Conflict between the families - When/where to get married?

[Éclair 0]

Option 2. Civil wedding with a nice reception for the whole family then church wedding in the future! We did k1 because my family went to the US and we had our big wedding here

So your whole family in the Philippines was able to get tourist visas and come to america?

I would want to do that as well. Just don't know the likely hood of her family getting visas. I feel like her parents could get it because theyre working and they have ties to the country. But her sisters and brother are too young and have no ties. I kno her grandma on the moms side wants to come but she doesn't have many ties either, she is old however, but she doesn't work or really have any assets. I kno her dad's side has been to america before so they could technically apply for visa and get it i'd imagine.

[Messybrownhair 251]

So your whole family in the Philippines was able to get tourist visas and come to america?

I would want to do that as well. Just don't know the likely hood of her family getting visas. I feel like her parents could get it because theyre working and they have ties to the country. But her sisters and brother are too young and have no ties. I kno her grandma on the moms side wants to come but she doesn't have many ties either, she is old however, but she doesn't work or really have any assets. I kno her dad's side has been to america before so they could technically apply for visa and get it i'd imagine.

Immediate family, yes. We already had visas to begin with. My tourist visa was cancelled when I got my k1

[ssw 2]

I don't think there are options here. If the parents insist their daughter to marry first then you will have to marry first. Since your fiancee is too young and need them write the permission statement. Using K1 is most unlikely will happen. Also forget about "fake wedding" in the church. Marrying in catholic church is not simple as just show up one day and be done within half hour like Vegas. The church need to verify you both are catholic also you need to have sponsor (witness) to sign the marriage contract in the wedding. It's way cheaper to do the real thing than paying so many people to fake it. But for option 2, I don't know if getting a Civil is a good idea. If the mom is very religious, she's not going to like you doing a Civil wedding. Also, doing a Civil may not be good for the CR1 visa, just IMO. The picture of the "wedding" may not be good proof for relationship. I say just do the real thing and get it over with. I'm mean my wife and I did it. CR1 sure sucks, it's 1 year now we still at NVC stage. But still I'm not regretting we got marry first, we have good memory from the wedding. I can't imaging what kind of memory we have if we just did a Civil first.

Side note: I am Chinese also. My wife's family don't have problem with me. Everyone seems happy every time they see me. Just be pleasant, eat the same food they eat, drink the same drink they drink, relax you are in the Philippines not the US. Don't forget to bring gifts, especially your future mother and father in law.

[A and T 82]

Go with option 1, its faster and if you do a wedding here they will just drain you trying to make you pay for everyone. Such as food for a large amount of people you don't even know etc

[Wyatt Cox 16]

I am a strong believer in getting married in front of HER Family. Full on wedding. That is what we did. It was the best experience of my life. We did not do a church wedding, but a civil ceremony officiated by a the City Engineer of Marikina City who is also a minister. I can truly say that the wedding ceremony itself would not have been duplicated in the USA, not even close. The reception likewise. Do it there. 25 years from now you'll look back on it and agree.

Remember also that your Philippine Marriage Contract will require a minimum 10 day waiting period. Church weddings can take longer. Plan ahead.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Might help you decide if you know.....If it is really needed....

http://manila.usembassy.gov/marriage.html

Church Wedding Requirements

Note: A Catholic religious ceremony may be performed even without a civil ceremony and the marriage will still be considered legal in the Philippines. Other non-Catholic churches may require documents and/or seminars not specified below. To be sure, inquire with the church in which you plan to be married. The process below describes the general procedures for arranging a Catholic wedding in the Philippines. However, the policies and procedures of individual churches may vary.

1. Baptismal and Confirmation Certificates – Required for both the bride and the groom. These documents must be new, be annotated: "FOR MARRIAGE PURPOSES ONLY", and have been obtained not more than three months before the date of marriage;
   For mixed marriage (different religions) – a dispensation must be secured from the Parish Office which will be released after the canonical interview with the parish priest or his assistant. These have to be presented one week before the wedding.
2. Marriage License – for those who are first married in a civil ceremony, a certified true photocopy of the Marriage Contract with the registry number of the city or town where the marriage was performed must be submitted one week before the wedding date.
3. Canonical Interview – The parish priest or his assistant will conduct an interview with the bride and the groom one month before the wedding date. The interview will be scheduled upon the signing of the application form.
4. Pre-Marriage Seminar – The seminar will be scheduled during the canonical interview or you may inquire at the parish office. Some churches will allow you to attend other pre-wedding seminars such as the Discovery Weekend or Catholic Engaged Encounter.
5. Permission – The bride must receive permission to marry from her parish, if the venue is in another parish.
6. Wedding Banns – The couple must post the schedule of their wedding in their respective parishes. These will be provided during the canonical interview and have to be immediately brought to the respective parishes of the bride and the groom for posting. These have to be returned to the office after three Sundays. (The respective parishes may ask some requirements for the posting of the banns i.e. a picture each from the bride and the couple.)
7. List of names and addresses of principal sponsors (Ninongs and Ninangs) – The list has to be submitted to the parish office one week before the wedding date. Church policy requires at least a pair of sponsors and, ideally, a maximum of six sponsors.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

IIRC & indicated in the itemized list - Takes 30 days (& more) to complete all requirements. & Is OP Catholic?

I know you guys want to be together ASAP...the waiting is brutal (to say the least)....but seems to me = better make momma happy which will make your stb wife happy ...and...while waiting a bit longer to be with you - she has a little more time to make some lasting memories with her family.....something about knowing..."I'm leaving on a Jet Plane. Don't know when I'll be back again"....takes "quality time" to a new level of understanding......just a thought.

Edited March 11, 2014 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Éclair 0]

Go with option 1, its faster and if you do a wedding here they will just drain you trying to make you pay for everyone. Such as food for a large amount of people you don't even know etc

That is a valid point.

A lot of valid point responses. I'm not sure who will pay for everything in the philippines wedding.

My side isn't because we'd be paying for our side here in the states, plus visa fees, and flight fees. All that adds up to a good chunk of change...

I'm not catholic, i'm christian. Fiancee is not even catholic, she's christian and so is her mom.

But the dad is still catholic and pretty much the rest of her family. From what my fiancee told me, the dad would want it at a catholic church. But if its too difficult then the main idea would be to get married there, somewhere, anywhere, as long as its there. Not sure who would plan/pay for that side.

Hopefully when May comes around we'll all be able to talk and get a better idea of what is the best thing to do.

[Teripid 5]

I actually did option 2 with similar cirumstances with a full Catholic wedding (I'm generously listed as "Unitarian Universalist" under religion on the forms). I had to make a planning trip to get the requirements done as well as some vacation but that list is far from trivial. The pre-cana was an experience to say the least, complete with a 120 question survey fully in Tagalog. I'd met her immediate family many times and my sister had come over on a previous trip when I was still working there.

It was important to her and her family and that's what mattered for me. There's no way they all could have attended in the US. I also got to meet many Ninongs and Ninangs that had been a part of my wife's life as well. My family was able to fly over and attend and overall our costs were lower even covering some planefares than a similar wedding in the US. We were also able to do a hiking trip and some further bonding after which was a great experience before we set off on our own.

Sounds like you've got a good plan to get everyone together and discuss things. You may want to try and get some of the pre-wedding requirements done during your trip there if you're leaning that direction.

[Petelito 0]

I am going to do the official part of the wedding here then have the big one in the Philippines with our family there and some of our relatives from here.