PLEASE HELP , I NEED HELP

[Cathi 5,777]

Sara do you have your mobile phone with you and are you able to call me? I will have my husband talk to you in Arabic so we can understand what is going on. I will send you my phone number in your email here on visa journey. You need stay stay away from your husband!!! Read your inbox please.

[Golden Gate 530]

Yes, please talk to Mimilicious. You shouldn't have contact with him and I am surprised there is no restraining order. It is better if you go to a shelter than stay at home, if he has access. Please have Mimilicious help you sort this out.

[sara82 4]

Sara do you have your mobile phone with you and are you able to call me? I will have my husband talk to you in Arabic so we can understand what is going on. I will send you my phone number in your email here on visa journey. You need stay stay away from your husband!!! Read your inbox please.

im very sorry mimolicious , you had to wait , i just came to the house i have not see this message, i had to walk along way to be here , whats happened today is while i was like i said before taking my time to call some centers to have legal assistance, somebody was in the door , while i looked i found him, i told them he came whats happened , how can i deal now with the situation , they told me don't open call the police if he scared you, they asked if i requested the restraining order i told them no, i really didn't imagine he will come back until Wednesday while i will prepared everything and while i will be requested the restraining order , or may be mover to the shelter without any order, after that i had to open the door , while they were still with me on the phone , they told me if he is quit, no problem i told this is what i see now, while he came he started gathering clothes, i thought he will may be leave the house , then he took a quick shower , i wanted to watch to see what he will do, but they already told me he has no restraining order so i understood automatically that he may be paid the bail, i wanted to go out because i didn't liked to be with him like nothing happened , and i wanted as well to be in visa journey outside , when he saw me going out with some stuffs , he asked don't you want to know whats happened and what they charged me, i checked with my head something , then he showed me paper he told me you can make a copy to this paper if you want , he said he paid the bail and he passed a very difficult night in very bad jail, and now there is no Wednesday court , the court in Mai 05 and he said he wanted to call me from the jail or something like that , then he said *they charged him felony crime, and he is thinking to contact his job for letter, and i can sign letter too, i didn't said anything , i was thinking and thinking about the situation where i'm, i went outside, while i sent some message from my phone,

My program was tomorrow to contact the people they can tell me exactly what to do, and if its good to go out or stay with restraining order, and the program was to never answer his calls,

Now i'm stuck, i know for sure , i'm not going to write or to sign any paper to help him, i said i forgive him , if they want to forgive him they can do that if they don't want to forgive him , i'm not doing more, until now i was working on my self, my emotional and psychology health, to find out the exact time to start another process which is the divorce because i cant do more than 1 thing in time , i was in shock yesterday and the only thing i wanted is to heal to have the strength to start another thing which is the divorce, now he think everything is fine, he fixed the bedroom in the room where i was to make my sleep comfortable tonight , and he watched some dishes, i don't feel comfortable at all now, especially when he told me we will work together we can do that , i will contact X i know from his family he works as a deactivate police to help me to don't go to the prison, and you will go with me, i told him with a very quit voice , no i don't go, i told them i forgive you, i don't want you to go to the jail or the prison,that's it, he is nice , calm, not he has never like that before, but all the situation right now for me is not good for me, because i don't want just to live my life tomorrow like nothing happened, i want them to do anything they can with him, the only thing i know that i don't wish the bad to him, and i'm thinking of myself first , , they can take him to the prison if they want after when i can say to them they may give him another chance, if they want me to be present in the court,t if not i will have a good rest and wait for what will happens to him . because i cant help him now , may be my presence with him in the same house without any restraining order will benefit him , or may be he will register any talk record between us , to show them in the day of the court i was tchating and talking and living with him. may be i'm just tripping i don't know. Tomorrow i will tell my family everything about this story , now its getting more serious , they will assist me , and i know they will not be happy to know i'm with him right now in the same house after everything happened , + i don't feel he trust me anymore because i pressed the police number, he know he was the only person talking about the police since i came, now

SAD ,

Edited April 28, 2014 by sara82

[sara82 4]

he is seeking help now, he said if he will go the the prison it will be over ,they can give him from 3 month to 1 year, and he will loose the job, because he is charged with a crime, i see he feel good and he have more hope after when he understood i'm still at the house , and i'm still in his hand, he has no information about me since he left , he thought there will be no wife anymore and i will charge him more if they call me, ,

it doesn't bother me , to do not request the restraining order, what i don't like is i need a room to think perfectly, and especially to rest , and to leave him alone while he needs someone especially me , because he know my presence with him will benefit him, he think we may go together in the court sure he will expect that if i stay at the house , since i don't prefer to request restraining order against him, i don't want more shock , i can go to the shelter and leave him alone until they give him the prison, or something different , unless i'm not going to help like he imagine i will be happy , and after the court i have no idea if i will be able to come back to the house if they take him to the jail/prison or i must stay in the shelter, i just don't want now to stay at the house to be around him

[Hennagirl 0]

Sara only you can decide what is best for you. I think I read you are Muslim? If so is there a local mosque you can contact for some support? Also a few years ago I had a similar situation and he felt bad also (mostly I think because he was afraid at the time) but it was the judge who issued the temporary restraining order to protect me. I had to fill out a report at the police dept telling what happened afterward and then my (now ex) husband had a court date in which a longer restraining order was put into effect and he was given a fine and one year of anger management classes and 3 years probation. If he was again to commit another domestic violence incident within the probation period than he would go to prison or jail. The laws are strong for domestic violence because so many victims have been killed or badly harmed by people who can not control their rage enough to communicate without becoming physical in the process and hurting people. No one should ever need to hurt you in any way for any reason no matter how upset they become.

They can still be kind to you and express in a loving way that they are not happy. Rage is insanity and a sign someone needs help! The most loving thing you can do if you care about this man is NOT allow him to hurt you or anyone else. He needs help. Contact a mosque if you can. You are worth more <3

[sara82 4]

Sara only you can decide what is best for you. I think I read you are Muslim? If so is there a local mosque you can contact for some support? Also a few years ago I had a similar situation and he felt bad also (mostly I think because he was afraid at the time) but it was the judge who issued the temporary restraining order to protect me. I had to fill out a report at the police dept telling what happened afterward and then my (now ex) husband had a court date in which a longer restraining order was put into effect and he was given a fine and one year of anger management classes and 3 years probation. If he was again to commit another domestic violence incident within the probation period than he would go to prison or jail. The laws are strong for domestic violence because so many victims have been killed or badly harmed by people who can not control their rage enough to communicate without becoming physical in the process and hurting people. No one should ever need to hurt you in any way for any reason no matter how upset they become.

They can still be kind to you and express in a loving way that they are not happy. Rage is insanity and a sign someone needs help! The most loving thing you can do if you care about this man is NOT allow him to hurt you or anyone else. He needs help. Contact a mosque if you can. You are worth more <3

yes i'm thinking to contact the mosque i don't drive, that's why it takes me time to do what i need to do,

may be they didn't give my husband a restraining order until he see the judge, he wish now to have classes ,

have you divorced your ex husband directly after the domestic violence?

did they contact you to be present in the court ?

did you stayed in shelter or you stayed at the house ?

just asking to know more

thank you

[Hennagirl 0]

I did not have to go to court when he went. At that time I was afraid of him because up until he hurt me he had only been verbally abusive. I was going to move out and was packing my bags to leave because I had found an apartment. He knew I was looking for an apartment but became upset that I actually found one and was leaving him. I was with him 10 years and very much loved him but was tired of it all. He was always getting help to stop his rage but it seemed always to be short lived and unpredictable it just used up my youth and I wanted a happier better more peaceful life. I still started to see him again after I moved into my own place (even tho I technically wasn't supposed to because of the restraining order) but he hadn't changed and even with anger management classes he was the same. I divorced him and really never looked back. Now I can't believe I let someone treat me like that, there are so many good nice men out there who would never think to hurt us.

[Hennagirl 0]

I was thinking that for you because you are new here and it is expensive especially in southern ca. Maybe someone from the mosque will have a room for you in their home for a while to rest and think of your choices. Muslims are so helpful and kind to one another and maybe you can even find a job eventually and stay here anyways if you choose.

[sara82 4]

I was thinking that for you because you are new here and it is expensive especially in southern ca. Maybe someone from the mosque will have a room for you in their home for a while to rest and think of your choices. Muslims are so helpful and kind to one another and maybe you can even find a job eventually and stay here anyways if you choose.

yes, i'm new here and i was not ready at all , i just started looking for job,sometimes i imagine if i have a job right now, and income, i leave right this second and request permanent restraining order,

[belinda63 3,041]

Oh Baby girl of course he is being nice to you. He has court and he wants to appear to be the perfect man and make it look like it was just a misunderstanding. He will do what he must to protect himself right now. As soon as things turn bad or the court is finished he will return to the person he was.

Find yourself a place away from him and take the time to think about things. You deserve so much better than this.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

If you are not willing to help yourself, then no one can and will. It's not because of limited English, new to procedure or being injured. Your situation is not as dire as, say, victims of genocide. You're able-bodied, un constrained, and the Law, people and organizations are on your side. If you choose to waffle, to retract your claim, to refuse an Order offered to you, to not fully co-operate with prosecution (who viewed your claim serious enough to file a felony charge) - then you will soon find yourself fully dependent on one person

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Hi Sara, many abusers are nice after they do abuse. That is how they trap their victims; they abuse them and then apologize and act nice, until the time when they beat them again, usually worse than the time before. Then they are nice again. Then they beat again.

It's very common behavior. He is being charged with a felony, that is a big deal (that means "serious crime" in the US). That is why the police are so concerned, because they have seen it before, being in an abusive relationship is just a slow crawl to death. The police don't want to find your body next week, next month, next year. Please please take care of yourself and go to a shelter. Those people are professionals and can help you. Best wishes to you, stay safe. Everyone here cares about you and wants you to be safe and alive.

[sara82 4]

Oh Baby girl of course he is being nice to you. He has court and he wants to appear to be the perfect man and make it look like it was just a misunderstanding. He will do what he must to protect himself right now. As soon as things turn bad or the court is finished he will return to the person he was.

Find yourself a place away from him and take the time to think about things. You deserve so much better than this.

yes he said it was just misunderstanding

i'm just not sure if i need immediately to ask for shelter or just stay here , i don't feel comfortable to stay here not because i'm scared from here to do me something. he is not going to do anything, but just because i really want may be to come back home later after the court , i don't want him to Tell them everything was ok with her she was at the house , because i'm not ok, i need rest , then after the judge, we can talk, he went to his job this morning, he called me at time he never called me in i didn't answer , i make sure i don't answer his calls

[Jon and Krissy 452]

Sara,

The best thing you could do is to get the restraining order than you can stay in the house without him there until you figure out what to do.

Jon

yes he said it was just misunderstanding

i'm just not sure if i need immediately to ask for shelter or just stay here , i don't feel comfortable to stay here not because i'm scared from here to do me something. he is not going to do anything, but just because i really want may be to come back home later after the court , i don't want him to Tell them everything was ok with her she was at the house , because i'm not ok, i need rest , then after the judge, we can talk, he went to his job this morning, he called me at time he never called me in i didn't answer , i make sure i don't answer his calls

[sara82 4]

If you are not willing to help yourself, then no one can and will. It's not because of limited English, new to procedure or being injured. Your situation is not as dire as, say, victims of genocide. You're able-bodied, un constrained, and the Law, people and organizations are on your side. If you choose to waffle, to retract your claim, to refuse an Order offered to you, to not fully co-operate with prosecution (who viewed your claim serious enough to file a felony charge) - then you will soon find yourself fully dependent on one person

that's why i need to go out from the house , at least they will know i was not with him after when he went out from the jail, i don't want to blame myself one day i didn't co operate with them , i don't want to believe anymore , that's why i'm contacting the hot number right now,i couldn't request restraining order against him and stay home because some of his family i know and respect i don't want them to understand how much i can charge him , ans my sister she cried yesterday from my home country she didn't wanted anything like that to happens, i just want to leave in peace and leave everything, until they decide in the court , they can don't give him any prison , but ill be happy i just co operate with him