PLEASE HELP , I NEED HELP

[SingleDad2usc 71]

1. the moment Sara asks about anything relating to him, other than restraining order from him, Sara would lose all credibility

2. Judge will decide on both length and restrictions, depending on how scared Sara is of his contact. She must insist she is afraid of any contact, including via third persons (lawyers are exempt). She must insist marriage is over, and she is afraid of any attempt by him to influence her, including via mutual acquaintances. She must emphasize her emotional, psychological fragility. She has to say that any sound of his, or any sighting of him, scares her

[fatimazahrae 5]

1. the moment Sara asks about anything relating to him, other than restraining order from him, Sara would lose all credibility

2. Judge will decide on both length and restrictions, depending on how scared Sara is of his contact. She must insist she is afraid of any contact, including via third persons (lawyers are exempt). She must insist marriage is over, and she is afraid of any attempt by him to influence her, including via mutual acquaintances. She must emphasize her emotional, psychological fragility. She has to say that any sound of his, or any sighting of him, scares her

ah yes singledad2us i understand u, but Sara she said how can i get divorced with him and i have not talked to him for almost 1 month now, she do not see her and him divorcing each other with the restraining order, plus she do not know how much the next extension of the restraining order if there is any last, it seems like she see the restraining order with no contact and staying in the same house not easy at all, it was difficult for her too much cause she didn't left for her serious reasons, and he didn't left too, she wish if he can have courses or probation , she say if its possible to give him another restraining order for another 20 days it will be better at least she will prepare all the papers for the divorces & after 20 days he will know she is divorcing him when she will be able to talk to him, but if the next restraining order if there is any, last for 3 or 6 months this will makes things difficult 4 her and i understand her, her family would like to talk to him before the divorce start, we divorce in our country although we are talking to each other, no body like to divorce somebody and there is restraining order may be for 1 year

[sara82 4]

Thank you fatimazahrae and singledad

wht w ll happens if my husband don't show up in the court thursday? the RO will expire nd the hearing day on thursday

any help!

Edited May 21, 2014 by sara82

[sara82 4]

after previous post concerning showing up in the court or not, i think h's not going on thursday (hearing day), when his ex wife she divorced him he told me he never went to the court with her, he was always absent,

wht do i have to do in this case.? the officer served him the RO and explained to him when he'll need to go to the court

[fatimazahrae 5]

after previous post concerning showing up in the court or not, i think h's not going on thursday (hearing day), when his ex wife she divorced him he told me he never went to the court with her, he was always absent,

wht do i have to do in this case.? the officer served him the RO and explained to him when he'll need to go to the court

a dont know why i dint think about this point

hopefully somebody here 2 answer this important question

[SingleDad2usc 71]

girls, I will not be repeating this again:

1. Restraining Order will not interfere with your ability to conduct divorce negotiations, because divorce negotiations are held in presence of officers of court, which includes lawyers.

2. You have no influence on his therapy or anything else of his - except obtaining Restraining Order not allowing him to communicate with you and/or harass you. We previously discussed his possible therapy in lieu of jail - but his criminal case was thrown out. You're now divorcing him, you don't want to ever be with him or hear from him

3. If he doesn't show up, you still have to convince the Judge that you tremble from any sighting of him or hearing from him or his friends/relatives. Ask for final order

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Any "talking" will be done through lawyers about the divorce. It is not something negotiated by the couple. if you want an islamic divorce that part could be done in court with others present.

Are the courses you talking about anti-abuse courses? if the person doesn't want to go to them, and even if they did, abusers won't change their behavior. It's a nice idea, but the person has to be really sick to try to kill someone in the first place. You're not going to change that with classes.

best of luck sara, stay strong.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Harpa Timsah

[belinda63 3,038]

At this point sara you need to decide what you want. If you want to leave the husband and make a life for yourself then have the restraining order extended/renewed. Don't worry about talking to him, in the US divorces are done by attorneys. You have no reason to speak to him ever again if that is what you want. What happens to him is no longer your concern. If he goes to jail, takes classes, doesn't do anything, it does not matter to you. All you need to focus on is protecting yourself and starting your new life.

You have the support system you need to guide you in the correct ways as far as finding employment and getting your own place. It's time to step out and show the world what you can accomplish.

[Golden Gate 530]

Does he have any clue you are going to divorce him?

[khwaidee1 196]

he will show up, and i will show up,

the judge he will ask if i need another restraining order, but how can i have another restraining order while the first one request just no contact, email, talk, harass .........i need to talk to the husband about what we need to do, we do not divorce each other without any contact this is weird, but the judge he may do not decide anything , he may just tell us to go home, and i need this man ( husband) really to have something serious in this story, not because the case got dropped from the police and because of my bad situations in Usa with no family , no job, no driver licence i had to stayed at the house , all these reasons benefit him and putted me in situation like i didn't want to stop the violence by setting with him , i hope the judge do something to makes the husband feels whats happened is serious

It sounds as if you have a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) and the hearing tomorrow is to make it permanent. Based on what you have said and what you want, I doubt you will get it. You mention "courses" and suspect you are referring to anger management courses. The judge hearing the DV cases does not have the authority to order that, that would be up to a sentencing judge for someone convicted of DV. The order you seek is a stay away order in that your fear for your safety, it is exclusive in that their can be no contact (except when minor children are involved and there can be supervised visitation). If your husband does not show up you stand a much better chance of getting the order. But, if you start talking about wanting to be able to talk to him to work things out, be prepared for an uphill battle. You must decide what you want, the judge is not going to do anything about the dropped case, he is going to hear if there is a potential for violence serious enough to order no contact.

[destiny64 222]

what happened in court? One thing I don't understand or I am not reading right. How can Sara live in the same house as her husband and have a restraining order on him? Don't you have to live in separate residences when there is an RO?

[Cathi 5,748]

what happened in court? One thing I don't understand or I am not reading right. How can Sara live in the same house as her husband and have a restraining order on him? Don't you have to live in separate residences when there is an RO?

Sara allowed her husband to move back into the house after he was released from jail

[SingleDad2usc 71]

House can be shared, if so necessary as a rental solution. But it does go to credibility of being afraid

[destiny64 222]

Ok, just needed clarification, I'm not experienced in the law at all! However, as you stated it does go against credibility of being afraid. I know she has no one here but if he is indeed abusing her, shouldn't be the reason to stay. We have more than enough options available in the U.S for battered women , and it seems a lot of advise and people actively helping her find another residence. It's frustrating to see women go back to abusive men, keep trying Mimo to get through to her!! Sara needs to keep in mind, just as she is getting advice from here. Her husband is also getting advice , and you can be sure he's being told that she will attempt VAWA. Staying will just give USCIS reason to believe its false accusations and if he's vindictive, he will contact and give his version and accuse her of green card fraud.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

destiny64 your theory is wrong that "staying will just give USCIS reason to believe its false accusations". I handled so many Vawa cases , and MANY victims separated from their abusive partners, and reconciled,separated and reconciled again, and their cases were approved without any problem, The dynamics of someone living in an abusive relationship is not like the same dynamic of a normal couple. Vawa Unit officer are well trained and they know about that.

Edited May 27, 2014 by sandranj