How To Say “This Is Crap” In Different Cultures

[mota bhai 2,675]

How To Say “This Is #######” In Different Cultures

by Erin Meyer | 1:00 PM February 25, 2014

I had been holed up for six hours in a dark conference room with 12 managers. It was a group-coaching day and each executive had 30 minutes to describe in detail a cross-cultural challenge she was experiencing at work and to get feedback and suggestions from the others at the table.

It was Willem’s turn, one of the Dutch participants, who recounted an uncomfortable snafu when working with Asian clients. “How can I fix this relationship?” Willem asked his group of international peers.

Maarten, the other Dutch participant who knew Willem well, jumped in with his perspective. “You are inflexible and can be socially ill-at-ease. That makes it difficult for you to communicate with your team,” he asserted. As Willem listened, I could see his ears turning red (with embarrassment or anger? I wasn’t sure) but that didn’t seem to bother Maarten, who calmly continued to assess Willem’s weaknesses in front of the entire group. Meanwhile, the other participants — all Americans, British and Asians — awkwardly stared at their feet.

That evening, we had a group dinner at a cozy restaurant. Entering a little after the others, I was startled to see Willem and Maarten sitting together, eating peanuts, drinking champagne, and laughing like old friends. They waved me over, and it seemed appropriate to comment, “I’m glad to see you together. I was afraid you might not be speaking to each other after the feedback session this afternoon.”

Willem, with a look of surprise, reflected, “Of course, I didn’t enjoy hearing those things about myself. It doesn’t feel good to hear what I have done poorly. But I so much appreciated that Maarten would be transparent enough to give me that feedback honestly. Feedback like that is a gift. Thanks for that, Maarten” he added with an appreciative smile.

I thought to myself, “This Dutch culture is . . . well . . . different from my own.”

Managers in different parts of the world are conditioned to give feedback in drastically different ways. The Chinese manager learns never to criticize a colleague openly or in front of others, while the Dutch manager learns always to be honest and to give the message straight. Americans are trained to wrap positive messages around negative ones, while the French are trained to criticize passionately and provide positive feedback sparingly.

One way to begin gauging how a culture handles negative feedback is by listening to the types of words people use. More direct cultures tend to use what linguists call upgraders, words preceding or following negative feedback that make it feel stronger, such as absolutely, totally, or strongly: “This is absolutely inappropriate,” or “This is totally unprofessional.”

By contrast, more indirect cultures use more downgraders, words that soften the criticism, such as kind of, sort of, a little, a bit, maybe, and slightly. Another type of downgrader is a deliberate understatement, such as “We are not quite there yet” when you really mean “This is nowhere close to complete.” The British are masters at it. The “Anglo-Dutch Translation Guide”, which has been circulating in various versions on the Internet, illustrates the miscommunication that can result.

Germans are rather like the Dutch in respect of directness and interpret British understatement very similarly. Marcus Klopfer, a German client, described to me how a misunderstanding with his British boss almost cost him his job:

In Germany, we typically use strong words when complaining or criticizing in order to make sure the message registers clearly and honestly. Of course, we assume others will do the same. My British boss during a one-on-one “suggested that I think about” doing something differently. So I took his suggestion: I thought about it, and decided not to do it. Little did I know that his phrase was supposed to be interpreted as “change your behavior right away or else.” And I can tell you I was pretty surprised when my boss called me into his office to chew me out for insubordination!

I learned to ignore all of the soft words surrounding the message when listening to my British teammates. Of course, the other lesson was to consider how my British staff might interpret my messages, which I had been delivering as “purely” as possible with no softeners whatsoever. I realize now that when I give feedback in my German way, I may actually use words that make the message sound as strong as possible without thinking much about it. I’ve been surrounded by this “pure” negative feedback since I was a child.

All this can be interesting, surprising, and sometimes downright painful, when you are leading a global team: as you Skype with your employees in different cultures, your words will be magnified or minimized significantly based on your listener’s cultural context So you have to work to understand how your own way of giving feedback is viewed in other cultures. As Klopfer reported:

Now that I better understand these cultural tendencies, I … soften the message when working with cultures less direct than my own. I start by sprinkling the ground with a few light positive comments and words of appreciation. Then I ease into the feedback with “a few small suggestions.” As I’m giving the feed- back, I add words like “minor” or “possibly.” Then I wrap up by stating that “This is just my opinion, for whatever it is worth,” and “You can take it or leave it.” The elaborate dance is quite humorous from a German’s point of view … but it certainly gets [the] desired results!

What about you? Where do you think your own culture falls in this regard? If I need to tell you your work is total #######, how would you like me to deliver the message?

[JohnR! 5,495]

This is hilarious and so true.

I still like the American approach best: You call it like it is. If it is #######, you should call it #######. End of story and everyone knows where they stand.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Anything is better that than that silly grin I get most places in the world, that tells me what they are thinking: "I do not care how big or strong you are, you running mongrel dog. I will kill you while you sleep, and take all your American dollars."

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

This is hilarious and so true.

I still like the American approach best: You call it like it is. If it is #######, you should call it #######. End of story and everyone knows where they stand.

(Since) I was raised in a German - American household (maybe I can introduce a certain familiarity) = Just saying "it's #######" is incomplete... leaves it wide open for interpretation regarding degree of crapiness. Therefore - an appropriate expletive is often attached to avoid any possible confusion.

Think MBD for a moment....he makes sure we all understand his assessment very clearly by doing an excellent job stringing together - well thought out precision placed - words to help the recipient accurately gauge their own crapiness .

Edited March 10, 2014 by Crashed~N2~Me

[LibCampFireClub 635]

As long as it's less than five words, just repeat them several times with various facial expressions. If they don't get the point, fart and order another beer.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

As long as it's less than five words, just repeat them several times with various facial expressions. If they don't get the point, fart and order another beer.

"frantically wave your arms and drool" is a perfect example. That assessment was very clear & I still chuckle when I recall it.

Edited March 10, 2014 by Crashed~N2~Me

[LibCampFireClub 635]

"frantically wave your arms and drool" is a perfect example. That assessment was very clear & I still chuckle when I recall it.

[Ryan H 3,819]

Moved from Current Events and Hot Social Topics forum to Off Topic.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Oh, great! Musical chairs again.

[Darnell 8,479]

Ya, British English was a pita to learn, ages past,

but I was happy to learn it and use it.

[mota bhai 2,675]

My least favorite word in british english is "brilliant". I never know ####### they really mean.

Like there will be a meeting with the team from London dialed in, we'll go over some mundane technical stuff (like the refresh schedule for Ubuntu) and the London lead will invariably respond with BRILLIANT!

The murkins all look at each other, no one knows how to respond. No dude, this isn't brilliant. Unless you mean the opposite.

[Darnell 8,479]

Mostly, it's an insult.

[lucybelle 453]

This is hilarious and so true.

I still like the American approach best: You call it like it is. If it is #######, you should call it #######. End of story and everyone knows where they stand.

I have had such an issue with this as I work in Costa Rica. If I have an issue, I tell someone I have an issue. Here in CR if you have an issue you invite the person to coffee, ask them about their family, then beat around the bush for about an hour without ever actually addressing the issue.

I have no doubt people think I'm the "rude American". I think I'm direct and efficient! If I have something to say, I'm just going to say it and not waste everyone's time!

One time, us foreign teachers got mad because we weren't being paid on time. (The tico teachers, as they are normally non-confrontational, didn't want to say anything) A perfectly good reason to be upset. When we confronted the owner of the school she started CRYING and talking about how we don't trust her. Lady! I just want to get paid on time!

[Pooky 3,825]

My least favorite word in british english is "brilliant". I never know ####### they really mean.

Like there will be a meeting with the team from London dialed in, we'll go over some mundane technical stuff (like the refresh schedule for Ubuntu) and the London lead will invariably respond with BRILLIANT!

The murkins all look at each other, no one knows how to respond. No dude, this isn't brilliant. Unless you mean the opposite.

I think you need a lesson in brilliant.

Shall we commence?

[Morningmist 76]

Ha! I pretty much understood the Dutch interpretation to the British one. I had a British boss once. I could never make out if something bothered him or not and kind of like the German guy, I took everything literally. Until over the years it became clear that he wasn't being to the point and those "suggestions" were really orders. It was really hard to work for him. His passive aggressiveness drove me crazy. I have an American boss now, and he is much more direct and to the point. If he doesn't like something or if he does, he says straight out.