Have you been MENA-ized by your SO?

[Aymerlu 3]

My husband does not want me to MENAize at all. He says he fell in love with me the way I am and does not want me to change. I tell him the same thought....I don't want him to change and start acting like some of the american men.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

This has recently been a topic of blog discussion, specifically in relation to american converts completely embracing their husband's culture.

I believe the discussion started here at al-Mayara's blog with UmmJekll and Sister Hyde. PM continues with If Islam Is For All Times And Places, Then Why Must We All Become7thCentury Arabs?. Umar Lee runs with PM's topic.

And, I posted about converts creating an identity.

In general, my feelings are that I do my best to embrace Islam as an american muslim, and don't see a need to become egyptian in order to be a good wife for my husband. Nor do I see my husband needing to become an american in order to be a good husband for me. We both appreciate each other's culture, and do take parts of it. But, it's a balance.

[doodlebug 3]

The book that Peezey recommended to me was just about this subject. I wish I could remember the name of it but I gave it to someone in Egypt after I finished reading it.

I haven't been MENA'ized but he's not here yet so who knows. I think it's a 50/50 thing though. I'll have to definitely learn how to speak Arabic better because I want to know what his sisters are saying to me and I will have to learn how to cook his favorite Egyptian dishes because I want him to feel at home even though he's half a world away. (plus I love egyptian food for the most part).

On the same token though he is going to have to get used to American pizza on Friday nights with popcorn and movies after with the kids...which is something we have as a routine at our house and also is something he's looking forward to.

He definitely wants me to wear hijaab but he knows that it has to come from me so he is being very patient with me. I wore it all the time there but view it very differently here. I dress super modestly and for now I feel that it's enough though I do feel a wee bit of pull from within myself so we'll see and time will tell. The cultural part of that I think is how to wear it. I loved this Pakistani woman on the airplane on the way back and how she wore it all loose and pretty but most Egyptians wear it much tighter and don't show any hair at all. For her it was more of a covering but not super cover if that makes sense. Anyways not to get into a hijaab discussion but I think the different ways of wearing it is definitely a MENA thing and depends on what country you're from.

All in all it will be a change on both of our parts and I truly believe our lives will be enriched from it.

[mybackpages 0]

This has recently been a topic of blog discussion, specifically in relation to american converts completely embracing their husband's culture.

I believe the discussion started here at al-Mayara's blog with UmmJekll and Sister Hyde. PM continues with If Islam Is For All Times And Places, Then Why Must We All Become7thCentury Arabs?. Umar Lee runs with PM's topic.

And, I posted about converts creating an identity.

In general, my feelings are that I do my best to embrace Islam as an american muslim, and don't see a need to become egyptian in order to be a good wife for my husband. Nor do I see my husband needing to become an american in order to be a good husband for me. We both appreciate each other's culture, and do take parts of it. But, it's a balance.

The balance is the trick. There nothing "mean-ization" in about learning his native language or enjoying his culture. A bi-national home is the merging of two culture and every home will express that differently. Both partners will change and adapt and that is normal and necessary IMO. The danger is when one partner looses their sense of identity and becomes a characture of the othe's culture.

Thanks Rahma for posting these blogs.

[ya falaha! 0]

Agreed

I tried becoming something I'm not to "please" my ex. All I did was confuse myself and get frustrated. I've grown up a lot since I was first married to the ex. Now I'm happy to just be me.

Great blogs btw.

This has recently been a topic of blog discussion, specifically in relation to american converts completely embracing their husband's culture.

I believe the discussion started here at al-Mayara's blog with UmmJekll and Sister Hyde. PM continues with If Islam Is For All Times And Places, Then Why Must We All Become7thCentury Arabs?. Umar Lee runs with PM's topic.

And, I posted about converts creating an identity.

In general, my feelings are that I do my best to embrace Islam as an american muslim, and don't see a need to become egyptian in order to be a good wife for my husband. Nor do I see my husband needing to become an american in order to be a good husband for me. We both appreciate each other's culture, and do take parts of it. But, it's a balance.

[Together4ever 1]

My husband does not want me to MENAize at all. He says he fell in love with me the way I am and does not want me to change. I tell him the same thought....I don't want him to change and start acting like some of the american men.

Ditto this. We're exactly the same.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's helpful to have a long-term view of this issue. When I went to Sunday school as a child in the 1960s, women didn;t even cover their hair in mosque except to pray. I was in undergrad school in the 1970s, and there were women in cross-cultural relationships struggling with this because of the large number of international students at the university. Lots of Turks and Iranians married American women and the women would be pressured to become more like Turks and Iranian women.

Born American Muslims, raised here and no matter what their heritage, started to feel the pressure to act like Arabs around about 25 years ago, when the political Arab superiority movement gained steam in the US. Now, all Muslim nations are talking about why they should be expected to do everything as is done in the Gulf states, the ones trying hardest to impose their culture on all Muslims. Ironically, Iran is now trying to compete with the Gulf influence.

Diversity of thougtht and expression has been a tradition in Islam, but as the Muslim world expands, and the movement away from diversity in the name of unity grows; isolation, conformity, anti-western sentiment, and intolerance of non-Muslims has fuled a widening conflict between moderate Muslims and those who feel dissed by the world. Women are the fodder in this conflict, having been designated as the vessels of honor and tradition for centuries. The pressure for Muslim men in the ummah to prove they are alpha males by how well they conform, control and, if needed, convert, their women will continue to grow.

[Henia 11]

This has recently been a topic of blog discussion, specifically in relation to american converts completely embracing their husband's culture.

I believe the discussion started here at al-Mayara's blog with UmmJekll and Sister Hyde. PM continues with If Islam Is For All Times And Places, Then Why Must We All Become7thCentury Arabs?. Umar Lee runs with PM's topic.

And, I posted about converts creating an identity.

In general, my feelings are that I do my best to embrace Islam as an american muslim, and don't see a need to become egyptian in order to be a good wife for my husband. Nor do I see my husband needing to become an american in order to be a good husband for me. We both appreciate each other's culture, and do take parts of it. But, it's a balance.

Thank you Rahma for your reply and everyone else too... but I was not referring to people adjusting to their SO at all...in terms of compromise (everyone everyday makes compromises esp when it comes to their loved ones).... I mean totally changing yourself to appease your SO and/or their family (and you really donnot like to do deep in your heart)...this is about I posted about. And as Rahma stated there is balance, when incorporating you, your culture and your SO's.... this is called compromise (again that word). And that is normal... but I speak of the extreme and abnormal side of that. Like for example: a man ask his wife to cover (completely) and she is only doing it to please him, or another example, she goes from being an articulate individual to being the parrot of her husband... Or another example: taking whatever he says about anything as fact, without even thinking to ask quesitons or seek proves.this is what I mean.

[Henia 11]

Agreed

I tried becoming something I'm not to "please" my ex. All I did was confuse myself and get frustrated. I've grown up a lot since I was first married to the ex. Now I'm happy to just be me.

Great blogs btw.

I think you Moody can identify with what I was trying to ask. As I think you can kinda understand .... I have too, done ALOT of growing up since my ex.

[deathbydalbhat 0]

I surfed onto this thread and find it interesting in relation to my case - my question is how many were MENA-ized(or in my case Desi-fied) before you met your SO and you met your SO as a result of being interested in that culture or religion? In my case I first visited Nepal in 2001 and became fascinated with Nepali and Indian culture. I practice Hinduism and Buddhism(in Nepal, unlike India, it is common to mix aspects of both), wear salwar kameez daily and have learned to cook Indian and Nepali dishes. I am studying Nepali but it's slow going... I was doing all of these things before I met Kumar. If I hadn't gone to the temple to do puja one morning we would not have met... I'm just curious if this is like anybody else's experience.

Edited January 13, 2007 by deathbydalbhat

[cbd2cai 0]

I surfed onto this thread and find it interesting in relation to my case - my question is how many were MENA-ized(or in my case Desi-fied) before you met your SO and you met your SO as a result of being interested in that culture or religion? In my case I first visited Nepal in 2001 and became fascinated with Nepali and Indian culture. I practice Hinduism and Buddhism(in Nepal, unlike India, it is common to mix aspects of both), wear salwar kameez daily and have learned to cook Indian and Nepali dishes. I am studying Nepali but it's slow going... I was doing all of these things before I met Kumar. If I hadn't gone to the temple to do puja one morning we would not have met... I'm just curious if this is like anybody else's experience.

I had been interested in Egypt long before I met my husband . . . I was going to meetings of the local chapter of ARCE to listen to lectures on Ancient Egypt and talk to ppl who had been to Egypt. I listened to Egyptian music and ate Egyptian/ME food because I became interested in Egyptian dance (aka belly dance but really Raks Sharki . . Dance of the East). I had Egyptian friends. I knew a bit of Arabic. It just so happens when I went on my 2nd trip to Egypt that I met him thru other friends with whom I had traveled (met his brother on my first trip). So, he didn't MENA-ize me and I think he is more than just an Egypt . . . so he wants to learn as much as I want to learn about each other's countries, etc.

LOL, I think salwar kameez is much more interesting garb to wear than some of the clothing I saw in Egypt. I can go down the street here and get myself one custom made if that is what I want. . . . maybe I'll still do that.

Sometimes, I think I am a fusion of cultures since I have known ppl from all over and try out different things from all of those . . . Turkey, Iran, India, pakistan, Egypt (of course), Lebanon, Jordan, Hong Kong/China, Thailand, Vietnam, Korea . . . a world of variety out there!!!!

Edited January 13, 2007 by cbd2cai

[UmmSqueakster 54]

When I was in second grade, my family went to the Chicago Field museum and toured their egypt exhibit. I fell in love and decided I would wanted to be an egyptologist. I converted my best friend, and together we got our hands on everything egypt related possible. I was obsessed for years, and my presents at birthdays and whatnot were almost always in the egyptian theme. I still have all of this - a blow up mummy in the corner of our living room, several papyrus prints, ancient egyptian theme jewlery and lots of little nicknacks.

I kind of fell away from that after junior high. My interest in egypt was peeked again when I had a miserable time at college and spent a lot of time online. I chatted with people from all over the world, and met my future husband. The underlying love of egypt was rekindled, and I promptly delved back into egyptian history, including everything beyond ancient egypt, which was all new to me.

I definately have an affinity to egyptian culture through my husband, but it's just part of all of the cultures I appreciate, like cbd2cai.

[~Jackie~ 30]

When I met Mohammed, I had to look at a map to see where Jordan was. I'm not MENA-ized. I'm American.

Jackie

[wildroze22 0]

hi guys new here

i guess its a bit different... my so is israeli... moroccan israeli.

ive always been interested in Israel, but my interest in the larger middle east has def grown since we started dating. ive never really loved american culture anyways, so i guess this is my outlet. his culture is very different from mine, but i love it, the family, the feeling, everything

[sarah and hicham 3]

hi guys new here

i guess its a bit different... my so is israeli... moroccan israeli.

ive always been interested in Israel, but my interest in the larger middle east has def grown since we started dating. ive never really loved american culture anyways, so i guess this is my outlet. his culture is very different from mine, but i love it, the family, the feeling, everything

Welcome to VJ!