SO wanting to leave

[amal 4]

Ok, I know I haven't posted in a while and was really debating ever posting again but I have a very serious question. My girlfriends husband got here around mid June or early July. In the time since he's been here, she has shown her true colors to him and she is not the person he thought she was. The list of lies she has told him goes on and on and on.... Saying she was Muslim and her family accepted that and then he sees her family knows nothing about it and they are trying to convert him to be Mormon (nothing against mormons), telling him TWICE that she was pregnant and lost the baby in order to gain attention, attempting to kill herself, keeping secret "male friends" online, not telling him her male best friend was once a long time lover of hers, saying she is too sick to work but there is nothing wrong with her, not to mention her 6 year old son is the devil. These are just a few of the things he is having to deal with along with the only job he can get is scrubbing toilets. He is debating leaving her to the extent that he is looking for flights out of the state at this very moment! She is begging him to have a baby and he can't even begin to agree with that beings that she won't work and they have no money, live with her father since she wouldn't pay the bills, still not paying the bills and refuses to "allow" him to even buy cigarettes. He loves her with all his heart but at the same time he can't live in this situation much longer. He is having panic attacks, can't sleep at night, is afraid all the time that she is going to try to kill herself again....

I guess my question is...if he leaves her, won't that cause a problem when he applies for his 10 year card? I want to advise him to stay but if he doesn't ...I would at least like to tell him what he needs to do in order to not get deported when that time comes...Do any of you have any suggestions?

thanks in advance

amal

Edited January 11, 2007 by amal

[ya falaha! 0]

Oh that's a sad situation. I'm sorry to hear about it.

[doodlebug 3]

I guess he has to consider what is more important...being in the USA or being happy. Looks like he would have grounds for an annulment or something since she totally portrayed herself as someone different before the marriage. Does he still have family and friends in the country he came from? If it were me that is where I'd want to go since I'd feel more 'at home' there and would have more of a support system there. What a sad situation.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Does he want to stay in the US? Would it be possible for him to reclaim his life back home? If he isn't too connected here, he might just be better off going home.

It is possible to get the 10 year greencard if the marriage was entered into in good faith. The lifting conditions/major family changes forums would offer more help in that regard.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Sad situation, hope a baby doesnt get brought into the middle of it. He needs to do whats right to keep his peace of mind.

[sarah and hicham 3]

He should go home. What other reason does he have to stay here if it isn't working out with his wife.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I agree with Sarah and I also have a feeling this thread is gonna get flamed.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I agree with Sarah and I also have a feeling this thread is gonna get flamed.

I think so too.

Also there's 2 sides to every story...

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I think that sounds like a good slogan for Vj ---TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY

[~Jackie~ 30]

What visa did he come on Amal? Hope it all works out for them.

Jackie

[maggieNomar 0]

It's always sad to see someone get hurt. I hope he is ok, whatever he decides to do.

[LaL 418]

sure, he can choose to go home, but there is something to be said for knowing what your options are for the current situation (this one being he is already here and seems to have entered the marriage in good faith).

I agree this is a good topic for Removing of Conditions forum.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think that sounds like a good slogan for Vj ---TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY

maybe a good one for a divorce forum but this is an immigration forum and the main objective is not divorce.

[Bosco 1]

It sounds like the wife may have some mental health issues, especially with the suicide attempt. I think he should be encouraging her to get help.

[jordanianprincess 0]

After re-reading your post Amal I am confused, you keep referrring to her as your girlfriend. So do you just believe everything he is saying? I am a bit confused, if someone came to me telling me my friend was doing all this and then asked about his options about staying in the country I would be very reluctant to help him.

A bigger issue would be working out the marriage and when it comes down to the time when they finally decide to divorce he can see what his opions are at that point. However advising him to stay married just long enough to get the green card doesnt seem ethical to me at all.