Honor Killings

[peezey 0]

Remember, I'm not responsible for how you interpret what I said.

I remember, and I agree, I was clarifying for you my tone, not defensive, but irritated.

[chri'stina 190]

Of course anyone would be upset if their sister, mother, daughter, wife, etc did something that they considered very wrong.

To physically harm someone or harass them for what they did, is totally wrong though IMO. Shunning is one thing, physical harm is another.

And what is also bad, as many others have said a lot already, is the double standard. If a man does the same thing wrong, he should be held to the same punishment by the people who do these things. Especially since in many of these cultures, as in my husband's culture, it is the man who is the one to carry forward the family name and respect.

I've just been reading this thread, and thinking about so many things...Sujeet and I have cultural differences, but we tried to find out as much about each other as possible and what we believed about so many things in life. I realize not everyone talks about these things ahead of time although they should, but if Sujeet thought honor killings were ok, I would/should have found out before getting married. I would seriously worry about things like a future daughter we might have together, and what if she does something that would make him so ashamed that he'd want to kill her? I wouldn't be able to marry someone who thought it was ok for anyone to do.

I have not gotten any big surprises about what Sujeet thinks or believes after being married to him. People do need to talk about these kinds of things and a lot of serious issues before deciding to marry.

Like for me, since he was from India I started looking up all different things about India. The good with the bad, and asked him about all of it. I wanted to know the dark parts of India that maybe are not talked about, along with the open subjects.

Edited January 5, 2007 by stina&suj

[peezey 0]

Seems as tho some did not consider this subject. What other important subjects have you not yet discussed?

Who are you speaking to? What makes you think that? Maybe you want to come out and tell us what these important subjects are...

I've discussed everything that is important to *me* and to *my husband* with him. Maybe we should also discuss the things that are important to *you*, so let's have 'em!

This is why I haven't answered your question each time you've posted it. I can't tell you what I haven't discussed if I think I've discussed it all, so list some things that might fall into the forgotten category so we can answer.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I'll apoligize before even starting, hows that, but granted im still new, i'll be the first to admit dont know alot of Moroccan culture, but this survey asks you to state the views of the other party. Have each of you already sat down and discussed this issue or are you just speaking what you think they would say? Just asking because i am going to ask him tonight and get his views.

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

I wasn't trying to be funny first thing. I was being serious.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Seems as tho some did not consider this subject. What other important subjects have you not yet discussed?

Who are you speaking to? What makes you think that? Maybe you want to come out and tell us what these important subjects are...

I've discussed everything that is important to *me* and to *my husband* with him. Maybe we should also discuss the things that are important to *you*, so let's have 'em!

If you don't want to answer, then don't. No skin off my teeth.

[mybackpages 0]

Woa. That is chauvinistic, not based on any facts and it comes from a woman...

I am honestly amazed.

I am sorry if this sounds troll-y, but I am really shocked...

Welcome to my world

[Together4ever 1]

I anticipate my husband may very well get more "traditional" as the years go on, and this is something I thought about and decided I would be comfortable with. My family has experience in the Middle East, so when we were getting serious about marriage, they as well as their friends brought up potential issues, and they put me in touch with people who had been in long-term (some as long as 50+ years) marriages between Arab men/American women to discuss potential issues/expectations.

Question to all: Whom here believes they know all of their husbands cultural attitudes? It's been my experience that a man becomes more of what he was raised to be as he gets older. This is especially true of Muslim men who migrate to the US, into a secular culture. Can you really say you know it all as will apply to raising children? Seems as tho some did not consider this subject. What other important subjects have you not yet discussed?

Respectfully, I think the "not knowing" can be said to be true in any couple. Face it, ALL of our attitudes and beliefs tend to change as we go through our lives. I don't think this is exclusive to Middle Eastern Men. It may just stand out in starker contrast.

[Reynaldo 0]

I wasn't trying to be funny first thing. I was being serious.

Too bad...

[jordanianprincess 0]

I wasn't trying to be funny first thing. I was being serious.

Well then check your facts because the size of a man's ####### is not why a woman doesn't bleed the first time.

[Jenn! 918]

Seems as tho some did not consider this subject. What other important subjects have you not yet discussed?

Who are you speaking to? What makes you think that? Maybe you want to come out and tell us what these important subjects are...

I've discussed everything that is important to *me* and to *my husband* with him. Maybe we should also discuss the things that are important to *you*, so let's have 'em!

If you don't want to answer, then don't. No skin off my teeth.

Ok, I'll answer. We have not discussed whether we would rather be machine-gunned to death with Lite-Brite pegs or be assasinated by Cabbage Patch Dolls. There are a lot of other things we haven't discussed either. Shall I list them all? They're not important to us, but maybe they're important to you.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I anticipate my husband may very well get more "traditional" as the years go on, and this is something I thought about and decided I would be comfortable with. My family has experience in the Middle East, so when we were getting serious about marriage, they as well as their friends brought up potential issues, and they put me in touch with people who had been in long-term (some as long as 50+ years) marriages between Arab men/American women to discuss potential issues/expectations.

Question to all: Whom here believes they know all of their husbands cultural attitudes? It's been my experience that a man becomes more of what he was raised to be as he gets older. This is especially true of Muslim men who migrate to the US, into a secular culture. Can you really say you know it all as will apply to raising children? Seems as tho some did not consider this subject. What other important subjects have you not yet discussed?

Respectfully, I think the "not knowing" can be said to be true in any couple. Face it, ALL of our attitudes and beliefs tend to change as we go through our lives. I don't think this is exclusive to Middle Eastern Men. It may just stand out in starker contrast.

We're speaking in a cultural context. JP, peezy and I expressed surprize that there seem to be women here who crossed continents to marry someone whose culture they don't understand. My questions deal with that context, not the generalization of change over time being married. So, yes, in this context, it refers to the Middle Eastern man or I would not have posted it.

[chri'stina 190]

I also don't understand why someone would travel halfway across the world to marry someone without knowing their customs, culture, and traditions. This is one of the things I find the most shocking about the information that has come out of this thread.

......

I didn't see this post, but this was what I was also trying to say in my recent post. I also don't understand it. Of course it's not possible to completely know the culture/customs without experiencing it, but you can find out a lot about it by simply asking questions, and looking up info which is readily available online.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Seems as tho some did not consider this subject. What other important subjects have you not yet discussed?

Who are you speaking to? What makes you think that? Maybe you want to come out and tell us what these important subjects are...

I've discussed everything that is important to *me* and to *my husband* with him. Maybe we should also discuss the things that are important to *you*, so let's have 'em!

If you don't want to answer, then don't. No skin off my teeth.

Ok, I'll answer. We have not discussed whether we would rather be machine-gunned to death with Lite-Brite pegs or be assasinated by Cabbage Patch Dolls. There are a lot of other things we haven't discussed either. Shall I list them all? They're not important to us, but maybe they're important to you.

Jenn, if you have a sick up your azz, don't bother me with it. My questions are valid, and they weren't aimmed specifically at you. So, maybe you are operating under some mandate to attack someone so many times a day, but I could not care less what is bothering you about me asking.

Edited January 5, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Reynaldo 0]

I wasn't trying to be funny first thing. I was being serious.

Well then check your facts because the size of a man's ####### is not why a woman doesn't bleed the first time.

To put it simple: It's not their fault (as in guilt-wise) that they don't bleed, but it is their fault (as in her-body-not-wanting-to-bleed-wise) that they don't bleed.

I will now just forget the last phrase of her post and let the thread go on...

Edited January 5, 2007 by Reynaldo