My wife is having an affair after being married for 4 years

[Caryh 5,206]

You need to determine whether this is something you can get past with your wife or not. Some can. Some cannot.

If you go for a divorce, you will be better served by putting your hurt/anger/etc on tha back burner and proceed with the legalities in a stable state of mind. If she admits to an affair which leads to the breakdown of the marriage, then you have a very good chance of not paying spousal support. Child custody and support are an entirely different matter. You need to think carefully about what is best for the child - not you or your wife - but the child, then proceed accordingly.

Its a no fault state, the court doesn't care why they're divorcing. The wife works, the marriage was short, unless he's rich, the odds of spousal support are pretty small.

[*HappyInlove* 6]

This is really sad and I'm so sorry. You're a good husband, despite of her having an affair you still love her and wants your family back. Hoping your marriage will be fix for the sake of your child also. God bless!!

[novedsac 355]

Its a no fault state, the court doesn't care why they're divorcing. The wife works, the marriage was short, unless he's rich, the odds of spousal support are pretty small.

'no fault' pertains to grounds for filing and granting divorce. They do consider the reason for a divorce in awarding spousal support.

I filed in a no fault state, but still had to demonstrate why I shouldn't pay any alimony after a 10yr marriage.

Short marriage duration and her job are in his favor, agreed, but if her attorney is better than his then he'll likely pay something, even if only for a few months. He needs to be prepared.

[Caryh 5,206]

'no fault' pertains to grounds for filing and granting divorce. They do consider the reason for a divorce in awarding spousal support.

I filed in a no fault state, but still had to demonstrate why I shouldn't pay any alimony after a 10yr marriage.

Short marriage duration and her job are in his favor, agreed, but if her attorney is better than his then he'll likely pay something, even if only for a few months. He needs to be prepared.

Of course he needs to prepare. I took a quick look at the spousal support rules in the op's state. She'd need a darn good lawyer and him practically none at all to get hurt very badly on the spousal support end. Some states still operate under the assumption that women can't support themselves, so there should be alimony. If one spouse has been home raising kids, and the other working, some spousal support is pretty much always going to be awarded. But he's not in that situation. He's in a short term, both work marriage. Her fighting for spousal support is more a lawyer padding his pocket or her not smelling the roses, and pretty much any lawyer should be able to shoot it down.

[innocentme 3]

wow..sorry to hear.its crazy..i hate people who cheats..specially an affair...im loyal to my husband..thats always and forever.

[novedsac 355]

Courts will also look at earnings disparity and future earning potential. Courts would not expect a spouse to move to the 'wrong side' of town and live in Section 8 housing to support themselves.

Even working spouses get spousal support.

I agree, he seems to be at an advantage here, but he's better served by being aware and planning than by thinking he's got it in the bag, so to speak.

[Emily and Nathan 39]

I'm really sorry this happened to you.. I can't imagine how devastated you must feeling.

I know it is hard to think this way in the moment.. but everything happens for a reason...

Maybe it happened to make you two stronger when you overcome this together... or maybe

it happened becayuse there is something better out there for you..

Either way.. keep your head up. Her actions say nothing about you.. but rather of what she is lacking in character.

Best of luck to you.

[zeke2507 1]

God be with you! I pray for peace and direction!!!

[Caryh 5,206]

Courts will also look at earnings disparity and future earning potential. Courts would not expect a spouse to move to the 'wrong side' of town and live in Section 8 housing to support themselves.

Even working spouses get spousal support.

I agree, he seems to be at an advantage here, but he's better served by being aware and planning than by thinking he's got it in the bag, so to speak.

They would expect just that in my state actually. You can't claim the lifestyle they're accustomed to here any longer. You get the lifestyle you can afford to live on your own at. Split any assets accumulated in the marriage, split and debts taken on in the marriage and go live you life. Now if you were unable to work, or long out of the workforce, you'd get temporary support to get back on your feet and thats it. More and more states are moving towards that legal position now. The idea of marrying someone for a while, divorcing and living the rest of your life on their dime, is being recognised as farce it truly is in more and more states. It came from an era when women could not support themselves, and has little place in the modern world. Reading how spousal support is determined in Oregon leads me to believe they've also moved forward with fair standards. He should get a lawyer though, to make sure his interests are properly protected, and they have not appeared to have modernized their child custody laws yet.

[RobBell 32]

You just found out, stop researching divorce, immigration, all of that stuff.

Talk it out, find out what you both want to do first.

Don't make decisions when emotions are so high.

Right now, taking time is the smartest move you can make.

[Caryh 5,206]

You just found out, stop researching divorce, immigration, all of that stuff.

Talk it out, find out what you both want to do first.

Don't make decisions when emotions are so high.

Right now, taking time is the smartest move you can make.

If she was there to talk about it, maybe. But he did talk about it with her, and her response was she'd think about counselling and left the home again, I'd guess at the bf's place. This is exactly the time he should quit worrying about the emotions of if and go forward to protect his butt. His wife has obviously checked out of the marriage emotionally or she would have been broken up about getting caught.

[tim131 14]

If she was there to talk about it, maybe. But he did talk about it with her, and her response was she'd think about counselling and left the home again, I'd guess at the bf's place. This is exactly the time he should quit worrying about the emotions of if and go forward to protect his butt. His wife has obviously checked out of the marriage emotionally or she would have been broken up about getting caught.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be so difficult, do you have any buddys you can go shoot some pool with or get a few beers and talk it out with?

Putting it candidly, your wife had or is having an affair, she didnt admit it to you, so was actively hiding it from you, from what you post she does not seem remorseful or want to talk it out, she just wants her space, which personally I feel she is not entitled to. It is you who should be deciding if YOU need space and time alone to your self. If I was you I would firstly talk to your buddys, they know you and your wife more than anyone here does. Also lawyer up, esp if she is not remorseful, act early, you may get full custody and a preferential settlement etc.

Best of luck, and god bless.

[RobBell 32]

If she was there to talk about it, maybe. But he did talk about it with her, and her response was she'd think about counselling and left the home again, I'd guess at the bf's place. This is exactly the time he should quit worrying about the emotions of if and go forward to protect his butt. His wife has obviously checked out of the marriage emotionally or she would have been broken up about getting caught.

If there are assets you need to protect, sure take care of those.

But make sure your head is on straight before you start making life changing decisions. Most things are going to take time to work out anyway.

Don't seek revenge, focus on taking care of yourself.

Most of all talk to people you trust, or talk with a counselor or your own.

[Rizal Circle 5]

Sorry to hear of your difficulty and I feel your pain. This may be the time for you to face up to some facts of reality.

First, you state she is confrontational. That says alot about her dispositon and lack of respect

for marriage and commitment to your family. Secondly, she stated she needed "space". Stop right there.

If a spouse has love and commitment for his or her spouse there is nothing to think about.

I could accept a position that "I made a mistake and I want to fix it for the good of our relationship and family",

but space and time to think about your love and commitment...I don't think so!

Do some soul searching but don't be blinded by your love for her. Do what is best for you and your child

in any case. I "truly" hope your marriage works out but sounds like it will be an uphill battle for life long fidelity.

[Scott & Kaye 32]

If she was there to talk about it, maybe. But he did talk about it with her, and her response was she'd think about counselling and left the home again, I'd guess at the bf's place. This is exactly the time he should quit worrying about the emotions of if and go forward to protect his butt. His wife has obviously checked out of the marriage emotionally or she would have been broken up about getting caught.

I agree.

Also focus on retaining 1/2 or more custody of your child and keep a timeline of events. Since she still has access to your home keep financial records and anything of importance in a safe place.

Get a lawyer and go see a counselor to talk out your issues.

Good luck!