ROC and serious problems with 2 yr marriage

[Teddy B 17,252]

The op filed for ROC based on a bonafide marriage and now wants out of the marriage. Filing for divorce while ROC is pending would be considered fraud. As it stands the previously filed ROC is on shaky ground based on the fact that the marriage is on the way out.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

How can you not know your wife is a heroin addict? Just curious.

A friend of mine had no clue her USC husband was a meth head until after she'd left him. She had a total mess of an ROC -- he took the funds she'd set aside for ROC and spent it on drugs. She was put into removal proceedings, but managed to get a fantastic attorney working for her. She then lifted conditions on her own after she left her wreck of a marriage, even though she hadn't filed for divorce yet. I'm not sure how exactly she managed to do it except the immigration judge seemed to realise quite how horrible all of it was and proceedings were closed with prejudice after the hearing. She has her 10 year GC now and is living with an awesome dude.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Heroin addiction is very hard to hide from someone you sleep with. She'll have injection marks, usually in places that her clothing would hide. Heroin addicts also hide drug paraphernalia, mostly hyperdermic syringes, in various places around the house. They'll put them in places you normally wouldn't casually look, like inside a vase on a shelf or behind books you rarely remove from the bookshelf. Heroin addicts are not as particular about where they toss their used packaging. Powder heroin usually comes in very small zip lock bags. (Crack and crystal meth also come in these bags). Tar heroin, more common and less expensive, is usually wrapped in a piece of plastic or aluminum foil. A three inch shred from a plastic grocery bag would be a common wrapper. You'll notice the black tar-like residue inside the wrapper. You might find these in the kitchen or bathroom trash can, though she might try to bury them under the top layer of trash.

Crack and meth are a little tougher to pin down. Look for those miniature zip lock bags in the trash with a small amount of powder residue. A crack addict will have at least one pipe, usually glass but sometimes metal, which they usually keep on them, but if she's got more than one then you might find the others. Look for copper wool scrubbing pads called "Chore Boy". They use these as a substrate to melt the crack or meth crystals while they inhale the vapors. Finding a Chore Boy pad in a place not usually used for storing cleaning supplies is a tell tale sign, especially if it's obvious that small shreds of copper wool have been torn from the pad. Finding those small shreds, especially if they're dark and burnt, is a dead giveaway.

Take a little investigative tour around your home when she's not around. If she's an addict you should have no trouble finding some evidence. Save whatever you find and confront her with it. She'll deny it, of course, but you must confront her so that she'll know that you know.

I've lived with addicts before. I was even married to one at one time. They're sneaky in that they won't leave the evidence out in the open, but they don't waste too much time trying to hide it either. It's usually not too difficult to find with a little effort.

Just a bit of personal advice - even if she wanted to reform herself, the long term reform rate for addicts is extremely low - well under 5%. To make matters worse, when they start slipping then they grab onto anyone around them and take them down with them. What I mean by this is she'll steal your rent money or pawn your most precious belongings in order to buy drugs. She'll take out a cash advance on that credit card. If she can't get a cash advance then she'll use the card to buy something new, and then immediately flip it at a pawn shop for half the price. You take a substantial risk if you choose to try to help them. It's better to cut ties and get away. Don't try to help them if they fall on severely hard times. Sometimes that's the only wake-up call that will save their life. Sometimes it won't. I saw a 26 year old man come out of a six month resident program. He was happy, healthy, strong, and sober. He fell off the wagon two days later, and then deteriorated rapidly. Within a week he was homeless. Within two weeks he was dead from a multiple drug overdose.

Just get out. For your own good.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Very interesting, Jim. Thanks.

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

Intersting, Jim. Now, what I cannot wrap my head around is why this person is still with this lady. I would get the heck out of this relationship and let her do whatever she wants in whatever ways. Just divorce before her problems become your problems (legally, I mean). The rest are already your problem...All the best to you, buddy!

[tuckin14 58]

To me this thread seems way overly complex.

Get a lawyer. Period. Assuming you want to stay in the USA.

This forum is good for people who are in a position to do-it-yourself and to help people realize when they're in over their heads. Seems like the OP is in over his head. This just isn't a simple case.

[TBoneTX 46,077]

The OP hasn't logged on to VJ since May 15. Until that changes, further additions to this thread seem fruitless.