Co-sleeping

[novedsac 355]

Gosh it's been awhile, but I remember the kids' mom (my ex) wrapping up the babies so tight they couldn't move if they wanted to ... they lay flat on their back in the cribs for the first few months. I always had weekend duty and after the first cry/feeding of the night, I'd take the little one to a futon mattress on the floor and we'd sleep there. Weekends with the baby were my favorite time. As the kids got older, they would sleep with us many nights - they always had there own bed and were encouraged to use it, but often would end up in our bed a few hours before rising. My middle son probably did this longer than the other two. Even now, a few times a year, I'll get woken with a shake from my daughter asking if she can crawl into bed with me because of a bad dream or something, though I prefer to bring her back to her bed and remain there until she's fallen asleep again. I think it's perceived differently if you're a single parent versus a couple, especially a single dad. At some point, I think boundaries are important.

[christeen 966]

I agree that pillows, covers, blankets are a huge no-no when it comes to co-sleeping!

I love the pictures you guys shared.. I need to turn his crib that way asap!!

How do you sleep with no pillows, blankets etc...? What about winter when a cover is needed? What if you get I'll and have to take medication and now the baby is unable to sleep without you yet you can't sleep with the child because you took medicine? For years then you cannot have a drink, wine etc?

Having seen the toll such a tragedy as accidentally suffocating your child in bed because a mother did not believe that a baby should cry and in the name of "bonding" takes on a family, I just can't see how the risk is worth it.

Some of the sidecar sleepers for the first year, ok... But in the same bed, no way. Ok.. The occasional "mommy, daddy can I sleep with you? Totally normal,and they are old enough by that time to not be smothered or rolled over on or slide off the chest...

I will share with you that The guilt of killing her own baby was too much for my brother and her wife to overcome and she left and they divorced with her spiraling into a deep depression and was never able to fully recover and be an effective and loving mother to the other 2 kids... Nobody thinks it can happen to,them... Until it happens...

[*Snowdrop* 604]

This is how I did it.

When she was very small - under six months I created her own space on one side of the bed. I rolled some large towels up and created a kind of bolster - I could not have rolled over the bolster without waking up. I had a duvet and pillows on my side of the bolster - she just had her night clothes or a sleepsack in winter, exactly the same as she would have done in her own crib.

We had one of the co-sleepers which was pictured above as well - I used it for the first two months - we had the snugglenest. That was okay but was so big that it meant there was no room for my husband in the bed too.

During that phase when she needed to be breastfed every two hours I was able to just lift her over to me and put her back with minimal fuss. I could easily touch her during the night to reassure her. It meant getting so much more sleep than if I had to get up and lift her out of a cot. So I was a lot less sleep deprived than I would have been.

Re the drinking - if you are breastfeeding for the first year or two which I was then you are not drinking heavily at night anyway.

Re medication - luckily I never had to take any medication which would have made me pass out but I imagine that if I had then my husband would have been the one to sleep next to the baby for that night.

Later we sidecarred the crib but both still had separate blankets and covers. It was impossible to roll into our sidecarred crib because the crib was so much shorter, the bottom end of it prevents you.

From 2-years-old she had her own bed (still in our room) but if she wants to get in and sleep with us she just gets in our bed and shares everything as it is.

Edited May 7, 2014 by *Lynne*

[Messybrownhair 251]

How do you sleep with no pillows, blankets etc...? What about winter when a cover is needed? What if you get I'll and have to take medication and now the baby is unable to sleep without you yet you can't sleep with the child because you took medicine? For years then you cannot have a drink, wine etc?

Having seen the toll such a tragedy as accidentally suffocating your child in bed because a mother did not believe that a baby should cry and in the name of "bonding" takes on a family, I just can't see how the risk is worth it.

Some of the sidecar sleepers for the first year, ok... But in the same bed, no way. Ok.. The occasional "mommy, daddy can I sleep with you? Totally normal,and they are old enough by that time to not be smothered or rolled over on or slide off the chest...

I will share with you that The guilt of killing her own baby was too much for my brother and her wife to overcome and she left and they divorced with her spiraling into a deep depression and was never able to fully recover and be an effective and loving mother to the other 2 kids... Nobody thinks it can happen to,them... Until it happens...

I'm not trying to start an argument, fact is most asian countries co-sleep safely, its just the cultural norm. I am very sorry for your relative. You have to practice safe co-sleeping habits, so you are right that if you take medication or drink alcohol then you shouldn't do it. I used a co-sleeper like the ones people posted in this thread when he was a newborn so we never had the problem with the blankets because he had borders, and our heater was warm so we never needed thick blankets anyway. I don't drink because I breastfeed, and at 15 months he is still nursing. We cry it out within reason. Now at 15 months he is in a toddler bed next to our bed so he has his own space now.

[Ontarkie 14,218]

You wear warmer PJ's to bed. Some moms will put the pillow under the sheet so it's still there but baby can't work it's way under the pillow. Now the no blanket is just for mom, dad sleeps away from baby when they are real small so he can have one. Once babies are 6 month old and older the risk goes down, they can take the blankets off they can hit you if you get too close and such. All medication does not cause sleep issues just the ones that would make you sleep deeply, as for alcohol is a choice if you are going to drink it's up to the parent to know it would not be safe.

With the internet parent's can find websites that will explain how to do it safely, what steps to take and thee really should look into it.

[christeen 966]

I am not arguing against sleeping next to babies when breast feeding, but sidecars are the safest way to do this ... I can only share a personal experience from someone who took all the "precautions" (rolled blanket, seperate sleep "zone" and my brother stopped sleeping in the bed with them as he was a heavy sleeper) and the unthinkable still happened... Use the side crib, or attached bed sleeper... As I said you never think it can happen, until it does...

[rlogan 2,036]

We finally put the kids in their own bed a couple days ago. We did try it a while back but none of us liked it. They're just too big now. One is four and the other three. By morning they are back in our bed, and I get up earlier so there's room for the three of them.

[Morningmist 76]

So I did the crib right next to bed thing, and it works out great. I put a fannoodle wrapped in a towel to make a divider so she doesn't roll into my side of the bed. We've been both getting good sleep. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Ontarkie 14,218]

So I did the crib right next to bed thing, and it works out great. I put a fannoodle wrapped in a towel to make a divider so she doesn't roll into my side of the bed. We've been both getting good sleep. Thanks for the suggestion.

Glad it worked. I love the sidecar crib also. He nice and close but safe in his own little space.

[Jacque67 7,328]

Difficult topic.

In Japan it is traditional for the child to sleep in between the husband and wife ( a river) on futons , what what if hubby gets a morning stiffy?

Edited May 14, 2014 by Jacque67

[NikLR 13,227]

So I did the crib right next to bed thing, and it works out great. I put a fannoodle wrapped in a towel to make a divider so she doesn't roll into my side of the bed. We've been both getting good sleep. Thanks for the suggestion.

I'm glad it worked!

[TheFantastics09 19]

I for the first 2 months or so, would put my daughter into her baby bjorn and she'd sleep on my chest in the bed, but share a bed with a child? No. Personal opinion, but I wouldn't want a child past 3 months in my bedroom and my daughter is never allowed to sleep in my bed. I couldn't think of much worse than our already cramped bed getting one more person in it, no matter how small. I also feel the same way about pets.

To me, a master bedroom is the sacred domain of the couple or the single parent. It is a zen like place where toys and the noise of children do not exist.

Not to be crude, but how the heck do you have a sex life when you are cosleeping, especially with an older child? Prime parent sexy time is definitely after kiddo is put to bed in their own room.

I normally agree with this and enforce it once the co-sleeping stage (around 1.5 to 2 y/o) ends. In regards to the sex life? There isn't one (well, barely ). Which is great in preventing another pregnancy. More importantly, I am way too tired! My second child gets up 4-6 times each night! Doing the deed is the furthest thing from my mind

[*Snowdrop* 604]

We sneak into the guest room - it's fun to have a change of venue. If you want to have a sex life it's pretty easy to do so even if you co-sleep - there are plenty of other places around the house to have fun - ask any horny teenager.

As with the poster just above - it's not the child in the bed which slows things down, it's being generally exhausted that kills the mood.