Nothing Ventured, nothing gained.

[DJ&L 83]

It is secondary to know the reasons why she refused to live up to her obligation.

The cultural excuses don't wash as far as I am concerned when she's made a commitment this grave. I also have a really hard time swallowing the 2500 bride price to the mother and not even meeting her. You can't have it both ways where on the one hand you pay the money, but on the other hand you don't even meet. What part of the tradition has this no-meet policy?

You're naive if you think cultural excuses don't wash....especially with Chinese. They matter....a lot. There's a reason that China will be the largest luxury market in the world in a few short years. Image matters.

I think she could have lost face when she had to split the "bride fee" with you. Not only did she have to ask but then you negotiated to pay half of what's a small fee to begin with. Sometimes they will equate that with the value you put on your relationship. Like, I'm only worth $2,500? But, I'm just speculating like most of the folks here.

Lenzshi...I don't blame you for not offering or not wanting to pay $5,000...since it's not an American custom.

p.s. Full disclosure...it was never an issue for us and I didn't pay one

[Lenzwei 14]

I tend to agree with Rlogan. She can't have it both ways, professing the cash gift so her mother doesn't lose face and then not meeting her when we were in the same city at the same time. I didn't know that at the time.

I'll chalk this up to experience. I've learned a lot about what the procedure is and some of the pitfalls.

I just didn't know.

Also her friend who surprisingly still answers her phone told me yesterday that there is little hope now.

Apparently I just have the divorce to come full circle.

To me it's quite obvious our relationship is finished. For whatever reason. It hurts my head to keep thinking about it.

Surprisingly I remain optimistic. I still think Chinese women are beautiful and I like the Chinese culture. Of what I know of it.

Is there a web site that is legitimate for finding an available woman in China?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Paying bride price when it is her 2nd marriage?

I guess the girl's side could be just money-oriented

[Cam54 84]

I tend to agree with Rlogan. She can't have it both ways, professing the cash gift so her mother doesn't lose face and then not meeting her when we were in the same city at the same time. I didn't know that at the time.

I'll chalk this up to experience. I've learned a lot about what the procedure is and some of the pitfalls.

I just didn't know.

Also her friend who surprisingly still answers her phone told me yesterday that there is little hope now.

Apparently I just have the divorce to come full circle.

To me it's quite obvious our relationship is finished. For whatever reason. It hurts my head to keep thinking about it.

Surprisingly I remain optimistic. I still think Chinese women are beautiful and I like the Chinese culture. Of what I know of it.

Is there a web site that is legitimate for finding an available woman in China?

wouldn't it just save you a lot of hassle to find a Chinese woman in America if that's your type?

otherwise you're just asking to me scammed again if you go mail order

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I tend to agree with Rlogan. She can't have it both ways, professing the cash gift so her mother doesn't lose face and then not meeting her when we were in the same city at the same time. I didn't know that at the time.

I'll chalk this up to experience. I've learned a lot about what the procedure is and some of the pitfalls.

I just didn't know.

Also her friend who surprisingly still answers her phone told me yesterday that there is little hope now.

Apparently I just have the divorce to come full circle.

To me it's quite obvious our relationship is finished. For whatever reason. It hurts my head to keep thinking about it.

Surprisingly I remain optimistic. I still think Chinese women are beautiful and I like the Chinese culture. Of what I know of it.

Is there a web site that is legitimate for finding an available woman in China?

Um this is quite awkward but you believe you've just been scammed and are going to divorce and you are already looking for your next Chinese bride? I just coughed up half the tea I was drinking when I read that last line. It doesn't seem entirely rational, I mean don't you need time to clear your head first and think about what you've learnt before finding your next foreign lady?

[DJ&L 83]

Yeah, you would know best Lenzshi. I could understand if you were on the K1 path, but since you're married...just seems hard to believe she would cut off all contact without even an explanation. But, at this point...maybe it doesn't matter since she won't talk to you.

Good luck as you move forward.

Edited February 18, 2014 by DJ&L

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Um this is quite awkward but you believe you've just been scammed and are going to divorce and you are already looking for your next Chinese bride? I just coughed up half the tea I was drinking when I read that last line. It doesn't seem entirely rational, I mean don't you need time to clear your head first and think about what you've learnt before finding your next foreign lady?

Welcome to VJ!

[Lenzwei 14]

Perhaps I'm a little angry. I think it's unforgivable to cut off all communication like that. Like turning a switch. How cruel.

Yes, I'm being irrational, but I will calm down at some point and I still want marriage.

Perhaps not right now, but I'm sure in the future. I think dwelling on this mess isn't the answer either. By trying to move forward it helps to forget.

Harpa timsah,

I'm sorry, I don't know what you meant by "welcome to VJ".

[Jon in RC 6]

I would check:

• marital status and history
• relatives: parents, siblings, children
• education and work history
• and, criminal history

Best case, she's got cool feet and you need to go there meet the whole village and convince her you are the one. Worst case: it's a scam and/or she has mental issue then you need to do what you need to do. Or I am sensing you already are willing to cut your losses and call it a day then get a divorce and move on.

Good luck!

Edited February 18, 2014 by Jon in RC

[Lenzwei 14]

After reading about the guy who is withdrawing his I-864 because his wife just left and moved in with her sister...

I feel like I just dodged a huge bullet by her leaving before she got the interview.

I don't feel that lucky, but I'm sure I will soon.

I'm doing what I can do to withdraw the petition, end the marriage and move on.

[christeen 966]

Yes, believe it or not, you actually DID get very lucky... If you ever o move forward with a foreign citizen, I would first, take some time (you don't want to be a rebound guy) but I would hire a PI in the country where she lives... And spend time and meet everyone you can over there... Don't be so in love with the idea of being married and in love that you settle for whomever will have you... That makes you a prime target for those with less than admirable intentions...

[Lenzwei 14]

Sound advice, thanks.

[Karee 4,190]

After reading about the guy who is withdrawing his I-864 because his wife just left and moved in with her sister...

I feel like I just dodged a huge bullet by her leaving before she got the interview.

I don't feel that lucky, but I'm sure I will soon.

I'm doing what I can do to withdraw the petition, end the marriage and move on.

It's a bad feeling now, but you're 100% correct. You're lucky she didn't come to the U.S. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

[Caryh 5,206]

Perhaps I'm a little angry. I think it's unforgivable to cut off all communication like that. Like turning a switch. How cruel.

Yes, I'm being irrational, but I will calm down at some point and I still want marriage.

Perhaps not right now, but I'm sure in the future. I think dwelling on this mess isn't the answer either. By trying to move forward it helps to forget.

Harpa timsah,

I'm sorry, I don't know what you meant by "welcome to VJ".

I figured the comment about a legit dating site came out of anger over how you've been treated. Its good to see you're also being more rational than irrational about how to deal with this to.

As to Harpa's comment, we see a few serial wife importers on Visa Journey. I've came across a few guys that have had 4 or 5 wives from the Philippines in the past to. And every new one thinks they're the one to change him.

[Karee 4,190]

Paying bride price when it is her 2nd marriage?

Not sure about Chinese culture, but there's rarely a dowry in second marriages in Thailand. They consider it damaged goods. Of course some foreginer will come along and pay it, but never a Thai.

Paying bride price when it is her 2nd marriage?

Not sure about Chinese culture, but there's rarely a dowry in second marriages in Thailand. They consider it damaged goods. Of course some foreginer will come along and pay it, but never a Thai.