I am so afraid - Nepali fiance's family creating big problems!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Sounds like his mom is playing the typical desi dominating mommy and your fiance is being the typical desi subservient beta who can only look on helplessly as events pass him by.

This is a family problem and the solution lies in changing those family dynamics. Your fiance is going to have to 'change' and change soon.

I don't know how much he can do apart from what he is already doing - he is moving out of the house and is refusing to give in to her - as far as the passport situation is concerned, he found out he has what copies he needs to get a replacement, so that immediate problem can be solved... yes it is in part the typical desi mama drama but it is also complicated by the fact that she is mentally ill, physically abusive, bipolar and extremely unstable - 2 months ago she was talking about helping to pick out my wedding sari and now this? So she is not acting logically by any means and at a certain point if it were me I wouldn't stand up to her or try to get her to change(head, meet wall) but find a way to escape and preserve my own sanity and that is what he is doing...

Good luck to you both

['my_destiny' 0]

I just hope that his family will realized that it is his future is at stake here if they will not support him.

Hope everything will be ok then.

[deathbydalbhat 0]

Thank you all for your advice and support.

An update on our situation - K moved out and is refusing to back down. He has copies of all of the documents he will need for the K1 except for the police report(which he will get when he needs to) so that is our plan. I will still be going to Nepal in May and we are going to get a blessing at the temple(but not a legal wedding). So I am now getting all of my documents together and we are starting the process, am unsure if we should do it now or wait until May to go to the consulate in KTM - we are totally green at this. So I will definitely be coming back here...

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

[chri'stina 190]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

[Emo 0]

I just got off the phone with my fiance who was in tears... His mother has, to put it delicately, mental problems, very unstable, and at the beginning opposed my marrying K because I am not Nepali... A couple of months ago it seemed that she had changed her mind and everything was going smoothly, now for some unknown reason she has gone nuts again against our marriage and went so far as to steal K's passport and citizenship papers, which he of course will need to marry me and come to the US. I asked him if he could apply for a replacement passport claiming it was lost and he said he needs his father's signature even though he is an adult - has anybody ever heard of this??? All he has is photocopies of some documents which he will be Fed Exing to me for safekeeping. We were originally planning on getting married in Nepal this summer and then he would come to the US on a K3, now maybe thinking he should come to the US on a K1 and we marry here even though he would have to stay there longer and who knows what his family will do while he waits for his visa... the big problem is his missing passport and need for father's signature, is there ANY way around this? He said he has a photocopy but that probably is worthless... I am on the verge of tears and don't know what to do now....

Tell the mom that you are nepali!

[deathbydalbhat 0]

I just got off the phone with my fiance who was in tears... His mother has, to put it delicately, mental problems, very unstable, and at the beginning opposed my marrying K because I am not Nepali... A couple of months ago it seemed that she had changed her mind and everything was going smoothly, now for some unknown reason she has gone nuts again against our marriage and went so far as to steal K's passport and citizenship papers, which he of course will need to marry me and come to the US. I asked him if he could apply for a replacement passport claiming it was lost and he said he needs his father's signature even though he is an adult - has anybody ever heard of this??? All he has is photocopies of some documents which he will be Fed Exing to me for safekeeping. We were originally planning on getting married in Nepal this summer and then he would come to the US on a K3, now maybe thinking he should come to the US on a K1 and we marry here even though he would have to stay there longer and who knows what his family will do while he waits for his visa... the big problem is his missing passport and need for father's signature, is there ANY way around this? He said he has a photocopy but that probably is worthless... I am on the verge of tears and don't know what to do now....

Tell the mom that you are nepali!

LOL!!!

Unfortunately for her 'Nepali at heart' doesn't count, even though I can cook up a nice Dal Bhat Tarkaari... you'd think that would count for something but noooo...

[deathbydalbhat 0]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

[chri'stina 190]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

I've never been called Didi before, cool!

Yes this happens to a lot of people who don't want to be arranged or step out of the traditions, they can face hard times. It's still going on with people in my husband's family. It's not fun! It sometimes takes awhile, but I hope it will change for you soon.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

I've never been called Didi before, cool!

Yes this happens to a lot of people who don't want to be arranged or step out of the traditions, they can face hard times. It's still going on with people in my husband's family. It's not fun! It sometimes takes awhile, but I hope it will change for you soon.

Hello auntiji.

[deathbydalbhat 0]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

I've never been called Didi before, cool!

Yes this happens to a lot of people who don't want to be arranged or step out of the traditions, they can face hard times. It's still going on with people in my husband's family. It's not fun! It sometimes takes awhile, but I hope it will change for you soon.

Hello auntiji.

ke chha Gupt daai???

[chri'stina 190]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

I've never been called Didi before, cool!

Yes this happens to a lot of people who don't want to be arranged or step out of the traditions, they can face hard times. It's still going on with people in my husband's family. It's not fun! It sometimes takes awhile, but I hope it will change for you soon.

Hello auntiji.

auntiji?? Hello bhatija (had to look that one up).

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

deathbydalbhaat was that nepali? it sounds like gujarati.

[deathbydalbhat 0]

deathbydalbhaat was that nepali? it sounds like gujarati.

Yes, it's Nepali - basically means 'What's up, brother?'

Do you speak Gujarati? or to say in Nepali: Timi Gujarati bolna sakchhau? or more polite Tapai Gujarati bolna saknahunchha?

Is it similar? I am still learning Nepali - if my future MIL will ever accept me I want to be able to speak with her - she speaks no English.

[deathbydalbhat 0]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

I've never been called Didi before, cool!

Yes this happens to a lot of people who don't want to be arranged or step out of the traditions, they can face hard times. It's still going on with people in my husband's family. It's not fun! It sometimes takes awhile, but I hope it will change for you soon.

Kumar's first name is actually Prajesh but he goes by the nickname 'Progress' - I'm telling him now is when he gets to live up to his name, lol...

What part of India is your husband from and what language(s) does he speak? I think 'Didi' is more Nepali/Hindi - maybe diferent in Punjabi, Marathi, etc. I love studying languages...