Issues to discuss with your SO:children

[Henia 11]

On the recent what you need to discuss with your SO threads, (inheritence being a great one, something my husband and I are dealing with).... another very important issue one comes to mind: children!

Children is something on most couple's mind, but even more so I think for MENA couples. As children are a given...

To conceive or not to concieve (or at least for now)…

Islam does allow, as does other religions for birth control and delay in having children. But abortion is frowned upon. I have read several different agruement about when a abortion is haraam or not… some scholars I have read say abortion at any time is haraam, while others mention different variations like the abortion is allowed if the mother would be harmed having the child and others say abortion is allowed if done before the 10 week of pregnancy.

Generally (in my opinion) most MENA people want and think about having children soon after the marriage. And probably speak about it before even getting married.Ideally, if we lived in a prefect world it would be great to conceive soon after marriage, and continue to have as many children as pyshically possible… but we donnot live in a Utopia where there are no financial concerns, pyhscial issues and now-a-days women assume roles outside of wife and mother… many things come into play… and a couple may want or need to delay children.

And when the couple does agree it is the right time to have children or they just do not practice birth control and become pregnant… what happens?

I know I have had my O, *+#&(##*&^ I (think) I am pregnant moment… Having mixed feelings about it (but of course accepting what fate is dealt to me) …. My husband on the other hand much more happier then I.

And when the couple does get pregnant … the other issues like where the baby should be born, raised(many people may prefer their children grow up in their native country), what they should be named, their education, what religion they will be, what culture are they exposed to… etc.

I know from my life situation, I think about allowing my daughter to visit or live in her father's native country… where the laws state the mother have no right over the child after nursing and that girls as young as 12 are married off. Yes, I know it sounds harse and I hope most people there have common sense not to partake in this, but this is what the law states in that country.

And as I read the Family Law Code in my husband's country of Algérie any child born to Algérien national, whether in Algérie or elsewhere, that child is considered Algérien by law. And no child may be taken out of Algérie without both parents signing a contract at the local police station (which in many cases takes months to obtain) So with my husband I have talked many many times about children and what we invision.

I also, would like to hear from you ladies (or men) out that have children from previous relationships and if/how your SO plans to be involved in the parenting.

Many ME-ers and NA-ns agrue that Allah give us the rizk and we need not worry on finances, how to raise the child,etc…just have the children. But most of us living in this modern time and our SO coming to live in the USA finding a whole new culture and will find some disagreements on this issue…

I have stated what Islam's view on birth control and abortion, in the above, but my post is only centered towards Muslims…but every MENA couple. I invite everyone to answer.What do you all think?