Fiance's new friend

[inlovebutlonely 6]

i think that his father introduce the woman to him for a reason and i am sure you know what i mean. In those cultures it is very common for arranged marriage. You fiance even though he is "depressed" needs to give you your rightful place and not disrespect you. You need to tell him how you feel and don't give in to him seeing this woman if it would be me I would NOT accept them talking spending time together or anything of the sort it is disrespectful to you. And if he is so "depressed" why cant he spend time with male friends? Spend more time with you? I just think you will get hurt here be careful.

[BASA 8]

i think that his father introduce the woman to him for a reason and i am sure you know what i mean. In those cultures it is very common for arranged marriage. You fiance even though he is "depressed" needs to give you your rightful place and not disrespect you. You need to tell him how you feel and don't give in to him seeing this woman if it would be me I would NOT accept them talking spending time together or anything of the sort it is disrespectful to you. And if he is so "depressed" why cant he spend time with male friends? Spend more time with you? I just think you will get hurt here be careful.

Straight forward my answer is move on your life with some one else rather concentrating on this guy

close the chapter here for ever before its too late

you will not be responsible for any thing happened

its good this is happening now only

once he reached there and then problems there started then what will be your situation

so please a humble request to you to move on in your life with some one else before its too late for you to come out of this situation.

[christeen 966]

So do you want to expose your child to a father figure who is depressed and possibly could hurt himself? You do,have somebody, you have a 4 year old who looks to you and is dependent on you to love and protect him. You don't need to bring such instability into your lives... If he can't commit now and demands that you so easily leave your child to attend to his immature needs, how devoted to your child will he be a s a father figure? Your first priority is to that child you brought into,this world and every decision you make should be looked at as what is best for your child... Drop the drama and get a man, not a boy.... He needs to grow up and gain emotional stability...

[Ilovemyman 147]

You say that you have a 4 years old boy, and you say that this inmature guy is all you have?

Omg, you have all in the world, one kid, please think in you.

This guy isnt good for you.

Please, think in your son.

You will find a good man for you.

Belive me, God help you if you want to find a good man.

But this boy isnt good for you.

[Golden Gate 530]

So what did his mom want to say to you?

Edited April 29, 2014 by Golden Gate

[Boiler 45,495]

This is a situation that is currently going on and I want to know how others would feel about the situation if you were me and what you would do.

Friday my fiance's father invites this female doctor over. My fiance and her talk for an hour.

Next day he goes to a conference and without his knowledge she drove him to and from the conference. He thought his father was driving him.

Then today it was suppose to be a group dinner, was just the two of them. They went to dunkin donuts.

Tomorrow he is going to a conference with her and possibly dunkin donuts afterwards.

And she I invited him to go with her to a wedding.

Is Dunkin Donuts a code word I am unfamiliar with?

[Rafael+Felicia 9]

My opinion... If he is still in India and you guys only talk on Skype and etc... It's a sign of things to come. I'm not saying you are been scammed (which is a possibility), but I'm saying if he goes out with another lady bcos he is bored... When he gets here, his boredom has just began and you will be surprised that he will go out with a friend of yours.

As other people as said... Have a genuine chat with him, plus I'm sure you know that in India there are arrange marriages, whether your fiancé loves the lady or not... He will bow to the pressure. And finally, take your time to see if that's really what you wanted, if his mom don't like/loves you now... It will be difficult to win her love later, which will affect the relationship in the future if there is one.

I know love is blind... But right now you can see

Edited April 29, 2014 by Mr. Omogbai

[Jawaree 717]

Sis move on with your life ....he's of course immature at 21,

his family wants him with an Indian girl they choose with no kids,

he's selfish . Y stay with someone who may commit sucide around

your kid? Your kid is your world, someone else will come along U R

young, focus on your kid

[amuna0526 11]

Sorry about your situation. As others have said, you need to move on. Ur child is your world. You don't need all that drama in your life. You have a child to take care of. As far as the situation with your fiancé he needs some growing up to do. His parents obviously want an Indian girl for him and that's why his father introduced him to her, to jeep the focus off of you. Do you really want a guy that his parents make his decisions for him? He can't think for himself or decide what he wants. Why is he going out with other girl in the first place if he's your fiancé. He should have respect for you.

He's not ready for a commitment or marriage. Move on and don't look back. Be thankful that this happened while he's still in his country

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

So do you want to expose your child to a father figure who is depressed and possibly could hurt himself? You do,have somebody, you have a 4 year old who looks to you and is dependent on you to love and protect him. You don't need to bring such instability into your lives... If he can't commit now and demands that you so easily leave your child to attend to his immature needs, how devoted to your child will he be a s a father figure? Your first priority is to that child you brought into,this world and every decision you make should be looked at as what is best for your child... Drop the drama and get a man, not a boy.... He needs to grow up and gain emotional stability...

Exactly !

OP, what do you mean you have no one but him ?

He is an unstable, immature boy, you are a grown woman and have a child who needs you.

He needs to stop dunkin' his little donuts and grow up and be a man with a goal and vision for you and your child and stand up to

his parents. His parents control him but he accuses you of it because he is simply co transferring their control onto you.

He can't stand up to them but hangs up on you. Brilliant. Not. Stop being a receptacle for his unhappiness he is dumping on you.

Not worth the tears.

[bkghosh 121]

This is a situation that is currently going on and I want to know how others would feel about the situation if you were me and what you would do.

Friday my fiance's father invites this female doctor over. My fiance and her talk for an hour.

Next day he goes to a conference and without his knowledge she drove him to and from the conference. He thought his father was driving him.

Then today it was suppose to be a group dinner, was just the two of them. They went to dunkin donuts.

Tomorrow he is going to a conference with her and possibly dunkin donuts afterwards.

And she I invited him to go with her to a wedding.

I dont feel comfortable and he agrees if he was in my shoes he wouldn't either. He says he is depressed cause he is doing nothing. He quit school and can't work there. How is this mt fault?

I can't deal with this, if he spends time with her everyday or every other day. He goes from no friends like me, to having one friend whom is a girl. Another woman spending more time with him than me.

First day she arrived unexpectedly. Second day he found out last minute. Then today when he was invited I reluctantly said go cause it was a group thing. Then it was the two of them.

If I ask him not to see her, he wont and then he is depressed cause he has nothing to do and his mom is a pain

What do u think? What would you do?

If I were you, I will call this off and walk away right now. So sorry you have to go through this but you are refusing to read the writing on the wall. All the indications are pointing to manipulative and over protective parents and a man (he is not behaving like a man though) who is allowing himself to be manipulated and also blaming you for all this.

The parents are doing their best to steer their son away from - an older white women with a child, who lives in a foreign country. Of course they do not like their son to move away to another country.

You will not be happy in this relationship. So my advise is to call this relationship off and walk away. Sure it will hurt for a while, but it will be more disastrous if you continue on this path.

Also, I am quite sure you will soon meet someone who will really have you in his thoughts and put you ahead of everything and everyone else.

[livindadream 156]

I know you love him, but he does not sound like anyone who is in the position to be a husband, not to talk of a step-father. And as for the 'woman doctor" that the father brought around, what on Earth does a Dr want with a jobless, school drop-out? The whole thing seems weird, and my advice would be to find someone who is not tucked under his parents wings to build your life with. Wishing you all the best!

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

The whole process that you and him want to go through requires two strong individuals who love and respect each other and are patient. The long distance relationship thing is really hard, god knows we all know that on here and emigrating into a new culture requires maturity as well. I'm sorry but It doesn't sound like your man possesses those qualities, it sounds like he hides behind his parents and does not put you first. As pretty much everyone else has said it sounds like his father likes the look of this doctor and would like to set her up with his son.

I feel for you in this situation but if he doesn't grow up fast then maybe in the long run this is the right outcome for you, everyone deserves a partner who puts them first and respects them.

[SK2014 44]

Sorry you are going through this, but it does sound like he is using the „I’m depressed" excuse to get away with something he would not be doing if you were in the same country.

Think if it this way: if you were dating, and both living in the USA and while you were working, he was sitting around at home doing nothing because he could not find work and no longer attended school - would you allow him to go out with some other women on what are basically dates because he says he is sad?

I don't think you would, you would advise him to get of his butt and either find some kind of work and/or go back to school - so that he will then have something to do! And not to go on dates with other women, that were introduced to him by his father and the fact his mother is happy to approve the new relationship her son is now having with the other women. (Not sure she would be so approving if her husband was doing the same)

I don't want to sound mean but if you were doing the same he would be upset and he already admitted he would be , so why is it okay for him to do this to you knowing it is making you unhappy?

Just because he is not hiding it does not make it okay because he is using the fact that you are not together to make you feel guilty and allow this behavior to continue - he now has your approval to date other women

I do hope things work out for you!

Just remember your needs and happiness are just as important as his

Goodluck

Edited April 29, 2014 by Syna

[canadian_wife 1,822]

I'm really sorry you are going through this, it must be so difficult

However, your son needs to be #1, is this the type of man you want your son's role model to be? He's going out with other women, manipulating you, threatening suicide to get his way, making you feel responsible for his actions, he seems controlling. You son too will learn these traits (and no, it won't get better once he moves to the US) and learn that this is how women are to be treated because he sees YOU accepting it.

Please do not do this to your son

Good luck, best regards