Adjusting to life as a Step-Parent

[QueenComley 295]

Happy mothers day everyone!

Im sure many of you have not only had to adjust to life in a new country, with a new husband and a new life ahead of you, but many of you, like me, have also had to adapt to becoming a step-mother.

I would love to here all your stories on how you adapted to such a huge responsibility and what you are doing today to celebrate Mothers Day with your step-kids.

A little about me... I have no biological children (me and my husband cant have any together), However, I have a step-daughter who is 11 (going on 18), and a step-son who is 9. We have them at weekends Fri-Sun and 50/50 of all school breaks. Being a step-parent has been very tough, I am still learning, still adapting and trying to find my footing as a parent, but I have been in their lives 3 years now and the are my life. I get on incredibly well with my husbands ex-wife and we co-parent extremely well together.

Today the kids woke me up at 6am. I grudgingly ordered them back to bed till 8am LOL, but once I woke fully I was spoilt with a single red rose, a Victoria secrets perfume set, and a glitzy crystal watch from my step-daughter. My step-son had got me a bunch of flowers and a humming bird feeder with a wind chime attached to it, and my husband got me a new hairdryer and chocolates. Im feeling very blessed, spoilt and loved.

Hope all you new step-moms are having a great day too and I look forward to hearing your stories.

[Pitaya 2,577]

Happy Mother's Day!

I like the title of your thread, yet I believe that it may also include another group of new step-parents, that being step-fathers. I will try not to rain on your parade. I can certainly agree with your assessment of the new parenting responsibilities being tough, and I am also still learning and adapting. It is has been a new experience for all of us, It hasn't always been a bed of roses for any of us, but all in all a great new life together in the US.

I have been a step-father since sponsoring my then-fiance and her son into the US on the Fiancé(e) Visa program almost two years ago. My wife had been divorced for over nine years, she and her son had been living with her widowed mother. As a result, my stepson had been without the guidance, teaching, and support of an appropriate male role model. As a consequence, he was treated much like a crown prince, which I have come to understand is quite common as a result of the until recent "one-child" policy in China (though, that is now changing). However, he is maturing into a fine young adult, and will be 21 years old at the end of this month. He will be finishing up his preparatory studies at the local community college this spring, where he has maintained a 3.9 GPA, and has applied to transfer to the University of Washington, with the intention of studying computer science. This is my first parenting opportunity, I truly feel that it has been a gift from God! My step-son is very "book-smart," however, I have come to realize that I have the opportunity to help guide him in the "practical" things in American life. The experiences and skills that he has never seen or experienced before. Like changing a lightbulb, or selecting the right screwdriver for a particular household repair job, and now, dating girls.... Yes, he gets along very well with his mother, but sometimes there are things that can only be discussed man-to-man, if you get my meaning.

The good Lord has certainly given all of us new step-parents a wonderful gift and responsibility.

Happy Mother's Day to all new stepmothers and mothers!!

Edited May 11, 2014 by A&B

[QueenComley 295]

A&B you were absolutely right to call me out on that. Yes, I should have included step-fathers in my question. I think with Mothers day being upon us today that was all I was focused on LOL

Step-parenting certainly has its moments, and I do find it incredibly difficult at times. but as you said, it is a wonderful gift and responsibility.

Thank you so much for your response. I really enjoyed reading your experience.

Happy Mother's Day!

I like the title of your thread, yet I believe that it may also include another group of new step-parents, that being step-fathers. I will try not to rain on your parade. I can certainly agree with your assessment of the new parenting responsibilities being tough, and I am also still learning and adapting. It is has been a new experience for all of us, It hasn't always been a bed of roses for any of us, but all in all a great new life together in the US.

I have been a step-father since sponsoring my then-fiance and her son into the US on the Fiancé(e) Visa program almost two years ago. My wife had been divorced for over nine years, she and her son had been living with her widowed mother. As a result, my stepson had been without the guidance, teaching, and support of an appropriate male role model. As a consequence, he was treated much like a crown prince, which I have come to understand is quite common as a result of the until recent "one-child" policy in China (though, that is now changing). However, he is maturing into a fine young adult, and will be 21 years old at the end of this month. He will be finishing up his preparatory studies at the local community college this spring, where he has maintained a 3.9 GPA, and has applied to transfer to the University of Washington, with the intention of studying computer science. This is my first parenting opportunity, I truly feel that it has been a gift from God! My step-son is very "book-smart," however, I have come to realize that I have the opportunity to help guide him in the "practical" things in American life. The experiences and skills that he has never seen or experienced before. Like changing a lightbulb, or selecting the right screwdriver for a particular household repair job, and now, dating girls.... Yes, he gets along very well with his mother, but sometimes there are things that can only be discussed man-to-man, if you get my meaning.

The good Lord has certainly given all of us new step-parents a wonderful gift and responsibility.

Happy Mother's Day to all new stepmothers and mothers!!

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Happy mothers day everyone!

Im sure many of you have not only had to adjust to life in a new country, with a new husband and a new life ahead of you, but many of you, like me, have also had to adapt to becoming a step-mother.

I would love to here all your stories on how you adapted to such a huge responsibility and what you are doing today to celebrate Mothers Day with your step-kids.

A little about me... I have no biological children (me and my husband cant have any together), However, I have a step-daughter who is 11 (going on 18), and a step-son who is 9. We have them at weekends Fri-Sun and 50/50 of all school breaks. Being a step-parent has been very tough, I am still learning, still adapting and trying to find my footing as a parent, but I have been in their lives 3 years now and the are my life. I get on incredibly well with my husbands ex-wife and we co-parent extremely well together.

Today the kids woke me up at 6am. I grudgingly ordered them back to bed till 8am LOL, but once I woke fully I was spoilt with a single red rose, a Victoria secrets perfume set, and a glitzy crystal watch from my step-daughter. My step-son had got me a bunch of flowers and a humming bird feeder with a wind chime attached to it, and my husband got me a new hairdryer and chocolates. Im feeling very blessed, spoilt and loved.

Hope all you new step-moms are having a great day too and I look forward to hearing your stories.

Happy Mother's Day!

My mother-in-law is so nice to me since I have been here more than 3 months now. She always called by phone and sent me a lot of stuff including for my cats. I feel so welcome here and adjusting a new life in the US much easier. Last night, she called my husband and I, thanked for sent her Mother's Day card that I personalized through Shutterfly. I feel so touched the way she thanked me many times.

Though my mother is not here but she represent herself as a good mother to me. I started calling her a mom long way before I married my husband. I couldn't ask more a better mother-in-law.

Edited May 11, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[Tingbudong 12]

I'm so lucky in this. MY soon to be stepson is only 3.5 yrs old. He already calls me "Baba" (father) as he doesn't remember his bio-pops and I regularly talk to him on Skype and sing songs like Twinkly twinkle little star in English to his Chinese of same.. We practice his A,B,Cs and sometimes I tease him with candy and things through the screen which since he doesn't really understand that I don't live inside his mother's mobile, results in him trying to get the candy/toy out of the phone then having a tantrum, LOL… much to my fiancee's consternation.. Though usually she laughs while giving me ####### for setting him off and asks how old I am… Last week he tried to give me watermelon through the screen.

When I was in China with my fiancee, meeting her family, he LOVED playing with me. He is starved for adult male attention and bonded with me immediately. He would cry and cling to me every time my fiancee and I tried to leave the house without him and REALLY didn't want to let go of my iPod after I taught him to play some car racing games (basically sit with me and watch me play and let me tell him when to touch the screen where for nitro boost etc..) and how to watch TV or movies on it..

My ex couldn't have children even after years of fertility treatments and I am adopted, myself.. So to me he is a gift that my fiancee is bringing me. While I wait for them to fly next month I am putting together an awesome bedroom for him with a wall mounted Hotwheels race track.. a life sized pterodactyl skeleton mounted on the ceiling.. a bunk bed.. Anything I can think of that I would have wanted at his age..

I had a godson (my ex got him in the divorce), and I have nieces, nephews.. So I am not worried about how to have fun with and relate to him and as I said, for a number of key reasons, I don't feel like there will be any awkwardness at all about having a child who doesn't feel like my own.