Issues you may need to discuss with your MENA SO

[peezey 0]

Trying to restart the conversation, szsz, maybe repost your original thought at the end of the other thread to start us off?

[maggieNomar 0]

Trying to restart the conversation, szsz, maybe repost your original thought at the end of the other thread to start us off?

Let's try to keep it civil and ignore any comments by trolls.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Building on the argument from the "Honor Killing" thread that no one here would want to marry an MENA man who would advocate murder, how many know and agree with their SOs view about Jews and the nation of Israel? Arab media is unrepentant in villifying Jews as a whole and calling for the destruction of Israel. The hatred there is laid bare.

Do your views mesh regarding that topic?

[mybackpages 0]

Building on the argument from the "Honor Killing" thread that no one here would want to marry an MENA man who would advocate murder, how many know and agree with their SOs view about Jews and the nation of Israel? Arab media is unrepentant in villifying Jews as a whole and calling for the destruction of Israel. The hatred there is laid bare.

Do your views mesh regarding that topic?

yep mostly. But I think that is because politics is such an intergral part of my whole being. I suspect many people in this form have no interest in politics and it is not important either way.

In the early stages of our relationship the whole Danish cartoon mess made international headline and we had a lively conversation on this topic. We didn't agree 100% but the disagreement focused on how to handle the situation rather than the core value of how to perceive this incident. If that makes sense.

ETA: If I had been uncomfortable with his views or I found that his core values conflicted with mine, it could have been enough to stop the relationship.

Edited January 7, 2007 by mybackpages

[melly 0]

Yes our views match. No, that doesn't tell you what our views are.

[melly 0]

Building on the argument from the "Honor Killing" thread that no one here would want to marry an MENA man who would advocate murder, how many know and agree with their SOs view about Jews and the nation of Israel? Arab media is unrepentant in villifying Jews as a whole and calling for the destruction of Israel. The hatred there is laid bare.

Do your views mesh regarding that topic?

I tried to edit my reply but since I used quick reply instead of a full reply I can't.

While I find this topic interesting and possibly useful for those involved in relationships where this can be an issue, I can see where this could very easily veer off topic and get ugly really fast.

Good luck!

[peezey 0]

Our views are the same on most everything, however, I will say I can be much more passionate about some things. Our relationship started with a mutual love of politcs and political discussion. There are several things that I am totally rigid on: gay rights, women's rights (in any nation), pro-choice, civil rights for women, minorities (in any nation), anti-war, anti-death penalty, economic equality, and basic tolerance, that I absolutely could not be with someone who didn't have the same values around these things that I do. There are times I've actually ended friendships because of major differences in our core values as related to these issues.

As for ME, I am always on the side of Palestinians, but I also do not villify Jewish people. I abhor the behavior of the government of Israel, and US foreign policy with Israel, and the lobby in the US. My husband is the same. He grew up with Jewish neighbors and didn't know for a long time he was supposed to "hate Jews." I know that he is often far removed from the turmoil, and of course I am even farther away from it, but he finds the hatred brainwashing disgusting on both sides, and really, really hates to hear about suicide bombings, but also feels like he has no idea what the solution is. He throws up his hands more quickly than I do.

Honestly, out of everything we discuss, the hardest thing for him to get OK with is an equitable economic system since his mind is usually wrapped around making money and growing a business. It's pretty much the one thing we disagree on until I remind him that there is only so long you can make money on the backs of others before those backs break.

Without going into details, the one thing we totally disagree on, is how to deal with local Moroccans and Arabs in business. Suffice it to say, I am no longer allowed to speak to any of them based on my ridiculous notion that **all** business is done the same around here no matter one's background.

[doodlebug 3]

Yes our views match. No, that doesn't tell you what our views are.

hahahaha

ditto!

[Ban Hammer 13,349]

well blah, we're off to a flying stop. do i really need now?

[~Jackie~ 30]

I thought this thread for was for other types of issues you need to discuss with your MENA SO.

Like tissue addiction. Believe it or not, this is a common bond.

Quiz that man about where he puts his dirty socks and does he roll them in a ball that you will need to unroll every time you do laundry. While your on that subject, ask how many times a week he expects laundry.

How he will react to a coworkers nonchalent hug at a holiday party. Discussing this prior could you from an incident.

Just my opinion of course.

J

[melly 0]

I thought this thread for was for other types of issues you need to discuss with your MENA SO.

Like tissue addiction. Believe it or not, this is a common bond.

Quiz that man about where he puts his dirty socks and does he roll them in a ball that you will need to unroll every time you do laundry. While your on that subject, ask how many times a week he expects laundry.

How he will react to a coworkers nonchalent hug at a holiday party. Discussing this prior could you from an incident.

Just my opinion of course.

J

Already discussed all those actually. Two years gives you a wee bit of time to ask questions.

[maggieNomar 0]

well blah, we're off to a flying stop. do i really need now?

Nope you won't need that. I already asked them nicely to keep it friendly, and they always listen to ME!

Actually I am kinda wondering about what do discuss with my SO. I feel like we have planned our future, what we want to do after he arrives, but not being able to live it out yet makes the topics kind of trail off. So what did you talk about over the two years, Melly? Ok off to see who else is joining my caravan to DC.

[jpaula 20]

Can we not be against the Israeli occupation and yet be rather horrified at rampant anti-Semitism? In much the same way 9/11 has justified outright anti-Muslim hatred in this country, the Israel issue seems to do the same in MENA. Actually, I can only speak of Algeria in this case, but I am frustrated by the ignorance and conspiracy theories. I do not know how to confront it there as what passes as common knowledge is often simply wrong. I love to talk politics, am in fact a political scientist, but I know, hard as it may be, to bite my tongue if I want to hear people's beliefs.

My husband and I agree on this point, but our respective cultures do not. And yet in my mind being in a bi-cultural marriage carries with it some responsibility to dispell ignorance on both sides. We can do so within our own circle, but it is very hard to go beyond that.

Much more to say but dinner calls.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I love to talk politics, am in fact a political scientist, but I know, hard as it may be, to bite my tongue if I want to hear people's beliefs.

How interesting! My undergrad degree is in poli sci. In grad and post grad school, I veered off to cultural specializations, but still love to talk politics.

I know that my husband doesn't hate Jews, nor do I. We also have grave concerns about the Arab-Israeli conflict, but I support the right of Israel to exist (my historian bent). My great grandfather lost land in Jerusalem during the initial occupation, and resettled n Morocco, then the US, but so did many Jews and others. All the way around it is a sad, sad situation and one that is not helped by tradition means of communication, myth and rumor, nor the propaganda and omissions from the other side.

Edited January 8, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Wow that's quite a sweeping generalization of all Arab media. It is simply not true -- not all Arab media "vilify the Jewish people," nor "call for the destruction of the state of Israel."

As you all already know, my husband is Palestinian. He was born and raised near Jenin, and lived all his life under Israeli occupation before coming to the U.S. just over 1 year ago. He's been through hell -- beaten by Israeli soldiers for nothing. Detained, interrogated, intimidated, all over nothing. All his life, he's seen family members and friends terrorized, humiliated and harrassed.

One might think he would have more reason than anyone to hold a grudge.

But yet he does not vilify the Jewish people, nor does he call for the destruction of the state of Israel. Of course he wants the illegal occupation and oppression of Palestinian land and its people to end -- he wants Israel to take its settlers and its soldiers and get out of the West Bank and stop the seige of Gaza -- but this is not hatred; it's simply justice.

Mahmoud has more Jewish friends than probably 95 % of the people on VJ -- and every single one of them is Israeli. Some are very close friends, trusted in every way -- he has visited their homes, been invited to eat dinner with their families, worked with them, in some cases even owes his life to them. He speaks fluent Hebrew. He's worked with various Arab-Israeli and international peace groups, all trying to bring a peaceful solution to this terrible situation. He doesn't hate anyone except those who are trying to destroy him and his people.

Muslims and Christians and Jews lived in relative peace in historic Palestine for centuries. That peaceful co-existence was not broken until the 20th century, as the Zionist movement gained strength and international support and began the forced expulsion of the native population and confiscation of their land. This, along with Israel's actions since proclaiming its statehood -- invading and aggressing against its neighbors, seizing their territory -- this is the cause of the hostilities and hatreds that do exist in some segments of Arab society.

There certainly are people who despise the Jewish people in general, and Israel in particular -- a lot of them are not even in the Middle East. Of course there are bigots and racists in every society. But in Palestine and Jordan and Syria and Lebanon and Egypt, the hostile feelings against Israel are not because of some bizarre inherent anti-semitism. They are rooted in the very real crimes that Zionists have perpetrated against the Palestinians, and in Israel's continued invasions of its neighbors. Sadly, the Zionists have claimed their acts are in the name of, and for the good of, the Jewish people, and they have a lot of well-meaning but totally misinformed Americans believing it. However, there are a great number of Jews, both inside Israel and outside, who are entirely opposed to the Israeli government's illegal behavior.

So my husband and I are in total agreement on this issue -- we don't have any problem with the Jewish people. What we have a problem with is Israel's illegal occupation of the West Bank (as well as other Arab countries' lands,) its refusal to compensate or even acknowledge the victims of its ethnic cleansing and expansion, its continuing annexation of Palestinian lands, and its ongoing oppression of the Palestinian people and their right to self-determination.