PLEASE HELP , I NEED HELP

[SingleDad2usc 71]

Mind Sara: even if you won no Restraining Order, he doesn't sound suicidal enough to go look for you and physically hurt you. He has an arrest record, his fingerprints are in Law Enforcement system now. Just build your life anywhere outside of his residence, and stop keeping personal score. As to most favorable divorce settlement, you need an attorney to win that

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

Has Sara considered going home to be safe with her family? (Not trying to be mean here).

I understand you're not trying to be mean and ordinarily I would support this type of thinking. However it's also been made clear through this thread that things like men beating wives are seen as, for want of a better word, normal where she comes from. Assuming she will want to remarry one day maybe it would be better all round for her in the long run to stay in the US.

On a kind of related note, it's pretty sad to see in certain country forums that the advice on settling in in the US includes warnings against beating your wife as it isn't acceptable anymore

[destiny64 222]

Sometimes the goal of removing conditions based on violence becomes the light at the end of the tunnel, and if she stays I believe this will be her reason. Not a good one, can't have your cake and eat it too in this situation. Can't claim abuse and stay at the same time. If he indeed tried to suffocate you, it takes one pissed off crazy man to try that , and your still thinking about staying there. That's just absurd and not logical thinking. Stop thinking about the green card, and think about your life.

[amuna0526 11]

Whether she stays in the US away from her husband or goes back to her family is her decision and hers only. IMO, she has an opportunity to learn English, get her education, and get a job and live an independent life( of course away from her husband). Safety comes first. She still time to think if she likes life here or not after getting her life straight and in order. Still more than enough time for ROC.

[Golden Gate 530]

Sara - You need to get out of the house, away from this man. It will not get better, but will only get worse. I am speaking from experience. Go to the shelter. You can not control this man's behavior.

The police and the court do not take seriously a woman who stays in an abusive situation, at all.

Edited May 7, 2014 by Golden Gate

[fatimazahrae 5]

Hi , i just talked to Sara on the phone today , she pass hello to mimolicious and singledad2US, and to everybody who advice her and helped her during the difficult situation she had.

she is very sorry because she couldn't be online the last days she had no access to internet, the hearing date between her and her husband on (22, Thursday ) , she is depressed tired and sad she want to move on, this process frustrated her , she asked me what will happens in the court in the hearing day????????, but i had no answer because i dont know what the judge decide or what may happens, i promised her i will ask the friends here and i will call her back, she may have internet tonight

fatimazahrae

[Cathi 5,755]

Hi , i just talked to Sara on the phone today , she pass hello to mimolicious and singledad2US, and to everybody who advice her and helped her during the difficult situation she had.

she is very sorry because she couldn't be online the last days she had no access to internet, the hearing date between her and her husband on (22, Thursday ) , she is depressed tired and sad she want to move on, this process frustrated her , she asked me what will happens in the court in the hearing day????????, but i had no answer because i dont know what the judge decide or what may happens, i promised her i will ask the friends here and i will call her back, she may have internet tonight

fatimazahrae

Tell Sara I said hello and good luck at the hearing. Right now I am in Jordan visiting family for the next 3 weeks. Thank you and keep us updated!

[SingleDad2usc 71]

Assuming Sara still didn't apply for pro-bono attorney, she should speak to DA office, prosecutor (if any). She may not get much advice from them, if there is no criminal case. But still, they should sympathize enough with the alleged victim - to advise her on Restraining Order. Also, courthouse may have a pro-se attorney - so she could ask questions before court-time. Also, she said she had DV advocates...

In any case: not much is hinging on outcome. Sara really needs no protection, if she totally stays out of the ex's way. So Sara's priority should be adjusting to life with no spouse. No one said it's perfect life; but there are many people in America who go thru this stage. She has to immerse in English and job hunt

[khwaidee1 196]

I'm not sure where she filed but, this is for California: http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-domesticviolence.htm

If the husband doesn't show up it's pretty cut and dry assuming all procedures followed, service etc. If he does show up, well then things can get tough if there are minor children issues. Property issues are usually easily resolved. While the burden is on the person seeking protection, it is usually a pretty low standard especially if there is a police report.

[sara82 4]

Hi , i just talked to Sara on the phone today , she pass hello to mimolicious and singledad2US, and to everybody who advice her and helped her during the difficult situation she had.

she is very sorry because she couldn't be online the last days she had no access to internet, the hearing date between her and her husband on (22, Thursday ) , she is depressed tired and sad she want to move on, this process frustrated her , she asked me what will happens in the court in the hearing day????????, but i had no answer because i dont know what the judge decide or what may happens, i promised her i will ask the friends here and i will call her back, she may have internet tonight

fatimazahrae

Thank you fatimazahrae , i'm finally here

[sara82 4]

Assuming Sara still didn't apply for pro-bono attorney, she should speak to DA office, prosecutor (if any). She may not get much advice from them, if there is no criminal case. But still, they should sympathize enough with the alleged victim - to advise her on Restraining Order. Also, courthouse may have a pro-se attorney - so she could ask questions before court-time. Also, she said she had DV advocates...

In any case: not much is hinging on outcome. Sara really needs no protection, if she totally stays out of the ex's way. So Sara's priority should be adjusting to life with no spouse. No one said it's perfect life; but there are many people in America who go thru this stage. She has to immerse in English and job hunt

I was trying to collect informations from here and there, plus it was not easy for me to live in the same house with the husband you know my story singledad2us you know exactly why i stayed at the house,i'm not sure if the judge tomorrow will decide something or no, i stayed at the house with the restraining order he may do not do anything , even if i will request courses or something

[sara82 4]

I'm not sure where she filed but, this is for California: http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-domesticviolence.htm

If the husband doesn't show up it's pretty cut and dry assuming all procedures followed, service etc. If he does show up, well then things can get tough if there are minor children issues. Property issues are usually easily resolved. While the burden is on the person seeking protection, it is usually a pretty low standard especially if there is a police report.

he will show up, and i will show up,

the judge he will ask if i need another restraining order, but how can i have another restraining order while the first one request just no contact, email, talk, harass .........i need to talk to the husband about what we need to do, we do not divorce each other without any contact this is weird, but the judge he may do not decide anything , he may just tell us to go home, and i need this man ( husband) really to have something serious in this story, not because the case got dropped from the police and because of my bad situations in Usa with no family , no job, no driver licence i had to stayed at the house , all these reasons benefit him and putted me in situation like i didn't want to stop the violence by setting with him , i hope the judge do something to makes the husband feels whats happened is serious

[fatimazahrae 5]

Do not worry Sara listen , tomorrow request interpreter, and ask the judge to give your husband courses, he may accept or may not just do what you feel, i understand you perfectly just request to the judge courses and move on

[SingleDad2usc 71]

there is confusion about "courses". You can't talk to Judge like you care about any "future together". This marriage is over, and you're asking for protection - i.e. for "no contact (of any kind)" order. Don't worry about final order, try to get any extension to present order, hopefully a year.

Never mind how you accomplish divorce formalities. You two will be discussing divorce matters only in official places of business: lawyer offices, court. Your restraining order doesn't prevent those negotiations in official settings

[fatimazahrae 5]

there is confusion about "courses". You can't talk to Judge like you care about any "future together". This marriage is over, and you're asking for protection - i.e. for "no contact (of any kind)" order. Don't worry about final order, try to get any extension to present order, hopefully a year.

Never mind how you accomplish divorce formalities. You two will be discussing divorce matters only in official places of business: lawyer offices, court. Your restraining order doesn't prevent those negotiations in official settings

Hi singledad2us but Sara she think she may ask the judge, if her husband can have courses, cause she know the judge may not give any restraining order anymore, she don't know how much time can be the extension of the restraining order, 1 month minimum or 3 months ,she said she think the extension not like the restraining order first period ( 2 weeks or 20 days like before) , & she has another question is the extension in the same content as the first one?,nothing new ?

hopefully somebody answer these questions , these questions re very helpful 4 her & for everybody