How much money your husband gives you per month?

[Udella&Wiz 325]

My husband didn't 'give' me money. We entered into a marriage and share everything jointly. During the period I couldn't work before EAD I still had some income to contribute to our overall monthly total and we had savings to use. We considered it 1 big pot and we worked through having a budget until I started working so that everyone could feel like they could spend a little without feeling guilty.

I now handle scheduling the bills just because its my nature to be efficient at that type of thing. My husband was just as good at it but we worked it out that way.

Marriage is a partnership and should never be anything less or one-sided. Speaking up for what you need and expect is key. Its not about demanding, its about open communication so that everyone knows what is happening.

Edited February 22, 2014 by Udella&Wiz

[sandinista! 1,816]

Marital finances can be influenced by all kinds of social, cultural, and religious norms. Where does the OP originate from?

[Caryh 5,206]

Hi VJ family , i recently moved to the unites states ,im sitting at the house no Job yet, im trying to find a job in the futur soon, my husband doesn't share financial information with me, i get no money from him for now , i have a question , Im curious to know how much money your husband gives you per month as pocket money including anything you want to do like (hear care, clothes ......) saving .....?

a new marital life for me and I have no idea what the others wifes they do? are you responsable and in charge about the house budget? Food ...ect

Thanks

I'm not the wife, but the USC husband. When my wife arrived she got full access to our bank account. That is we have joint accounts. She prefered that I was the one who actually spent the money, as she was not making any. She also got a check card and a credit card. She prefers to deal in cash though, so I made sure she always had some in her pocket just in case. Now that she's working, she gets a regular cash spending allowance, since even after two years she still prefers using cash rather than the check card. And still when we're together and she's buying something, she prefers to pull out the cash and have me pay for it.

How much a family can afford for pocket money is going to highly depend on their own family budget. Also how much someone might need is going to depend on where they live to. My wife when she first arrived had no idea how much it costs to pay all the bills here and support a household. After a couple of years, she has a much better idea now. Outside of working hours, we're almost always together, so she doesn't really need much in spending cash, as I just use the check card. So her allowance is pretty much used for buying clothing and gifts. Even the money we send to her family comes out of joint funds and not her allowance. We discussed it and came to a joint decision.

[zaynab 4]

Hi VJ family , i recently moved to the unites states ,im sitting at the house no Job yet, im trying to find a job in the futur soon, my husband doesn't share financial information with me, i get no money from him for now , i have a question , Im curious to know how much money your husband gives you per month as pocket money including anything you want to do like (hear care, clothes ......) saving .....?

a new marital life for me and I have no idea what the others wifes they do? are you responsable and in charge about the house budget? Food ...ect

Thanks

Hi sister, I'm like you : for almost 4 years relationship , he was telling me " my money is your money, your money is my money" telling me as well " our money" since i came to USA he showed me his real face , he is the one who shop food , i can't touch anything or buy anything , i came to USA with a few clothes and i stayed for 1 month with no complete clothes , when i ask him, he take me to the shop and he try to buy me something cheap , no max than 12 dollar , when he see the prices different he leave and me i follow him , i have no credit card , he said he will give me in hand cash 'no card' 200 dollar every month to may be if i need to go to hairdresser or to buy make up or to call my family and to pay 50 dollar my phone bill or to buy clothes , when i asked him to little give me more cause the 200 dollar may be not enough , he told i can don't use it, and just eat at home, when he get mad about something he do not hesitate to tell me i can go back to my home , witch is difficult for me especially cause i tell my family im fine and he is taking good care of me , if they know something different than im fine they will kill me cause it was not easy for me to marry him cause to different things .....but i succeed in the end to make everybody understand i oicked the good man for me , few days after when i came, i and him were trying to buy something to cook with i didn't knew the word in English we were outside in the market , while i was trying to make him understand what im looking for , he may felt tired or something , he said in my face , "####" bad word , i didn't accepted what he said when we went the the house we fighted he insulted me , i took my bag in the evening and i went outside he locked the door after me , i thought he will go out to look for me ,i was stupid, i stayed for almost 2 h just close then i came back by myself , when he speak over the phone with his friends he use very bad words " im surprised" , this is the man i married with !?may be because in our religion and our culture we don't live with our fiance until we get married that's why im late to know who he is !? sometimes he speak about me with his friends trying to explain he will see what will happens with me or something like that, im not really sure what is my situation , now i just have to eat the way he like the food he buy and to take the 200 dollar to do anything i need , or i shut my mouth,

Edited February 25, 2014 by zaynab

[sara82 4]

Hi sister, I'm like you : for almost 4 years relationship , he was telling me " my money is your money, your money is my money" telling me as well " our money" since i came to USA he showed me his real face , he is the one who shop food , i can't touch anything or buy anything , i came to USA with a few clothes and i stayed for 1 month with no complete clothes , when i ask him, he take me to the shop and he try to buy me something cheap , no max than 12 dollar , when he see the prices different he leave and me i follow him , i have no credit card , he said he will give me in hand cash 'no card' 200 dollar every month to may be if i need to go to hairdresser or to buy make up or to call my family and to pay 50 dollar my phone bill or to buy clothes , when i asked him to little give me more cause the 200 dollar may be not enough , he told i can don't use it, and just eat at home, when he get mad about something he do not hesitate to tell me i can go back to my home , witch is difficult for me especially cause i tell my family im fine and he is taking good care of me , if they know something different than im fine they will kill me cause it was not easy for me to marry him cause to different things .....but i succeed in the end to make everybody understand i oicked the good man for me , few days after when i came, i and him were trying to buy something to cook with i didn't knew the word in English we were outside in the market , while i was trying to make him understand what im looking for , he may felt tired or something , he said in my face , "####" bad word , i didn't accepted what he said when we went the the house we fighted he insulted me , i took my bag in the evening and i went outside he locked the door after me , i thought he will go out to look for me ,i was stupid, i stayed for almost 2 h just close then i came back by myself , when he speak over the phone with his friends he use very bad words " im surprised" , this is the man i married with !?may be because in our religion and our culture we don't live with our fiance until we get married that's why im late to know who he is !? sometimes he speak about me with his friends trying to explain he will see what will happens with me or something like that, im not really sure what is my situation , now i just have to eat the way he like the food he buy and to take the 200 dollar to do anything i need , or i shut my mouth,

Hi zaynab , im very sorry you are going through this situation, sometimes marriage is just a luck , he may just want you understand he is the boss at the house ,some mens they like doing that or may be somethings different , just be carreful

[flora01 37]

Well i was a professional in my home country.

I have masters degree and worked as high school teacher.

When i came here i brought my saved money with me.It was not much though.I never ever looked at what he was earning and what he has to give me.I never asked him the money since its my nature to be self dependent.It was enough for me that he was paying rent and paying for groceries in starting as i did not have job to pay for.Few times even i felt it was a lot of burden on him since i was not working and wanted to help him financially.

After couple of months i tried i think emailed around 1000 resumes and finally got job.Well it was retail and not my field of studies.I commuted long hours for job.I paid for commute and took care of all my expenses.After that i didnt need to ask for money anymore.I put my efforts and succeeded in retail.

Now i am working as manager in different company which i applied last year,earning double than what my husband makes.He always bought gift by himself if he ever wanted,i never expected it though.

Today i have more savings than him,I help him in his financial responsibilities and working to get certification to increase my pay.

But i must admit that my husband never said no to my requirements.It is me who spends limitedly.

In the starting he was paying for my phone bill thats it.He bought me basic phone which i used untill last year Sep.When i got full time job then bought iPhone by myself.I always said no to him for any useless expense on me,so he always bought surprise gifts for me because i get angry for wasting money.

So it all depends on family budget and responsibilities what your husband has.

May be he is expecting spouse to cooperate in financial situation.

So try to understand him for his actions,if you don't find them genuine then look for opportunities in market.

Try to find match between your degree and available vacancies in your area.

Groom yourself for job market.Stay positive and focussed and try to make yourself capable of carrying your expenses.

Since i am self dependent person these are my thoughts to share,not addressed personally to anybody.

[ChelseaKate 3]

Well i was a professional in my home country.

I have masters degree and worked as high school teacher.

When i came here i brought my saved money with me.It was not much though.I never ever looked at what he was earning and what he has to give me.I never asked him the money since its my nature to be self dependent.It was enough for me that he was paying rent and paying for groceries in starting as i did not have job to pay for.Few times even i felt it was a lot of burden on him since i was not working and wanted to help him financially.

After couple of months i tried i think emailed around 1000 resumes and finally got job.Well it was retail and not my field of studies.I commuted long hours for job.I paid for commute and took care of all my expenses.After that i didnt need to ask for money anymore.I put my efforts and succeeded in retail.

Now i am working as manager in different company which i applied last year,earning double than what my husband makes.He always bought gift by himself if he ever wanted,i never expected it though.

Today i have more savings than him,I help him in his financial responsibilities and working to get certification to increase my pay.

But i must admit that my husband never said no to my requirements.It is me who spends limitedly.

In the starting he was paying for my phone bill thats it.He bought me basic phone which i used untill last year Sep.When i got full time job then bought iPhone by myself.I always said no to him for any useless expense on me,so he always bought surprise gifts for me because i get angry for wasting money.

So it all depends on family budget and responsibilities what your husband has.

May be he is expecting spouse to cooperate in financial situation.

So try to understand him for his actions,if you don't find them genuine then look for opportunities in market.

Try to find match between your degree and available vacancies in your area.

Groom yourself for job market.Stay positive and focussed and try to make yourself capable of carrying your expenses.

Since i am self dependent person these are my thoughts to share,not addressed personally to anybody.

Wow! Well said! I could almost see myself in you! LOLOL!

[QueenComley 295]

Since moving to American my husband has provided everything for me. He is without a doubt the best husband in the world, and I am the luckiest wife in the world. He works extremely hard 12 hours a day and pays all the bills, rent, food and gas. In return I create a warm, clean loving home for him and am a great step-momma to his children. We are a great team together. I do not have an "allowance" each month. What my husband earns is "our" money. We share everything with each other.

My SS# should arrive this week and once it does I will be added to my husband's bank account and credit card (hopefully this weekend). I have received my EAD last week. Once I have a vehicle of my own I will be sending resume's out left right and center LOL and look forward to finally having a full time job. But even when that happens, nothing will change. all monies earned will continue to jointly be shared together as is our life.

Any money issues or budgeting is worked out together. Each week we sit down and budget for groceries, utility bills, gas, necessities etc...

Edited February 26, 2014 by QueenComley

[QueenComley 295]

Hi sister, I'm like you : for almost 4 years relationship , he was telling me " my money is your money, your money is my money" telling me as well " our money" since i came to USA he showed me his real face , he is the one who shop food , i can't touch anything or buy anything , i came to USA with a few clothes and i stayed for 1 month with no complete clothes , when i ask him, he take me to the shop and he try to buy me something cheap , no max than 12 dollar , when he see the prices different he leave and me i follow him , i have no credit card , he said he will give me in hand cash 'no card' 200 dollar every month to may be if i need to go to hairdresser or to buy make up or to call my family and to pay 50 dollar my phone bill or to buy clothes , when i asked him to little give me more cause the 200 dollar may be not enough , he told i can don't use it, and just eat at home, when he get mad about something he do not hesitate to tell me i can go back to my home , witch is difficult for me especially cause i tell my family im fine and he is taking good care of me , if they know something different than im fine they will kill me cause it was not easy for me to marry him cause to different things .....but i succeed in the end to make everybody understand i oicked the good man for me , few days after when i came, i and him were trying to buy something to cook with i didn't knew the word in English we were outside in the market , while i was trying to make him understand what im looking for , he may felt tired or something , he said in my face , "####" bad word , i didn't accepted what he said when we went the the house we fighted he insulted me , i took my bag in the evening and i went outside he locked the door after me , i thought he will go out to look for me ,i was stupid, i stayed for almost 2 h just close then i came back by myself , when he speak over the phone with his friends he use very bad words " im surprised" , this is the man i married with !?may be because in our religion and our culture we don't live with our fiance until we get married that's why im late to know who he is !? sometimes he speak about me with his friends trying to explain he will see what will happens with me or something like that, im not really sure what is my situation , now i just have to eat the way he like the food he buy and to take the 200 dollar to do anything i need , or i shut my mouth,

Zaynab I read your story and it literally brought tears to my eyes, it broke my heart. I just wanted to stretch out a hand of friendship to you and say how sorry I am that this has been your experience.

A man and a woman should treat each other with nothing but dignity, love and respect. I hope one day your husband either agrees to marriage counseling or you find the strength to leave. We get one life, and its a short one. It should not be wasted on people who do not show love for us or on people who do not make us happy. Stay strong, I hope things improve for you.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Hi sister, I'm like you : for almost 4 years relationship , he was telling me " my money is your money, your money is my money" telling me as well " our money" since i came to USA he showed me his real face , he is the one who shop food , i can't touch anything or buy anything , i came to USA with a few clothes and i stayed for 1 month with no complete clothes , when i ask him, he take me to the shop and he try to buy me something cheap , no max than 12 dollar , when he see the prices different he leave and me i follow him , i have no credit card , he said he will give me in hand cash 'no card' 200 dollar every month to may be if i need to go to hairdresser or to buy make up or to call my family and to pay 50 dollar my phone bill or to buy clothes , when i asked him to little give me more cause the 200 dollar may be not enough , he told i can don't use it, and just eat at home, when he get mad about something he do not hesitate to tell me i can go back to my home , witch is difficult for me especially cause i tell my family im fine and he is taking good care of me , if they know something different than im fine they will kill me cause it was not easy for me to marry him cause to different things .....but i succeed in the end to make everybody understand i oicked the good man for me , few days after when i came, i and him were trying to buy something to cook with i didn't knew the word in English we were outside in the market , while i was trying to make him understand what im looking for , he may felt tired or something , he said in my face , "####" bad word , i didn't accepted what he said when we went the the house we fighted he insulted me , i took my bag in the evening and i went outside he locked the door after me , i thought he will go out to look for me ,i was stupid, i stayed for almost 2 h just close then i came back by myself , when he speak over the phone with his friends he use very bad words " im surprised" , this is the man i married with !?may be because in our religion and our culture we don't live with our fiance until we get married that's why im late to know who he is !? sometimes he speak about me with his friends trying to explain he will see what will happens with me or something like that, im not really sure what is my situation , now i just have to eat the way he like the food he buy and to take the 200 dollar to do anything i need , or i shut my mouth,

I'm very sorry to hear this, and hope you can find a way out from this. Is your family acquainted with his? Anyone here in the US or your home country that can help advocate and stand up for you?

[Golden Gate 530]

I believe the OP is from Morocco.

[Unknown Guest 15]

Rather sad stories here on both sides (the non-usc w/ NO or limited allowance and the usc paying allowance). I don't understand why the USCs don't realize that bringing a spouse or fiancée over literally means that you will have to be able to support them fully. Many are from poor 3rd world countries or even if they are educated and w/ a career....the education/degree/certification may not be recognized here in the U.S.

So it is the duty of the USC to be able to provide for the beneficiary since it is almost a certainty that the non-usc will have difficulty finding a job/income (thus USCIS requires the I-864 & I-134). As far as paying money to the non-usc's family. That should have been discussed prior to marriage. In many countries, it is expected for the child to pay the parent's a monthly "allowance" as a gesture of appreciation for raising them when they were young. Again this should've been discussed prior to marriage.

So instead of complaining, the USC should just shoulder the RESPONSIBILITY (for her and her immediate family) that they signed up for when they decided to sponsor the immigrant.

I feel sorry for the poor new immigrant whose spouse isn't able to handle his/her responsibility. They moved away from their family, friends, and careers....and instead become a dependent caged bird. USC should try to be more understanding instead of trying to guilt trip them about spending basic monies. If USC can't afford it, then they have no business bringing someone over and making them suffer.

[QueenOfBlades 224]

He doesn't give me money. He lived with me in England for a while and I was the one who worked and provided for him, and even then he had access to my UK bank account (left him my debit card and he had my online banking info) so he could get what he wanted, and I saved up $5,000 as we aren't working in the US till I get my EAD, then I will probably be the main breadwinner then too as I may have something lined up and a long work history and he doesn't. As soon as USCIS cash our AOS check, we are getting a joint account with Bank of America so we can both access our funds and it's all transparent. It's OUR money and we are one unit, not my money and either of us having an "allowance" like a child.

[mitchanme 18]

Honestly, the whole money thing has got to be the most difficult part, being that for quite some time you can't just go out and get work, no matter how low paid. And if the US citizen hubby, like many men, just says "if there's anything you need just ask" it can be darn hard. Do they honestly not know how hard and demoralising it can be? or do they just not think what it would be like if they were in that position- having to ask for money for a pair of socks or whatever?

I've suggested to my fiancé that we have a joint account at a separate bank, and he can put money in that for household expenses so I won't have to be asking. We aren't married yet, and once when he was coming to visit me, which visit I was paying for as I have for all, his bank card was going to expire while he was with me so he went in to get a new one for just in case. Well, the girls at his bank automatically thought he had given me his pin # and info. So the foreign fiancée not only has their own difficulties asking for money to overcome, but is also probably painfully aware of others in the community seeing her not working and thinking she's taking advantage of him.

It's unfortunate that everyone just sees someone who appears to be getting a free ride, but they don't see the life that person left behind to come here. It's a very tough adjustment and I'm actually surprised so many make it through.

[sara82 4]

Rather sad stories here on both sides (the non-usc w/ NO or limited allowance and the usc paying allowance). I don't understand why the USCs don't realize that bringing a spouse or fiancée over literally means that you will have to be able to support them fully. Many are from poor 3rd world countries or even if they are educated and w/ a career....the education/degree/certification may not be recognized here in the U.S.

So it is the duty of the USC to be able to provide for the beneficiary since it is almost a certainty that the non-usc will have difficulty finding a job/income (thus USCIS requires the I-864 & I-134). As far as paying money to the non-usc's family. That should have been discussed prior to marriage. In many countries, it is expected for the child to pay the parent's a monthly "allowance" as a gesture of appreciation for raising them when they were young. Again this should've been discussed prior to marriage.

So instead of complaining, the USC should just shoulder the RESPONSIBILITY (for her and her immediate family) that they signed up for when they decided to sponsor the immigrant.

I feel sorry for the poor new immigrant whose spouse isn't able to handle his/her responsibility. They moved away from their family, friends, and careers....and instead become a dependent caged bird. USC should try to be more understanding instead of trying to guilt trip them about spending basic monies. If USC can't afford it, then they have no business bringing someone over and making them suffer.

good talk