Visa interviewer totally humiliated and insulted my wife. What to do?

[novedsac 355]

If there was suspicion, and I understand why there might be, why not contact me, tell me my wife's application is suspect and ask ME the tough questions?

Because you weren't the beneficiary of the visa, you're fiancé was.

Nonetheless, very sorry to hear of the trouble. While I do expect consular staff to be tough and thorough, what you describe is out of line. I hope your fiancé isn't as traumatized with the next steps of the process and doesn't think the majority of Americans are like that.

[dakelei 3]

My wife could have answered any real question she was asked, including about my bowel movements. She could have answered anything about what we eat, how often we do it, anything. She wasn't asked any of that. I told her to just tell the truth and there would be no problems. I din't feel any need to "prepare" her like this was some sort of exam. I feel bad because I assured her everything was fine. I did not expect her to be confronted with outright cruelty. Tough questions, maybe, but she could have answered anything they asked. If there is "fraud" suspected, who do they suspect of committing it? Am I suspected of tricking this poor girl to bring her home and subject her to the sex trade? Is she suspected of scamming me? We have been together for FOUR YEARS! Do they think I'm that stupid? Or that she is so evil she could live a lie for that long?

Look, folks. I know fraud does happen. However, treating every Chinese woman like some evil Jezebel is just plain wrong. At this point I'm embarrassed about this. My wife and I are leaving China at least partially because we're both tired of this incompetent and corrupt government with all its "guanxi" BS. I repeatedly assured my wife that my country treats everyone the same, whether you're rich, poor, "connected" or not. I guess I've been away too long and that is no longer true.

[novedsac 355]

I repeatedly assured my wife that my country treats everyone the same, whether you're rich, poor, "connected" or not. I guess I've been away too long and that is no longer true.

Oh boy, you have been away for a long, long time … though I'm not sure it was ever as ideal as you have just described.

I've several Chinese friends, mostly who came to this country for graduate school and decided to stay and raise their families … while they generally prefer life in the US over China, I've heard on numerous occasions how their expectations of US society were lofty and idealistic until they spent some time here.

You may want to coax your fiancé into understanding that the US, while very different from China, is not some egalitarian ideal.

Life can be intimidating for immigrants … it's amazing how many people associate a foreign accent / lack of command of the English language as a sign of stupidity; where I live we have a lot of Mexican immigrants and I've seen people identify Filipinas, Thais and Puerto Ricans as Mexicans just because they had dark hair, eyes and skin. I witnessed numerous times my ex-wife getting the run around at a store or business because it was obvious she was foreign … only to have the attitude change when I showed up. Just something you need to get used to I guess …

[dakelei 3]

I was not referring to the general populace, but to the government. I'm well aware there are bigots everywhere in the USA and I know quite a few personally. However, I guess I'm still idealistic enough to think that at least the government treats eveyone more or less the same, with all the "one man, one vote" stuff.

It is often assumed by Chinese that I'M stupid. It ain't just an American thing. I live in a small city and there are very few "laowai" here. I tell my wife that at least in the USA people won't be able to tell she is a foreigner just by looking at her. She is going to have a rough time of it at first, as will I. But I'm confident she'll eventually fit in better in the USA than I ever will here.

[unsmiley 111]

I agree with the others who say to just move on. I don't think a complaint will help you or others in the future.

However loathsome, this experience is government at "work". It is an egregious (but not unheard of) example what our so much of our tax dollars and exorbitant fees are wasted on. But if you do decide to file a complaint, I would not do it until you have all the approvals/papers in hand.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

Honestly, perhaps the CO was concerned for your wife and wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting into in the US? People are going to judge whether they say anything or not. If she isn't prepared for these little comments, will she be prepared hearing it later on or getting judged for it?

You are angry now because it is fresh, but would you rather the CO glossed over these issues or didn't knock some sense into a starry eyed girl who thinks America is unicorns and rainbows?

[dakelei 3]

NOLA, you're, frankly, talking nonsense. . My wife and I have been together, and I'll say this again, FOUR YEARS. She is harboring no illusions, nor am I. She is not a "starry eyed girl.". She is an intelligent and hard-working young woman.

I'm willing to cut the interviewer some slack but he needs to just stick to his job. He's not a social worker.

I'm through with this now. Some of YOU are pissing me off worse than the consulate did.

[lostinblue 1,989]

Please endure this and move on. In another section of this site we argue about the undocumented democrats. I have often mentioned that they all should be deported. . I have been called racist for believing this. It is a slap in the face for anyone that brought someone here to the US and jumped through the hoops doing so. Many people are denied during this process. I can see where the person conducting the interview having had a severe argument with his or her spouse fails almost every person they interview. We have no recourse. We are at their mercy. They are gods for the few minutes they decide the fate of everyone's spouse. You are not alone in your anger. Complain all you want but it will not do you any good. As my Chinese wife often says "this is the life".....in other words it is fate who you draw for this interview. The only thing you can do is move on and hope to have a good life. If you ever have a bad fight think of what it took to be together.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

NOLA, you're, frankly, talking nonsense. . My wife and I have been together, and I'll say this again, FOUR YEARS. She is harboring no illusions, nor am I. She is not a "starry eyed girl.". She is an intelligent and hard-working young woman.

I'm willing to cut the interviewer some slack but he needs to just stick to his job. He's not a social worker.

I'm through with this now. Some of YOU are pissing me off worse than the consulate did.

I feel for your wife. The CO shouldn't act in a such manner - he represents Americans in China-. He probably a young American who just started his job. I do remember when had my interview, not just one CO but two inside the room before the older guy started asking me some questions. I heard the older guy giving the younger one instruction how to conduct proper interview with an applicant - seem like a new CO- and somehow I can figure out that what a big issue for the younger guy is actually small matter for the older guy.

The other thing. Nervous is normal. I had one before the interview and with many pressures with all visa things sometimes people can't focus when others asked them. The CO tried "to trick" me asking many questions in short time to see if I could answers the questions correctly. I had thought that probably he did it to your wife to get her reaction or opened up about her"intent". Language barrier is sometimes very tricky too if you know what I mean.

This part is very interesting to me. All people have intent go to the US. Whether for love or just to get a green card. The embassy/consulate don't care what your "own intent", all they do care that "your intent" from their perspective of the US immigration law. You can have the most genuine relationship ever but they can deny you based for what your intent in their perspective. And you can have the most fake relationship ever but you can get away with it and freely go to the US. While I do agree about the CO are well trained as the previous poster mentioned- that's they told me when had a chance talk to them-, but they are just a human being and no one is perfect. If all consular officers are really well trained, we won't siting in front of our laptops/computer and reading some of hot topics on Visa Journey about people were scammed by their spouse(s) and fiance(e)s or that what they thought so. There are a good and bad people in workplace even at a government agencies. That's the fact.

Age gap in some countries is not such a big deal while in some others it is a red flag. I am not sure about in China but in the Philippines, age gap is a normal and you can find a guy who is 36 years older married a girl and her visa was approved without get into hot water like your wife had.

Also, I am curious. Why you did not go with your wife at her interview? I had my fiance with me even though he wasn't inside the room where the interview session had taken a place. I was lucky get a very good consular officer and I couldn't ask any better than him.

Here my suggestion is. Since the consulate is not allowed you to come in without an appointment though you are an American, go to their website or whatever their rules are, set up an appointment so they can let you in, write the complaint, don't forget to bring your wife, go to the US citizen window and talk to them about the incident and give them your letter. Whatever their answer documented and when you come to the US, contact your congressman or senator and bring it on! I know some people are suggested you to move on but if you can't let it go - which is I truly understand- choose proper way to communicate your complain to get your voice to be heard.

On my closing note, I am truly sorry for the difficulty that your wife had been through for her visa process. Wish luck for both of you!

[QueenComley 295]

Any form of interview regarding the visa process is extremely nerve racking. Its such a scary experience... CO was very intimidating to your wife and was not professional when conducting the interview. But do you know what?.... Your wife is one tough cookie.... tougher than the CO is that's for sure... because she walked away with a visa YAY!!!!

Im sorry that this was her experience. I hope over time your wife is able to shake off the hurt and celebrate this wonderful news with you... you have the rest of your lives to look forward to and despite the CO being an idiot and trying to intimidate your wife, she was strong enough and smart enough to get her visa and should walk away with her head held high. Anyone would crack under those sorts of circumstances.... but she accomplished what you guys have worked so hard towards... she should be VERY proud of herself, wipe those tears away and keep on going.

I wish you both all the happiness in the world.

[Darnell 8,479]

My wife had her interview today in Guangzhou. I decided to wait for her at the Starbucks around the corner from the consulate in order to keep an eye on our things, as we had already checked out of our hotel and planned to head right back to our city when she was done. When my wife met me after the interview she was acting strangely. She told me that the interviewer told her she had "passed" the interview and would be getting her visa, green card and whatever. However, she was oddly subdued and didn't seem nearly as happy about this as I expected. I mean, this has been sort of a tortuous process and I expected more obvious signs of joy out of her. However, within 10 minutes she was a sobbing mess. When she told me what the young man who'd interviewed her said I was shocked and angry, not only as a husband but as an American. No one who is acting as a representative of the USA should speak to anyone the way he did. He made a very inappropriate comment about the age difference between my wife and I and told her she was going to be poor and miserable in America. She was so distraught over this treatment that she never thought to get the guy's name. I went back with her to the consulate to try to talk with someone there and security would not let me in.

I'm torn about what to do about this. This person made my wife an emotional wreck and she says she has never been so hurt in her life. She has been crying on and off all day. She is not the drama-queen type at all and I know her pain is genuine. This young man absolutely should NOT have job he has. He basically called my wife a gold-digging ####### to her face and said she should be ashamed of herself. I can't just let this go. Does anyone have any advice as to what action I can take?

get in via ACS walkin time - if it still exists,

or set up ACS appointment and go in.

Vice Consuls handle visa interviews and American Citizen Services, so the fella you see at ACS will know something about the fella that interviewed your wife.

[Darnell 8,479]

What disturbs me more than anything else: On every scrap of paperwork and email I submitted there was MY phone number and MY contact information. I am right here in the country. It would have taken 3 minutes to pick up a damn phone and call me. NO ONE DID. If there was suspicion, and I understand why there might be, why not contact me, tell me my wife's application is suspect and ask ME the tough questions? From the very beginning of this process I checked email constantly just freakin WAITING for someone to contact me with questions. My wife was worried literally sick about this interview. She threw up a few times. When she got to the consulate she was operating on maybe 5 hours sleep in 3 days. She was worried about missing a day of work.

To the guy lecturing me about what Chinese women "expect" shut your pie hole. I've lived in China for 12 years and have been with my wife for 4 years now. Don't be such a know-it-all and don't lump 700 million or so "Chinese women" into one massive category. You're just as annoying as the guy at the consulate with your assumptions. It annoys me that some folks here quickly declare themselves experts on everything Chinese. You don't know me, my wife or my situation.

When my wife expressed concerns about the interview, I suppose my reaction was naive. I said, "If they suspected something was amiss they would have asked me about it." And I genuinely believed that. They had something like 75 pictures of my wife and I together. They had the narrative about our relationship that I wrote. They had letters from friends and colleagues and even my mother. I assumed that was enough and if after all that they still had doubts they would have asked ME. Not my poor, stressed-out, sleep-deprived wife. No one from any government agency asked me anything. Do they suspect I'm some sort of "victim" of my evil, conniving wife? We have been together for 4 years. My American neighbor has lived across the hall from us since September, 2010 and she wrote a letter attesting to this. Was SHE also so blind she didn't see my obviously evil wife was just pretending to be a good woman who gets up and goes to work every day?

I'm sorry if I expect a bit more from my government. I assured my wife the consulate staff would be "nice" to her because the USA is a "nice" country. When I met her after the interview for around a minute I was so happy everything had gone "OK."

My wife has had a night to sleep all of this off and she feels a lot better today. I'm going to file a letter at least expressing my concerns with this entire process. Maybe it will do some good, maybe it won't. But to those suggesting I just "move on" and do nothing, well, you're an embarrassment. We're Americans. We don't allow our loved ones to be kicked around by people who are paid by taxes that regular Americans pay. I'm not acting "macho." I'm behaving the way a person who truly believes in "democracy" should behave. Maybe in this country the government can treat people like ####### but, damn it, I will not stand idly by while my country does it. We're supposed to be different. That's why Chinese queue for hours to get a visa to leave here and go to the USA. Know what I mean?

please understand -

it was her visa application interview.

Not yours.

Sure, her visa type is determined by marriage to you, a USCitizen, but you are not part of the interview.

The fact that other USCitizens attend the interview in other countries is ONLY as a courtesy in that country. It's obvious Guangzhou IV not allow this, so keep that in mind when yer talking with dolts who suggest that you should have been at her hip at that moment.

I don't know you, I don't know your wife, so any deduction I make based on what you've written would go like this:

Per the adjudicator's manual, a huge age difference is the first red flag to notice. Although they cannot deny based on age difference, the Vice Consul WILL fork off , and ask other questions, make scurrilous comments to the Visa Applicant,

in an attempt to shake her and open a larger wedge to ask more difficult questions.

In the end, if there are inadequate responses to a collection of difficult questions, then (and only then) the Vice-Consul has a path to deny the visa application.

That didn't happen with your wife. She got one or two difficult things, and you remember the Vice Consul shifted a bit as he was reading the casefile, finally seeing the 4 year presence in China married to this woman.

Still, he's a tardo and should have done something else (like reading the @@$ing casefile prior) instead of just the Immigrant Visa Summary Sheet (which shows the biodata on the two of you) ...

I'll suggest this: The Vice Consul she got that day, wasn't the Vice Consul she was supposed to get. The Vice Consul she was supposed to get:

--actually read the casefile a week ago and

--is thoroughly familiar with the casefile and

--was going to give an easy interview, as the casefile was stellar.

Something happened, a last-minute personnel change, and your wife not get the Vice-Consul she was originally assigned. Sure, he turned out to be an @sshat and a tardo, but this same @sshat and tardo keeps out the 11,000 visa scammers that attempt visa fraud each year at GUZ IV. For me, to you, I tell you - I want this guy to keep working . From me, to you - I tell you - this fella is a tardo and in the least should be sanctioned 3 days worth of pay for being a tardo. The DoS Ombudsman's Office would be the starting point, if'n you wanted to slam his @ss..

/end of deduction ..

Edited March 7, 2014 by Darnell

[MuDelphi 159]

NOLA, you're, frankly, talking nonsense. . My wife and I have been together, and I'll say this again, FOUR YEARS. She is harboring no illusions, nor am I. She is not a "starry eyed girl.". She is an intelligent and hard-working young woman.

I'm willing to cut the interviewer some slack but he needs to just stick to his job. He's not a social worker.

I'm through with this now. Some of YOU are pissing me off worse than the consulate did.

Don't be so mad.

[LibCampFireClub 635]

To the guy lecturing me about what Chinese women "expect" shut your pie hole. I've lived in China for 12 years and have been with my wife for 4 years now. Don't be such a know-it-all and don't lump 700 million or so "Chinese women" into one massive category. You're just as annoying as the guy at the consulate with your assumptions. It annoys me that some folks here quickly declare themselves experts on everything Chinese. You don't know me, my wife or my situation.

Ya gots a fragile trigger there. Since you consider yourself the expert then why did you post here in the first place? If someone steals your stool at the bar, your options are limited. If you wanna throttle that guy then go throttle him and see where that gets ya. You posted in the open forum and asked for input and then get pissed off when you don't like the input.Since you consider my short post as an unfriendly lecture, then you might want to consider checking out some anger management. How you feel now? Even more pissed off?

Edited March 10, 2014 by ExExpat