Need to vent..........

[VetsWife328 7]

Well most of you here know the story so I wont go into all the details here......

Fact is that almost exactly 3 months after filing for the divorce my Fiance's (soon) ex still wasn't served with the papers!!!!!!!!! We have no clue what the Pulaski Sheriff's Department is doing........we paid the fee sent the papers .and all that was on Oct 20,2006.NOTHING yet........Now once she IS served with the papers it takes 90 days for my man to be divorced.....I just don't get it! They have been seperated since Dec 17th,2001............She had him served with papers twice but never finished the whole thing up so we ended up putting the papers in in WA where my man lives.........How in the heck can it be that it takes them 2 1/2 months to serve someone with papers when the address of that person is known and valid??? We're thinking she probably has her live in boyfriend answering the door all the time-he doesn't have to sign for the papers.......My man is a Truck Driver and in WA for only 2-4 days a month (until my son and I get to the US ,then he will change his position to be home at least on the weekends) so that ,means that he can't just show up in court and do stuff.

Jesus this is really getting on our nerves by now.........

Sorry just had to vent here.........

Nat

[maggieNomar 0]

Well most of you here know the story so I wont go into all the details here......

Fact is that almost exactly 3 months after filing for the divorce my Fiance's (soon) ex still wasn't served with the papers!!!!!!!!! We have no clue what the Pulaski Sheriff's Department is doing........we paid the fee sent the papers .and all that was on Oct 20,2006.NOTHING yet........Now once she IS served with the papers it takes 90 days for my man to be divorced.....I just don't get it! They have been seperated since Dec 17th,2001............She had him served with papers twice but never finished the whole thing up so we ended up putting the papers in in WA where my man lives.........How in the heck can it be that it takes them 2 1/2 months to serve someone with papers when the address of that person is known and valid??? We're thinking she probably has her live in boyfriend answering the door all the time-he doesn't have to sign for the papers.......My man is a Truck Driver and in WA for only 2-4 days a month (until my son and I get to the US ,then he will change his position to be home at least on the weekends) so that ,means that he can't just show up in court and do stuff.

Jesus this is really getting on our nerves by now.........

Sorry just had to vent here.........

Nat

Is that like WAshington the state? I live there, that is why I'm asking. I thought at least here that anyone over 18 can sign for papers being served. Or has the law changed? Good luck with getting on to your journey. What a mess.

[VetsWife328 7]

No my man is a resident of WA State and she lives in VA.

Nat

[TracyTN 237]

So if the papers cannot be served, what are the next steps? Has the court advised your husband about that (or has he even asked)? There has to be some other recourse in an instance like this. Your man being on the road is really no excuse for not being able to ask pertinent questions. He does have access to a telephone while he's on the road, yes?

Surely there are cases where a spouse cannot be located, but yet a divorce is granted solely due to the fact that the 'missing' spouse has been gone for a period of time.

In fact, here's a link to a site to download state specific divorce forms when you cannot locate your spouse:

http://www.divorcesource.com/webcartd/formspub.shtml

Also, this:

"What if I Cannot Find My Spouse?

If you are not able to locate your spouse, you may still be able to file a marital dissolution and serve your spouse by publication. If you serve your spouse by publication, you may ask the court to end your marriage and divide any property and debts that are located in Washington. You should think carefully before relying on service by publication, however. First, if you serve your spouse by publication, you must follow the rules for service very carefully - if you do not, your court orders could be set aside years later. Second, service by publication does not give the court personal jurisdiction over your spouse unless you can prove that your spouse is hiding either inside or outside Washington in order to avoid being served, or to avoid paying debts. If the court does not have personal jurisdiction over your spouse, you will not be able to ask the court to order maintenance or enter restraining orders."

http://doityourselfdocuments.com/FAQ/wadiv..._For_The_Trial_

Edited January 10, 2007 by TracyTN

[*julez* 124]

Belive me, I know it stinks waiting for a divorce to come through! I am playing that same game right now, but for different reasons. While the jerk has been served, he is demanding that i pay him maintence despite the fact that I have full custody of our 3 children! UGH! So I am battling out with him in court. This all should have been resolved ages ago, but I have the world's worst attorney!! So I got a free consultation with another attorney who advised me what steps should be taken, and I passed that info on to my dumba$$ attorney. It seems to be working! We have another court date 30 Jan, and should resolve everything at that time.

So, what I am trying to say to you Nat, is have your boyfriend consult with an attorney - I know its tough with him being on the road, BUT he needs to get some competent advice on what can be done to move the divorce forward!

You can always PM me if you want to vent further! Sometimes its easier when you are dealing with someone who is in the same boat! Like you, I can't wait to apply for our K1!!! Good luck!!!!

[rebeccajo 14]

You need to hire an attorney. And they will use a process server.

You can either spend the money or he will stay married.

[Welshcookie 17]

Nat.....if he hasn't consulted a lawyer yet I advise that he does....it is very difficult and confusing trying to do your own divorce when the other party is not being amicable.....we played that game and it dragged on for over 2 years, once we got a lawyer involved he was divorced within 6 weeks...expensive? extremely...but worth every dime in the long run.

[Jasman0717 9]

I understand your frustrations; it seemed like forever for mine to be finished. Now that Claudeth has been here for a year and a half it all is just a distant memory. I hope you experience 'diminished' memories of this experience soon!

Edited January 10, 2007 by jasman0717

[Velvettt 0]

I know what you're going through. My hubby's ex is a member of one of those Christian fundamentalist churches, so strict that they ex-communicate divorced members! So, she instructed her lawyer to do anything necessary to delay their divorce, despite Texas being a no-fault divorce state. She managed to hold it up for a year until hubby's lawyer finally threatened to take it to a judge for forced settlement. It was so frustrating. However, it finally went through and now we're in the happily-ever-after stage, so keep your chin up!

[VetsWife328 7]

Thank you all for your support!! Yes the next step would be serving per publication.And my man is going to be in WA by the end of the week or early next week and will call the court and in VA to find out what we can and have to do in order to have her served with the papers since obviously the Sheriffs Department in Pulaski can't do it.

Tracy: Thank you very much for the info about serving per publication! I have copied it and send it to my hubby to be.The problem with him being on the road is that even though he does have a cell phone all the paperwork regarding the divorce is in WA where he lives.The "freinds" he lives with have a personal problem with me and therefor aren't very helpful when it omes to looking through the papers for him so he could call the Court in WA or the Sheriffs Department in VA while he's on the road........

Unfortunatley I can't call there for obvious reason.....Even though I didn't even meet my man until May 17th,2005 and they seperated December 17th,2001.........

Trust me I wish this whole thing would end and we will definitley throw a party once this divorce is through and we can go for the K1.

A lawyer will be hired in case the court tells us it would be faster and smarter.

For right now we're trying to save up as much as possible for stuff we'll need in the US such as furniture and house deposit (rent).

It's too expensive to ship my stuff to the States so we have to get a lot of stuff there.Thats one of the reasoins why he's on the road so much,to make a lot of money so we don't have to get loans and stuff for everything we will need.Then there also are the AOS fees for me and my son.I can't work due to my son beig disabled and going to Day Care only 4 hours a day.Germany has a sky high unemployment rate and no one would hire a single mom with a disabled child that only has Day Care for 4 hours a day.............

But yes if we have to we will hire a lawyer to get her off our backs and out of our lives forever.

Nat

[Thingee 0]

Something tis not right. I'm in Virginia, and was just served with papers yesterday regarding visitation for my kids(long story, my ex is a moron). They just taped the papers to my door! I DO know that per Virginia state law running an ad so many days in the persons last known location is considered 'notification'.

[TracyTN 237]

Tracy: Thank you very much for the info about serving per publication! I have copied it and send it to my hubby to be.The problem with him being on the road is that even though he does have a cell phone all the paperwork regarding the divorce is in WA where he lives.The "freinds" he lives with have a personal problem with me and therefor aren't very helpful when it omes to looking through the papers for him so he could call the Court in WA or the Sheriffs Department in VA while he's on the road........

Nat

Can he not take the papers WITH him? Why does he have to rely on his friends for anything?

I guess I'm just not understanding. 5 years is a heck of a long time to secure a divorce (at least one not involving children) - regardless of the wife's reluctance to play ball.

[rebeccajo 14]

A lawyer is always smarter and faster in a situation like this. What 'court' do you expect is going to tell you this Nat? So far you haven't made it into any courtroom. If you mean the Clerk's Office it's unlikely someone will tell you 'go see a lawyer'. Why? That's not the job of the staff in the Clerk's Office. Their job is to help you fill out the forms if you come in and request help. They are not ALLOWED to advise you of the smartest way to bring your case to fruition.

I'm not trying to be rude or nasty. I'm trying to give you a reality check. I work in a law office and while I don't know THE LAW, I do know the paperwork process and the clerical path. Every day that you continue your 'pro se' process is, at this point, a wasted day.

Edited January 10, 2007 by rebeccajo

[*julez* 124]

A lawyer is always smarter and faster in a situation like this. What 'court' do you expect is going to tell you this Nat? So far you haven't made it into any courtroom. If you mean the Clerk's Office it's unlikely someone will tell you 'go see a lawyer'. Why? That's not the job of the staff in the Clerk's Office. Their job is to help you fill out the forms if you come in and request help. They are not ALLOWED to advise you of the smartest way to bring your case to fruition.

I'm not trying to be rude or nasty. I'm trying to give you a reality check. I work in a law office and while I don't know THE LAW, I do know the paperwork process and the clerical path. Every day that you continue your 'pro se' process is, at this point, a wasted day.

And even when you DO have lawyers involved its no guarantee for a speedy resolution! Here in New York, they have a joke part of court called "Expedited Matrimonial" and in my experience, they have done nothing to make the process any quicker for me!!

Rebeccajo and Tracy are right - your boyfriend needs to get a lawyer NOW!

[TracyTN 237]

Rebeccajo and Tracy are right - your boyfriend needs to get a lawyer NOW!

For the record, I wasn't suggesting that he get a lawyer. I was suggesting that he take the bull by the horns a bit more and get this going. If that involves getting a lawyer, then fine.

Having a lawyer to look out for your best interests is always a good idea, despite the fact that one may actually stay on top of the case and its progression, instead of letting things languish (as has been the case here).