Stepparent adoption

[BlueRain77 0]

Hey guys, my fiance (UK) and I have been talking about him adopting my daughter (US) when we are married.

Anyone else do this? Any advice?

(please feel free to ask questions and I can elaborate my situation if needed)

[Fandango 1,440]

Since you brought it up, if it were me, I'd give it some time after the settling in to see how the bond naturally develops between the two. I see from your story that they've spent 3 mos together in Wales, and he's been here, but imo I would have to make sure by giving them more 'real life' time together when not in a holiday situation. While I think this may be the start of something fantastic, imo few hols is all well and good...but when real life starts...him not being able to work, adjusting to the move, etc...it can be a stressful time for everyone. IMO I'd let the dust settle so there's less of a chance (however outside it may be) that he'd not adjust well and want to go 'home'. Of course, you two are solid as a rock...no one who is getting married thinks otherwise, but I've seen some horror stories on here about adjustments, and based on the fact that I'm guessing your child is young...you need to consider that worst case scenario...he hates it here, the marriage doesn't work, whatever, etc....what's that gonna do to her if her adoptive father leaves? These are all horrible scenarios, but ones that cannot be overlooked when dealing with what's best for your child & protecting her from the 'what ifs'

I'm not trying to sound negative, but I'm trying to think of what concerns I would have if I were in your shoes.

Also, where is the bio dad?

Edited January 12, 2007 by LisaD

[katand7 0]

Depending on the situation with the biological father, I would be careful because it can affect child support (if any is being paid now or there is an order for it). Also if there is a visitation order in place and/or your ex isn't willing to support the adoption, there could be big problems. If you want to elaborate more you can PM me or post here and I'll check back.

For financial reasons we decided not to have my husband adopt my kids. I feel like their bio father should be partially responsible for their financial support - not my husband.

[Mags 112]

A friend of mine has been married to her USC husband for nearly 9 years (they live in the UK). Her husband adopted the stepson only last year. They have no contact with the bio father though but still needed his permission for the adoption to take place.

I agree with the other posters here, give it some time, there is no rush after all.

[BlueRain77 0]

ok, so my daughters father relinquished his rights just after she was born so he has no legal rights at all. (leaving her free to be adopted) My fiance and I understand that we need to settle down a bit and get everything together before looking into him adopting her. We hope one day he is able to do so, but right now we are just content on being a family even if he doesn't have legal rights to her. They adore each other and I hope that only grows once we are able to remain together permanently after his immigration. Thanks on the feedback. I should have elaborated a little bit in the first message but I wasn't sure if anyone would respond.