As a courtesy, then I'm done

[dakelei 3]

My last post here and I won't be checking for responses but I felt like the least I could do was let folks who provided me with genuinely good advice know how everything turned out. To the self-appointed experts and judgmental folks who feel a pathological need to comment on things about which they know nothing, well, I'm thankful I won't be dealing with you anymore. I’m particularly annoyed by those who have gone through this process once and now feel they know everything about it and those who believe they are experts on China in general and Chinese women specifically. I’ve been here 12 years and know enough to know what I don’t know.

On March 10, 2014, my wife’s visa was granted. We now have her passport with the visa in hand and are making travel plans for the first week in July. The visa also acts as her green card for a year. So we’re set. We filed her initial I-130 on December 10, 2013 so the entire process took exactly 3 months. Had we been in any sort of hurry we could have done it even faster but we knew we weren’t leaving until summer so we sort of took our time.

This is what I’ve learned and some of it will make some of you uncomfortable: If you and the partner you are sponsoring have a genuine relationship and can prove it, you’ll be OK and the process will be somewhat smooth. There will be bumps, like my wife’s awful interview, but ultimately your partner will get her visa relatively quickly. I am a divorced man 30 years older than my wife, a fact that no doubt drew a red flag or two, but we have been together as a couple for 4 years and I offered lots of proof of this, including my Chinese residence permits that show I’ve been here in the country and living with my wife the entire time. Those of you who barely know the person you’re sponsoring, and never really lived with him/her, forfeit all rights to complain about the process. If you spent so little time in China that you never even qualified for a residence permit, I can’t blame the IV unit for being suspicious. If you met your partner at a “China love” type website, you are going to have problems and justifiably so. Don’t blame the State Department for not believing you found your “soulmate” on the web. It is folks like you who are making the process so difficult for those of us who are in real relationships that we spent time nurturing.

And, please, read the instructions that come from the IV unit and CGI. It was embarrassing to see some of my compatriots at the Guangzhou Consulate who either couldn’t or didn’t. I myself had a problem during my first visit because I didn’t completely understand the “no bags or cell phones” rule for example. This is absolutely carved in stone and you will not be able to charm or bully your way past the guards. I saw quite a few attempts at both. In addition, you will probably not be permitted to enter the consulate when your spouse or partner goes there for his/her interview. There were several scenes at the door created by those who were not aware of this. I heard at least one “I’m an American and this is my consulate” diatribe. It fell on deaf ears and the guy was not allowed in. Another guy, who sounded like a complete imbecile, truth be told, did not have the printed appointment confirmation that was needed. He and his wife were not allowed in. He was saying stuff like, “I have a confirmation number and that should be enough” and “I don’t have a printer.” The email from the IV unit makes it very, very clear that you will not be allowed in without the printed confirmation letter. Shouting at the Chinese security staff will not change this.

To everyone reading this, please do not offer advice unless you are absolutely sure it is sound. And don’t butt into situations that are, frankly, none of your business. For every piece of sound advice I received here I got 5 that were worthless or downright harmful. For example, those of you who advised me to tell the IV folks in advance about the error on my marriage certificate were, knowingly or not, offering bad advice. I never did and it turned out not to matter at all. The #1 concern of the IV unit is whether or not your current marriage is valid, and mine is. That is all that mattered to them. And for those of you here in China who pose for elaborate and expensive wedding photos where the husband is dressed like an emperor and the wife like a qipao-wearing prostitute, don’t bother unless you really want to. It doesn’t prove anything. Any two people can walk into a photo shop here and get those pictures taken and the IV unit is well aware of that. They may, in fact, be viewed as evidence that you are trying too hard. If the other evidence indicates you have spent a grand total of a month in China these nice pictures don’t prove a thing other than you like getting your picture taken in silly outfits. I’ve been together with my Chinese wife for 4 years in total and I can tell you that even now, after living with her since July, 2010, it is still difficult at times and a cultural minefield. The IV unit is very aware that many American men here are hooking up with young Chinese hotties for whatever reason they’re doing it and that quite a few of these young women are taking these guys for a ride. One can’t get angry with the IV unit for knowing this. (When I was at the consulate I saw one American guy at least 10 years older than me with shoulder-length gray hair holding hands with a Chinese girl probably even younger than my wife and dressed in a skintight black dress and knee-high boots with high heels. The couple drew stares from everyone gathered at the door, including my wife and I. We laughed because before we went I instructed her very specifically NOT to dress like that.)

To wrap things up, thanks to those who gave me good advice or a virtual shoulder to cry on when I needed it. Good luck to all of you still waiting for your partner’s visa.

[razspaz13 30]

LOL, big oops on hitting the quote thing for all of what was written

as the person has indicated they will not checking for responses, I will respond on something I take very seriously and find it offensive that my relationship would be have less value than any other.

the state dept may not believe I found my "soulmate" online, so what? I DID and I am married 14 years to that soulmate. Sounds pretty fair dinkum and legit, it is. Relationships happen online often.

As far as folks like you making the process so difficult for those of us who are in real relationships......... perhaps you should not judge the entire world based on opinion

my marriage came after many many many months of online messages, phone calls, etc that does not mean it has less value than someone that meets someone at a bar, at church, though a friend, blind date, in the supermarket etc....

for some online is a real relationship, welcome to the 21st century when there are THOUSANDS of success stories from people finding each other ONLINE. My online beginnings gave me a solid foundation of friendship, and my marriage has survived longer than those that have met in other ways.

so whilst preaching to the audience on here perhaps consider how you have judged.

in a democratic world people can offer advise, sound or not LOL, and most of us have an opinion right wrong other etc....

congrats on your journey ending and best of luck

cheers

[camden 20]

Thanks for sharing.

[Operator 1,927]

So long, hope you enjoyed your time here.

[DJ&L 83]

Thanks for coming.

[Pitaya 2,577]

Happy trails on your immigration journey.

[Darnell 8,479]

Geez - all I know, is if'n he was spouting at me, he can pound sand.

OP - Congratulations on the approval, whatcha cooking, to celebrate?

[Ryan H 3,819]

***Posts containing personal attacks removed along with posts quoting. Posts minus the quote and attacks returned below.***

Kinda agree ...

I wonder why he felt he needed to instruct his fiancé not to dress like a floozy?

He was a little over sensitive. Comes and asks for advice then doesn't like the advice he got. Thinks his relationship is special since he's lived in China and he's been in a relationship with his wife for 4 YEARS!!!!! Wonders why anyone would question why a Chinese girl would wanna marry (personal attack removed - VJ Moderation), 30 years her senior.

**Moderator hat off**

Agree with DJ&L's assessment regarding over sensitivity and not liking the valid advice he received.

Edited March 26, 2014 by Ryan H