visa on hand! but USC husband doesnt want us to leave!

[belinda63 3,038]

Yes boiler made an astute find. The child will have to have Daddy's permission to leave the US. You can always come but the child might not leave.

As I said before: the visa is for you to be with your spouse. If you come here and are not with your spouse that can be considered visa fraud.

Your motives are becoming questionable. You state he wants to come live in the Philippines with you. What is wrong with that?

You want to come to the US, not to be with your spouse, but because you want to live in the US.

I think your motives, while at first may have been proper, have changed.

[mas85 0]

Corey and guyvens: you are right! That is one reason why he didnt want me to go to US but a month ago we were able to resolve that issue. Yes! I admit I seem to focus now on getting to US because i do not want to start the whole process again of getting visa, paying fees and the the tickets going back and forth manila. I feel that our efforts will be put to waste but if its really God's will that i won't come to US because my husband won't let me then so be it.

[pushbrk 12,898]

Lots of things to consider including that it's generally easier to work on marital problems in person than from across an ocean. Use your best judgement.

[mas85 0]

Belinda63: thanks for the advise. I was just asking about the possibilities but i really don't intent to come to US if its against my husband's will. I really wanted us together as a family. I understand he wants to live here with us in the philippines cos he likes to come here back and forth. I just want us to be fair and give me the right as a wife.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

Belinda63: thanks for the advise. I was just asking about the possibilities but i really don't intent to come to US if its against my husband's will. I really wanted us together as a family. I understand he wants to live here with us in the philippines cos he likes to come here back and forth. I just want us to be fair and give me the right as a wife.

Do you want a part-time husband? Does your son deserve a part-time father? His priorities seem very skewed.

[mas85 0]

Ketsuban: i understand he still has work in the US. As much as he wants to retire but he cant cos he plans to buy another house and condo here in P.I.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I am also concerned with our toddler. Another reason why i want to go to US is to look for better therapy centers for our son's autism. Is it true that there are free therapy centers in the US?

there is no free stuff in US.

And with you and your son coming over to US, it could be an extra expenses for your husband, since you probably will be taking care of your autistic son full-time. Child care, medical plans for you and son don't come cheap either.

[justojai 53]

Ketsuban: i understand he still has work in the US. As much as he wants to retire but he cant cos he plans to buy another house and condo here in P.I.

If his planning on buying another condo in your country that means his really serious about living with you in the phillipines, you might what to forget the American thing for now and focus on your hubby. I understand the process of getting another visa is long but I think its only long when you live apart but since he want to live in the philipines whith you and your son, you guys can always reapply in the nearest future if the need arise.

[flora01 37]

Corey and guyvens: you are right! That is one reason why he didnt want me to go to US but a month ago we were able to resolve that issue. Yes! I admit I seem to focus now on getting to US because i do not want to start the whole process again of getting visa, paying fees and the the tickets going back and forth manila. I feel that our efforts will be put to waste but if its really God's will that i won't come to US because my husband won't let me then so be it.

I think to some extent motive of USC is not clear.

If he wanted to live in philippines,why did he apply for spouse visa for wife and kid.

There should be clarity from starting that he wants to live in philippines and not in US.

After she went through all rough process ,he is saying to live in philippines.Also he could come back any time to US but for her ,she will have to go through the process again.Abandoning US visa is not considered good for future.He may apply again for her visa but she will have to answer why did not she come for the first time and the reason should be strong.

Well tough time for her.

[Me_Theo 25]

your child is autistic , right ?!,, I don't know how much your country help to autism kids. if he sends money to you and you have good trapy for your kid in your country stay in your country. You know better about your life. your child will grow up soon and needs more care and Dad's help ( by money and else).If your husband can not make good money in U.S, Do not come in U.S , your country is cheaper to doing help to your child. Just wait untill your husband say come in U.S.

If he makes good money in U.S try to slove your problem with your husband change his mind about coming to U.S,

Just don't do every thing you want. see, what is the best for your child.

Edited March 31, 2014 by Me_Theo

[Sandra G. 5,048]

It seems your husband doesn't want to take the responsibility to take care of you and the child in the US, he is ok with you staying with the child in your Country because it's not expensive.He wants to live in Philippines , but when? in 2014,next year,in 5 years,10 years?. It's ok to wait one year ,but more than that forget about it, because he will have his life here in the US when you will be seating in Philippines waiting his visits, and this is not a healthy relationship.

Edited March 31, 2014 by sandranj

[Ryan H 3,812]

***Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum. Such issues are usually discussed in this forum.***

~~~One post containing a sarcastic comment adding nothing to the discussion removed. Post minus the comment returned below.~~~

"The land of the free" doesn't mean what a lot of people seem to think. Nothing is free, everything has to be paid for by someone. Bringing another person to the US is grossly expensive, and adding the costs of caring for an Autistic child that amount goes up exponentially. It's very reasonable that he just doesn't have the money for that kind of thing. Saving and moving to the Philippines might be his best option.

Once again, things aren't just handed out free because you land here.

(Sarcastic comment removed - VJ Moderation)

Edited March 31, 2014 by Ryan H

[Jon and Krissy 452]

In your last thread you stated he didn;t want you to come for other reasons...and it wasn't money or tickets...your story has changed. Here is the quote from your last thread in January...

Posted 20 January 2014 - 08:48 AM

He changed his mind because when we had a huge fight i wrote a letter without consulting him to his sister and asked for help if she could help me advise my husband not to swear and spank our toddler child. He got mad because i was not suppose to share our marital issues to his family because we have to settle it on our own. I have spoken to him and apologized about it the other day. He told me he couldnt trust me anymore and couldnt bring me to the us because of what happened. Eversince we got married he has been visiting us 3 to 4x a Year.

Sad. He sounds like an abusive psychopath, if this is true. Hitting a toddler? And an autistic one at that? Sheesh!

Edited March 31, 2014 by Jon and Sol

[Zee Zee 23]

Somehow, I don't have any problems with her coming here, regardless of her husband's current wishes. Her child is a US citizen and that child deserves better life and opportunities - if that's what she hopes to find here. There is nothing wrong to wanting to live here - that doesn't mean a visa is the only thing she's concerned about. She can help her husband earn more money; if their marriage doesn't work - she'll not be the first one, or the last one to have to figure out the things on her own. He might change his mind - considering spousal and child support in US, he might get a motivation to work things out. Not everything in marriage is a compromise - yes, he wants to move to Philippines. But she wants to move here.

So, girl - take you kid and come over what ever happens is destined to happen. If you don't try, you'll never know. There are so many situations we worry about even though there is nothing, NOTHING, that we can do to change the outcome. Come over and make decisions here. You can go back any time -but if you don't come, your visa is going to expire, you may easily lose your husband anyway, and you'll never know what could have happened for you and your child in the land of opportunities

[Janelle2002 3,865]

WOW so we are advocating that the VISA is the golden ticket and whether the US citizen wants you or not come on over because well it’s okay really.

Do we even know the whole story? Sorry to play devil’s advocate here. But I have issue with someone saying “I have my own money and I have friends in US”. So what bump the US citizen who is on the hook for your butt. Seems you already have your plan laid out and could careless whether he “comes around” or not. Really?

If this was a K1 person and they said he or she broke up with me but I am coming (It was posted here 2 weeks ago). She was jumped on with all 4’s . How dare she come here when she wasn’t wanted. Why would she come if she wasn’t wanted. Yet here you go promoting someone come here, live where they want, do what they want.

I thought it was a spousal Visa. Meaning you are coming to live with the spouse.

A visa should be the LAST thing you should be focused on. Your marriage should be first and foremost. Damn the Visa. Good grief.

Thank you Dwheels, because when I started reading this my thought was, huh? Why would someone want to not be with their husband and come to the U.S. Again, I thought this was a spouse visa process. Good lord for those who are actually wanting and waiting to be with our spouses.