Frustrating..... even more when their is nothing you can do

[EzyEby 5]

I am not the first person to say this on here. This whole immigration process is starting to turn my marriage into a mess. I try to stay strong and tell my wife that we will be together soon and this is how immigration process works. I don't think it is getting through her. We got good news recently that she is pregnant and should focus on it and this is not helping out. To get my mind off this nightmare called immigration, I am focusing on work and putting the place where we will live together. I told her to find something to do that will keep her mind off this process. She understands but still. I am having arguments with her. Yesterday, she asked me if I regret marrying her. Honestly that question caught me off guard. I don't know what made her ask me that question. I have thought of moving back to Nigeria until this process works out and she said no and asked where will we get money to live off if it runs out. Some of the arguments with her in the past is to due me and the stress of work and this process that we are going through. I just hope I don't get short end of the stick after spend money and time to get my wife to join me here. My wife did mention to me in that past that I was not her first choice. Talk about being open with your husband. Damn imagine how mad I was. I still looked past it and continue because I love her. After she asked me this question yesterday, second thought is starting to kick in. I am assessing this situation. May be this immigration taking a long time may turn out to be blessing in disguise because I can withdraw it If I find out I am involved with someone with a different purpose in mind. How do I find out?

I don't wish anyone to go through this immigration process. Someone said on here that it is worth it because you will be with your love in the end. I doubt it spousal visa is worth the stress and emotional costs. This govt does not deserve to see us in pain if that is why they make this process take a long time. Someone did comment on here to go through the K1 route and I encourage it. Anyway, I wish anyone involved in this process all the luck. You will be with one you love soon.

Edited April 4, 2014 by EzyEby

[Schynam 9]

I can feel your frustration. If it would help have her start learning a vocation like sewing. To keep her mind off the immigration "slowmail".

Congrats on the baby on the way.

I have often asked myself too if it was worth the pains that the Embassy puts us through. And the only way it could be justified is the success of the unions.

Stay strong and continue to encourage the woman you love. It will end for good soon.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I am sorry to hear that and have no words to say, less or more. I am not in your shoes, but believe me, imagine being separated with our loved ones for years is really unbearable. I do understand for having frustration, sometimes it kicks in with me in those days, oh boy, surely it hurts inside. I feel blessed since my K-1 visa was processing pretty faster tha average timelines. Some people then told me, "oh I am jealous your process was really fast," but there was something else they did not know that my fiance filed I-129F after courting me for 5 years.

Then, why took so long? both of us really wanted to be together sooner, that's for sure. But we are not teen-aged couple who made decision when the cloud number nine took over our mind. We are adults that we have responsibility to lookout many consequences when we decided to get married. My fiance was going to file petition for me back in 2009. But, we were just in one-year relationship. We need to know each other more since both of us eliminate possibility ended up of being divorce. Both of us are single and never been married before.

Waiting is not a pleasure game and for some reason drive people crazy. At this point, we need strong support and encouragement from our partner. Even though I've talked to him everyday by video calling on Skype, called him at work, or even watched him fall asleep on video, we both knew that just can't live without each other and our physical present is a must. I don't want sound ungrateful but I am realized now we have chosen a right time to file I-129F. Our careers had started climbing, we had a time to enjoy our successful, I had a chance to broaden my skill and experience at my work field that I really need when decided working from home after married.

I understand your hesitation toward to your wife and being " you were not her first choice". But, being married is totally different from being engaged. There is a strong bond, tied by vow, and witnessed by God for this sacred relationship. When both of you are mad to each other, everything seems no way out. Good things suddenly disappear and replaced by negative feelings. This immigration journey is not an easy one. I have witnessed many relationships started falling a part because of this. I do believe they loved each other but " the feeling stick and stay together no matter what" is just not exist anymore.

I am really sorry this immigration journey takes a toll for your marriage. But, I hope you can find good solution for the best interest both of you. Good luck and stay strong!

Edited April 4, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[samename 28]

My friend. This is how it is with immigration. It is stressful and annoying and will test your relationship. Now imagine being pregnant and without your husband ,going through morning sickness and all that jazz is not fun by yourself. My only advice is continue to do your best to keep assuring her,start praying together and carry on with the process.

[EzyEby 5]

Thanks for the response guys.

[Cooliopippen 4]

Trust me. We all going through the same situation. But remember I always tell my wife that maybe the long separation will make us appreciate the reunion. Everytime we gonna have issues when we will be united , we will remember what we went through and that will make us appreciate what we have and how important and meaningful it is to be together . Be strong borother. We all appreciate the value of thing we fight for not thing that we got so easy. Always remember that.

[ForeverLove4u 8]

Sorry you are going through this, I being in the United States, feel the stress and frustration from the process daily and we have a long way to go. I with you both the best.