fiance down

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

Anyone who has a significant other from the DR knows what a sankie panky is.

Enigma if I would offer to pay him I can imagine how he would throw that sankie panky ball my way. He always says im not a sanky so dont talk to me like im one. Lol

[Enigma23 68]

I strongly disagree with paying a father to watch his children. However, I do get your point

on him having some money in his pocket as he should, but either through 'other little chores' or for no reason other than he needs

some money so he does not have to ask the OP every time he wants to spend a dollar. I assume she is already giving him a certain

amount he has control over.

MRS.MONTILLA previously posted that in his adjustment-depression she's had to resort to paying a babysitter to care for their twins... because he is not or cannot. I wondered perhaps he felt scared, unfit or unable or uncomfortable to care for twin toddlers (even that they are his children) so maybe if they had a discussion about steps, duties, timeframes, feedings, responsibilities etc. Just the offer and/or discussing it would help open a door to better things...

Plus if she is also having to send Child Support back home to his other childs mother.. perhaps he can EARN it and feel better.... and if he then decides to use that money to send back to his other Son then great! and she doesn't have to pay that... or feel taken advantage of or possibly continue feeling manipulated by his Ex.

It would be HIS decision to earn the money (for now) to care for his one child by taking care of, getting to know and bonding with his twin children here in the USA. He will send he what he is able and what he feels is appropriate.. then she is not caught in the middle... He will have duties and things to accomplish before Mama (Bread Winner) gets home and she will have less to do... and more for him to appreciate her as well.. IMO

[Enigma23 68]

Anyone who has a significant other from the DR knows what a sankie panky is.

Enigma if I would offer to pay him I can imagine how he would throw that sankie panky ball my way. He always says im not a sanky so dont talk to me like im one. Lol

Yes! Exactly... just the backwards kick in the pants he needs to find to make him wake up!

i've learned it's better to let a man "come to YOUR conclusion" all on his own rather than for you to tell him what his opinion is... Ever notice you tell a man something and you're clueless but 2-4 months later he has This GENIUS Idea.... that was completely your idea from before... and he has no recollection of it...

I just found a way to speed up the process

And I know full well what one is... You should see the looks we get.. or I get.... Especially in el ceibo I'm pale, blonde and grey eyes... he's trigueño .. Mmmmm que RICO! Somedays I think they have never seen a white girl jijijiji

He likes to tell people that don't know that I don't speak spanish... just so I know whats REALLY up... :-p

They think it anyway.. jajaja may as well enjoy it!

Plus he's works NO WHERE NEAR the Tourists.. lol

Edited May 1, 2014 by Enigma23

[Snag 57]

Was he not told what to expect when he came to the USA? 99% of people would give their "right arm" to be through the immigration process, and see the wonders of this country.,,.no,.,we do not live in a perfect country.,.but I will take it, for what it is!

I, personally do not think he sounds like he "really" wanted to come to the USA.,.,.,.sorry.,.,but I see nothing but grief for you in the coming months. Too, many ties back in his home country, and his mind seems closed to accepting anything new..,.,..YOU have bent over backwards to apease him.,.,it seems not to be working, do not live in a "glass house!"

I have no idea where you are in his immigration status, but all I will say is be "very careful" what you pursue.

My wife came here from the Phils., she could not be happier!

Sorry, but I just needed to add my 2 cents. What to expect when coming to the USA? How can anyone be 100% ready? There's always new things to learn about a country and a culture so foreign to your own. Even after 18 months of being here, I'm still learning. I really can't blame the OP's fiance for being down and bored out of his brains.

Sure, Australia (my home country) is so swayed by America - particularly through TV and the media. But that hardly prepared me to live day by day. No one prepared me for the fact that the bread here tastes like cake, or the bacon had a sweet aftertaste, or that public restrooms had really low toilets and a large door gap, or that I'd have to explain to someone what I was meaning when I said, "Fair dinkum, mate. I'll grab the esky with the prawns for the barbie." Language barriers. Or that the dime was actually smaller than a nickel.

I woke up and took responsibility, but preparation is lived out, not spending hours researching. I am so thankful my husband didn't give up on me, even when I was crying and telling him I just wanted to be back home (because I really didn't; I wanted to be where my heart was, and it was with him).

Yeah, America is great, and it's a wonderful thing to be here. You've got it good here. Liberty flies powerfully. But that still doesn't make the adjustment easier.

My American aunt in Australia still misses the US. And she's been in Australia for 17 years. It gets easier, and you learn to live and enjoy it, but it might not really be "home" for everyone.

Edited May 1, 2014 by Snag

[raven52 233]

Snag,

I really appreciate your very well worded, and I enjoye reading a differest perspective, diffferent from mine.

I thank you, for your enjoyable commenst, and wish you and yours nothing but happiness!

[Tired of wait 0]

it is hard, i was very depressed when was in USA, i think we have something in our mind and then when we get there is totally different, food n country, is just hard to adjust

[rlogan 2,036]

Well 8 am hispanic and I can cook dominican mexican puuerto rican food and more. I cook his dr plates but he doesnt like the salami here so thats on hold till I find a better alternative.

Food snob.

[sumranbi 12]

For his Son in DR I think he is going through a guilt trip. He prolly feels he's abandoned him so is more worried. It is very very normal. I know he is not allowed to work presently, but he can take up english classes or gym or volunteer at the church. It is true the food there is #######. I had friends joke about getting their parents to DHL some food from the carribean as a birthday treat. Eventually your tastebuds adjust but cardboad will always be cardboard.

It is wrong that you have to send YOUR hard earned money for child support. Sorry, but thats more sanky panty material than giving him an opportunity to earn the money. Make sure you don't let him overstep his limits you don't want to work towards buying his baby mama a beach side bungalow, yet you struggle to pay your own bills.

Here are some things you should do:

1. Try out restaurants in your city. Have a bucket list. Do not repeat restaurants.

2. Get him looking for a new apartment/house. Moving in together into a new place is symbollic and will help him prepare for his new life WITH you. He will also feel incharge and will help you in that you will come home to an excited hubby rather than a whining one.

3. Get planning for your wedding. Give him your wish list.

I know I haven't helped much but I hope I have helped....