Crossroads in life

[DirtyHarry 5]

Hello All,

I can use some advise from you all. My brain is fried and I feel like a zombie. Here is my story:

This is my second marriage. I filed a K1 visa for my wife which was rejected. I was separated from my ex wife for 3 years. I was not ready to face divorce and was running away from the inevitable due to cultural and social pressures from being born and brought up in India. My first marrriage was a good marriage but we had physical compatibility issues that we never did manage to resolve. What made it hard to divorce was that me and my ex wife never hated each other. I met my then fiancee in Jan 2012 on an online Indian matrimonial site. She had a few hard knocks in life and seemed a practical person. I always wanted someone with my same cultural background and someone who would respect my parents. I also wanted someone who would cherish the love and caring that naturally comes to me.

I visited my fiancee in April 2012. I came back and filed for divorce in May 2012. I then filed a K1 for my wife in June 2012. The K1 was rejected during her interview in March 2013. We subsequently got married in June 2013. I filed for her IR1/Cr1 on 1st August 2013. We received an RFE on March 24 to which I responded today.

My wife is on the edge with how long everything is taking. I have visted in Aug 2013 and Jan 2013 after our marriage for a couple of weeks at a time. I keep reassuring my wife but she has no faith in the system. She has no family support in India and a very demanding daughter. She is also not financially well off. She works in a school where they work her to death. I have asked her to quit the school but she says she will go crazy sitting at home.

I am a very disorganized person. I am having a hard time with this volume of paper work. I am suffering at my job because I am constantly doing some paper work and am emotionally drained trying to cheer my wife up. I am at the point where I am ready to give up the process and move back to India. It seems like I have to do that to save my marriage and I am willing to do that. I have a step daughter who is 14. I am really concerned how she will adjust when she comes here. It will a rough transition for her and will affect her studies with the culture shock.

I see my options as below:

Move to India for a few months and take a break from life. I can let the IR1/CR1 process continue. I am concerned about not being able to show an income though. Once we get the interview, we can all come back and I can find a new job.

Move to India, find a job. Work there for a year and then file DCF

Move to India, cancel the IR1 visa. I come back to work as a consultant while my wife lives in India. I would travel back and forth. I could file a tourist visa for her. I dont know if this is feasible since I am a USC and they may not give her a tourist visa. My step daughter could continue her education in India till she is ready for college.

Just move to India and find a job there and forget ever getting my wife and step daughter here. I have been in the US for 20 years now but I did grow up in India. This will be a rough transition for me but at some point I will adapt.

My point above is that I need to spend some time with my wife to reassure her. I am finding it hard to balance my job, being a husband and keeping my sanity.

Any advise is greatly appreciated.

[inlovebutlonely 6]

first of I am sorry that you are going through this. I want to tell you to be very careful with your decision because if you have no income to sponsor ur wife and her daughter how will you bring them? In regards to your wife she needs to be supportive and patient. Have you tired skype? I know this is a very hard process but she and you should be thankful you have been with each other. My husband and I have been apart since December 2012, we still have no visa for him to come to me and I as a woman suffer a lot very depressed and very lonely. But, I love my husband very much and I would never ever give up no matter what the embassy says. I will tell you they will not give her a tourist visa since there is a pending CR1 sposal visa pending. This process take time and it will either strengthen your relationship or destroy it. I think you need to have a serious talk with your your wife and come to a decision together and if the decision is to proceed with the visa application than she needs to do her part and support you emotionally, and not add to your stress.

[Jawaree 717]

I say go the DCF route dude..get to spend time with family and less stress

on time the process is taking, remember to maintain bank acct. address license

as you will need it for DCF,, Good luck

[eieio 1,594]

Here is my advice.

Go visit her every 2-2.5 months...even if it is only for 4-5 days. This will give her(and you) a much easier time waiting. The process is so long and no end date. When you have flight tickets in hand she will be able to count these days down and not focus on the entire time of the process.

This is what I did. 5 trips to Ukraine in 11 months. It works.

Also...do not ask her to quit her job. It will be easier on her to be overworked and exhausted than just sitting around waiting.

Good luck.

[christeen 966]

I think you need to hang in there... You guys have almost 9 months invested in the process... Hopefully, since you have gotten an RFE (which means they are at least looking at your petition) as long as you responded to it with the correct info, it means you will soon be on to the next steps... Be sure to look at the next steps in the process so you are ready... And she should keep,working, being bored and stressed about a process out of her control will only add to the issues... Hang in there...

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

In your story you said you filed for divorce , is the divorce final ( from the first wife ) Was your first wife a USC or did you petition her also ?

You have been apart for a long time. You should start by a longish vacation with your wife to get a feel for what is best. TIme together may be all she needs to get over the hump

[DirtyHarry 5]

Thanks for your responses. The divorce from my first wife was final 2 years ago. That is how I got married. My first wife and I came here on a work permit. We were both naturalized. We were married for 14 years. So it wasn't like we did it for the visa. I have sent in the RFE response. I can't bear to look at the USCIS or NVC timelines any more. I looked at the RFE thread and it sickened me to my stomach. I have been going back as often as I can. We were married in June 2013. I did visit in October 2013 and Jan 2014. I will be going back at the end of this month.I will try and stay there for a month this time. I am trying all possible scenarios now. I am trying to get a transfer through my company, looking for jobs in other countries where we may be able to live together and not have to go through so much red tape. My parents and sister and everyone else lives in India so I don't have a good support system here. I do like it very much and have worked hard for what I have here. I have been in the United states for 18 years now. I have worked in my company for 16 years and have very good relations with my peers and superiors here. However, I am not able to focus on anything. I have been living in 2 geographically opposite time zones for more than 2 years now. I have a stressful job and my performance at work has been deteriorating for a while now. I get stressed out very quickly now. I am trying to eat healthy and sleep to control my stress but I am at breaking point. It doesnt look like I am any where close to ending this process. I wish they would deny us quickly so I know where I stand. There could be more RFE's, more waits and this thing could take another year. I just cant see myself doing this for another year. It has been more than 2 years waiting. I am really afraid for my mental sanity. I am hoping going back to visit them will heal me some.

I will not have my wife leave her job. I will start preparing to pack and get ready for the eventuality that I may move. I need to have some work done on my house to be able to rent it out. it will give me some sense of control. I need some hope to keep me going. Thank you for all your help

[christeen 966]

Or... The RFE could be cleared up with this clarification, then off to the next step and interview and visa by end of summer... Glass half full ... Keep busy, everyone here has had to go,through this system, it is not for the weak or faint of heart... My advice is not to,throw away 16 years seniority, a life you enjoy here in the USA and having to start from scratch again for something that should be resolved in less than a year... Right about now, I would shake you,movie you a slap,and tell you to "get it together"...

[DirtyHarry 5]

Thank you , Christeen. I needed to hear that. Sometimes we lose sight of the forest for the trees in this quagmire.

[DirtyHarry 5]

You must have magic in your words, Christeen. The RFE got approved today. I needed to hear some good news. I am happy that it will go to the next stage. Thank you again for your good wishes.

[christeen 966]

You must have magic in your words, Christeen. The RFE got approved today. I needed to hear some good news. I am happy that it will go to the next stage. Thank you again for your good wishes.

YAY! Congrats... So happy things are moving for you! Sometimes we just need s,done to give us a kick in the pants to get us facing the correct direction (glad to be the kicker this time... Lol) good luck on a speedy journey from here forward!