Ukraine Deploys Gay Men to Scare Off Russians

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

That's how it's done!

Ukraine Deploys Gay Men to Scare Off Russians

Ukraine is planning to march large numbers of gay men into Crimea in hopes of scaring off Russian soldiers currently occupying the territory.

According to local reports this “gay army” will be unarmed and its mission will be to act as flamboyantly homosexual as possible, causing the deeply prejudiced occupying force to flee back to its homeland.

“Russia is one of the most homophobic nations on Earth,” says Ukrainian defense minister Boris Grishenko. “We’re planning to use that fact to our advantage and take back our land.

“Ukraine is a small country. We don’t have a lot of tanks or battleships. And we stupidly gave up our nuclear weapons in the 1990s. But we still have plenty of gays, and if there’s one thing Russians fear more than atomic warfare it’s explicit displays of homosexuality.

“It will start small. Just a simple parade with a few hundred shirtless men. But once the Lady Gaga starts blasting, things are gonna get wild. Hopefully all the pumping, grinding and gyrating will have them headed for the hills.”

In the Navy

Russian soldiers have occupied the Crimean peninsula following a revolution in Ukraine which swept a pro-European government to power.

Ukraine and the West believe Russia is unlawfully occupying another nation’s territory. Moscow claims it is simply safeguarding the interests of the Russian-speaking population amid the recent turmoil.

Efforts to end the crisis though diplomacy have so far come to naught, as European and American sanctions appear to be having little effect. But interviews with the occupying forces suggest that Ukraine's new strategy just might do the trick.

“It’s not worth it. I’m leaving," says one soldier. "I can take bullets. I can take bombs. But if Ukraine sends any gay people my way I’m going home. I didn't sign up for this ."

Recruitment for the campaign has reportedly been strong, with nearly half of Kiev's gay male community signed up for the patriotic task of retaking Crimea.

"Fighting homophobia and Putin at the same time? Sign me up," says Victor, a 34-year-old hairdresser. "My partner and I are marching together and we're bringing the full set of butt plugs. I can't wait."

[Pooky 3,840]

Not even remotely funny.

Especially not with Russian forces moving outside the Crimean peninsula.

[Dakine10 5,452]

Not even remotely funny.

Especially not with Russian forces moving outside the Crimean peninsula.

And considering Ukraine's record on LGBT rights is worse than Russia's, it appears that like everything else, even satire is being written by people with very little knowledge of the region.

[Pooky 3,840]

And considering Ukraine's record on LGBT rights is worse than Russia's, it appears that like everything else, even satire is being written by people with very little knowledge of the region.

Satire has a time and a place. This is neither.

[luckytxn 2,265]

Poor Ukraine. If only Obama wasn't the POTUS they may have had a chance.

Satire has a time and a place. This is neither.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Poor Ukraine. If only Obama wasn't the POTUS they may have had a chance.

Considering this whole thing was cooked up by Obama people and they failed to foresee the end result, I would have to agree.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Georgia 2008? Obama's fault, too?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Georgia 2008? Obama's fault, too?

Were the US and european countries funneling massive amounts of money to opposition groups through NGO's in order to destabilize Georgia's lawfully elected government prior to events of 2008?

[lostinblue 1,989]

Perhaps big dog will be leading the charge.... gay rights everywhere. Perfect place for supporters to make their stand... other than boycotting Duck Dynasty ...Show the real big dog of Russia who is boss.Right to the front lines.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

[BatmanUSA 105]

he is not currently available to go to the front lines in Ukraine as he is home pouting about not being allowed to march in the NY and Boston parades.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

:rolleyes:

[BatmanUSA 105]

.... who Loves skittles.???

[Novembro 1,763]

I came for the dicks.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

I came for the dicks.

Is that family friendly?