'Forced' to marry

[KarenCee 3]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Marriage does NOT make a couple more committed. I would think that the fear of the SO walking out *is* insecurity. Marriage is seen more as a traditional way for a couple to be committed though. Still, I don't think marriage is necessary to be committed to one person for life.

I feel your fear. What are you afraid of? If you can be committed either way, why such a negative attitude toward marriage?

If they're cohabitating, they're not married, therefore they cannot divorce. So how can the divorce rates be higher?

When they do marry, their divorce rate is higher than those who did not cohabit first.

Does anyone have plans to divorce their immigrant spouse at some point?

*laughs softly* I am not in fear of being married for I already am! How silly of you! Neither do I have a negative attitude about marriage my dear, I am simply being open minded about such things. Methinks you aren't so open minded, eh?

[heishe 2]

This really echoes how others in this thread have described their relationships - For myself, I am very comfortable with the prospect of committing to my Pigu and marrying him and spending with my life with him, but our marriage is rushed for the sake of his immigration.

Then, my child, your marriage is doomed.

I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR!

[bostonparis 0]

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

How about the type of person who is adverse to marriage is more likely to create a bad marriage, then leave?

Why do you keep saying things like "adverse to marriage" and "negative attitude towards marriage"? I don't think anyone has expressed that. I mean, we're all married or about to be.

No one's being dragged kicking and screaming to the altar.

I agree, but is marriage a means to en end for the purpose of immigration so that you feel "forced" to marry when you would rather not? That is the premise of the discussion. If you don't feel that way, more power to you!

I actually didn't mean being forced to marry when you would rather not. I merely meant that would you be doing it now vs. later, even if you feel the committment. I would hope that no one is getting married when they don't want to.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I actually didn't mean being forced to marry when you would rather not. I merely meant that would you be doing it now vs. later, even if you feel the committment. I would hope that no one is getting married when they don't want to.

I hope so too, but I still want to know if anyone is planning to divorce because they do feel forced.

[bostonparis 0]

I actually didn't mean being forced to marry when you would rather not. I merely meant that would you be doing it now vs. later, even if you feel the committment. I would hope that no one is getting married when they don't want to.

I hope so too, but I still want to know if anyone is planning to divorce because they do feel forced.

No.

[sparkofcreation 0]

We got engaged in April of 2004 while he was here on a work visa; we originally wanted to get married in May 2005, but decided to move up the wedding to July 2004 so we could adjust status while he was here (he was scheduled to go back to the UK in August 2004) rather than going the K-1 route. So yes, it was rather rushed and I was rather freaked out and it probably took me most of the first year to stop feeling that way.

Edited January 1, 2007 by sparkofcreation

[rebeccajo 14]

I feel your fear. What are you afraid of?

This is hysterical.

What a power-mad, priggish statement.

I'm guessing you are quite lucky to have found someone desperate enough to have married you.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I feel your fear. What are you afraid of?

This is hysterical.

What a power-mad, priggish statement.

I'm guessing you are quite lucky to have found someone desperate enough to have married you.

After that ignorant comment, I would say the same for you, rj.

[rebeccajo 14]

I feel your fear. What are you afraid of?

This is hysterical.

What a power-mad, priggish statement.

I'm guessing you are quite lucky to have found someone desperate enough to have married you.

After that ignorant comment, I would say the same for you, rj.

Well, it's not very nice to get it back in your plate is it?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I don't mind. Who are you to me anyway? No one, and to drag my spouse into a discussion you didn't have the intelligence to comment on prior to your insult, I'm fine with your insults. That's apparently what you do best.

[heishe 2]

I don't mind. Who are you to me anyway? No one, and to drag my spouse into a discussion you didn't have the intelligence to comment on prior to your insult, I'm fine with your insults. That's apparently what you do best.

It's too bad she included the insult, because her other point was spot-on.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

News flash: No one is responsible for how some of you feel when you read what someone says. You choose how you feel, and your response is internal. I have no control over you, only you do.

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[rebeccajo 14]

I don't mind. Who are you to me anyway? No one, and to drag my spouse into a discussion you didn't have the intelligence to comment on prior to your insult, I'm fine with your insults. That's apparently what you do best.

I didn't drag your spouse into anything. I merely commented on your ability to get along with people and maintain relationships via your definition of commitment/marriage.

[Jenn! 918]

News flash: No one is responsible for how some of you feel when you read what they say. You choose how you feel, and your response is internal. I have no control over you, only you do.

What about when people use the words gross and abnormal to describe their feelings about a relationship then? I think you need to practice what you preach.

[rebeccajo 14]

I don't mind. Who are you to me anyway? No one, and to drag my spouse into a discussion you didn't have the intelligence to comment on prior to your insult, I'm fine with your insults. That's apparently what you do best.

It's too bad she included the insult, because her other point was spot-on.

Sorry. It was a reflex.