Have you been MENA-ized by your SO?

[Private 1]

This is a great topic because when you are muslim and with an Arabic guy, you are accused of this a lot and I have to explain to people that I was muslim before I meet him. I am 24 and I am in the Navy for those that know me. I have always had an interest in Islam since I was 12 years old- most consider me to be a Malcolm X muslim. I tried to wear hijib, stopped eating pork, I would dress modestily and I visited a masjid one time after seriously beggin my mother to take me. But I did not convert, I just continue in learning of Black History and then it lead to African hisoty and this lead to Islam becuase it is a very important part of the history.

I got accepted in to a foreign lanuage program in High School and I started to study Arabic. When I joined the Navy I was offered the opportunity to be a translator in the language however, I decided against. After this I went to boot camp and there they had religious services and I attended the Islamic one, they asked who wanted to be muslim and I ran to the front. I never really understood how to become muslim but that day I did. Being in the military and being muslim is very hard when you do not know how to do it. So I did not practice a lot after this point. However, when I got to Philadelphia I began to see women in hijib and I felt a little lost. Not only this but after traveling to the middle east with the military I began to discover how much was true and was not. This was a very interesting part of my life and the interest came back.

I returned home and started to look for the masjid and I this is were the journey of metting my fiance bagan. I have been practicing for a long time and it is funny because it seem like before I thought that if I was to marry someone from a muslim country it would make me a better one. Well it seems like I know more than my fiance. It is funny becuase when he was told I was a convert he was so excited and h said that he wanted to teach me about islam and when he talks to me it is like "I know that." What makes me upset is the same happens with his family. The thing that my friend pointed out to me was that as being a convert he says we seem to do a research and also learn the different schools of thought. To were they do not learn anything but that one school and they do not question much. So I find myself having to explain and show things to my SO.

The thing that I hate is that I have been trying to learn Arabic for a long time, but my understand of french has been sparked by being with him. My mother and grandparents speak Crelo so Iunderstand most of it, but now I am in to the study of French because it seems to be easy and is very compabitily with english. Also it is helping with my English. (AS funny as this may sound.) I am also trying to understand his dialect of arabic however it becomes frustrating.

One thing some of his family said to me in the US is that I should go to the library and get some books on Morocco. Which pissed me off becuase what about him, he should go get a book about me. Also when I am try they are like Moroccans this and Moroccan that and it gets on my nerves because I am not Moroccan and I do not like everythign they do.

The culture has expanded my thinking and horizons a little but I refuse to change everything about myself. I know some ladies you would think they are Moroccan, they learn the language, they cook it, dress like and so change the entire house around. And then he was like she is a good wife, I was upset set because if this is what he expects he can forget it. I want to try and learn to cook different things, I find myself eating olives in the morning, and I am trying to learn because I really love to talk and if I continue this I will have to learn to speak with his family and his family is improving there english for me. This to me is great and not being MENA-ized but I have seen so many women that have done it.

It is not only crazy but it seems to make some people think that this is what we do. Me I like the intergrating factor and combining the cultures, I love the blue jeans and scarf look. I love culture and I would try to learn anyone's but not being me is something I can not do. I think I tired to hard at first but now I do not even care to get all in to it.

The tow people in a relationship will learn from each other no matter what type of situation it is, and I think it is the best part of the dual culture relationship. Even though this is something he learn bad, I think I have thought my So how to use the bad english words. It is so funny becuase remember I am a sailor and I need about 30 minutes after work to readjust. So if he calls while I am not work there is no telling what he will hear. So I was yelling at him and I was like you did not responded to my f-ing email. And he reply I did repsond the f-ing thing do not work. I died laughing, it seems like I understood him better when you used that word. (Being a sailor and all, the word goes in every sentence.)

So I taught him bad words but it is so ok. I can also tell you what it is in Arabic!!! And French!!!

[sereia 0]

interesting reply. i've been wondering about the blue jean/scarf look. i'm no expert on islam....let me say that first. so please, if someone who knows the answer, let me know.

but isn't the point of the hijab to cover yourself so men getting excited by you... and you are supposed to wear a djellaba also? if you wear tight jeans and a scarf, whats the point? men exactly aren't looking at hair to get turned on.

Edited January 13, 2007 by abdounjen

[sereia 0]

The balance is the trick. There nothing "mean-ization" in about learning his native language or enjoying his culture. A bi-national home is the merging of two culture and every home will express that differently. Both partners will change and adapt and that is normal and necessary IMO. The danger is when one partner looses their sense of identity and becomes a characture of the othe's culture.

Thanks Rahma for posting these blogs.

I agree with you. I want to fully embrace Moroccan culture for our marriage but also keep my own identity. I want to show our children everything they came from. When I am in Morocco I ask a lot of questions, I learn more and more Arabic as I go, and I learn to cook dishes from my fiances mother. I do think my fiance will do the same when he gets to the US.

Very good postings. Thanks.

[melly 0]

interesting reply. i've been wondering about the blue jean/scarf look. i'm no expert on islam....let me say that first. so please, if someone who knows the answer, let me know.

but isn't the point of the hijab to cover yourself so men getting excited by you... and you are supposed to wear a djellaba also? if you wear tight jeans and a scarf, whats the point? men exactly aren't looking at hair to get turned on.

I don't remember the poster saying anything about "tight" jeans. Just because you wear jeans doesn't mean they need to be tight. They can also be worn with a longer shirt which will cover the areas that need to be covered if they are tight on the top half.

[doodlebug 3]

interesting reply. i've been wondering about the blue jean/scarf look. i'm no expert on islam....let me say that first. so please, if someone who knows the answer, let me know.

but isn't the point of the hijab to cover yourself so men getting excited by you... and you are supposed to wear a djellaba also? if you wear tight jeans and a scarf, whats the point? men exactly aren't looking at hair to get turned on.

She never said the jeans were tight. In Egypt that was actually the norm...jeans and a scarf. The jeans are loose enough so as not to show too many curves or anything.

I'm not an internet link queen but there are many cool Islamic shops where you can see different styles of dress. here's and example of some loose jeans. No you're not "supposed" to wear a djellababa or whatever. There is no "supposed" to anything. It should come from within you in your understanding of the interpretation of what is written in the Quran. That's actually a good point though in relation to this topic....i.e. how different cultures dress to abide by the modesty guidelines. It's kind of all relative, to me anyway, depending on the culture you live in. Maybe in Morrocco it's the djellaba...I don't know since I've never been there , but here that would stick out like a sore thumb so the loose jeans and scarf might be the more common option. Would be cool to see a fashion picture essay on the different cultures of muslimahs and how they dress.

Edited January 13, 2007 by doodlebug

[sereia 0]

i wasn't referring to the poster above with my jean comment...... its in general. i've seen a lot of women wear tight jeans, tight shirts, and a scarf......... just a question.

[doodlebug 3]

i wasn't referring to the poster above with my jean comment...... its in general. i've seen a lot of women wear tight jeans, tight shirts, and a scarf......... just a question.

Well then I agree it's odd that one would do that. Kind of defeats the purpose.

[melly 0]

I've heard that many younger girls do it, though perhaps it is older women as well. Maybe they just aren't thinking about it or don't know?? Or... don't care but feel that they are required to cover their hair so they do, regardless of the clothing they wear.

[cbd2cai 0]

I've heard that many younger girls do it, though perhaps it is older women as well. Maybe they just aren't thinking about it or don't know?? Or... don't care but feel that they are required to cover their hair so they do, regardless of the clothing they wear.

LOL, I've seen older Egyptian women wearing tight jeans and no head scarves . . . depends on the area in Cairo that you go to. More conservative areas (like working class), you would see looser clothing, more covered! I know families where the mother doesn't cover but the daughter decided to go ahead and cover.

Personally, I like to be comfortable so tight jeans . . not something that I wear anymore . . . loose baggy pants are great for me!!

[sereia 0]

I guess everyone interprets their religion their own way. But to me I find this style of dress very confusing.Men are usually tempted by your body, not your hairstyle.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I was MENAsized by my family, God bless 'em.

[peezey 0]

I guess everyone interprets their religion their own way. But to me I find this style of dress very confusing.Men are usually tempted by your body, not your hairstyle.

The idea of hijab doesn't only refer to a head covering. It refers to modesty and it is obligatory to men and women. Along the way the different modes of modesty have come up for women, scarves, burqa, niqab, different amounts of covering or no covering, and men have used the idea that a woman must cover because men shouldn't see your bits.

[Private 1]

interesting reply. i've been wondering about the blue jean/scarf look. i'm no expert on islam....let me say that first. so please, if someone who knows the answer, let me know.

but isn't the point of the hijab to cover yourself so men getting excited by you... and you are supposed to wear a djellaba also? if you wear tight jeans and a scarf, whats the point? men exactly aren't looking at hair to get turned on.

it sounds like you want to start trouble, but before I get upset. I want to say who said anything about tight jeans. There are many styles of jeans and I prefer the bell bottom look with a nice short dress that I make my shrit. I am not sure if you are muslim or married to one, however, I am getting sick and tired of people that make comments and from what they think islam is they make assumations about muslims. You are not the one to judge anybody, I am not the one to judge anybody and if someone wants to wear tight jeans that is their busy.

Me I do not wear them because I do not think it is okay. However, some people and some schools of thought may allow them. I am not trying to attack the person that wrote this post but in general. I know a lot of things that Christians are suppose to do and yet they do not do it. And it makes me angey when someone wants to call you on what you do. Islam and being a muslim is a step process, wearing a scarf does not make you a muslim. I am not sure if it is in the Quran or hadith, but I know that it is not recommended to blink your eyes and become muslim. One thing about islam is, is that you will be judge by yourself. Nobody else with you, it is your relationship with god that matters. What someone thinks about you and how you should do things is there busy. But if you force someone to do something and it is not from the heart I think you will not receive the blessing of what you are doing.

If I force you to become muslim and pray, you are not doing it because you want to be closer to god you are doing it to please someone else and this is not worshipping the one and only god. What a muslim does and what other religions should do is not that different. I am sorry to take this personal and if I make someone upset I am sorry, in advance. But I am so sick and tired of people doing that. I believe I shared this stroy before but during the month of Ramadan someone tried to call me out to tell me that I was eating. He knows what he knows with his limited information about Islam, so I said very loud so that everyone knows he is an a hole that "When a muslim woman is on her period she is not allowed to fast." He was so embrassed but did he care about how he made me feel? Since when was the US, Saudai Arabia, and I asked him "Are you the muslim police?"

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Private -- I think you're making many excellent points in your posts here. Well done !

-MK

[sereia 0]

i wasn't referring to you. i already made that clear. it was a comment based off of reading what you said that reminded me of something i see all the time in the united states and morocco. its just a question directed at everyone! i'm not accusing you or judging your religious beliefs. that is none of my business.

i was in morocco less than a week ago and saw many women wearing tight jeans and tight shirts with a scarf. i was simply asking what the purpose of this was. i am trying to get it clear to give me futher knowledge of islam and their traditions. i was under the impression (this impression given to me by muslim people) that the scarf and djellaba are worn so that men won't be tempted when they look at you. for modesty. but just because you cover your skin but wear tight clothes, is that still modest? i really am asking and don't mean to offend. if what i was told is correct, then wearing tight jeans and a scarf don't make sense to me. if i'm wrong, then please explain. i just want to be educated futher.

Edited January 13, 2007 by abdounjen