visa on hand! but USC husband doesnt want us to leave!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

If you are married and estranged, with no proof of a bona fide marriage, just a paper marriage, you cannot naturalize at 3 years.

There is more to it than just being "married."

[Caryh 5,206]

If you are married and estranged, with no proof of a bona fide marriage, just a paper marriage, you cannot naturalize at 3 years.

There is more to it than just being "married."

That's true. But I think there's a lot of assuming she is coming just to be in the USA. I don't think thats the case myself, but given she's a rather headstrong Filipina (not an uncommon thing), and her husband's apparent inability to deal well with that, she may not be married over the long term.

[pushbrk 12,883]

That's true. But I think there's a lot of assuming she is coming just to be in the USA. I don't think thats the case myself, but given she's a rather headstrong Filipina (not an uncommon thing), and her husband's apparent inability to deal well with that, she may not be married over the long term.

Regardless, the OP never mentioned citizenship. I did that as part of an answer to her question. The exception to renewing a green card every two years, is for citizenship. Let's not get off track.

I stand corrected though. You do need to be living with the petitioning spouse to naturalize in three years. My bad.

Edited April 1, 2014 by pushbrk

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

That's true. But I think there's a lot of assuming she is coming just to be in the USA. I don't think thats the case myself, but given she's a rather headstrong Filipina (not an uncommon thing), and her husband's apparent inability to deal well with that, she may not be married over the long term.

Maybe, but I take note of her comments, "USA will always take care of us," "free autism school in the US, right?" and "I can live with my family instead."

Personally I see a lot of "spin" in this thread. But, we have no control over what happens, so meh.

Edited April 1, 2014 by Harpa Timsah

[Caryh 5,206]

Maybe, but I take note of her comments, "USA will always take care of us," "free autism school in the US, right?" and "I can live with my family instead."

Personally I see a lot of "spin" in this thread. But, we have no control over what happens, so meh.

If you had a greater familiarity with Filipino culture, you may be seeing what she's saying in a different light. I see a rather strong willed woman, looking out for the welfare of her child and wanting to make her marriage work. Might there be spin? There likely could be, but I'm guessing its actually less than most people think.

Granted there are a lot of misconceptions on what life in the USA is like over there too, they think we have money trees in the USA, lol. And essentially we do have free autism schools in the USA. It might not be as good as she could find in the Philippines, but special ed courses are available in the public schools. In the Philippines that option is often not available, meaning she needs to find one to pay to accept their child. But you can find some very good schools that specialize in this to, for very little money. I'm very familiar with this, as my wife's family adopted autistic twins.

[mas85 0]

Just to let everyone know, i don't intend to separate with my husband and i have no plans of coming to US without him eventhough I can. Sometimes when you are mad you say negative things you don't really mean. I think i just need to be more patient and understanding. I have decided not to initiate and ask my husband anymore about us coming to US. I will just wait.

[christeen 966]

I would cross any ocean to see for myself what is really going on with my marriage... The husband has the option if he chooses to come and go from the phillipines, and could be living a double life... And will be able to continue to do so if she does not take this opportunity to go and see for herself. Having options in life is always important and if she gives up this visa, this eliminates her option of coming to the USA to do anything for her family. Her son is a USC and as such deserves to be able to come to the USA. I personally see the husband not allowing her to activate her visa as a control tactic, without a visa, he can control where she stays and what she sees and when he visits... She made some mistakes (which read to me like cultural errors in how to deal with mariatial issues) but for sure, Something fishy about the whole situation and I for one would swim the pacific if need be to at least know for sure! I would want to have every option on the table for the sake of doing best for my child.

[Darnell 8,478]

Maybe, but I take note of her comments, "USA will always take care of us," "free autism school in the US, right?" and "I can live with my family instead."

Personally I see a lot of "spin" in this thread. But, we have no control over what happens, so meh.

Double Meh, I'm a thinking.

Still, is nice to see a carefully crafted (even if by accident) series of threads that gets this much coverage from the same poster (back at post #1).

Whatever she winds up doing, I pray her 'husband' makes time to reconcile with her and they live together in the same house. IMO, if she lived with him, she'd have the domicile space to take care of the autistic child by herself until she got other resources in his community (no, I not mean divorce, I not mean 'free cr@p from any government).

I can understand his scant POV about having an autistic child, it's a long slog, a big burden, but (IMO) if the wife is willing to actually come into the USA and live with him and care for the child when he is working, all sorts of things are possible, even to reconcile.

But I digress. She already has a path exposed for what to do, with lots of other guidance and opinions, and for this topic, perhaps is best it should be closed.

[ps - Christeen - I agree with you, 100 percent !]

[mas85 0]

Christeen: thanks for giving me idea of the "right term" to say to my husband. I am not that fluent in speaking english. Im having a hard time telling him the right terms to say like what you said "control tactic". I honestly feel that he's trying to control where i stay and when he visits. One time i asked him what he's hiding in the U.S why he doesnt want us to go but instead he takes my question so negatively that he gets mad at me.

[Caryh 5,206]

Christeen: thanks for giving me idea of the "right term" to say to my husband. I am not that fluent in speaking english. Im having a hard time telling him the right terms to say like what you said "control tactic". I honestly feel that he's trying to control where i stay and when he visits. One time i asked him what he's hiding in the U.S why he doesnt want us to go but instead he takes my question so negatively that he gets mad at me.

That happens when you make it an accusation instead of expressing how you feel.

Example

"Why are you controlling me? Are you hiding something?"

The reaction is much different than saying

"This makes me feel I don't know what's going on and that I have no control over where I want to live"

[Cathi 5,748]

I would cross any ocean to see for myself what is really going on with my marriage... The husband has the option if he chooses to come and go from the phillipines, and could be living a double life... And will be able to continue to do so if she does not take this opportunity to go and see for herself. Having options in life is always important and if she gives up this visa, this eliminates her option of coming to the USA to do anything for her family. Her son is a USC and as such deserves to be able to come to the USA. I personally see the husband not allowing her to activate her visa as a control tactic, without a visa, he can control where she stays and what she sees and when he visits... She made some mistakes (which read to me like cultural errors in how to deal with mariatial issues) but for sure, Something fishy about the whole situation and I for one would swim the pacific if need be to at least know for sure! I would want to have every option on the table for the sake of doing best for my child.

she has put many different spins on why she wants to come here, and it seems her marriage was only one of many reasons.

There has been so many scammers from the Philippines in recent weeks and months in this forum, it is difficult to know who is being honest, and who is just in it for a way to get to the US at all costs. If people are skeptical of her intentions it is with good reason. She has changed her story many times and her reasons for wanting to come. Thinking that health care and help for her son are free and life will be easier once she gets here leads many to believe she has ulterior motives. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when changing stories and thinking everything is free in this country gives me pause. As a mother I can understand her wanting to be with her husband if she really loves him, she wants to be a family. But her hubby has made it perfectly clear he will come to her country to try to work things out, and does NOT want her here, and honestly we don't know his side of the story. How can you say it's him trying to control her when you have only heard her side?

She can;t just come on a spouse visa and live with friends, that is fraud and against the rules and conditions of her visa. She is supposed to be coming to live with HIM, and him only. Just because people say they would move heaven and Earth to be with their significant other to make things work, doesn't matter. She simply can;t show up in the US to live with someone other than her husband.

Edited April 1, 2014 by mimolicious

[Caryh 5,206]

she has put many different spins on why she wants to come here, and it seems her marriage was only one of many reasons.

There has been so many scammers from the Philippines in recent weeks and months in this forum, it is difficult to know who is being honest, and who is just in it for a way to get to the US at all costs. If people are skeptical of her intentions it is with good reason. She has changed her story many times and her reasons for wanting to come. Thinking that health care and help for her son are free and life will be easier once she gets here leads many to believe she has ulterior motives. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when changing stories and thinking everything is free in this country gives me pause. As a mother I can understand her wanting to be with her husband if she really loves him, she wants to be a family. But her hubby has made it perfectly clear he will come to her country to try to work things out, and does NOT want her here, and honestly we don't know his side of the story. How can you say it's him trying to control her when you have only heard her side?

She can;t just come on a spouse visa and live with friends, that is fraud and against the rules and conditions of her visa. She is supposed to be coming to live with HIM, and him only. Just because people say they would move heaven and Earth to be with their significant other to make things work, doesn't matter. She simply can;t show up in the US to live with someone other than her husband.

Just curious, where does it state in the IR-1 visa that they are required to live with their spouse? I've seen the fraud card thrown out many times in this thread about this, but where exactly is the rule that is being quoted or is this just people's judgements and opinions? I'm not saying those opinions would be incorrect mind you, but I'm guessing legally they are just opinions.

Edited April 1, 2014 by Caryh

[Boiler 45,519]

Just curious, where does it state in the IR-1 visa that they are required to live with their spouse? I've seen the fraud card thrown out many times in this thread about this, but where exactly is the rule that is being quoted or is this just people's judgements and opinions? I'm not saying those opinions would be incorrect mind you, but I'm guessing legally they are just opinions.

There is no such requirement.

[Caryh 5,206]

There is no such requirement.

Which basically makes all the repeated claims of fraud and scam by some self proclaimed open minded people ....

Maybe they're in reality a bit more closed minded and racist than they like to think of themselves.

[belinda63 3,038]

Neither closed minded or racist. The visa is for the spouse of a USC. Therefore it makes sense that the persons would have a real marriage since it is for family reunification. If there is to be the spouse living in one state saying he doesn't want the wife there and the wife living in another state with nothing to do with the spouse then how is this family reunification? Even more, since he owns some and is purchasing more property in the Philippines with the intent to live there what is the purpose of her visa if she is living in the US and he is living in the Philippines?