Issues to discuss with your SO:children

[Donna A 4]

we descused it when we got married and agreed to wait one year to make sure the marriege is stable. the year came and went and then he said...wait til im working. now he is working and i am still on the pill.

to tell u the truth i think he has fears about it since im 41 now. the chances are higher for downs syndrom..etc. when he was in saudi arabia his patients were disabled people and he hated that so i think he is afraid of that.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Not all MENA people want children. That's a stereotype. I know lots who didn't want them and didn't have them.

We had settled on Summer for a girl but for a boy, he wanted a family name. In his family you have five or six names to choose from... and all the men are named those. UGH!

I laughed out loud when I read this! We have about five family names too and nearly all have them. One of my aunts rebeled and her kids have different names.

[MrsAmera 41]

Very interesting topic. Before we got married I had a son. He was 6 months old when I met my husband, and 15 months old when my the two of them met. We lived together for almost 2 months as a family and I saw how good of a father my husband would be. I was on birth control when we lived there for 2 months, got pregnant and miscarried. When we got pregnant this last time I was also on birth control (different kind though). So let's just say we're very fertile lol. My husband initally wanted like 6 kids or more, I was like "hmmm 2 is plenty". Now that we have both of the boys he also has decided that's enough. The realities of life here, day care, diapers, and general living expenses takes a lot and he knows that to have any more would be a big financial strain. Whether or not we used birth control was not an issue. We both agreed that obviously if we didn't want any more kids we had to do what we had to do. Now that we have two, we're discussing sterilization, however he doesn't want to be the one to do it - rough spot for us right now. I'm not really dying to go through a sort of big surgery and I feel like hey I'm 22 do I really want to give up my chance of ever having a baby again?? We have discussed that down the road if the situation is right we would like to adopt a little girl from Morocco but we'll see. I would really love a little girl to add to all my boys

[UmmSqueakster 54]

When we were discussing kids, I believe my husband made a comment about wanting enough for a football team Now we're down to 2 or 3, once we're financially stable. I'm looking forward to raising bilingual, bicultural muslim kids. Huzzah!

[doodlebug 3]

I'm kind of confused about the last question. The option for us would be we both disagree with birth control. I didn't see that one in there at all.

We agree that we want to raise our children that we have together (not including my children from my previous marriage) as muslims and that we want as many children as Allah blesses us with insha Allah as soon as I get my tubal ligation reversed.

[ya falaha! 0]

Moh and I have discussed having children and how we plan on raising them on several occasions. He goes back and forth about wanting to have children right away after he gets here (isa). I'm more liking the idea of waiting about a year or so. I want him to have time to adjust to life here, find employment, develop a relationship with my sons (and vice versa), etc. Last time we discussed it we agreed on waiting about a year. His family would've liked me pregnant already and we did in fact "leave it to God" on my last visit but apparently he didn't think it was good for us at the time. Alhamdulillah! We plan on raising future children the same way I've been raising my sons all along. He and my ex have similar views on raising children in accordance with Islam and culture. About the number...well that's up to God of course but I wouldn't mind one or two more. Mohamed agrees.

Mohamed and I have also discussed how he'll fit into raising/caretaking of my sons. He realizes they already have a father and doesn't want to be their father. He would rather have a sort of friendship with them. We have talked about discipline while they're in our care. I would handle most of it but if he felt they weren't responding to me he'd step in. My boys tend to respond better to men. He plans on spending lots of time with them particularly during the summer when they're off school. When he does find employment we plan on working different schedules so that one of us can be with the boys while the other is working. He's excited about this idea. I'm confident that he'll be a great dad/stepdad.

Edited January 11, 2007 by moody

[Henia 11]

I left Jordan because I was pregnant. I wanted that child to have USA citizenship, which opens most doors. My DH agreed after I stated my reasons. Tho he said he had the right to name the child. Which is what we argued about. I wanted names that were the norm in both places. We had settled on Summer for a girl but for a boy, he wanted a family name. In his family you have five or six names to choose from... and all the men are named those. UGH!

As for birthcontrol, It was the first time I had been on any in my life. It was the sixth month on it and I got pregnant. We called the baby the antibiotic baby. We wont use birthcontrol again as I dont like it and wish for God to choose like I had done before. Just like God choose for me not to carry that baby full term. There is a reason for everything I believe.

Wendy

That is rather amusingly funny... antibotic baby.

[Henia 11]

I'm kind of confused about the last question. The option for us would be we both disagree with birth control. I didn't see that one in there at all.

We agree that we want to raise our children that we have together (not including my children from my previous marriage) as muslims and that we want as many children as Allah blesses us with insha Allah as soon as I get my tubal ligation reversed.

oops sorry about not including that option, thought I did. But my question rfers to if you and your SO agree or not to use birth control (at any point and in any form) or not at all.