'Forced' to marry

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I believe you probably know what I meant, Ari. To present something as a fact isn't the same thing as offering an opinion on it. Fine, if she wants to think that way, more power to her, but to say that everyone else is wrong (which she HAS done, consistently on this thread) for what they think is..well, wrong. M.

Another distortion. That is not what I said, but it certainly has been attributed to me. It goes unnoticed that it has also been done TO me. You've been insisting that I'm wrong for a while now.

Rethinking that, I guess you're right. I have said you're wrong...so that was wrong, too. My main problem was, and always has been, however, that YOU have primarily been the one insisting that you are correct, offering your theories up as fact, not opinion. (said for the umpteenth time) Also, you are telling that to a whole lot of very commited people...if you don't have a vested interest in something, and someone insults it, you often don't think too much about it. But when someone insults something dear to you, say your child, you might think twice about defending it. Get what I'm saying..at ALL?? M.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

... only He knows who got it right.

He? God is an 'It', you wacky infidel.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I agree to a *point*. It doesn't matter to ME personally what szsz thinks, just live your life, ignore it, get over it, blah blah...I get what you're saying. On the other hand, we would NEVER have debates on this board, and we have had MANY, if most any of us subscribed to the notions you just mentioned.....

Honestly, I think most of us argue to argue. How many liberals do you know on VJ who have turned conservative or conservatives who have turned liberal or Christians who have turned nudist/pagan or Muslims who have turned Jewish? It doesn't happen.

This is true, and to tell you the truth, I don't *know*, could not tell you, why I'm still arguing this point because it became very clear many, many pages ago that none of us are going to change our OPINIONS on the matter. M.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I agree to a *point*. It doesn't matter to ME personally what szsz thinks, just live your life, ignore it, get over it, blah blah...I get what you're saying. On the other hand, we would NEVER have debates on this board, and we have had MANY, if most any of us subscribed to the notions you just mentioned.....

Honestly, I think most of us argue to argue. How many liberals do you know on VJ who have turned conservative or conservatives who have turned liberal or Christians who have turned nudist/pagan or Muslims who have turned Jewish? It doesn't happen.

This is true, and to tell you the truth, I don't *know*, could not tell you, why I'm still arguing this point because it became very clear many, many pages ago that none of us are going to change our OPINIONS on the matter. M.

You're arguing because ... because. Just because. What else would ya do right now, at this hour? Sleep? Naah.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

szsz,

How would you respond if someone were to say to you, "People who get married do so because they are weak. They are insecure about their feelings and they need society to validate their relationship." Would you not present your actual reasons for getting married in order to show that their assertion is not true?

For me, it's just aggravating to have someone believe something about me that I know is not true. And even more aggravating for them to keep insisitng that their opinion is the way it is, when your exprience tells you it is not.

Perhaps I would present my own reasons, but I also realize that I cannot control the thoughts and feelings of anyone but myself. They can either believe me or not. I've lived too long to expect anything more.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I agree to a *point*. It doesn't matter to ME personally what szsz thinks, just live your life, ignore it, get over it, blah blah...I get what you're saying. On the other hand, we would NEVER have debates on this board, and we have had MANY, if most any of us subscribed to the notions you just mentioned.....

Honestly, I think most of us argue to argue. How many liberals do you know on VJ who have turned conservative or conservatives who have turned liberal or Christians who have turned nudist/pagan or Muslims who have turned Jewish? It doesn't happen.

This is true, and to tell you the truth, I don't *know*, could not tell you, why I'm still arguing this point because it became very clear many, many pages ago that none of us are going to change our OPINIONS on the matter. M.

You're arguing because ... because. Just because. What else would ya do right now, at this hour? Sleep? Naah.

I'm off school and on vacation. WAyyyyyyyyyyyy too early for sleep! M. ETA: and yes, for the same darn reason everyone else on VJ "argues" (I prefer debate) for entertainment!!

I am, however, going to go watch Mr & Mrs Smith now....don't know if it's ####### or not, but will soon find out. later!

Edited January 4, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I believe you probably know what I meant, Ari. To present something as a fact isn't the same thing as offering an opinion on it. Fine, if she wants to think that way, more power to her, but to say that everyone else is wrong (which she HAS done, consistently on this thread) for what they think is..well, wrong. M.

Another distortion. That is not what I said, but it certainly has been attributed to me. It goes unnoticed that it has also been done TO me. You've been insisting that I'm wrong for a while now.

Rethinking that, I guess you're right. I have said you're wrong...so that was wrong, too. My main problem was, and always has been, however, that YOU have primarily been the one insisting that you are correct, offering your theories up as fact, not opinion. (said for the umpteenth time) Also, you are telling that to a whole lot of very commited people...if you don't have a vested interest in something, and someone insults it, you often don't think too much about it. But when someone insults something dear to you, say your child, you might think twice about defending it. Get what I'm saying..at ALL?? M.

I have every right to insist that I'm correct. You also have that right, and you have vigorously exercised it. Besides, I didn't offer up MY theories, I posted links to several studies on a prior thread that feed into this one.

I have been insulted plenty myself, so yes, I know what you mean. Still, it hasn't changed my mind nor my view of myself as a good person to be attacked so relentlessly over these hours by people who insist that I should think as they do, (even if they don't realize they are doing that).

I am, however, going to go watch Mr & Mrs Smith now....don't know if it's ####### or not, but will soon find out. later!

I liked it!

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Was a good movie...pretty funny! Nowwwwww off to bed in a few minutes... M.

[Velvettt 0]

I actually read all 44 pages before posting. I deserve a medal.

The original reason for this thread was discussing if anyone resented being forced to marry by the immigration laws. The last four words are the important ones. People marry or do not marry for many reasons and, as we have seen, are fiercely defensive of those reasons.

I would not have married my husband when I did, without the law forcing me to do so. Whether I would have married him at all is a moot point. It's a moot point because I had no choice. We love each other, we want to be together, therefore, by US law, we had to marry. In our world today, people need months to plan trips, due to work-vacation booking, children in school, etc etc. US immigration gave us three weeks' warning of our final K-1 visa step, then gave us 90 days to marry, while recommending we marry sooner to avoid paperwork backlogs. My grown children could not attend our wedding. My friends back in Canada could not attend our wedding. No one we knew could drop their daily lives and fly off to Texas with so little warning.

Yes, I resent being forced to marry at the government's dictates. It has nothing to do with committment or religion. It has to do with wanting to plan my life. Perhaps I wanted a winter wedding. Perhaps I wanted a summer wedding. Perhaps I wanted to settle into a strange country for a year before moving forward.

Isn't that what this thread was supposed to be about?

[SoL. 0]

I actually read all 44 pages before posting. I deserve a medal.

The original reason for this thread was discussing if anyone resented being forced to marry by the immigration laws. The last four words are the important ones. People marry or do not marry for many reasons and, as we have seen, are fiercely defensive of those reasons.

I would not have married my husband when I did, without the law forcing me to do so. Whether I would have married him at all is a moot point. It's a moot point because I had no choice. We love each other, we want to be together, therefore, by US law, we had to marry. In our world today, people need months to plan trips, due to work-vacation booking, children in school, etc etc. US immigration gave us three weeks' warning of our final K-1 visa step, then gave us 90 days to marry, while recommending we marry sooner to avoid paperwork backlogs. My grown children could not attend our wedding. My friends back in Canada could not attend our wedding. No one we knew could drop their daily lives and fly off to Texas with so little warning.

Yes, I resent being forced to marry at the government's dictates. It has nothing to do with committment or religion. It has to do with wanting to plan my life. Perhaps I wanted a winter wedding. Perhaps I wanted a summer wedding. Perhaps I wanted to settle into a strange country for a year before moving forward.

Isn't that what this thread was supposed to be about?

Velvett, I agree with you. It feels to me like we cannot choose our wedding date until immigration approves our visa and then we can move on with our plans. We don't even have our wedding date yet!

Perhaps I should by know, but we are waiting after the interview to be sure before buying tickets and for him doing the finishing touches (selling house, car, etc etc etc) to move to USA... Just my 0.02.

[bostonparis 0]

I actually read all 44 pages before posting. I deserve a medal.

The original reason for this thread was discussing if anyone resented being forced to marry by the immigration laws. The last four words are the important ones. People marry or do not marry for many reasons and, as we have seen, are fiercely defensive of those reasons.

I would not have married my husband when I did, without the law forcing me to do so. Whether I would have married him at all is a moot point. It's a moot point because I had no choice. We love each other, we want to be together, therefore, by US law, we had to marry. In our world today, people need months to plan trips, due to work-vacation booking, children in school, etc etc. US immigration gave us three weeks' warning of our final K-1 visa step, then gave us 90 days to marry, while recommending we marry sooner to avoid paperwork backlogs. My grown children could not attend our wedding. My friends back in Canada could not attend our wedding. No one we knew could drop their daily lives and fly off to Texas with so little warning.

Yes, I resent being forced to marry at the government's dictates. It has nothing to do with committment or religion. It has to do with wanting to plan my life. Perhaps I wanted a winter wedding. Perhaps I wanted a summer wedding. Perhaps I wanted to settle into a strange country for a year before moving forward.

Isn't that what this thread was supposed to be about?

Gold star for you!

szsz, I have never tried to change your opinion about what you believe. What I simply wanted was to understand that you believe that others have opinions that they feel are just as valid. I don't think anyone would look to some stranger on a message board for validation. That's a little egotistical, maybe even delusional, to think that.

[KarenCee 3]

I actually read all 44 pages before posting. I deserve a medal.

The original reason for this thread was discussing if anyone resented being forced to marry by the immigration laws. The last four words are the important ones. People marry or do not marry for many reasons and, as we have seen, are fiercely defensive of those reasons.

I would not have married my husband when I did, without the law forcing me to do so. Whether I would have married him at all is a moot point. It's a moot point because I had no choice. We love each other, we want to be together, therefore, by US law, we had to marry. In our world today, people need months to plan trips, due to work-vacation booking, children in school, etc etc. US immigration gave us three weeks' warning of our final K-1 visa step, then gave us 90 days to marry, while recommending we marry sooner to avoid paperwork backlogs. My grown children could not attend our wedding. My friends back in Canada could not attend our wedding. No one we knew could drop their daily lives and fly off to Texas with so little warning.

Yes, I resent being forced to marry at the government's dictates. It has nothing to do with committment or religion. It has to do with wanting to plan my life. Perhaps I wanted a winter wedding. Perhaps I wanted a summer wedding. Perhaps I wanted to settle into a strange country for a year before moving forward.

Isn't that what this thread was supposed to be about?

Gold star for you!

szsz, I have never tried to change your opinion about what you believe. What I simply wanted was to understand that you believe that others have opinions that they feel are just as valid. I don't think anyone would look to some stranger on a message board for validation. That's a little egotistical, maybe even delusional, to think that.

I agree with this statement 100%. Personally, I've just enjoyed reading and occasionally taking part in this debate. I know how I feel and why I feel it and thank god I don't need to have anyone's validation about it. However, there will be the odd one on here occasionally who tries to sway the general populace with their opinion. It has been rather fun reading this thread and finding out that most of us pretty much feel the same way. It does seem to me, however, szsz is the one is looking for validation of some sort, for isn't she the one that has repeatedly "debated" this subject despite her constant statements that she doesn't care what anyone thinks on here?

[Fandango 1,439]

Gupt's posts got me thinkin...I'll admit it...I didn't come in this thread to fight, but I have enjoyed it, lol. I mean..how does one have a conversation all the while ignoring what the other ppl are saying? How does someone come in here and disagree and make assumptions, yet admit to having a life which actually solidified the other POV - all the while claiming you were the rare exception? It's boggled the mind, but it has given me many moments of actual amusement.

However, I don't think anyone here is looking for validation. This was more attempt at a common-sense intervention which did not succeed.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

As usual it goes on for so long the original point is left, we all have opinions and to a point we all like to think we are right. We all have lived different lifes and will continue to do so, to flat argue is useless, no one is going to change what they feel on some things. Some things just dont have a concrete answer. State your opinions and acknowledge someone else may see differently. I to will admit commenting alllllllll day long does make the day at work go little faster but in the end i still feel the same way, I dont like someone else telling me if and when i have to get married to be with the person i want to be with thats MY OPINION and sticking to it

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I actually read all 44 pages before posting. I deserve a medal.

The original reason for this thread was discussing if anyone resented being forced to marry by the immigration laws. The last four words are the important ones. People marry or do not marry for many reasons and, as we have seen, are fiercely defensive of those reasons.

I would not have married my husband when I did, without the law forcing me to do so. Whether I would have married him at all is a moot point. It's a moot point because I had no choice. We love each other, we want to be together, therefore, by US law, we had to marry. In our world today, people need months to plan trips, due to work-vacation booking, children in school, etc etc. US immigration gave us three weeks' warning of our final K-1 visa step, then gave us 90 days to marry, while recommending we marry sooner to avoid paperwork backlogs. My grown children could not attend our wedding. My friends back in Canada could not attend our wedding. No one we knew could drop their daily lives and fly off to Texas with so little warning.

Yes, I resent being forced to marry at the government's dictates. It has nothing to do with committment or religion. It has to do with wanting to plan my life. Perhaps I wanted a winter wedding. Perhaps I wanted a summer wedding. Perhaps I wanted to settle into a strange country for a year before moving forward.

Isn't that what this thread was supposed to be about?

I'm giving you a gold star just for spelling "moot" correctly in an internet debate.

Come to think of it, that deserves two. :star: Hellz yeah !