settled in the US my family will embrace him. He is a loving and enchanting person. But how can I convince them of this? I don't want to lie to them but if I were to tell them I am engaged and am helping him come to the US through the K-1 visa they will think I am a desperate idiot. (more than they already do)

Have any of you gone through this lack of support from your family and friends? How did you react? This process is already so difficult being so far away from my love. .... I can't imagine not having the support of my family.

We got off to a terrible start. I hope this is a new beginning.

In any case, I have gone through and go through the same drama with my love ones, family, and friends. I do not ask them for advice though because I they need advice themselves. I will do Julie and no one else. I could be married to my fiance for 15 years and the haters will still say that he used me to get a visa. He does not love me, lol. Don't let it bother you. Good luck!

[Marry American 0]

i haven't even really told my fiance that my family feels this way about him.......... i'm taking this burden on myself and its been really difficult. i'm thinking i should tell him but i don't want to hurt him. i'm trying to think of the best way to tell him........i can't even imagine there being a good way.

he is intelligent and has asked if it was a problem. deep down i think he knows it might be a LITTLE problem but it really isn't little. my family wouldn't go as far as to disown me...but they strongly encourage me to move on and find someone else. sigh......

My fiance is aware of what my love ones are saying. That was my fault. i wear my feelings on my sleeves. My fiance tells me that he will prove that he is a good man when he gets here. he just wants my family to love him and they will. I am saying this to say, the proof is in the pudding or time will tell. Then your family will know that you have a man (your Moroccan, just kidding) that loves you and is in it for the long haul.

[Marry American 0]

My family has no clue! They know nothing about Rida because I know how judgmental they are and I would never hear the end of it. I don't have the slightest idea of how or when to tell them. Rida and I have talked about this many times, and since i have a poor relationship with my family, he tells me not to worry about it and live my life. He always reminds me that I have family there that loves me. My friends on the other hand haven't really said anything. They were all freaked out when I went to Morocco for two weeks and were genuinelu concerned that I would not return. I don't know what people think sometime. All you can do is live your life on your terms and ensure your own happiness.

Reminds me of my father. He said that when I go to Africa, they would keep me and not let me return. Now who would want to keep me, LOL

[Sofiyya 1,687]

There is only one question running through my mind. This question may not apply to everyone who has had issues with their family accepting your decision to get married to a foreign man, surely there are some families that just won't accept it. However have you ever wondered, if the guy was in American and an American and you had agreed to get married over the net, would your family still have a problem accepting it?

I think some of the families problems may not only be with the fact that he is arabic and of another religion, but also because its an internet relationship which many have seem to have jumped into quite fast. I am not judging anyone regarding how long your courtship was before you married, you know whats best for you for sure but I experianced similiar problems with my family in the beginning and we are of the same religion and background. My family was uneasy about the fact that we met online and how could it be possible to have a relationship that way. They got over it really quick, but I just think there are other contributing reasons to why the families feel that way.

I'm not having any problems with my family due to cultural or religious differences, my family has been in Morocco since the early 1900s, and we're Muslim. The closest that I can relate is that my first husband was Christian, albeit, Arab. No one was much upset about that either since we met him thru two of my brothers who knew him from high school. But, what JP said is what I was thinking while reading this thread, too.

[Caladan 19]

It may just be parents. My dad's reaction to my engagement was to say congratulations, but nearly every conversation we've had since then has been 'how's the dissertation?' He doesn't ask about my fiancé, he seems to have a hard time accepting that we're serious, let alone engaged, and he's mentioned to my sister than he thinks my fiancé is only interested in me for sex.

This is without a cultural difference. This is HAVING MET HIM ONCE for Thanksgiving. This is with ten visits before filing. This is with it being friggin' Canada. Parents are weird.

abdounjen, it might help to sit your parents down and explain that a) you're engaged, and that B) you really want them to be part of this for you. And then it might help, if you can't get them to Morocco, to get them to talk to him online. If your mother talked to him periodically, she might relax.

[Heartland 0]

Although I am 41, I would never allow what my mother thinks or feels to interfere with my life. My mom was happy that I had met my husband at first. Then she met HER husband who changed her mind. Last time I went and actually married, my mom tried to take me to court to get custody of my two under age children. When she couldnt do that, she called my bipolar unstable ex husband to try to get him to get custody... he didnt want them he has his own life. Needless to say when I returned for my oldest daughters wedding, my mom stole my daughters passports so they could go back with me. Without my oldest daughters help getting them back, they would not have gone back with me. SHe no longer calls herself my mom. Which is ok by me, her loss not mine.

My grandma calls me the wanderer and is happy for me. She thinks my mom daft. She prays every day that I will get pregnant again and have another baby..I keep tellin her, "Mom! We have to be together for that to happen..lol!"

I have to live for me not for anyone else. My life, my mistakes. My life to lead.

My children love my husband. He treats them great. He wanted us to stay there to live. If it wasnt for the fact my girls were so miserable we might have stayed and lived there. But they missed the USA too much. So he didnt marry me for a green card. He married me for me... in fact he asked me why I married him, a man with really no money, when I could have married a Doctor two years ago... I said simply, because I wasnt in love with him. I love you....

Wendy

[Jenn! 918]

I feel very lucky to have a family that was so supportive.

My dad is always supportive of all my choices, that's just how he is. Wadi and I were engaged before he had a chance to meet him, but he was so happy for us

My mom might have had a harder time with it if she hadn't been able to meet Wadi before we were engaged. The way it went, when I told her, she was very happy, but we had a good conversation about some issues that she thought were important, mostly having to do with the fact that I am not muslim. She wanted to make sure that I had thought out all potential future implications of that in our relationship.

I think that when anyone gives their parents the news, it's important to discuss the issues that they raise and be able to assure them that you've though about these things too. If they're concerned, for example, about your fiance's lack of higher education, they're just worried about your future and you should present your plans to deal with it. It's often not enough to just say, "but I love him so it'll all be ok". You need to reassure them that you understand that a lack of education *will* be an issue, but you and your fiance are prepared to deal with it. Whether that means that your fiance will pursue more education once he is in the U.S., or he has plans for a career that don't require higher education, or you are in a very financially secure position so it won't matter, there needs to be thought put into each possible "solution" and the ramifications of that solution.

If your parents can see that you're not just jumping into something blind, and rather, that you've thought everything through and you and your fiance are on the same page and ready to build a life together, I think they will be more receptive to your relationship. Sometimes parents can sense when you're flying by the seat of your pants and it's your responsibility to convince them that that's just not the case.

Good luck to you!