Registering for Gifts...

[rebeccajo 14]

I think it's beyond tacky. But then I have a southern upbringing and we are ultra-weird about stuff like that.....

What Karen said about receiving a list of 'over-priced' goodies is one reason this is in bad taste. It makes people on a budget feel like paupers.

For a shower invite, that might be different. The purpose of that affair is gift-giving (at least it is in the US). A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. The gift-giving aspect should be optional.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I am actually not planning to Register. I remember it being a huge hassle and I still ended up getting tons of duplicates and things that were not even on my list. However I only registered for my Bridal Shower and not the wedding since we typically only get cash for the wedding.

[CarolineM 0]

Whether you find it tacky or not, I do think it's considered incorrect wedding etiquette to include where the registry is with the invitation. But I could be wrong about that, I'm no wedding planner.

For me, it was just easier to follow the etiquette rather than worrying about offending people. We all know that what you think is perfectly acceptable may not be seen that way by other people. I'd rather take an occasion other than my wedding to test the waters!

Jenn is correct. It IS incorrect wedding etiquette. If you follow all that stuff, all that Emily Post and what not, then DON'T do it...Technically it is the maid of honor's responsiblity to get the info out...so people know, if I want to know where she is registered, I call her MOH. In addition, most people my age know to look on Wedding.com. It will show everywhere you are registered. You can also make a wedding web page that has all the info on it!! BUt again, for FORMAL wedding etiquette, you would NOT include that info in your invite...

Now....having said that...we did <sigh>...sort of. For our actual marriage in Australia, his mother didn't get proper, formal invites. She sent out invitations that were just normal invitations..not formal wedding ones, and included the information about the travel agent that was doing our honeymoon registry. We asked for ppl to contribute to that to help us buy Stewart's ticket to America. I knew it was tachy, but I knew without it we couldn't afford his ticket. It worked!! It was a HUGE help...but I mean flights from Australia caost 2,000!!!

Then, for our stateside recepetion, we did FORMAL invites (because my mother wouldn't have it any other way) with NO mention of registrys. Ppl just knew where to find the info I guess bc we got almost all of our stuff we registered for...some ppl called my mom, some just looked online.

SO That's my long answer to an easy questio n:)

I think it's beyond tacky. But then I have a southern upbringing and we are ultra-weird about stuff like that.....

Amen!! hehehe.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I think it's beyond tacky. But then I have a southern upbringing and we are ultra-weird about stuff like that.....

What Karen said about receiving a list of 'over-priced' goodies is one reason this is in bad taste. It makes people on a budget feel like paupers.

For a shower invite, that might be different. The purpose of that affair is gift-giving (at least it is in the US). A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. The gift-giving aspect should be optional.

I couldn't of stated it better.

[Henia 11]

I think not rude, since I know I rather give someone want they need and want then have to guess...and end up being wrong or giving a sucky gift.

[KarenCee 3]

I think not rude, since I know I rather give someone want they need and want then have to guess...and end up being wrong or giving a sucky gift.

But what if the person invited to the wedding couldn't afford to purchase a gift on the registry list? If the bride and groom are tacky enough to think a gift wrong or tacky, then that's bad on their part...and a bit immature. Be thankful that you were thought of at all I say. Just MHO of course.

I wouldn't (and didn't) want our guests to feel beholden to a "list" IF they decided to bring a gift to our wedding...for which we never expected any gifts to begin with...I wasn't brought up that way. We received several nice picture frames...much needed...and very nice photo albums (creative memories style) and a few other nice gifts. I guess that's just my southern upbringing though. I hope I've done my momma proud.

[Marilyn. 340]

it would be tacky of the couple getting married to fill the gift registry with only very expensive gifts....

I think it is helpful to place it in the invitation...

would your mother-in law, mother , sister etc.. really appreciate a bunch of people calling them asking where the couple is registered ?? I think that would be tacky... just my opinion though

[chri'stina 190]

it would be tacky of the couple getting married to fill the gift registry with only very expensive gifts....

...

I agree. But usually the people I know register at Target or Walmart, even if they also register at a more expensive place too. I've never experienced something where it was an expensive registry though. And if the registry gifts are too expensive, just give money like most people do at weddings anyway.

Edited January 16, 2007 by stina&suj

[featherB 1]

I'm soooo glad you said this, Karen. I've been in the situation in the past when I literally couldn't afford to attend a friend's wedding (more than once, in fact), and have had to think up some less embarrassing excuse than 'I'm too poor' as to why I couldn't go. There have been others, though (especially when for about three years running, I had several friends marrying over the course of a few months), when I've been able to afford (just about) to get myself to whichever far-flung part of the country they're marrying in and to pay for a hotel room for the night, but have SERIOUSLY not had anything to spare to get a gift. I've felt incredibly awkward, and embarrassed, and thought 'should I not go? should I go and send a present later? should I not go, but send a present?', and it's a horrible feeling - it'd be made even worse if I thought my friends would consider me 'rude' for not buying them something off their wedding list.

I can remember one friend who at least had a huge amount of affordable things on her list, but there have been plenty of others where the cheapest gifts have been at least £50 (around $100), and that's just not something I've been able to afford on many occasions. Particularly not when the weddings have involved about as much expense as the average annual holiday, what with the hen weekends (which usually involve flights and hotels), the weddings themselves (even the friends who live near me seem to get married at the other end of the country)... I just don't have several hundred pounds to spend each time someone gets married, and when I've been bombarded with emails from hen night organisers telling me I need to send a cheque for X amount for flights to Barcelona/Dublin/Wherever, and that the hotel will be Y amount, and that by the way, we'll all be chipping in Z amount towards a spa treatment/stripper/whatever for our friend (and when that has happened three times in one year), my main concern tends to be 'how on earth am I going to pay my rent this month?' not 'let me get my hands on that wedding gift list!'

I don't think it's 'rude' as such to send the registry with the wedding invites... I've never been offended by it. But I would say it's made me think 'sh*t, I can't afford to go to this wedding' - and there have been several weddings I've had to RSVP that I'm unable to attend (can't get out of work, you know I'd love to, blah blah), all because I really, really don't have the money. Is the buying of a gift from 'the list' a condition of being invited to the wedding? I'm assuming not, but it can feel like it when you really can't afford to do it!

As I'll be getting married on the other side of the Atlantic from where most of my friends (and of course all my family) live, I would be *so* happy just to see any of them on the day - I certainly won't be expecting presents from anyone. Why should I expect people to buy us things because we're getting married? If people want to be there with us and celebrate with us, that is beyond wonderful - we certainly won't be expecting anything else.

I think not rude, since I know I rather give someone want they need and want then have to guess...and end up being wrong or giving a sucky gift.

But what if the person invited to the wedding couldn't afford to purchase a gift on the registry list? If the bride and groom are tacky enough to think a gift wrong or tacky, then that's bad on their part...and a bit immature. Be thankful that you were thought of at all I say. Just MHO of course.

I wouldn't (and didn't) want our guests to feel beholden to a "list" IF they decided to bring a gift to our wedding...for which we never expected any gifts to begin with...I wasn't brought up that way. We received several nice picture frames...much needed...and very nice photo albums (creative memories style) and a few other nice gifts. I guess that's just my southern upbringing though. I hope I've done my momma proud.

Edited January 16, 2007 by featherB

[BlueRain77 0]

I never thought it would be otherwise. I don't think its rude or tacky to have the Registry info in the wedding invite envelope. Most cultures always give gifts and many times its rude NOT to give a gift. Some cultures even give cash at the wedding! I ALWAYS have a gift for the wedding couple. I think it would be rude otherwise. It doesn't mean I have to give them registry gifts or something majorly expensive, just something. My friends wedding a while back I didn't have very much money but I bought them a cd that I thought they would both enjoy and gave that as a gift.

There should be nothing wrong with including registry info in the invite I believe...

[doodlebug 3]

I remember getting a wedding invitation and opening it in front of my mom once when I lived at home. It had the registry info in it and my mother had this look of disgust on her and said, "oh brother, how tacky can you get????". Then she asked where the friend lived and when I told her she said, "oooooooooooooooooh.....well THAT makes sense." then she rolled her eyes.

I am not from the south.

When I got married the first time my mother wouldn't let me put it in the invitation and people just knew to call her or my sister. She also btw made me have invitations that were white with black caligraphy on it. I wanted color and got shot down in a heartbeat.

Edited January 18, 2007 by doodlebug

[kitkat1 5]

I absolutely think it's rude and tacky. This is exactly why:

if the registry was included because it creates the expectation and obligation of buying something in order to attend. I just think I should bring what I think you might like because I want to gift you out of the goodness of my heart and you be grateful enough to accept it gracefully even if it wasn't your thing and it was going on eBay the next day.

Plus, most people are resourceful enough or smart enough to find a way to either contact a family member or friend to ask if/where they are registered, or find a place they are registered on their own.

BTW, I am NOT registering, don't want gifts, have the heebee jeebees about the whole thing.

I once got invited to a wedding but NOT to the ceremony or reception - I was invited to come for dessert/coffee at a specifically assigned time. I thought THAT was the tackiest/rudest I have ever seen. Needless to say, I did not honor them with my presence. . . .