PLEASE HELP , I NEED HELP

[QueenComley 295]

I haven't talked to her today, but I'll update everyone when I hear from her. She's doing the best she can given the circumstances, she's a strong woman.

I"m just glad we were and are hopefully helping a fellow human being who is in need, I think most people would help another person in need. It is scary to be in a country where you don;t have family and friends and don;t know the language or culture. I try to put myself in her shoes and think what I would do if I were in Jordan(where my husband is from), I don;t know the language or culture there and I wouldn't know how to get help. And we aren't doing much, just relaying info people have posted in this thread and helping her understand it all. Luckily I have a husband who knows her language and culture and he has gone over and above with giving her good, sound advice...and making sure she is safe. He gave her the same advice he would give his own sisters, which is to get out, stay away from her husband, contact her family and contact the people in her area who can give her the help she needs in San Diego. We live in New Hampshire, 3500 miles away from San Diego, I just wish we were closer and we could have done a lot more.

I completely understand.

I have been previously married. My ex-husband was from Albania. I travelled to his home country with him several times for our yearly vacation, and where his family live is very secluded and rural surrounded by just mountains and hill sides. he treated me appalling on my last visit there. he left me on my own with people I could not communicate with and refused to help me with the language barrier. It was the scariest and loneliest experience of my life. That's when my love ebbed away and died for him. I left him a year later.

During our marriage and the 5 years we were together he used to whisper sweet Albanian words in my ear when we were curled up in bed. I later found out the words he was whispering to me meant "mother F***er".

With your support I hope OP remains safe and takes the necessary actions to remove herself from such an awful situation.

There are wonderful men out there. My first husband and her current husband unfortunately do not fall into that category.

Thank you for keeping all of us updated on OP's situation and for letting us know she is ok.

[Cathi 5,755]

I just spoke to Sara on the phone and she's doing OK. She is doing what she needs to do as far as getting a restraining order and planning for her immediate future. She sounded good, a lot less confused and a lot more focused than she was a few days ago.

[QueenComley 295]

I just spoke to Sara on the phone and she's doing OK. She is doing what she needs to do as far as getting a restraining order and planning for her immediate future. She sounded good, a lot less confused and a lot more focused than she was a few days ago.

That's great news

[sara82 4]

hi everybody , im here, i need advice about 2 options i have right now :

1. stay at the house +restraining order he move out

2. go to the shelter for temporary period +restraining order

what do you things guys the good option for me ?

[christeen 966]

Where would it be easier to get the help you need? I think you will need to meet with social workers and hopefully counselors who can help you through this process and since you don't drive, will they come to you at home? Or would you have better chance to meet them at a shelter. Also, you need to,think how you feel being alone in the home or being with other people who have gone through Similar? There is no right or wrong, it is what you think is best for you.

[sara82 4]

Where would it be easier to get the help you need? I think you will need to meet with social workers and hopefully counselors who can help you through this process and since you don't drive, will they come to you at home? Or would you have better chance to meet them at a shelter. Also, you need to,think how you feel being alone in the home or being with other people who have gone through Similar? There is no right or wrong, it is what you think is best for you.

im in situation i can't take any decision , i was told i may have counselors and help at the house, but i'm not sure , i don't drive, if they cant come, i will be alone, the shelter i don't know , i may have more chances , but i don't know how my feeling will be there in place may be i will feel foreign in , no phone sometimes in the shelter who knows ,

thank you christeen,

if somebody can help me more to decide witch option and road i can take , i m very thankful

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Hi Sara,

That is a tough decision to make. My personal opinion is that a shelter is better, just to get away, get away from your husband and his house. A shelter has everything you need.

But, it is your decision to make. Maybe make a list of good things and bad things for each situation. Or just go with your gut feeling. Best of luck.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

I'll be answering your question directly: who told you option 1 exists? From the moment he came back into the house (while you were on the phone with authorities), and you did not ask for restraining order before or during that moment - you lost that option. Now, if you get restraining order, the only way for you to stay in the house and force him to leave - would be by proving that you need that house more than him. How can you prove that? He has to get ready for work every day and rest between work - do you? If you now claim that you're afraid of him contacting you in any fashion - then you must go to a place which you will keep secret from him.

I don't know local variety of restraining orders - but in NY, a LIMITED ORDER exists. Once served upon him, it orders him to refrain from harassing you. He's allowed to be near you and in contact - just not allowed to do anything that he knows would upset you. I don't think LIMITED order is a viable option, if by May 5 you'll sign agreement to co-operate with his prosecution. Your agreement with prosecution is the best thing you can do to protect yourself - if prosecution doesn't have it from you, they won't be able to win. They won't be able to force him into pleading guilty to a lesser charge, in exchange for therapy. And this is what you need. If the case you started by your correct 911 call is allowed to go away - then you'll never be safe. He must be convicted of Domestic Violence - for you to be safer

hi everybody , im here, i need advice about 2 options i have right now :

1. stay at the house +restraining order he move out

2. go to the shelter for temporary period +restraining order

what do you things guys the good option for me ?

[sara82 4]

I'll be answering your question directly: who told you option 1 exists? From the moment he came back into the house (while you were on the phone with authorities), and you did not ask for restraining order before or during that moment - you lost that option. Now, if you get restraining order, the only way for you to stay in the house and force him to leave - would be by proving that you need that house more than him. How can you prove that? He has to get ready for work every day and rest between work - do you? If you now claim that you're afraid of him contacting you in any fashion - then you must go to a place which you will keep secret from him.

I don't know local variety of restraining orders - but in NY, a LIMITED ORDER exists. Once served upon him, it orders him to refrain from harassing you. He's allowed to be near you and in contact - just not allowed to do anything that he knows would upset you. I don't think LIMITED order is a viable option, if by May 5 you'll sign agreement to co-operate with his prosecution. Your agreement with prosecution is the best thing you can do to protect yourself - if prosecution doesn't have it from you, they won't be able to win. They won't be able to force him into pleading guilty to a lesser charge, in exchange for therapy. And this is what you need. If the case you started by your correct 911 call is allowed to go away - then you'll never be safe. He must be convicted of Domestic Violence - for you to be safer

I'll be answering your question directly: who told you option 1 exists? From the moment he came back into the house (while you were on the phone with authorities), and you did not ask for restraining order before or during that moment - you lost that option. Now, if you get restraining order, the only way for you to stay in the house and force him to leave - would be by proving that you need that house more than him. How can you prove that? He has to get ready for work every day and rest between work - do you? If you now claim that you're afraid of him contacting you in any fashion - then you must go to a place which you will keep secret from him.

I don't know local variety of restraining orders - but in NY, a LIMITED ORDER exists. Once served upon him, it orders him to refrain from harassing you. He's allowed to be near you and in contact - just not allowed to do anything that he knows would upset you. I don't think LIMITED order is a viable option, if by May 5 you'll sign agreement to co-operate with his prosecution. Your agreement with prosecution is the best thing you can do to protect yourself - if prosecution doesn't have it from you, they won't be able to win. They won't be able to force him into pleading guilty to a lesser charge, in exchange for therapy. And this is what you need. If the case you started by your correct 911 call is allowed to go away - then you'll never be safe. He must be convicted of Domestic Violence - for you to be safer

[belinda63 3,038]

Sara what you need is access to the people who can help you. The advocate who will explain the court process to you and people who can help you find work, get a driver's license, and find a place to live of your own. You do not need to be living with your husband. Whichever location you believe you can receive help the easiest would be the best one to chose. Do they have someone who speaks Arabic at the shelter or can they bring in someone who can explain things to you?

[christeen 966]

im in situation i can't take any decision , i was told i may have counselors and help at the house, but i'm not sure , i don't drive, if they cant come, i will be alone, the shelter i don't know , i may have more chances , but i don't know how my feeling will be there in place may be i will feel foreign in , no phone sometimes in the shelter who knows ,

thank you christeen,

if somebody can help me more to decide witch option and road i can take , i m very thankful

So it sounds like your instinct is giving you the answer. Go where you think you will get the best chance for the help you need, feel safe, and have a chance to think and talk to people who can help me.

I personally don't think I would feel comfortable in his home given everything going on and I would feel so isolated not to mention strange for me living in his house with all his stuff and him not being allowed to be there. . But that is me. I cannot say I have ever been in any situation even close to what you are going through, I can only give the advice to listen to your gut instinct on what you should do... I believe everyone has an internal voice that guides them... I hope that you can find that voice and listen to it. My good thoughts I am sending your way.

[Cathi 5,755]

Just to let everyone know I spoke to Sara personally and she does have an advocate who does speak Arabic. The advice I gave her was the same everyone gave her here, she has to weigh the options of each living situation. I also explained to her that is she decides to stay in the home she will have to continue paying rent, and without a job or money, I'm not sure if she can. She has 30 days to stay at the shelter if that's what she decides, during that time they will help her find a job and new place to live and get her life on track. If she stays home they will still help her, but she will have to go to them. In the last few days she has learned to ride the bus to get to where she needs to go, as of today she will have the restraining order in hand. She has also found the courage to tell her family what's happened. Her husband's court date is next Tuesday and she wants to make sure the case isn't dropped against him, she has made it her mission to make sure he never hurts another woman again. Before all of this happened she had never once left the home alone. It's truly incredible that in only a few short days she has done so much, she has shown incredible strength, all of this in a country where she doesn't know a single soul, the language or culture.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

Great job!

So tonight, a restraining order will be served on him. Can you explain what kind it is: what does it tell him "he is not allowed to do"?

[christeen 966]

I sincerely hope she continues to get stronger and get ll the assistance she needs.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Just to let everyone know I spoke to Sara personally and she does have an advocate who does speak Arabic. The advice I gave her was the same everyone gave her here, she has to weigh the options of each living situation. I also explained to her that is she decides to stay in the home she will have to continue paying rent, and without a job or money, I'm not sure if she can. She has 30 days to stay at the shelter if that's what she decides, during that time they will help her find a job and new place to live and get her life on track. If she stays home they will still help her, but she will have to go to them. In the last few days she has learned to ride the bus to get to where she needs to go, as of today she will have the restraining order in hand. She has also found the courage to tell her family what's happened. Her husband's court date is next Tuesday and she wants to make sure the case isn't dropped against him, she has made it her mission to make sure he never hurts another woman again. Before all of this happened she had never once left the home alone. It's truly incredible that in only a few short days she has done so much, she has shown incredible strength, all of this in a country where she doesn't know a single soul, the language or culture.

The compassion and kindness both you and your husband have shown is heart warming.

Big love. <3