Fiance's new friend

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Is Dunkin Donuts a code word I am unfamiliar with?

Might be considered fine dining, or some sort of weird status thing over there. Anyone's guess.

As far as the OP's issue, there's just so much wrong here I hardly know where to start.

First of all the OP sounds depressed herself. Having not a single friend, apparently, found someone else to be lonely with and expected it to be that way forever. This is never a good look. You can't ever rely on anyone else for your happiness. Another person doesn't "make" you happy, they add to and complement your life. Below is a photo representation of how this current situation will likely work out:

I would put the brakes on this whole K-1 thing and figure yourself out first. You need to do that before you have any hope of a successful relationship, especially a long distance one, which requires some true grit to be really successful.

Secondly you need to stop being emotionally blackmailed. If he offs himself, it's not your fault. As a man-boy of 21, he's responsible for his own decisions. His parents can be responsible as well, for adding their own stress to his situation. But, maybe the parents are in the right place. For instance, has he dropped out of school and doesn't work so that he can hang out on Skype or whatever vehicle you use all the time? I can see the parents thinking that's not a good look, and have asked some family friends if a nice single local woman would start taking him out to get him reinvested in his education. I can't fathom any other reason an assumed successful doctor would waste time on Loser McDropoutpants.

If I recall correctly, sending human remains through the post is illegal, so they'll probably never clear customs, so I wouldn't even worry about that. And if they do, well, practically speaking there's a subset of people who will pay top dollar for a real human skull for their mantle piece, and you can even pick up a hobby and learn to fashion cool bone knives. Of course, I can't imagine a family doing that rather than burying them themselves, but stranger things have happened.

Real talk though, I wouldn't even continue to bother with this nonsense and would seriously consider withdrawing the K-1 application were I you.

[Anvi 5]

No I am white. He is indian.

Then, I would say. He is cheating you.

Conference in India at 8:30 PM to 9:30 PM??? Really?

Don’t fall for his drama. He is using you for G card.

[Anvi 5]

No I am white. He is indian.

Really conference from 8:30 to 9:30 PM?

Don’t fall for his drama. He is using your for G card.

Y he is not working? If he doesn't work, how does he live? Y did he drop of from school? Have you ever met him? and his family? Do you think everything is legitimate ?

do you think he is telling you the truth?

[lonelywithouthim1 36]

OP...what do you know of his culture and family? In most culture an older lady with a child is a NO NO and the fact that he is ONLY 21 makes it even worst. This is a NO No even if you were from the same country and that is yet another problem for the two of you. It's romantic to go against all ODDs and finally to be together and say..we did it but look at who is involved. A single mother and a boy ( yes, his a boy) who is currently being taking care of by mommy and daddy. From what you have said so far, this boy is no different than your 4 year old son. He is still in need of parenting just like your son and can not leave them. The parents know their son and are doing what they thing is best for HIM....you should try to do the same for YOUR SON if not for you.

I know it's hard when the heart is involved but Mothers have done worst for the sake of their children. Make the decision based on what is good for your kid. How is he know with your kid, have he met him, does he like him, can he be there for him if you're not. Can he be a FATHER to him? by the way, you are NEVER alone!!!! Good luck.

[Abby&Mario 100]

The parents want him to be with a nice Indian girl and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Let me guess, he still lives with mom and dad? Yeah, even if thinks worked out he'd probably get to your house and expect you to cook and do his laundry. You deserve better.

[flora01 37]

Who knows he is actually going out with doctor or just telling her that he is going out.

In India doc girls don't date non working,depressed , just college graduate and suicidal 21 year old guy.

No doubt whole family is manipulating her but i don't understand that in whole world USC couldn't find better man than him.Believe me there are lots of better men in world who are far more better and looking for partner.

I want one reason for a matured woman having 4year old to go for this suicidal guy who has started manipulating her even before getting fiancé visa and there is long way to go.

Edited April 29, 2014 by flora01

[sweet cakes 326]

Agreed with the rest. I'm also inclined to think he's being arranged in a marriage, if what he's saying is true. But it's so hard to believe that a girl who is accomplished in life (a doctor in his story) would want anything to do with a drop-out like him. Who knows, maybe he's just making up stories and making you jealous? What a joke.

As a woman with a child, be strong and never ever depend your future (and your child's) on somebody unstable and can't think for himself. Dropping out from school is childish and a sure key to failure. Does he think he's gonna have his dad and mom and then you to ask money from for the rest of his life? Have you thought or talked with him about how life is gonna be like once he's here?

You deserve somebody better. Don't count on him being a man and a father in a snap when he arrives.

[AKukreti 24]

I ended it. I hope I can stay strong. Deleted the apps on my phone er use to message with. Deleted skype from my phone. No longer going on skype on my computer. All his emails go to my trash. And blocked his cell number. I really thought I would make this post and people would be on his side. Like I was the problem.

[Mike-eeh and Odie 193]

I agree with you. He wouldn't like it. He admitted it. But he said he is depressed cause he has nothing to do. He quit school and says he can't work there. But how is this my problem? Why do I have to suffer this pain? He asks me what should he do?

First of all, if he isn't going to school, why is it necessary he attend these conferences? Conferences are designed for those who wish learning.

Secondly, if he is lonely, too bad for him. You should be the only woman in his life and on his mind. If he is depressed because he yearns for companionship, it's not too difficult to begin a Skype call with you and have a nice virtual date. He needs to get his priorities in order, because as of now, you aren't one of them. If he can't maintain a modicum of respect for you by not dating this doctor, imagine how worse it will be when you are married.

When people are engaged that is a promise to marry each other. That said, if one is engaged to be married, one should act like they are married, as one makes a promise to dedicate their life to the other. Going out with other women does not seem like dedicating their life to their future wife. Something to think about.

Good luck.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I ended it. I hope I can stay strong. Deleted the apps on my phone er use to message with. Deleted skype from my phone. No longer going on skype on my computer. All his emails go to my trash. And blocked his cell number. I really thought I would make this post and people would be on his side. Like I was the problem.

Stay Strong! You are not the problem. He is just too immature, dramatic and unstable, not good enough for you.

Big hug to you

[christeen 966]

I ended it. I hope I can stay strong. Deleted the apps on my phone er use to message with. Deleted skype from my phone. No longer going on skype on my computer. All his emails go to my trash. And blocked his cell number. I really thought I would make this post and people would be on his side. Like I was the problem.

Good, stay strong... You and your child are better off relying on each other... Shower your child with all your love and attention, don't let a man/child divert your attention from what is important. When you meet the right man, you will just know it and it will happen naturally... Long distance relationships when there is such a gigantic cultural gap require soooo much time and effort and understanding and getting a visa is literally the easy part, the real challenges come once they arrive. Hold and hug your baby close and everything you do should have your child's best interest first and foremost, not yours... Good luck

[Messybrownhair 251]

Good for you for having the courage to end things. He didn't deserve you!

[AKukreti 24]

Thanks everyone...it helps so much.

[Julie+Matt 84]

I'm glad to hear you ended things. He wasn't treating you well & making you feel guilty for going the right thing. My ex used to play those head games with me. My fiancé is a breath of fresh air. You'll find someone else. Stay strong & good luck!

[Teddy B 17,252]

I ended it. I hope I can stay strong. Deleted the apps on my phone er use to message with. Deleted skype from my phone. No longer going on skype on my computer. All his emails go to my trash. And blocked his cell number. I really thought I would make this post and people would be on his side. Like I was the problem.

Based on what you've said here I think you made the right decision. Life is too short to spend a good chunk of it with the wrong person.

Good luck in your future!