Transexual Hasn't Told Fiance Truth Yet

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If you found out your SO was a transexual after all this time, everythinng else being exactly the same, would you stay together?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, "Marc," has been talking a lot about marriage lately. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. There is, however, one fly in the ointment: I was born a biological male.

I have never felt like a man, Abby. I have lived as a woman since high school, and when I was 25, underwent surgery to change my sex. I have never regretted my decision and, up until now, my family has always been supportive.

As I have always been a woman in every way that matters, I have never seen any reason to tell any man I've dated that I was born with male genitalia. My brother recently asked me if I had told Marc about my surgery and was shocked to learn that I had not.

He implored me to tell Marc, but I feel that my past is completely irrelevant to our relationship today. My brother thinks that I am obligated to confess to Marc, and he has threatened to tell him if I don't.

Marc loves me very much and would support me no matter what, but I have left my past behind me, and I feel no reason to needlessly disturb our relationship. How do I convince my brother to let this go? -- AT A LOSS IN NEW YORK

DEAR AT A LOSS: Although you may not think that the fact that you are a transsexual is relevant, it is presumptuous to think that you can speak for Marc. He needs to know the whole truth, and to keep it from him could constitute fraud. You did not mention whether he is planning on having children with you, and, loving him as you do, you need to be fair to him.

A marriage that is based on a lie is no marriage at all. It would always hang over you, and surely there are many others besides your brother who know about your sex change. My advice is to tell Marc everything before someone else does. Your future with him could depend upon his hearing the news from you -- and nobody else but you.

[MissStacey 1]

I worked with a Transexual once in a Salon I was at. She hadn't had the entire surgery. (you know what I mean) I was jealous she was prettier that me.

[Savanphil 3]

That's scary.....

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Now that would be wrongggggg!!! not something you would want to find out after the fact

[Alex+R 0]

Wow not telling someone something that important is crazy. What kind of relationship can you have if you haven't told the person you love about what was probably the biggest thing to ever happen in your life?

[Fandango 1,439]

If you found out your SO was a transexual after all this time, everythinng else being exactly the same, would you stay together?

Erm, no.

[Savanphil 3]

How will the person explain that fact that she cannot reproduce? She will prolly have to continue in the deception and claim infertility problems....this lie will only lead to more lies....

Edited January 10, 2007 by Savanphil

[Alex+R 0]

Oh yeah, to answer the question, I don't think I would stay with the person. Not because he would be a transsexual, but because he didn't tell me. I would worry about what other things he wouldn't tell me.

[Arazia 0]

Wow...

I think a lot has to do with how honest you are about it from the begining. Not everyone is going to be 'okay' with dating someone transgendered. Give the person the chance to walk away before there is emotional investment. I feel bad for the guy in this case, because his relationship is built on a lie, or at least a well-practiced misrepresentation. What a sense of betrayal he must have when he finally does find out.

I also wonder about the legal standpoint of it. Is it still 'gay marriage' if one is a transexual? I know it is possible to get the birth-gender changed in some places, but I thought it was relatively difficult.

Anyways, since the question was about my own response in this case, if it was straitforward from the beginning: I would apologise, say that I like them fine as a friend, but I am interested in finding a mate of the opposite gender to start a family. I'd be happy to remain friends, but not get emotionally involved. If it was something that came up later... it would probably be an end for the relationship. I would consider it to be a lie, or at least a misrepresentation, and I need to be able to trust to feel comfortable in a relationship.

Edited January 10, 2007 by Arazia

[SoL. 0]

I think that for someone not telling something soooo big and important it's just a huge lie to the person you plan to spend the rest of your life. Truth always comes out, no matter how much you try to hide it. He will find out anyway, so she should tell him, or better yet, have told him from the start! Just my 0.02.

I would be completely devastated to find out something like that after being on a relationship for so long, OMG....

edi

[MissStacey 1]

It must have been a darn good Surgeon if they have been together 2 years and the boyfriend doesn't know. Or maybe he was a Virgin and had nothing to compare it to.

[peejay 327]

As I have always been a woman in every way that matters, I have never seen any reason to tell any man I've dated that I was born with male genitalia.

This is definitely a "Jerry Springer" moment. LOL

I'd love to see the cameras rolling when the bomb drops on boyfriend.

[garya505 2]

Wow not telling someone something that important is crazy. What kind of relationship can you have if you haven't told the person you love about what was probably the biggest thing to ever happen in your life?

I see that even you have a limit to your liberal-ness.

[Yodrak 7]

Even the best surgeon can't install a lube system in a manufactured #######. Or make it bleed out once a month.

Yodrak

It must have been a darn good Surgeon if they have been together 2 years and the boyfriend doesn't know. Or maybe he was a Virgin and had nothing to compare it to.

[Thingee 0]

Even the best surgeon can't install a lube system in a manufactured #######. Or make it bleed out once a month.

Yodrak

It must have been a darn good Surgeon if they have been together 2 years and the boyfriend doesn't know. Or maybe he was a Virgin and had nothing to compare it to.

I'm never going to think of my girl parts quite the same way after that...sounds like a car.