Nothing Ventured, nothing gained.

[Lenzwei 14]

Having a bit of a problem.

March 2012-Met a girl online everything was fine. Emailed 3-4 times a week and started talking on the phone.

March 2013-Went to China, she was sweet, got married.

May 6th 2013 received the receipt for the I-130.

June 2013 sent her $1300 for a person in China to help her with the paperwork. (and ultimately the interview etc.)

August 2013 sent her $600 for an i-Phone so we can Facetime. Facetimed everyday from that moment on.

October 31, 2013 filed an I-129F.

January 11th She asked for cash gift for her mother. I thought, "what?" So I read up on it and it seems there is some legitimacy to the cash gift custom in China. I said how much? She said it's 30,000 Y (or $5,000) I was surprised. She said she would pay half of it, so after much gut wrenching I sent her 15,000 Y ($2500)

January 17th, 2014 Got the I-130 approved.

Feb. 6th, 2014 Got the I-129F approved.

Feb. 7th a.m. Called her and told her the good news. She was excited and said "that is good news" I told her it won't be much longer.

Feb. 8th. a.m. Received an email stating that she thinks we have many problems and she wants to break up.

Currently, She won't email me, She turned her phone off. I called her friend and she said she is all messed up in the mind, and that I should wait a few days. It's been 4 now.

Okay, so let's say she is freaking out because it's getting so close and she's now not sure. (although for the last year, she's been very sure)

So, okay, am I the most gullible person on the planet?

I have a feeling I won't ever hear from her again.

If she doesn't ever talk with me again, how does this work since we're already married?

I don't think China recognizes foreign marriages so they have no interest in an annulment. What about the U.S.?

The $100,000 question is--

Am I married?

Thanks, I'm a little embarrassed by airing this, but whatever. I need to know.

I would appreciate frank responses.

Pete

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Yes you are married, unless your marriage was not legal in China. If it was legal, you are married.

Did you really marry on your first visit?

Edit: Now that I think of it, if your I-130 got approved, then your marriage was legal in China. You're married.

Edited February 14, 2014 by Harpa Timsah

[Lenzwei 14]

Yes, thanks.

Hey okay, probably a little hasty, but let's try not to judge. Remember It's my problem, not yours.

I'm looking for advice. Got any?

The bigger issue is how can I get an annulment without her help?

[Ontarkie 14,383]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits, from Off Topic~~

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Yes, thanks.

Hey okay, probably a little hasty, but let's try not to judge. Remember It's my problem, not yours.

I'm looking for advice. Got any?

The bigger issue is how can I get an annulment without her help?

Get divorced. Unless you fit one of the categories for annulment (usually fraud/failure to consummate/incapacity for various reasons) they're not as easy to get as a divorce. She doesn't need to be in the country -- you can divorce her in absentia. What state are you located in?

[Lenzwei 14]

Thanks, Wisconsin.

[Jawaree 718]

Dude I know U only want to get out of the marriage

but I have to say it...that $2500 would have been a

finisher for me I don't care whats the custom...I think

these games R being played a lot, tey have their home-town

B/Fand no intention to leave their country. Take it to the

brink and milk it...Just get your US divorce & move on

[Lenzwei 14]

Yeah, I get it. I will start the divorce proceedings right away. I have a close friend whose a divorce attorney. I'll check with him and see if this is his field of expertise or if I have to hire someone.

I really anguished over the dough. Though I have to give her some credit, she earned some of it.

I can't imagine being her BF and knowing your woman is doing what she's doing. Oh well, live and learn.

In any event, I read about the wedding gift custom on line and it seemed legit. Although strange to me.

Thanks so much for the post. Sometimes is good to get affirmation.

[purpleblush 16]

Did you really marry on your first visit?

Hi!! I was curious about your question to the OP. Me and my husband got married the first time we saw each other.. He's been here for a month then we got married maybe on the third week of that one month vacation. My question is, are we going to encounter a problem about it? Thanks

[Lenzwei 14]

Why do you think there would be a problem?

[Lenzwei 14]

I re-read your question. I don't see any problem with your situation. My situation was different because I enabled her to take advantage of my good nature by giving her money. Which apparently is what she was after all along. I suppose I would advise anyone to not give too much away for fear the intentions may not be pure. Although it can be difficult when you're in the middle of it and not on the periphery.

[Darnell 8,479]

IMO, you not need an attorney to file a no-fault, in abstentia divorce.

Sure, you can study at the law library at the county courthouse, ask the law librarian to review the templates used at the courthouse .

[christeen 966]

First off, so sorry this happened to you, but glad you are taking stock in mistakes made and learning from them... Daddy always said, lessons cost, GOOD lessons cost a lot! But silver lining, you are actually lucky that she has not followed through on coming to the USA as that could have cost you a WHOLE LOT more!

You can file for divorce as others have said, in absentia... She does not have to be in USA... Good luck.

[DJ&L 83]

I re-read your question. I don't see any problem with your situation. My situation was different because I enabled her to take advantage of my good nature by giving her money. Which apparently is what she was after all along. I suppose I would advise anyone to not give too much away for fear the intentions may not be pure. Although it can be difficult when you're in the middle of it and not on the periphery.

Lenzshi,

Like your title said, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Consider yourself lucky that it only cost what it did. If you really loved her and, she was your wife after all, then that's really not a lot of money.

And you're not a sucker...those payments to family are very common and culturally commonplace. I'd be more embarrassed about being a cheesehead. I kid!

Also, if your friend the attorney will help...then great...but I'd suggest Darnell's advice. No fault divorce is really very easy to do yourself. I'm sure your friend would review the documents no problem.

Anyway....good luck to you!

[Operator 1,927]

I might get on a plane and go sort things out with my wife.

Bride price is very common she was probably very embarrassed to have to ask you for it.

Don't ever underestimate the differences between your culture and hers.