Home Depot Pays Salesclerk $12 Million to Go Away

[almaty 19]

Home Depot Pays Salesclerk $12 Million to Go Away

Largest ‘Golden Parachute’ for Incompetent Low-level Employee Ever

One week after paying its former CEO Bob Nardelli a severance package worth $210 million, Home Depot raised eyebrows in the business community again today by paying an incompetent salesclerk $12 million “to go away forever.”

In an official statement released to Wall Street analysts this morning, Home Depot said that it was paying the former salesclerk, Lucas Rekson, 24, the unprecedented sum on the condition that “he never shows up to work again.”

The $12 million severance package for Mr. Rekson of the company’s Torrance, California store is believed to be the largest of its kind ever for a low-level incompetent employee, industry experts said.

During his two-month tenure as a salesclerk at Home Depot, Mr. Rekson made his mark by repeatedly spilling boxes of nails on the floor and accidentally banging into customers with large pieces of lumber.

In defense of the Mr. Rekson’s gargantuan severance package, company spokesman Carol Foyler offered this rationale: “If it means that Lucas will never work for Home Depot again, then $12 million is a bargain.”

Reached at his home, Mr. Rekson was taking his place in business history in stride, telling reporters that after a brief vacation in Aruba he would start looking for work again.

“I’d like to get a job at Office Max,” he said. “After a couple of months working there, I wonder how much they’d pay me to go away?”

Elsewhere, the mysterious foul odor hovering over New York City on Monday was traced to the Sunday playoff performances of the Jets and the Giants.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

the onion?

[Marilyn. 340]

WEB-EXCLUSIVE SATIRE By Andy Borowitz

[ace13 0]

Why wouldn't they just fire him?

[Jenn! 918]

That's gotta be from The Onion.

[ace13 0]

I like small hardware stores anyway...

[Marilyn. 340]

WEB-EXCLUSIVE SATIRE By Andy Borowitz

they are poking fun at Home Depot because of this....

Home Depot Ousts Highly Paid Chief

Time ran out on Mr. Nardelli on Tuesday, after the board, at a hastily arranged meeting, decided that he should go — with a $210 million exit package.

It was a surprising turnaround for Home Depot’s board, which had publicly supported Mr. Nardelli as recently as two weeks ago even as questions about his compensation, business strategy and autocratic management style mounted.....

FULL STORY HERE

Edited January 10, 2007 by MarilynP

[*julez* 124]

I'd take 12 million to never shop there again!

[Jenn! 918]

Oops, my bad, Marilyn. Didn't see your post before me. The Onion's a different satire site, but thanks for the link to another one!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

WEB-EXCLUSIVE SATIRE By Andy Borowitz

Aah, cool

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Sure puts things in perspective...f#cking worthless CEO's.

[almaty 19]

the onion?

[SoL. 0]

Yeah that's gotta be a joke or they really don't know what to do with their money LOL

[Mags 112]

I did read this and believe it for a second. I couldn't quite fathom WHY they would pay so much. I'm so stoopid sometimes...

[ELW 5]

Home Depot Pays Salesclerk $12 Million to Go Away

Elsewhere, the mysterious foul odor hovering over New York City on Monday was traced to the Sunday playoff performances of the Jets and the Giants.

I belived it until I got to the foul odor part!