USCIS has turned my marriage into a joke...

[suhailsaish 24]

My life in a nutshell... Arranged marriage in May 2013, Filed first week on June, didn't hear a squeak till mid December that my case is getting transferred to NSC. Was asked too wait 60 days because inquiring... today is the 70th day. Now the sites been down. I have been with my wife exactly 22 days in a year of us knowing each other. I will never forget the pain you have caused me USCIS.

[thedude6752000 360]

I feel the same way man. Not an arranged marriage, I chose this, but still the government has completely changed I feel about my marriage. In 3 years of knowing my wife I have spent less than 6 months face-2-face with her. I never imagined anything could cause this much psychological torment.

Edited February 24, 2014 by thedude6752000

[PANNU 3]

I filed I-130 february 2013 and my case is waiting at NVC! Takes forever at USCIS to get approved!

I've only spent a month and 3 weeks with my husband and it sucks after being away for a year! Good luck.

[Kaylara 814]

Me and my kids haven't seen my husband in almost exactly one year. I'm so over this bullcrap.

[suhailsaish 24]

I completely feel your guys pain... especially the kids situations. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm usually very optimistic and my wife keeps strong. But 10 months after our marriage, still separated... and that's not counting the time after the approval... is too much too bare. Our government is focused on making the illegal immigrants legal, which I completely understand but at the cost of my marriage? Not ok with that at all... We haven't even gone on our honeymoon. Every night when I Skype with her, I can see the pain in her eyes but she doesn't say anything because she wants me to be strong... And there isn't anything I can do about it.

[LoveMyTico 999]

yup, I'm completely fed up too. today was a really bad day for me

[eieio 1,594]

I have question for those of you that are at your wits ends and completely frustrated with the whole process.

When did the frustration and anger start to take hold? How has it affected your relationship?

I have a priority date of Sept. 26 th. So far we are ok...but some days seem to take forever.

[suhailsaish 24]

yup, I'm completely fed up too. today was a really bad day for me

Sorry to hear that... try to stay positive.

[Kaylara 814]

yup, I'm completely fed up too. today was a really bad day for me

My bad day was Friday. I was looking up airfares ready to say "Screw this." and go back to the Netherlands. Wound up sitting here crying for a few hours instead. Now my husband and I are talking contingency plans.

[Kaylara 814]

I have question for those of you that are at your wits ends and completely frustrated with the whole process.

When did the frustration and anger start to take hold? How has it affected your relationship?

I have a priority date of Sept. 26 th. So far we are ok...but some days seem to take forever.

My PD was March 20th. (I'm at the NVC now, but no case number yes.) I didn't start getting upset at all about things until September. About 8 1/2 months in I started having a really hard time. Christmas sucked. And even since then I've had some very, very low points. This past Friday was probably the lowest. I've been trying to channel my anger into useful action, and have been successful most of the time with that.

As far as my relationship with my husband goes, we're making the best of a bad situation. We talk about it a lot, and try to cheer each other up. We don't fight. We talk about the kids, and discuss job options, and what we need to get done once he gets here, or paperwork. We discuss science and news, or history, or music, or linguistics. Sometimes he plays the trumpet for me or shows me the new musical composition he's working on. Or we sing. We try to maintain some sense of normalcy. And sometimes we just vent at each other. We've already done the LDR thing, albeit 8 years ago, so we know how to deal with our relationship having these limitations at the moment. It's not pleasant in any sense of the word, but we'll get through it. The kids are not holding up as well, and that's probably the hardest part of this.

[thedude6752000 360]

I saw today the stats for Vermont in December, they actually did less than November, only 800 petitions and their backlog climbed to more than 18,000. The breaking point for me was last month when I saw the stats come out for Vermont. Combined with the nagging threat of AP against my wife, because she has a common Muslim name, I lost it. I guess I am the least devoted spouse here, but I started questioning my decision to marry my wife. Of course she's done nothing wrong, she's the best, most faithful wife a man could ever ask for, but thanks to my own government I feel like I have fallen in love with the "wrong type of person." I don't want to say too much because I am wary of bad mouthing the US or its government on the internet, but let's just say this has not made me a more loyal citizen than I already was.

I fluctuate between suicidal, deciding to discuss divorce with my wife, and determined to stay with her every day about 10 times a day. This is mental torture of the worst sort.

[bdrew612 1,071]

We filed back in September, still waiting for at least a transfer to give us some glimmer of hope. Things got really bad around the holidays for us. I think it was largely due to us realizing that we were in for a much longer delay than we originally anticipated. We're both very upset with the system, the bureaucratic and public apathy, and seemingly no way out. I got to see my husband as Christmas, but for a very short time and naturally did the family circuit and managed to squeak a few days alone. I feel so weird typing this, but you all are the only people who would remotely understand, but I felt so envious hearing his family members talk about things they all do together, or will do together. The simplest things, too. Everyone gets to spend time with my husband but me.

We've started to discuss me moving to England. When we're feeling whimsical we talk about settling in a 3rd country - as unrealistic as it sounds, those dreams do help. We're in a dark place with no map, but we still make plans together. My husband and I are learning how to 'be married' which is impossible 4,000 miles away. We make do with what we can and remember this distance is only temporary. Should this wait extend too long and I will sell the house, get the cats micro-chipped and vaccinated and go to him.

I get angry every time I think about this process. We're all being punished for following the letter of the law. It's not right. I'm hopeful that my petition will get transferred this week, but I feel like I'm setting myself up to get punched in the gut.

[Paz_Tranquilidade 61]

Guys, I know you don't want to hear this but hang in there. I have not lived with my husband under the same roof since June 2011 (different immigration issues involving a J-1 visa, two year rule - we could not file for the IR-1 until about six months ago.)

I fight with my husband a lot and this is only lately. I also have thought of divorce and this has affected me psychologically. I missed all of my wedding anniversaries and never got to celebrate any bday with him since we got married. I can't even go out to public places without feeling anxious or depressed when I see couples together. I seriously sit there with the worst jealousy and wish that was me.

Two weeks ago, I went to the ER in the middle of the night because of an asthma attack brought on by anxiety... this never happened to me before. I was lying in bed thinking about all sorts of things - including immigration and I couldn't breathe.

It sucks but there is nothing we can do but wait. I would suggest keep bugging the senator, congressperson, the NVC, or whomever.

The only thing that keeps me going is to know that the love I share with my husband (regardless of my thoughts, which we all have) and this experience is something that very few people can go through. Just about everyone has told me "I don't know how you do it. I could never do it" which to me says "I don't love my spouse that much." In fact, yesterday, someone was complaining to me (again) about having to drive 2 hours to see a girl he's dating. And then criticized me for having a long distance relationship saying those never work. well you know what FU is my answer! And all these things serve to show me that what I have is unique and that when we are, in fact, together again, things will be better than before (after marriage counseling if necessary because let me tell you from past experience... it takes adjusting to your spouse who has essentially become somewhat of a stranger. Skype is no substitute for being together as we all know.)

I have faith that things will be better for all of us and that we can show people what love is... regardless of the turmoil our hearts feel and our relationships endure.

HANG IN THERE! <3 I am so grateful for you guys... we can all relate to each other and understand each other!

Edited February 24, 2014 by Paz_Tranquilidade

[Sulaimon & Brandy 20]

We are October filers and new to this waiting game, everyday I think about packing my bags and heading off to live with my husband. The only thing that keeps me going on my bad days is listening to him sing to me. Thank God for whatsapp recordings "tell me this tell me that, why should I give all my love to you"? I love him so so much!!! I ask God everyday for a Quick journey for us all.

[Paz_Tranquilidade 61]

We filed back in September, still waiting for at least a transfer to give us some glimmer of hope. Things got really bad around the holidays for us. I think it was largely due to us realizing that we were in for a much longer delay than we originally anticipated. We're both very upset with the system, the bureaucratic and public apathy, and seemingly no way out. I got to see my husband as Christmas, but for a very short time and naturally did the family circuit and managed to squeak a few days alone. I feel so weird typing this, but you all are the only people who would remotely understand, but I felt so envious hearing his family members talk about things they all do together, or will do together. The simplest things, too. Everyone gets to spend time with my husband but me.

We've started to discuss me moving to England. When we're feeling whimsical we talk about settling in a 3rd country - as unrealistic as it sounds, those dreams do help. We're in a dark place with no map, but we still make plans together. My husband and I are learning how to 'be married' which is impossible 4,000 miles away. We make do with what we can and remember this distance is only temporary. Should this wait extend too long and I will sell the house, get the cats micro-chipped and vaccinated and go to him.

I get angry every time I think about this process. We're all being punished for following the letter of the law. It's not right. I'm hopeful that my petition will get transferred this week, but I feel like I'm setting myself up to get punched in the gut.

In December, I almost quit school and stayed in Brazil because I could not stomach coming back to the US alone and suffering again.

We almost pulled our I-130 petition and thought about going to Canada instead because we thought the process would be quicker and have many friends who moved there.

I know how you feel.... I get really angry, too. We ARE being punished for following the laws... and meanwhile, I hear about all these status adjusters (people who come on tourist visas because their friends promised them American husbands and cars and homes) and they get their GCs in 3 months. It sucks but I believe in karma.... if we get through this, there will be nothing but tons of blessings!!!