Nothing Ventured, nothing gained.

[Operator 1,927]

How much money does she make?

I think she wouldn't have gone so far as to marry you if it were a scam.

Was her first marriage to a Gweilo?

[Lenzwei 14]

Her sister pays her 4,000Y per month, ($650) and she also lives with her sister. Her sister has the most to lose if she leaves China.

No her first marriage was to a Guangzhou man, who found a new lady friend after she had a tubular pregnancy and he thought she couldn't have children. C-section scar. She always claimed she would not have another Chinese husband because in her mind too many of them practice infidelity.

I also thought that she wouldn't have gone through the marriage it's not much for all the work she did.

Remember we face timed nearly everyday for a year. If she was scamming me I would think she would limit it to two or three times a week. There are also many other things that she wouldn't have had to do to gain my trust.

Probably to much information,but these are all things to consider.

[Big Baby 11]

I chose to support my fiancee (now wife) a whole lot more than you did, so don't feel bad. When her father gave his blessing and she promised herself to me, told her friends/coworkers & her boss had her train her replacement, she had a whole year to wait during 3 or APs with no job - or temp positions. Operator is right. Custom there is a lot different than here. It's like going back in time to what it used to be like here a 100 years ago. The husband is responsible for the wife. She is very proud. She does not wish to beg. My main suggestion is to let your relationship grow beyond 3 to 4 online chats & a quick marriage. Also, you may wish to try the K-1 route next time. Personally, in retrospect, having done the K-1 route, I would have preferred the I-130 route. Although we had a great engagement ceremony and marriage pictures beforehand, the 1 year wasted could have been 1 year toward AOS. What does the poet say: better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Get back up on that horse!

[Andy and Pui 16]

January 11th She asked for cash gift for her mother. I thought, "what?" So I read up on it and it seems there is some legitimacy to the cash gift custom in China. I said how much? She said it's 30,000 Y (or $5,000) I was surprised. She said she would pay half of it, so after much gut wrenching I sent her 15,000 Y ($2500)

I wonder if she was looking for you to send $5000 and she was going to add her half and give to her Mom?

I am guessing her world has turned upside down with her realizing she will have to leave and is most likly getting a lot of guilt from her sister for leaving. Like others of have said I would get on a plane out there to talk to her in person. You said your visa has expired. I remember when I went to China in 2006 it did not take very long for me to receive my visa by mailing it out. I did a quick google search and you can get an expedited visa for China, it might take a week or two to receive the visa but I would do that. Once you get your visa fly out there and talk to her in person.

[eieio 1,594]

Pete,

I think you are handling this situation extremely well. Good for you. I don't believe she is a scammer. Why would she quit scamming( i.e. get money from you) right after you were approved? This would have been a great time to really milk you.

People fall out of love all the time for various reason. She is probably to ashamed to talk to you. Who knows?

It is good you are giving her some time to respond. If she does not respond I believe it is foolish to book a ticket and fly over there. Why spend more money and time on someone that will not even talk to you? It takes two to make a relationship work. If she doesn't understand that.......imagine the problems you would have had if she did come over?

[Teripid 5]

The timing is what makes me think this might be something else. Seems like you're both possibly having a "####### did I do?" moment after getting a true sense of the date and maybe coping with it in very different ways.

It was an odd moment when my wife met my mother for the first time face to face during the actual wedding. They'd Skyped before but with the crazy wedding prep they didn't actually get to meet and have a real conversation til afterwards. I'd met her family several times.

There seem to be some steps missing and her mother seems to be a significant part of her life. Even if it wasn't a "first marriage" it seems odd to not somehow try and meet and see who your potentially only child was going to spend their life with.

You didn't show her pictures of the weather we've been having in WI lately, did ya?

[jyaku 138]

How do you know it was her sister?

Did you see childhood pictures together 10 years old with mom/ relatives or just because that's how you were introduced?

I was very nearly fleeced for a green card in the same way you were in 2006 by a chinese woman, but managed to get out of it without filing a petition.

What did she do? Contact people on my friends list saying how bad of a guy I am, find a person who wanted to be Captain Save a Ho, married him, got a green card and then take 50% of his wealth and alimony.

I wish I was joking but ignore your instincts at your peril.

[Operator 1,927]

Her sister pays her 4,000Y per month, ($650) and she also lives with her sister. Her sister has the most to lose if she leaves China.

No her first marriage was to a Guangzhou man, who found a new lady friend after she had a tubular pregnancy and he thought she couldn't have children. C-section scar. She always claimed she would not have another Chinese husband because in her mind too many of them practice infidelity.

I also thought that she wouldn't have gone through the marriage it's not much for all the work she did.

Remember we face timed nearly everyday for a year. If she was scamming me I would think she would limit it to two or three times a week. There are also many other things that she wouldn't have had to do to gain my trust.

Probably to much information,but these are all things to consider.

That's not a bad salary for someone working for a family business.

The beginning of your relationship seems a bit unconventional to me but she married you and to me that says a lot.

I shared your story with my wife and we both think that she is having family issues. Either her sister, mother or both.

If you really want to try to fix things keep trying to contact her and let her know you are getting your visa in order and booking a flight. Send her emails everyday and tell her what's on your mind and ask her what's on hers. Get to Guangzhou and try to sort things out.

[Lenzwei 14]

Thanks to all. A lot of different thoughts.

So her friend went to find her yesterday and she was not there. Her family said she is having psychological problems. Of course that could amount to anything. They told her friend that she does not want to come to the U.S. anymore and wants a divorce. This is her family talking. Who I'm not clear, her friend said her cousin.

Another tidbit to this saga is, about three months ago, she said she bought a house in Nanning, but didn't quite have enough cash so she borrowed some from her sister. The sister that she works for. She said she did it for an investment. IF this is all true, it would be a great little piece of leverage over her now.

So what I am going to do is, draft a letter, have it translated so there are no mistakes in meaning, send it addressed to her at the storehouse, (which is a proven address) explaining and reassuring and asking for an invitation letter for my new visa.

If this doesn't bear fruit, I think it's the end of the line.

[Sam and Fen 41]

 

Thanks to all. A lot of different thoughts.

So her friend went to find her yesterday and she was not there. Her family said she is having psychological problems. Of course that could amount to anything. They told her friend that she does not want to come to the U.S. anymore and wants a divorce. This is her family talking. Who I'm not clear, her friend said her cousin.

Another tidbit to this saga is, about three months ago, she said she bought a house in Nanning, but didn't quite have enough cash so she borrowed some from her sister. The sister that she works for. She said she did it for an investment. IF this is all true, it would be a great little piece of leverage over her now.

So what I am going to do is, draft a letter, have it translated so there are no mistakes in meaning, send it addressed to her at the storehouse, (which is a proven address) explaining and reassuring and asking for an invitation letter for my new visa.

If this doesn't bear fruit, I think it's the end of the line.

 

Just a suggestion, If you are planning on going there surprise her so she does not have any time to think what she or her family are going to say to you. Maybe her friend can send you an invitation letter.

Good Luck.

[Jon in RC 6]

What the thoughts on the ID card and passport information? Would she be that brazen?

all that can be answered by hiring a PI and save you a trip and embarassment for showing up unannoused. stop touturing yourself and find out the truth.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

all that can be answered by hiring a PI and save you a trip and embarassment for showing up unannoused. stop touturing yourself and find out the truth.

I'd agree, the money you'd spend on a flight over could be better used for this.

[Jon in RC 6]

voice of reason, amen!

[Lenzwei 14]

Thanks for all the advice. I drafted the letter and it is in the process of being translated. I also contacted a PI in Guangzhou and am currently waiting for a response. Not sure what I want him to do. I guess locate her, and see where she works. Any suggestions? I kind of feel like I'm stalking her from 15,000 miles away.

Another thought, After reading over some of our documents, I noticed a phone number where she works. I called it, (11pm China time) and it rang. No answer. I'll call again about mid-morning (China time) It might prove interesting. I know just enough Chinese to be dangerous.

Seriously, she may have fallen out of love for me, but I think she's scared. She's quite timid when she's not upset. That doesn't mean she'll ever come to the states, but it would be nice to know that she's not nefarious.

[rlogan 2,036]

It is secondary to know the reasons why she refused to live up to her obligation.

The cultural excuses don't wash as far as I am concerned when she's made a commitment this grave. I also have a really hard time swallowing the 2500 bride price to the mother and not even meeting her. You can't have it both ways where on the one hand you pay the money, but on the other hand you don't even meet. What part of the tradition has this no-meet policy?