PLEASE HELP , I NEED HELP

[Cathi 5,748]

Ok, just needed clarification, I'm not experienced in the law at all! However, as you stated it does go against credibility of being afraid. I know she has no one here but if he is indeed abusing her, shouldn't be the reason to stay. We have more than enough options available in the U.S for battered women , and it seems a lot of advise and people actively helping her find another residence. It's frustrating to see women go back to abusive men, keep trying Mimo to get through to her!! Sara needs to keep in mind, just as she is getting advice from here. Her husband is also getting advice , and you can be sure he's being told that she will attempt VAWA. Staying will just give USCIS reason to believe its false accusations and if he's vindictive, he will contact and give his version and accuse her of green card fraud.

I'll do my best. Right now I'm in Jordan visiting my husband's family. When I return home I'll try to contact Sara

[sara82 4]

Hi every one, a asked a friend lastly to let everybody know what's happened.... and i asked her to help me get answers to some questions but i really don't know how to get help since i had no internet to keep in touch , my husband moved out of the house,

what means permanent restraining order? i heard its order for year protection or more ?

who order domestic violence classes or anger management classes the same Judge in the hearing day?

if i do not ask for "permanent restraining order" the judge can still order classes to the husband or no ?

thanks, i appreciate your help, i hope mimolicious nice trip, thanks to singledad2us and thanks to everyone who helped or supported me, thanks to every body,

[SingleDad2usc 71]

your friend opened an additional thread, which I hope will be locked - otherwise people are confused. Sandranj did reply in that thread that your "waffling" may have repercussions when it comes to self-completing your immigration based on husband's extreme cruelty.

USCIS couldn't care less about how much you understand. With USCIS, you can't have it both ways.

I keep telling you to apply for pro-bono attorney; have you?

[destiny64 222]

Her husband moved out according to what I understood from the last post of hers. I thought there was a court date last week, not really understanding what came of that , but at least they aren't sharing the same residence now. Seems he's getting good lawyer advice at least.

[fatimazahrae 5]

Her husband moved out according to what I understood from the last post of hers. I thought there was a court date last week, not really understanding what came of that , but at least they aren't sharing the same residence now. Seems he's getting good lawyer advice at least.

hey, her husband moved out because when Sara she went to the hearing day, the judge granted another RO with move out,

now she has some questions about the next hearing day? that's it

she is asking about the PRO period? and the anger management courses, she like to understand anything she do not know, the way how she think the divorce doesn't means i must file permanent restraining order for 1 year or more, but in the same time she want to know if the PRO period is just 2 months or 3 months she can request that, everybody think in different way and i really respect how she think,

its normal to ask for anger management courses, this man was her love and her real husband one day,

for me Sara i m not sure how long the PRO is ? i think 1 year?! but i m not sure , i will ask more friends to let you know the truth? i want you to be well prepared before your next hearing day, for the DV courses or anger management courses i think the judge who will be in the hearing is the one who order these courses but i'm not sure as well i will ask ,

do not worry you will get the information you need from here , thanks you

fatimazahrae

[destiny64 222]

It's good that he's being ordered anger management classes. Sara can contact the judge and get the time frame on the restraining order . Nobody can tell you from here what the time frame is because it was her case and only she was present for the order, not every situation is the same. PRO's can be a few weeks, months , or a year who knows?

[SingleDad2usc 71]

Just my opinion: I don't think this Judge can order him into therapy. Also, I don't think Sara can ask this Judge for such order.

The only situation I know of when Judge can order that: if husband is accused criminally. But he is not - criminal charges again him were thrown out. He is a free man to do whatever he wants (including not signing up for any courses); accept he can't harass Sara if so ordered via Restraining Order served on him by Police or in Court. Period.

Sara should concentrate on her own independent life, study, work. Sara should apply for pro-bono attorney (specializing in divorce or family). Hopefully, PRO is 1 year. Sara should never give indication to Judge or anyone that she has any interest in her husband. She should only insist that she is divorcing ASAP, and she is afraid of any contact by him (or others on his behalf)

[Cathi 5,748]

Just my opinion: I don't think this Judge can order him into therapy. Also, I don't think Sara can ask this Judge for such order.

The only situation I know of when Judge can order that: if husband is accused criminally. But he is not - criminal charges again him were thrown out. He is a free man to do whatever he wants (including not signing up for any courses); accept he can't harass Sara if so ordered via Restraining Order served on him by Police or in Court. Period.

Sara should concentrate on her own independent life, study, work. Sara should apply for pro-bono attorney (specializing in divorce or family). Hopefully, PRO is 1 year. Sara should never give indication to Judge or anyone that she has any interest in her husband. She should only insist that she is divorcing ASAP, and she is afraid of any contact by him (or others on his behalf)

the judge can 100% order anger management for the husband

[MrsNuur 0]

Hi everybody, i wished if i have a good news, but i just have bad news.

since i moved to US to live with my husband , he don't stop insulting me, he treat me bad even in a public places like markets/stores/restaurant, loud voice, bad words,

today morning when he woke up he wanted to cause a problems with me , he beated me in my arm, he trough my clothes in the bathroom,

, i tried to call the police to help me, but i don't want to do something like that, im alone and no body will be with me to support me, to follow any police process or something like that, plus one in my family is sick and i don't want to bother my family , kill them , i just tell them im FINE since i came here

.

he came to me again, , he wanted to call the police, against me, but i dealed the number 911 and houng out, they called back and they came , they take him to the jail, im now at the house, i have no idea what to do , i told them i forgive him , but they told me it doesnt mutter ,until he pay something and see what will happens ,

what do i have to do now ? go talk to them in their office to forgive him , or what ? please help

You do not deserve to be treated like that! You are worth something. Do not let him treat you like that. Go and find somebody who is from your home country. Get help. Let him be in jail because no woman deserves to be treated like that!!!!!

Hi everybody, i wished if i have a good news, but i just have bad news.

since i moved to US to live with my husband , he don't stop insulting me, he treat me bad even in a public places like markets/stores/restaurant, loud voice, bad words,

today morning when he woke up he wanted to cause a problems with me , he beated me in my arm, he trough my clothes in the bathroom,

, i tried to call the police to help me, but i don't want to do something like that, im alone and no body will be with me to support me, to follow any police process or something like that, plus one in my family is sick and i don't want to bother my family , kill them , i just tell them im FINE since i came here

.

he came to me again, , he wanted to call the police, against me, but i dealed the number 911 and houng out, they called back and they came , they take him to the jail, im now at the house, i have no idea what to do , i told them i forgive him , but they told me it doesnt mutter ,until he pay something and see what will happens ,

what do i have to do now ? go talk to them in their office to forgive him , or what ? please help

You do not deserve to be treated like that! You are worth something. Do not let him treat you like that. Go and find somebody who is from your home country. Get help. Let him be in jail because no woman deserves to be treated like that!!!!!

[Birdo 16]

The restraining order is for the duration that is in the paperwork. She would have gotten a copy of it. She just needs to read the paperwork to understand exactly what the judge signed and for how long.

[khwaidee1 196]

the judge can 100% order anger management for the husband

I could be wrong but, I do not believe the judge has jurisdiction over the respondent in a DV TRO to order him/her to take anger management courses. As singledad said, that is usually in connection with part of a criminal sentence. By appearing at or contesting a TRO, a petitioner does make him/herself subject to criminal sanctions or orders. Maybe an attorney who handles these could chime in.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

yes, the "anger management course punishment" ship has sailed a few days after this topic opened. At the time, Sarah did not go to prosecutor asking to press charges, and Sara did not even file for Restraining Order while husband bailed out and returned. Someone was incorrectly explaining to Sara that husband had to post $50,000 to be released. Yet another poster kept posting that DV arrests are treated very seriously in CA, and there was no way he'd be released.

So Sara got bad surprise, and she remained totally unprepared - although she did NOT suffer from injuries and she had some 48 hours to go where she needed to go (District Attorney) and declare what she needed to declare.

THIS SHOULD BE A LESSON TO EVERY WOMAN WHO SUFFERS A TRUE ASSAULT

It may be Sara who needs some courses: beyond dialing 911 at the moment of duress, Sara has not displayed (in totality of her actions) firm steps to distance herself from abuser husband. She never moved out, never applied for pro-bono attorney to start divorce proceedings - and she now plans to be asking Judge for help with her marriage. Well then, maybe that's what she actually wants - and hence this entire topic is misplaced. As Sandranj pointed out: Sara can't attempt to finalize immigration by herself, unless she claims EXTREME CRUELTY. But extreme cruelty can't be cured by courses

[Villanelle 4,122]

Yikes. 4 plus 1's on the above post. is there even an emoticon holding its head hanging in shame??

And to let this be a lesson to every woman who suffers a true assault- oh my I hope not. If anything this thread should be a lesson to those who wish to play advocate to victims when they have no idea what they are talking about.

It is harder then it seems. In a high stakes situation like this where the clock is ticking and misinformation or a mis-step can drastically alter the outcome- well...

No one can choose the path that "sara" or any victim takes. No one can force them down one road or another. Everyone has to make their own choices. The only thing you can do is lay out the different options in an accurate and compassionate way that they understand and let them choose for themselves what they want and then guide them through it.

The ball was dropped in this thread so many times in this thread it was ridiculous. People just not listening to what she was saying. (The outline was clearly given I think around page 5 or 6 of the steps in her county of what was to happen after the arrest in terms of arrangement/bail posting etc- Sara said she found out the bail amount- logic dictates she was told this amount because the court set it, meaning the husband could pay it at any time and be released. Why there was this 'you have until Wed' theory going on?? I have no idea... Some how people misaligned her timeframe to the outline.

As for constantly referring her to the phone numbers and the help lines and saying talk to the court advocate or the shelter advocate or the DV advocate. Well Im sorry it simply doesnt work that way. Anyone whos been in the system can tell you (and Im very surprised and disappointed that no one in all this time has come to this thread and provided any real answers or support besides the general flag waving and well wishing- and Im talking about the people that I know to be qualified that have just ignored it)

But regardless for those that dont know- the system kind of works like a supermarket. Everyone (the advocates and social workers) have their own limited job, with it own limited functions. Like in a supermarket theres the butcher and the deli guy that will slice the cheese and deli meats and the bakery lady that does the bread and muffins and the produce man. Then theres the stock boy that handles the cans and the cashier. They all wear the same aprons and work at the same store. But try asking the butcher guy to slice you some cheese or ring up your cart or if theres more Cheerios in the back cause theres no more on the shelf and there going to look at you like you are nuts. Limited jobs- and they are going to refer you to someone else who kind of looks like them- I mean same apron and all, same store, same name tag, just different specialty.

Theres no one person that walks you up and down every aisle personalizing your experience in the market- and theres no advocate that helps you through a complicated situation like a DV assault with a RO and a divorce and immigration and court all at the same time. So you get a lot of shrugs and the hmph well I just help with transportation call so and so, and well I just help with housing and hmm well I just help with the RO- oh you dont need help with that then why are you calling me- you want to talk about court you need to call the court lady. And for someone who doesnt speak English- heck for someone who DOES speak English after going through a DV situation and being weakened already its enough to make you want to just sit in the corner and wait to die.

Combine that with the confusion a percentage of women feel when their spouses are arrested for DV. Its almost the same kind of guilt a child feels when the parents are arrested for child abuse. It was my fault. In the case of an adult woman (or man) defending the spouse is not because they are stupid or foolish- but because of severe mental abuse (brainwashing and trauma) which clouds their ability to think straight. These are the kinds of people that need the support the most IMO. And shouldnt just be written off as get some courses or seek some help.

Anyway. Re Anger management course. It is possible for that to be included in the RO- however I feel it is unlikely at this point given the fact that the DV charges were dropped that the RO judge will order them. This is just my opinion though. If Sara can show a history of violence/anger issues of the husband then it could be ordered. But I really dont see anything in her posts that show she has evidence of that. This seems to be the first time shes called the police. So she would have to give detailed testimony about his temper/anger issues. Like if he has a pattern of breaking things. This could be shown by photographs. Obviously it would be weak evidence. Perhaps a photo of the living room at Christmas time or what not and she would point out a vase or a table and then a more recent photograph in which the item is missing and then testify that the item is gone because husband broke it in a rage. Weak evidence but evidence nonetheless. Or if there are damage to the walls in the house- photos of that.

Basically I would ask Sara what is something he damaged in a rage- can you photograph it? or question him about it in the RO hearing.

She wasnt very specific about what happened in the hearings. But her questions are how long are the permanent orders, can she have shorter ones etc.

I did not google her county because Ive spent more time typing this out then I wanted to spend online to begin with. But its very easy to find out how long the permanent orders are. I think its 3 yrs for San Diego/CA.

Right now you have a temp order. You got the first one and they set a hearing to make it permanent and the hearing for that takes place with in about 20 days from when you get your temp one. Now I wasnt at that hearing but apparently they extended your temp one for another 20 days. (they gave you another temp one and the new one ordered him to move out)

My guess is what happened in that hearing was the judge was like ####### is this- you have a RO and you are living together? Which is odd. He probably asked how that was working out for you- if you were ok/safe/ uncomfortable/ You probably said you werent so cool with that. So he changed it so husband had to leave.

He probably also saw that either you didnt have an interpreter there (yes? no?) and or you didnt have an attorney (yes? no?) SO he extended it to give time for both to happen.

The interpreter the court will handle. The attny is your problem. But its not so much a problem because you just call legal aide. Unlike being put on a waiting list for a pro bono divorce attny when you call and say you need a RO and there is a hearing already set they will get you one to be there.

But again like at the supermarket this attny will only help with the RO not a divorce. SO you do need to get a divorce attny. However if he files for divorce and you are served, youll get one faster. Its a longer wait when you want to file against someone but if someone serves you and you need representation they will represent you.

Going back a bit you do want to meet with your attny for the RO ahead of time and not like an hour before in the hallway because they will try that- they are on a tight schedule. In some states, depending on the laws- you can get things written into the RO like you get to stay in the house and he must keep the utilities on and pay the rent until the matter is resolved in divorce court. Judges can and do order support to a victim who has been economically dependent on her abuser even in the absence of any traditional legal duty of support. But again it depends on where you live- which is why you need to speak to an attny.

(Some will remember a thread posted by an immigrant who came to the US on a CR1 after the USC told her he didnt wish her to- he tried to have her visa pulled and it caused some complications at arrival/inspection for her but she was admitted. After she got out of the airport she went to his residence had him arrested for DV and had him and his mother removed from the home with a RO. She was asking for advice about what steps to take next as she explained she felt entitled to everything as he had made promised to her through their wedding vows and had no guilt or remorse. Bottom line, she was living in the house- he was paying the expenses- rent utilities as per the RO and her complaint was he shut of the internet and cable- anyone remember this and she was crying abuse. The thread got nasty and was closed/deleted I believe.) But it wasnt a troll thread. It was someone abusing the system. But it is the actual system in some places.

Sara needs to find out if that is feasible in her county or not so she can make preparations financially.

As for immigration and Sandras comments- please do not twist them to suit your point. Some appear to be contradicting lest we not forget she is a lawyer but she is also a person with her own personal views and opinions and frustrations.

So this

destiny64 your theory is wrong that "staying will just give USCIS reason to believe its false accusations". I handled so many Vawa cases , and MANY victims separated from their abusive partners, and reconciled,separated and reconciled again, and their cases were approved without any problem, The dynamics of someone living in an abusive relationship is not like the same dynamic of a normal couple. Vawa Unit officer are well trained and they know about that.

and this

Is this case about Sarah? well if she does not wish a permanent restraining order against him,I hope she will not post here in a few months asking how to file I-751 waiver based in extreme cruelty,because once she says to the Judge that she does not fear for her life, her credibility with USCIS about extreme cruelty will be ruined.

are two different things. Breaking up and reconciling are two different things. Making one sworn statement on a TRO about being fearful for your life and then making a different conflicting statement at the Permanent hearing that you are NOT fearful means that you are not a credible person- you tell different stories under oath depending on what suits you so USCIS will have no reason to believe you. Youll say what ever you need to to get your card.

Regardless its unclear if Sara is even choosing to file ROC under extreme cruelty waiver or not. She has the same choices as any other marriage that did not work out and is not filing jointly. She has to evaluate her paperwork and see what she has. If she is lacking joint evidence because her spouse was controlling or the marriage was very short then she may choose to check the abuse box to explain why that is lacking and submit abuse evidence. She would really have to give more information about her ROC evidences to get advice on which filing method is better for her.