how do you cope?

[doodlebug 3]

I just got back from Egypt on Friday night. I am going through many ups and downs so I figured I'd ask the experts.....what do you do to help yourself cope through the separation the first week or so that you get back and are apart? Any and all suggestions are welcome because right now I feel like crawling under a rock.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Immerse yourself in other things so you're not thinking about your SO constantly, but also allow yourself the time to grieve. There's no easy way around pain.

[bostonparis 0]

I just got back from Egypt on Friday night. I am going through many ups and downs so I figured I'd ask the experts.....what do you do to help yourself cope through the separation the first week or so that you get back and are apart? Any and all suggestions are welcome because right now I feel like crawling under a rock.

Oh, I feel for you. The first few days are the worst, before you get back to reality. What I do, which may or may not be healthy... I drink. No, kidding. I actually don't talk to my SO much for the first 24 hours. I call to say I'm home, or he calls to say he's home, but talking to him during those first 24 hours just makes me really sad. I also don't unpack right away... I feel that the longer I'm packed, my trip hasn't REALLY ended.

I think the experts would call this denial. Unfortunately, there's no easy way through the first few really tough days. Talk to your friends and family, immerse yourself in your work, and you'll eventually get back to the place you were before. And have faith that this journey will bring you to where you ultimately want to be.

[gonewiththewind 0]

wow i know its very hard went through this in april 2006 but all i did is kept busy with my family here and work and spoke to my fiance twice a day or 3 time wish you luck ...

[Mags 112]

Well, I used to have a long, long bath and whilst in there I'd cry my eyes out. I'd get as many of the tears as possible out. Then I'd get out of the bath, take a deep breath, leave the tears behind....and keep busy.

[doodlebug 3]

I just got back from Egypt on Friday night. I am going through many ups and downs so I figured I'd ask the experts.....what do you do to help yourself cope through the separation the first week or so that you get back and are apart? Any and all suggestions are welcome because right now I feel like crawling under a rock.

Oh, I feel for you. The first few days are the worst, before you get back to reality. What I do, which may or may not be healthy... I drink. No, kidding. I actually don't talk to my SO much for the first 24 hours. I call to say I'm home, or he calls to say he's home, but talking to him during those first 24 hours just makes me really sad. I also don't unpack right away... I feel that the longer I'm packed, my trip hasn't REALLY ended.

I think the experts would call this denial. Unfortunately, there's no easy way through the first few really tough days. Talk to your friends and family, immerse yourself in your work, and you'll eventually get back to the place you were before. And have faith that this journey will bring you to where you ultimately want to be.

Thanks. Whereabouts in Boston are you? I'm north.

[heishe 2]

Get your honey a visa so next time is forever.

[bostonparis 0]

Thanks. Whereabouts in Boston are you? I'm north.

I live in Beacon Hill. And it's BALMY today!!

[doodlebug 3]

Get your honey a visa so next time is forever.

Thanks. Whereabouts in Boston are you? I'm north.

I live in Beacon Hill. And it's BALMY today!!

I think I'll have to put the heat on today. Yesterday it was warmer here than in Cairo and today it's about equal...though I haven't been outside yet.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Definitely try to keep yourself busy. It helps your mind stop dwelling on your miseries, and instead focus on the positive.

I made a list of everything I wanted to do by the time Mahmoud got here -- cleaning, organizing, home improvements & upgrades, landscaping, personal goals -- no matter how small the task, I would put it on the list -- even shopping for new towels and sheets ! I would spend each weekend trying to get a project finished or a chore done, and I would cross off each thing as I accomplished it. It really helped pass the time in a productive way, it kept my mind busy, and it made it much easier when he finally got the visa. Even though he travelled just 6 days after he had it in hand, I didn't have so much of a last-minute scramble to get ready, as I had already gotten most of the things done.

Most of all, it really helped me not feel "on hold," -- instead, I could feel myself moving closer and closer to the goal -- the Big Day when Mahmoud would finally arrive.

-MK

[mybackpages 0]

I think frame of mind has a lot to do with coping also. My personal philosophy is that we are doing everything that needs to be done and therefore the requirement is that we now wait. There is no other option but to wait, so what can you do? You do what you can and then do what you have to. Believe me it helps. Maybe its rationalization to get through the process, but i've bought into to it and it helps.

I have also spring cleaned, repainted the apartment, cleaned out drawers and closets, put out new photos- all the things to do to make this apartment transform from single gal's place to our home. As the time gets closer to the visa, i'm picking up a few personal items for him. Saw a great shirt at Marshalls for $7 (kenneth cole with french cuffs!). Thinking about bying some new sheets this month and maybe a new toothbrush and some male tolietries for him to put in the bathroom.

Keeping busy helps- I;ve learned to make homemade moroccan bread (I'm a good cook, but not a baker so it took a few pratice runs ) Keep a net work of people around you who you can talk to and will be supportive of you.

Edited January 7, 2007 by mybackpages

[doodlebug 3]

All good ideas. I especially like the planning ones. I'm a list maker for sure. I LOVE making lists .... especially while I'm having my coffee in the morning. I think I'll start a to-do list next weekend when I don't have the kids so I can focus and each week/month I'll attempt to complete something. I'm going to suggest he do the same thing too.

Thanks!

[misa 2]

Those are great suggestions for "things to do". I'm the foreign spouse, but I still have a lot to do before our next visit (2 weeks) and things to accomplish before/after I get my NOA2.

[Aymerlu 3]

Boy I know EXACTLY how you feel. I darn near made myself crazy during those 14 months. In all seriousness, many people gave me very good advise, but after so long, I really had to learn on a few of my VJ friends that knew how I felt....those that had to wait a long time to be together too. Don't get me wrong, everyone else's words were very encouraging. What I found personally that helped me was frequent short talks on the phone we would talk 4-5 times a day), chats on the computer, and I starting getting things for him and for my place to make him feel more at home once he got here. By the time he finally got his visa I had a whole dresser and half a closet full of clothes for him! Plus, little things like a photo here or there of us together, a cute little pillow sham, ANYTHING to help me think "Hey, I know Khallid will love this when he gets here!" I know it's hard. A few told me that it gets better with time. Not sure I want to say that exactly either. I think maybe after the first month after getting back from Egypt I didn't actually cry EVERY DAY....I might have spaced out the tears to weekly then. Keep your chin up and lean on your buddies here at VJ!

[melly 0]

Heya Doodle. I haven't been in your spot yet, but I know when I'm in a similar situation, something that helps me alot is music.

Find the music that makes you happy, that uplifts you, that no matter how sad and upset and unhappy you are, no matter how bleak everything seems, will still put a smile on your face.

And then play it as often as you need to.

If you need some suggestions on music that's "happy" and uplifting, let me know.

Additionally, you could try listening to recordings of quran. There's one man who recites that I just love listening to. I can give you that info as well if you'd like.

*hugs*