87% of American women (18-64) claim to have been harassed on the street by men

[Peikko 1,575]

Yeah, women really need to be complimented on their dress sense and toilet by complete strangers to get them through the day, that's really important. No matter how 'classy' you think you are being, you are just playing right into the idea that women want to be valued for their looks above anything else. That's just mad. I expect most women smile back because they don't have any way to respond nicely to such unwanted attention. A compliment from a stranger for how one looks really has no value whatsoever.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

There are libber types, and we all know them - a man saying, "Good morning!" is sexual harassment. While I agree men can be, and usually are uncouth with our comments, it is usually done with the utmost respect - we all have mothers, sisters,, daughters, wives, etc. I tell you, I have plenty of older women in my live, and after a certain age, they enjoy an acknowledgement once in a while, that somebody finds them still attractive.

No one thinks "good morning" is harassment.

None of the examples in this thread are about good morning or normal polite greetings, but rather comments about their body, comments about being slutty, comments about putting a ####### inside them, nasty stuff.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Yeah, women really need to be complimented on their dress sense and toilet by complete strangers to get them through the day, that's really important. No matter how 'classy' you think you are being, you are just playing right into the idea that women want to be valued for their looks above anything else. That's just mad. I expect most women smile back because they don't have any way to respond nicely to such unwanted attention. A compliment from a stranger for how one looks really has no value whatsoever.

See now you're going over board. Everyone likes to be complimented, whether it be on their looks or the car they're driving. If it's sincere and doesn't cross any boundaries, there is nothing wrong with it.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Which of the stories posted would fall into the innocent "good morning" category? I must have missed it.

[sharky-rex 76]

I'd rather not be complimented by a perfect stranger I have never spoken to, thanks. If your "compliment" is the first thing you ever say to a woman, you should probably keep it to yourself.

edit: I'm talking about compliments based on looks

Edited April 3, 2014 by sharky-rex

[Penny Lane 8,159]

I don't know where the myth that EVERYONE loves compliments came from. But that doesn't matter. Nobody's posting any stories of receiving a polite compliment.

[mota bhai 2,675]

Yo Penny, your posts are tight, girl.

[Teddy B 17,252]

I'd rather not be complimented by a perfect stranger I have never spoken to, thanks. If your "compliment" is the first thing you ever say to a woman, you should probably keep it to yourself.

edit: I'm talking about compliments based on looks

So you'd rather not have me say to you in passing "That's a very nice dress you're wearing today"? I'd find that strange, and I seriously doubt that's the norm, but I'm just a dumb guy.

I don't know where the myth that EVERYONE loves compliments came from. But that doesn't matter. Nobody's posting any stories of receiving a polite compliment.

I bet at least 87% do.

[sharky-rex 76]

So you'd rather not have me say to you in passing "That's a very nice dress you're wearing today"? I'd find that strange, and I seriously doubt that's the norm, but I'm just a dumb guy.

I would rather not, no, though obviously I don't speak for all women. I'm not calling it harassment, that's a whole 'nother ballgame, but it would make me uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable if a gay guy complimented the cut of your pants in passing?

[Teddy B 17,252]

I'd rather not be complimented by a perfect stranger I have never spoken to, thanks. If your "compliment" is the first thing you ever say to a woman, you should probably keep it to yourself.

edit: I'm talking about compliments based on looks

It's a proven fact that the first attraction people have to each other is based on looks, so to compliment someone in that regard is wrong as far as you're concerned?

I would rather not, no, though obviously I don't speak for all women. I'm not calling it harassment, that's a whole 'nother ballgame, but it would make me uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable if a gay guy complimented the cut of your pants in passing?

I don't see how it being a gay guy changes things really, but I certainly wouldn't be uncomfortable or taken back by it.

[sharky-rex 76]

It's a proven fact that the first attraction people have to each other is based on looks, so to compliment someone in that regard is wrong as far as you're concerned?

I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm say it's not necessarily desired. You said everyone likes a compliment, and I disagree. There are times when you're busy with other things or going through a hard time and would rather not deal with someone hitting on you, no matter how nice and non-threatening. And there are times when any such attention is threatening, like late at night or if you're the only two people around or whatever.

If a woman smiles at you or makes prolonged eye contact or whatever, sure, go ahead. But if she's busy with something else or just doesn't look like she'd appreciate it at the moment, I'd refrain. You're putting your desire to flirt over her desire to not have to deal with such attention. And historically we have a problem with men taking for granted that every woman around is available to be gawked at.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

I had a lot more harassment in the UK than in the US but that was mainly because I lived in London and walked everywhere / used public transport.

We live in quite a rural area here in the US so are either driving or out in the garden/fields where the nearest observers are all cows and they don't seem to be that vocal about my appearance.

In the UK I was a radio reporter for a while and had to develop a really thick skin when out and about recording interviews, because of the many comments I got from men along the lines of "I know where I'd like to put that microphone, darling"

As other people have said it always happened to me when I was either alone or with another woman. And it happened consistently no matter what I was wearing or how much effort I'd made in my appearance.

And personally I am not including the odd building site wolf whistle or a quick "hello darling" as harassment, it doesn't bother me. What is upsetting is how often these "compliments" deteriorate into something quite frightening if you choose not to respond or engage. Like the poster's wife walking the dog, I've had several occasions where I've been called "an ungrateful b*tch" "stupid #######" etc for not wanting to stop and chat to someone who may have started with "nice dress, darling"

Also I never got used to was strangers touching you or feeling you up on crowded public transport which also happened quite frequently to a lot of women I know on the London underground system.

[Teddy B 17,252]

I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm say it's not necessarily desired. You said everyone likes a compliment, and I disagree. There are times when you're busy with other things or going through a hard time and would rather not deal with someone hitting on you, no matter how nice and non-threatening. And there are times when any such attention is threatening, like late at night or if you're the only two people around or whatever.

If a woman smiles at you or makes prolonged eye contact or whatever, sure, go ahead. But if she's busy with something else or just doesn't look like she'd appreciate it at the moment, I'd refrain. You're putting your desire to flirt over her desire to not have to deal with such attention. And historically we have a problem with men taking for granted that every woman around is available to be gawked at.

So it's ok for the woman to make prolonged eye contact with the man, but not ok for the man to compliment the woman first. I see.

Common sense has to come into play with everything. If a man is using common sense, not being threatening and not crossing any boundaries of harassment or vulgarity, then I see no problem with it. Based on the responses I've received from women in the past, neither did they.

[jfgk1987 303]

I'd rather not be complimented by a perfect stranger I have never spoken to, thanks. If your "compliment" is the first thing you ever say to a woman, you should probably keep it to yourself.

edit: I'm talking about compliments based on looks

+1

I understand the difference between compliments and harassment but I would rather not get complimented on (and not get harassed either - obviously). It makes me feel weird and uncomfortable when perfect strangers make comments about me. The one I get the most is "Are you a model?" or "You must be a model...". I HATE THAT. SO. SO. MUCH. IT IS BEYOND ANNOYING AND SO GOD DAMN TIRED. It never happens when my fiance is around, always when I'm alone. Sometimes I hate that I have to look nice for my job but I know that has nothing to do with it...

When I was 12 I got the worst kind of harassment I've probably ever gotten, I was about to cross the street but I stopped because there was a car coming. All of a sudden the car comes to a slow roll and this guy sticks the top half of himself out of the window to try and grab at my chest, and he nearly got me but I stepped back. He made some comments I'd rather not repeat and they sped off. I was wearing baggy pants, a Sonic the Hedgehog shirt and a black trench coat. I hate the fact that I remember this so vividly.

[B_J 2,752]

I'd rather not be complimented by a perfect stranger I have never spoken to, thanks. If your "compliment" is the first thing you ever say to a woman, you should probably keep it to yourself.

edit: I'm talking about compliments based on looks

I don't think I could compliment someone as they're just walking by; but if there is a situation where two people are talking to each other, I don't see why anyone wouldn't want a compliment. And a compliment doesn't mean flirting. It is kind of sad if we're at the point in society that saying something nice is a bad thing.