In the Kitchen with Hannibal Dexter: Rant a Fromage

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

ah stop your whining....

Nuttin worse than a transplanted-out NYer.....

It is so clean and nice way outside of New York. The men wear topsiders and the ladies wear lovely crisp summer dresses. Cabbies don't try and hit me or scare me for fun, and everybody waves to each other as they slow down their volvos.

Why would I want to go back to the human horde that is New York?

[Caryh 5,206]

I think people forget or because something was tolerated so long they just keep doing it. I threw the Dane out of the house once for a couple of hours over that post-nuptial thing. I hate hate hate when people break big promises. Admittedly, not the best of my decisions, but it allowed us both to approach the situation slightly more logically.

An example of how twisted her mind got. These are a couple things she said.

When the kids are grown up, she'll have time to pay attention to me again. Until then I should just keep quiet.

Its the husbands job to go out and make the money. Its the wife's job to decide how she's going to spend it on herself and the kids, he doesn't get a say in that.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

An example of how twisted her mind got. These are a couple things she said.

When the kids are grown up, she'll have time to pay attention to me again. Until then I should just keep quiet.

Its the husbands job to go out and make the money. Its the wife's job to decide how she's going to spend it on herself and the kids, he doesn't get a say in that.

Did your ex-wife work at all? If she was working, she could definitely decide how she's going to spend HER money on herself.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Did your ex-wife work at all? If she was working, she could definitely decide how she's going to spend HER money on herself.

My thoughts exactly unless of course both incomes were needed to cover household expenses.

[Caryh 5,206]

Did your ex-wife work at all? If she was working, she could definitely decide how she's going to spend HER money on herself.

Yes she worked, but she wasn't referring to the money she made, she was referring to the money I made. I paid all the bills, yet she still wanted anything that was left over. She developed this habit of never washing or taking her clothes to the cleaners. Instead she bought new clothes to wear and she'd just throw the dirty ones on the floor. When I was cleaning out the community house to sell it, with the divorce, I filled an entire dumpster with her dirty clothes, one of those big roll in open top construction ones. I tell you it really got ugly near the end.

Edited May 7, 2014 by Caryh

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Yes she worked, but she wasn't referring to the money she made, she was referring to the money I made. I paid all the bills, yet she still wanted anything that was left over. She developed this habit of never washing or taking her clothes to the cleaners. Instead she bought new clothes to wear and she'd just throw the dirty ones on the floor. When I was cleaning out the community house to sell it, with the divorce, I filled an entire dumpster with her dirty clothes, one of those big roll in open top construction ones. I tell you it really got ugly near the end.

Not washing clothes?!?!?

Even TBoneX who buys his 25cent clothes from garage sales will still wash his dirty clothes instead of keeping buying new ones

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Yes she worked, but she wasn't referring to the money she made, she was referring to the money I made. I paid all the bills, yet she still wanted anything that was left over. She developed this habit of never washing or taking her clothes to the cleaners. Instead she bought new clothes to wear and she'd just throw the dirty ones on the floor. When I was cleaning out the community house to sell it, with the divorce, I filled an entire dumpster with her dirty clothes, one of those big roll in open top construction ones. I tell you it really got ugly near the end.

Geez, that does sound pretty terrible. I knew people growing up who were totally clothes horses or who would not wash socks or tights and just buy new ones, but that is a level of I don't know what...

[JTB11 1,079]

An example of how twisted her mind got. These are a couple things she said.

When the kids are grown up, she'll have time to pay attention to me again. Until then I should just keep quiet.

Its the husbands job to go out and make the money. Its the wife's job to decide how she's going to spend it on herself and the kids, he doesn't get a say in that.

I wasn't happy in my first marriage, my wife went kind of nuts control freak type thing. She didn't start that way. But we had kids and I made my vows, so I was going to stick with it. Then she started threatening divorce and kicking me out whenever she didn't get her way. I finally said fine, you got it, I ain't putting up with this ####### any longer. I'm not a friggen yoyo. I think she was still thinking I'd come back up until the day I asked her to sign the papers.

about 20 years.

Ya...kids make things complicated...you don't want to break up a family. But wow 20 years is a long time....I got 19 to go ? I don't think I could survive that without some major depression pills

[JTB11 1,079]

Nah, people have needs. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Also random?

I put myself in a situation where nothing can be resolved tomorrow or in a week for that matter.

...as stupid as this may sound...I always said you marry someone for better or worse so you should not just bail right away...give it a chance ...change things and see if it changes how he approaches our marriage...if it does not then yes...might as well be done with it.

right now though...all I can do is rant every now and then (sorry in advance) and deal with it when I feel it is the time to do so.

I am not stupid, I see this as a dead end road as anyone else would looking from the outside but I still wonder if he actually does anything when i get a job and when I say "ok...get your GED....and then move to where I am" If he doesn't then he doesn't and I will make damn sure that it was not his mother who handled it all - should he end up with his GED at the end.

[JTB11 1,079]

i did not know that if you laminate your birth certificate it invalidates it for the US. Random thing I just read on upper forums. Good to know.

[kitthekat 1,317]

j, what is/will be your breaking point? if you reach it, and things still don't get better, i don't think you should keep giving him extensions, because it'll make him think that he can continue walking all over you, and you'll still be there waiting for him. i agree that you shouldn't bail right away and give time for a marriage to come into its own but at some point, enough should be enough.

birth cert...mine came laminated...i suppose it only invalidates it if you laminate it yourself/get it laminated at a shop?

[JTB11 1,079]

birth cert...mine came laminated...i suppose it only invalidates it if you laminate it yourself/get it laminated at a shop?

oh ok...cause I was thinking..laminating is not a bad idea...mine is 34 years old and falling apart i would like it laminated but if it makes it invalid I cannot

I don't even think he is walking all over me...he is just there...inactive....like a plant in the corner expecting to be watered....

Edited May 7, 2014 by JTB11

[kitthekat 1,317]

can you get a new one? i got a 'certified copy' that i brought with me to the US for less than $10. left the original (yellowing copy) at home.

[JTB11 1,079]

can you get a new one? i got a 'certified copy' that i brought with me to the US for less than $10. left the original (yellowing copy) at home.

good idea. I plan to visit my parents sometime in the fall/winter provided all things are fine...so I can do it then. thnx

[Caryh 5,206]

I put myself in a situation where nothing can be resolved tomorrow or in a week for that matter.

...as stupid as this may sound...I always said you marry someone for better or worse so you should not just bail right away...give it a chance ...change things and see if it changes how he approaches our marriage...if it does not then yes...might as well be done with it.

right now though...all I can do is rant every now and then (sorry in advance) and deal with it when I feel it is the time to do so.

I am not stupid, I see this as a dead end road as anyone else would looking from the outside but I still wonder if he actually does anything when i get a job and when I say "ok...get your GED....and then move to where I am" If he doesn't then he doesn't and I will make damn sure that it was not his mother who handled it all - should he end up with his GED at the end.

Be careful with how long you hang on. I hung on about 12 years longer than I should have. It only got worse and worse. I was a near a basket case when I got out. I didn't even realize how much stress had built up. It wasn't until I was out of there I realized I was asthma attacks due to the stress of being in that situation. I could literally feel waves of stress leaving my body for months afterwards. The situation really messed with my head, I wasn't myself at all at the end. About a year later I was the friendly joking around guy I was before that whole mess in my life.